Scorn of Secrets

by B Truly

  “Sweet!” Justin exclaims, ripping open his first gift—a Rockets hat. “Thanks, Madi. Your turn.”

  My eyes grow large when I see a beautiful diamond heart pendant necklace. “Justin … I don’t know what to say, it’s gorgeous. Thank you.” He beams at me. Tanya and Jackson know about us, but they still seemed surprised. Jackson’s eyes are wide, and Tanya’s mouth is hanging open.

  “That’s a pretty necklace,” Tanya says. “It’s very romantic.”

  My head whips over to hers, pleading. She only smirks at me.

  “Son, that must have cost a pretty penny,” Regan inquires, raising his eyebrow.

  Mama gawks. “Those diamonds are blinging—very good clarity.”

  Charlotte would know—diamonds are one of her best friends. My eyes dart over to Justin, full of unease. I can see how this looks. Justin got Tanya a Marshall’s gift card and me a diamond necklace. A heart pendant at that.

  “Madison hardly owns any jewelry and not one diamond.” Justin clears his throat. “I thought I’d start her collection. You know how we do it big, Dad.”

  Regan grins. “That’s very kind of you, son.”

  Justin’s answer must be acceptable. He has mentioned his dad appreciated the finer things in life.

  We both unwrap our second gift. Mine is another Barnes and Noble gift card—Justin’s is a Rockets jersey. My shoulders relax. This is a more appropriate present—well appreciated. Secretly, I love my diamond heart pendant. It’s the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received. I am going to let Justin know how much I like it later. Diamonds and stunning jewelry are normally gifts of the heart. For now, it seems the crisis is averted. Justin was quick on his feet or he already had planned what he would say if questions came up.

  Our family exchange goes on and on. Justin hit the nail on the head when he’d stated that the Jenkins did it big. Mama and Regan shower me and the twins with a new wardrobe of clothes—all name brand—and more gift cards. My presents include everything from tops to jeans, even a pair of Ugg boots. At first, I think that Mama picked out my clothes. But after watching her open her gifts, I’m not so sure. Regan has great taste also.

  Mama’s new wardrobe far exceeds ours. She’s gotten so many gorgeous designer things, I stopped counting after she ripped open the third pair of pumps. She got Regan nice ties and, the grand finale, a stunning Rolex.

  “Dad, you must have been a good boy for Christmas. Those watches cost at least five grand,” Jackson whistles.

  Mama lifts her shoulders and Regan’s smile widens. We kids laugh. Regan loves his watch so much, he kisses Mama on the spot. It’s more than awkward, watching them go at it like teens. Neither one of them are holding back, either.

  Finally, Justin clears his throat, and Jackson exclaims, “Um, Dad … are you trying to get her pregnant?!”

  They break apart, full of giggles. I notice Tanya sitting quietly. I believe she is pouting because her only gift from them was a pair of black, knee-high Michael Kors boots.

  “Okay, everyone, there is one final gift,” Mama announces. “It’s for my baby girl, Tanya. Your birthday-Christmas gift wrapped in one?” Tanya’s eyes light up.

  Regan stands. “Come on, guys. We saved the best for last.”

  Tanya jumps up, ecstatic. The rest of us follow them outside. Parked in the driveway is a stunning new car.

  “Is this for me?” Tanya screeches.

  “Yep! Merry Christmas, baby girl,” Mama exclaims.

  “Nice.” Jackson bobs his head in approval.

  Justin looks impressed, too. Tanya screams, running to hug them. Living in a cul-de-sac of this huge subdivision, we don’t have many neighbors. The houses are spaced far apart. Only eight homes total comprise our street. I’m not even sure if the family across the street that lost their roof have returned from Harvey yet. The tornado destroyed their home, but by the grace of God, barely touched ours.

  If any neighbors do happen to see us, they’ll wonder what all the fuss is about this late. It’s almost 1 am. The outside of our house is lit with mega-powered lighting, so we can see the gold-color car well. It glistens in the light.

  “This is a Lexus IS,” Regan states proudly, handing Tanya a set of keys.

  “It’s late, but we wanted you to see it,” Mama chimes in. “You can take it for a spin in the morning.”

  Tanya jumps inside, checking it out. Jackson plops into the passenger seat. Justin and I walk over to get a closer look. The interior is made of beige leather upholstery with dark woodgrain. Very impressive.

  “This woodgrain is nice,” Justin says.

  “It’s a pretty car,” I add.

  “I love it!” Tanya grins from ear-to-ear. “You guys are the best parents ever.”

  “It’s the perfect time for you to get a car,” Mama bellows.

