Enough

by A L Williams

  Is he going to finish the whole poem?

  How long was it?

  As soon as the thought crossed my mind he loosened his grip and resumed his torturous strokes. My hips jerked and I was at the edge once again. My skin tingled as pressure gathered in my lower back.

  “The white fox by thy couch shall play and from the frozen skies. The meteors of a mimic day shall flash upon thine eyes...” he said, through rapid breaths. His hips picked up speed as he humped my ass in time with his hand. “And I, for such thy vow, meanwhile shall hear thy voice and see thy smile...”

  “Please.” I begged, trying to calm the shaking.

  “Till that long midnight flies,” he growled, fisting my cock at a speed I couldn’t comprehend. Stars burst in my eyes and I spilled onto his hand, hearing my scream of pleasure somewhere in the back of my mind. I vibrated as I rose and fell, carrying me somewhere far away yet still present. He anchored me, letting the waves overwhelm me and reminding me he was still there. I hope with everything I was, as the waves calmed, that he always would be.

  As I floated in euphoria, I vaguely felt movement and something cool wipe across my flaccid cock, gone moments later. Warmth spread across my back as arms enveloped me and it was then that I faded into a pleasant darkness.

  ▽

  The smell of rain invaded my senses as I was pulled from my slumber. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was night. Ra’s strong arms cradled me and sighed, warmth spread across my face. I looked at him as his lips twitched and wondered what he was dreaming about. My sleep had been dreamless, leaving only restfulness and calm. It had been years since I had slept so peacefully.

  I wiggled my arm free from under his and reached out, stroking his sharp chin. Moonlight danced across his face and then faded away. My chest tightened as he leaned into the touch, still fast asleep.

  He was so intelligent and engaging. Everything that you wouldn’t expect from his appearance. He was hot as hell, too. My face heated. The fact that he’d managed to keep me on edge for the entire poem was baffling. It showed that he was attentive and patient. Being with him was more than I could ever ask for and I didn’t understand why Izzy didn’t see it.

  I maneuvered out his embrace and scooted off the bed, making my way to the bathroom to pee. Once I was done and hands washed, I came out, finding Ra on his back staring at me. He must have changed at some point in the night because he was bare chested and dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms. A smile spread across his face. “Hi.”

  I smiled back and made my way towards the bed. “Hi. Did you sleep okay? I know the bed isn’t that big and you’re…” I said, gesturing at his foot that was hanging off the end of the bed.

  He laughed. “It's big enough. I’ve been big most of my life and I’ve slept in beds much smaller than this.”

  I looked down, a little guilty. I’d grown up with everything I could want—apart from having a drunk for a mother. Why did the universe not give this wonderful man the same thing?

  “Hey,” Ra said. His fingers gripped my chin and tilted it up, claiming my attention. “Don’t do that. People have given me sympathy all my life. I can’t handle it from you. Please. It was the past. Let’s leave it there,” he said, searching my eyes.

  I nodded, trying to ignore the tingle on my skin at his touch. He had touched me only hours ago and I was already ready for more. What was he doing to me?

  He leaned in and kissed me, the touch only a brush of lips and a second later he stepped back, and I exhaled a shaky breath.

  He looked at me. “I have to get going. I have work tomorrow.”

  My chest tightened. “Uh, okay…”

  He studied me. “Unless…”

  “Yes.” I said far too quickly. I cleared my throat. “You can stay. If you want.”

  I held my breath as he glanced at the door.

  “I need a change of clothes,” he said. I exhaled and nodded. “All right. Go home and I’ll find something for dinner. Unless you want me to come?” I didn’t know how he had left things with Izzy, but the urge to protect grew every moment we were together.

  He moved closer and kissed my cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

  I closed my eyes and turned my face. He pressed his lips to mine, dipping his tongue into my mouth and I shuddered. An instant later his lips were gone, and I held back a whine.

  God, I’m acting like a bitch in heat.

  He backed away with a grin on his face, not turning away until he reached the door. “What was the name of the poem?” I asked as he opened the door.

  He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes glistening with affection. “The Arctic Lover.”

  “Why that one?”

  “Because you brought vibrance where there was only dullness.”

  Before I could ask what he meant he was gone, the click of the door filling the room as I stared at the door, my stomach fluttering.

  Chapter Twenty

  Rashawn

  I walked toward the trailer at the construction site as Larry walked out with a rolled-up blueprint under his arm. When he spotted me, he grinned and waved me over. I walked up the steps following inside, taking a seat on one side of the table. He unrolled the blueprint and leaned over it. I crossed my legs with my ankle over my knee. Larry looked up, cocking his head to the side. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

  I wrinkled my brow. “What do you mean?”

  He arched a brow. “You’re grinning like an idiot.” My face warmed when I realized he was right. How long had I been smiling?

  Probably since you left Dex.

  “Damn! Whatever happened must have been good. Did someone rock your world last night?” he asked, waggling his brows playfully.

  I grunted and rolled my eyes, but warmth was trailing up my neck as the memory of Dex coming apart in my hand while I recited the poem.

  “So?” Larry pushed.

  I sighed and leaned back in the metal chair. “I just had a good night.”