  “Track and basketball practice will be starting soon, so Tanya will be able to drive you two now,” Regan explains.

  It’s a thoughtful gesture that Regan wants us to ride in style. I kind of feel guilty about my father not being here to celebrate with us, when this is the best Christmas we’ve ever had. This holiday isn’t supposed to be about gifts. It’s just the fact that our two families blend well. The rift of a torn-apart family feels like it is becoming whole. In the end, my father would want us to be happy, and this season is full of holiday cheer.

  Christmas day flashes by quickly. Tanya takes everyone for a spin in her new Lexus. Later in the evening, we stuff our faces, and that night Justin and I stay up late watching flicks.

  Day after Christmas, Regan takes Mama on a vacation to the newest casino in Louisiana, the Nugget. I look it up online. The casino resort is all that and a bag of chips. They will be gone until New Year’s Eve.

  * * *

  My eyelids grow heavy reading my novel, and it isn’t quite ten o’clock yet. Justin still isn’t back from his homeboy’s. Maybe I’ll finish this chapter before I pass out. Five minutes later, I give up on staying awake. I’m worse than an old maid. Turning off my light switch, I snuggle under the covers.

  My eyes flutter through the darkness as I hear him say, “Hey, sleepyhead.”

  Justin is leaning over me. Sitting up slightly, I focus on his silhouette in the dark. He hasn’t turned on a light. “Hi. I tried to stay awake but lost the battle.” He blows out his breath. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I just missed you. Scoot over.”

  His movement shows him taking off his pants. I slide over and he climbs in behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist. Justin is wearing a shirt and boxers. He’s so close, I can feel his hardness against my backside. I’m pretty sure we aren’t just going to lie down and sleep. His proximity causes me to shiver. Justin’s warm breath tickles my neck. His heavy breathing is mirroring how fast my heart is pounding, and he hasn’t even made a move.

  I can smell alcohol on his breath. Titling my head, I ask, “You must’ve had a good time. I smell your fun.”

  He chuckles, kissing the base of my neck. It shoots a tingle down my spine. Tonight, Justin’s scent smells of pine, not his usual cinnamon spice. Maybe he’s wearing another cologne. The smell is nice—just different. I don’t ponder long. Justin tilts my head again, parting my mouth with his. His kiss is demanding. As his tongue tangles with mine, I can taste the liquor mixed with mint. Soon, I’m swept in desire as his mouth claims mine.

  Justin shifts, maneuvering me onto my back. He moves his body against my silk night pants, and I moan. His hand inches up my thigh and he grips my bottom, raising my legs. Lowering his head, he catches my lips in another smoldering kiss.

  “I love the way you feel,” he groans. “The way you kiss.”

  Justin’s demeanor is probably the alcohol talking. With greedy hands, he begins to fondle me everywhere. Mine follow suit, touching him. I gasp as he reaches lower. My back arches as he slips his hand into my sleep pants. This is a step further. I cry out at the pinching, yet erotic, feel.

  These sensations are maddening with in
tensity, making it easy to lose control. Our intimacy is so heated, I don’t know how much longer I can last before I give in to sin. Justin’s kiss is intoxicating. He knows just how to work his mouth. His lips are the same, but the way he’s moving them is different.

  I’m in over my head. Justin has experience. Spun in his web, soon, there will be no turning back. I’ve fallen head over heels for Justin, so I’ve thought about giving myself to him. But his drunken state makes me question going any further. I definitely don’t want him not to remember our first time because he’s intoxicated.

  “Justin ... wait.” He isn’t listening, capturing my mouth again. I surrender for a moment, then push my palms against his chest to get some distance.

  “Please,” he pleads. “This Ecstasy has me riled up. You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.” He leans forward, nipping on my bottom lip.

  Ecstasy! “Why did you do X?”

  “I only wanted to try it. Don’t be mad at me.”

  “I’m surprised, not upset.” His hand continues his exploration below my navel, and then he curves his fingers in an upward motion. I don’t know what he’s doing to me, but the vibes magnify.

  “Don’t make me beg, Madi. I need you.”

  “What about protection?” I pant.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

  It’s hard to deny him when he’s pleading with me, and Justin is not playing fair. Whatever he’s doing with his skillful hand is distracting me. I crest from the overload of sensations surging through me and he takes advantage of this. I don’t deter him any longer. I give in to what my heart wants, ignoring the qualms of my brain.