  He studied me for a moment.”You know you can trust me.”

  My chest tightened. “Of course.”

  “You can tell me anything.”

  “I know.” I honestly knew I could, but I just couldn’t get the words out. Telling him that Dex and I were having sex wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with the man that was like a father to me.

  The more we explored I found myself wanting to do everything with him.

  Even...that.

  I swallowed around the lump in my throat as Larry looked down at the blueprint and I was grateful, partially for him dropping the subject.

  We talked about the construction project and the next steps. The foundation had been placed and now it was time to start erecting the drywall. We had started working on the rural housing community and the size of it guaranteed us work for at least the next year.

  My mind occasionally drifted to Dex and I found myself wanting to be with him. It was absurd. We both had lives and it wasn’t like I could just go on a walk with him hand in hand.

  That was the other problem. If I couldn’t even tell Larry about us how would it work? Could I ever? Was I comfortable being with a man? A man that made my cock hard instantly, yes, but he was still a man.

  It shouldn’t be this hard. There was nothing wrong with being gay or bi.

  There isn’t.

  My stomach twisted.

  There isn’t.

  “Ra!”

  I jumped. “What?”

  Larry glared. “If you’re not going to pay attention, get out or tell me what happened.”

  I licked my lips. “I met someone.”

  His eyes widened and the lines of his crows’ nest spread. He crossed his arms in front of his chest with a smirk. “I knew it, who is she? Oh, never mind. Thank God you found someone other than Isabel. That girl was destroying you.”

  “No, she wasn’t—”

  Larry held up his hand. “You know she’s toxic. When are you going to accept that?”

  I looked
aside. “I know she has problems, but she’s a good person.”

  “Of course she is. Just because people have problems and do bad things in no way means that they are a bad person. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, but at the end of the day she’s a hot mess and you know it.”

  I clenched my jaw and slumped. His words against Izzy usually would piss me off, but after what she did and said about Dex I wasn’t so sure Larry was off base. She was getting worse and I was getting tired. It had crossed my mind multiple times last night to stay with Dex. When offered I felt so much relief that guilt followed. That was until I got home and found her passed out on the couch with a half empty bottle of vodka. “I just want her to be okay.”

  Larry sighed and walked around the table. He placed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me. “Plus, when is your life going to start? You’ve run yourself into the ground taking care of her. I'm surprised you don’t have grays.”

  I smirked. “Black don’t crack.”

  He laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know. Lucky bastard.”

  We laughed together and the tension eased away. “I’m not quite ready to share this with you, but when I am, you will be the first to know.”

  He nodded and patted my shoulder. “Get to work. The others are slacking without your big ass out there to intimidate them. Oh and Barbara wants you to come over tomorrow so I’m letting you take half the day off. There’s some yard work that needs done.”

  “On it.”

  ▽

  When I pulled into the small cottage-like house I smiled. Larry and Barbara had more money than most people and yet they lived in a house that probably hadn’t cost more than ninety-thousand dollars, which they paid up front. They were one of a kind. I climbed out of my car as Barbara opened the door, wearing an apron with embroidered flowers. I shook my head. She may be mouthy, but she was the most nurturing and motherly person I’d ever met.

  “There you are. What took you so long, hun?” She took a step back to allow me inside.

  I moved through the door with my hands tucked inside my pockets. “Traffic.”

  “At least you’re here now. Come on.” She walked by me and towards the kitchen past the brown leather couch with a matching recliner and a flat screen TV facing it. In each corner of the room sat curio cabinets filled with old collectibles. I followed her, finding her pouring sweet tea into a glass over the counter next to the stove and refrigerator wall. As much money as they had, you’d think you would have gotten rid of that awful wallpaper.

  A cool breeze that smelt of rain drifted in through the window with sheer white curtains with embroidered birds of different colors. I walked over and leaned against the counter across from her, crossing my arms. She reached out with the glass in her hand and I took it, the cold surface cooling my skin. Barbara turned and put the pitcher back in the refrigerator. “How's the bar?”

  “Tell me,” she said.

  I blinked. “Tell you what?”

  She rolled her eyes and carried her cup into the living room. I followed her, taking a seat at her side. She sipped on her tea and then sat it on the old wooden coffee table that matched the cabinets.“So, what has been going on?”

  I don’t know what came over me. Everything spilled out. I explained what happened with Izzy and Dex and even told her about the sex. By the time I was done my face was so hot I felt like I would melt into a puddle right there. She smiled and then gestured for me to move closer.

  When I leaned in, a hand came down on the back of my head and I jerked away, rubbing the ache away from the spot. She crossed her arms over her breasts. “You’re an idiot.”

  I looked aside. “I know.”

  “That boy cares about you both, that is obvious. Izzy is a mess and it’s expected of her, but you should know better than to attack the ones that care.”

  I swallowed and looked down. She sighed and reached out, cupping my cheek. “At least you fixed it. I’m not sure if the boy is stupid or just smitten.”

  My stomach fluttered and I shrugged. She smirked. “You’re just as smitten.”

  “M—maybe.” I said.

  “Oh I can’t wait! I never thought I would be able to plan a wedding.”

  I froze and gawked at her as my stomach churned and I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat.

  “It’s far too soon to be thinking of marriage,” I said, my stomach flopped.

  “A girl can dream. Larry will be ecstatic!”

  I clenched my jaw.

  She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” I jumped up and looked down at her. He hadn’t seemed to know anything, but I couldn't be sure what was happening in his head. He was good at keeping his thoughts to himself.

  Barbara stood, and pulled me against her. She wrapped her arms around me and it was until that moment I realized I was shaking. Her hand rubbed up and down my back. I breathed, trying to calm my racing heart. She cooed words of reassurance against my chest and it was a thing my eyes burned and my face became wet. “What have you been keeping from me all these years?” She murmured.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and the last time I saw my mother drifted through my mind. The night that had etched itself into my mind forever. The night that I had watched my world fall to pieces.

  ▽

  The room was cold and dark except for the bright beam of light coming through the crack in the door. A muffled sound drifted in, barely loud enough over the sound of traffic and people walking along the dirty streets of Detroit. I looked around the room waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. I peered at Tanya’s empty bed. The sheets were ruffled and thrown to the side. She hadn't been gone long.

  I scooted off my bed, making my way out of the room into the hallway. Moving slowly, I settled my hand against the dirty walls that had been white long before I was born. As I drew closer to my mommy’s bedroom I slowed to a creep as the muffled sounds grew louder.I pressed my ear against the closed door and hurt sobs and grunts. I pulled back with a furrowed brow. It sounded like someone was in pain. A chill rolled up my spine as I pushed myself on my tiptoes, turning the doorknob. The door swung open with a loud groan and what I saw had me frozen in place.

  Mommy lay on her side, her body bare. She was whispering words as she looked down. A whimper caught my attention and I peered at the form beside my mother. Tanya lay there, shaking like a leaf. I eyed them and spotted my mother’s hand under Tanya’s shirt.

  “Mommy what—” I inched inside the room, my chest tight

  “Get out!” Someone said. I looked aside, finding a man reclined on a chair in the corner. He glared at me with his hand curled around his penis. “I said get the fuck out, unless…” he stopped and released himself. He moved towards me, his dick bobbing as he walked. I stepped back and hit the wall.

  “No. Please let him go. I’ll do whatever you want just don’t touch him,” Tanya said from beneath mommy. Mommy hadn’t moved, instead staring at us as if everything was fine. Her eyes glassy and empty.

  The man turned around before he reached me. “Will you? What will you do?”

  She bit her lip. “Anything.”

  “Show me. Pleasure her.”

  Tanya wasn’t much smaller than mommy, so it didn’t take much for her to roll onto her back. She didn’t say a word instead staring at the ceiling with a dreamy expression. “Tanya?” I said.

  “Shh, it’s all right. Everything will be fine.” She looked up. “Let him leave.”

  “No. He’ll watch. We’re one big happy family.”

  Her eyes widened and then she frowned, slumping as she looked back at me. “Everything will be all right. It will be over soon.” She turned back to mommy, her eyes flashing with so much hatred my heart ached. She slid down her relaxed body and spread her legs.

  My eyes widened at the scene before me. What was happening? Everything spiraled and my world crashed as I watched in confusion. Tears spilled down my face as my mother closed her eyes and a blissful smile stretched across her face.<
br />
  “Dirty little dyke sluts!” The man barked with a twisted laugh, the sound forever on loop in my dreams.

  ▽

  I sobbed into Barbara’s shoulder, unable to quail the pain spilling out of me. I had pushed these memories away and tried to live my life. There was nothing I could do about it. I had tried and in the end, Tanya had…

  My sobs grew louder as I collapsed and somehow Barbara managed to guide my much larger frame to the floor. She squeezed me as if she were trying to anchor me to keep me from drifting away. I felt like I might. I cried, my tears and snot soaking her blouse. She began to rock back and forth, murmuring words I couldn’t hear through the rushing in my head. I felt them and they were filled with love. The love that my sister had. The love our mother should have had.

  I shook in her arms, my face pressed into her collarbone as she cradled me like a baby. “She was supposed to love us. She let him...she let him make Tanya t-touch her. Do—” I sobbed.

  “Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to say it. Not now,” Barbara said. “Let the pain out. I’m here, hun. I always will be.” I pressed closer, hiding my face in her breast. She was warm. So warm.

  Why couldn’t she be my mother?

  “I’m here now,” she said as I let my pain carry me away.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Dex

  Laying on my stomach across Ava’s couch I watched her walk in with a plate of nachos. She walked by and I pulled myself up to give her room to sit. She placed the plate on the coffee table, and I reached over, picking up a chip soaked in cheese sauce. I dabbed it on the side of the bowl and then plopped it in my mouth, groaning at the rich flavor.

  “Usually you lecture me about unhealthy foods. What has you in such a good mood?” she asked. I looked at her after I stuffed another chip in my mouth.

  Her eyes glistened with mischief and I smirked at her. “Like I have to tell you.”

  She shrugged. “I still want you to say it.”

  I grabbed another chip.” He stayed the night at my house again.”