  Justin lies beside me, winded. My emotions are in a typhoon of chaos. Curled into a fetal position on my side, I fight back tears. What started as a euphoric experience had ended horribly—nothing like I imagined it would be. I thought Justin would be gentle—he wasn’t. The pain was worse than what people described. When I’d told him it hurt, he promised it would get better. I thought his kisses would make the pain abate—it didn’t. When I asked him to stop, he wouldn’t. He only pushed into me harder, pinning my arms above my head. His crushing weight made me feel trapped and the pain only intensified. My first time was supposed to be special, but I feel conflicted.

  Tanya must be home now. Music in her bedroom next door is turned up loudly. Justin stirs. Getting up, he turns on the lamp by my bedside. In my peripheral vision, I see him putting on his clothes.

  I don’t make eye contact with him until he says, “That was even better than I imagined. You fit around me perfectly, sweet-cheeks.”

  Sweet-cheeks? My entire body grows rigid. A smile spreads across his face and there isn’t a left cheek dimple, in sight.

  No, it can’t be!

  25

  Gone in a Blink of an Eye

  With the reality sinking in, I bolt upright. My voice trembles. “What did … you … call me?”

  “Don’t act like you didn’t love what happened between us.”

  “Jackson?” Please let this be a nightmare I’m about to wake up from.

  Sighing, he confesses, “Yeah, it’s me, but it doesn’t change anything. You saw how great we are together.”

  So confounded, I can hardly form words. “Why ... would you pretend to be your brother?”

  “You wanted this, too.” His forehead wrinkles. “You gave yourself to me.”

  A sharp pain explodes through my chest. “I thought ... you were Justin. You pretended to be him!” In the rear of my mind, I had reservations about Justin acting strangely. I thought it was because he was drunk and X-ed out. I never imagined his brother was so sick in the head, he’d pretend to be his twin.

  “You knew it was me and not Justin. We both wanted each other.”

  Jackson seems to be trying to convince himself of this. He is not the brother I wanted. “Is that why you called me Madi? You know that’s Justin’s nickname for me. You called me by that name, so I wouldn’t figure you out. And when I called you Justin, you didn’t correct me.”

  “Stop trying to turn this around and ruin what we shared!”

  I jump at the elevation in his voice. My stomach churns and I fight down nausea. Anger consumes me that he would trick me like this—rob me of my innocence. “What the heck is wrong with you? What kind of person would do what you did?”

  His nostrils flare. “Now you’re pissing me off!”

  Narrowing his eyes, he rushes toward me. I fumble backward on the bed, hitting the wall. Jackson scrambles onto the bed, cornering me. I try to push him, struggling against him. “Get away from me!” I slap him across the face.

  “If you hit me again, you’ll regret it,” he hisses.

  Jackson overpowers me, grabbing my arms so I can’t move. He’s so much bigger, with at least seventy-five pounds on me. “Leave me alone!” Tanya’s bedroom is next to mine. The music in her room turns down lower for a moment.

  “Shut up,” Jackson seethes.

  He wraps his hand around my neck. Panic engulfs me as he squeezes my throat. I stop struggling, and he doesn’t apply any more pressure. I pray Tanya heard me shouting. Maybe she will come to my rescue. Jackson holds me in place. When Tanya’s music turns back up, his shoulders relax. It’s like a punch in the gut—help is not coming after all. Jackson is still gripping my throat. I’m terrified to move for fear of him squeezing tighter.

  Jackson smirks at me, and then he chuckles. “How dare you try to act like you don’t want me.”

  Does he have a split personality? Whatever has triggered this fantasy he’s living in—it is the reality I must face. This isn’t a dream, it’s the worst nightmare of my life.

  “Now tell me how much you enjoyed what we did. Tell me how much you want me.”

  He finally releases my neck, but he still has me pinned against the wall. I swallow hard. My pride wins out over my terror. “I don’t want you. I care about Justin,” I manage to say.

  His facial features contort, and then he shakes his head like something snaps inside of him. Leaning over, Jackson whispers in my ear. I flinch, whimpering at his words.

  This guy is insane!

  About three different personalities are mingling inside his head. From arrogant to aggressive, to Mr. GQ, to delusional and cruel. He’s been nice to me, even flirtatious. It was all a front from the twisted person he is. I hate him in this moment.

  “Give me a kiss goodnight,” Jackson demands.

  I shake my head as tears form in my eyes.

  “It would be in your best interest to give me what I want. Don’t make me ask you twice.”

  Holding down my sob, I lean forward and press my lips to his quickly.

  Jackson frowns at me. “That wasn’t good enough. Let me show you.”

  My eyes bulge as he leans in to kiss me. I keep my lips sealed, which frustrates him more.

  “Open your mouth,” Jackson commands.

  Maybe if I kiss him, he’ll leave. I part my lips and he pushes in eagerly. Groaning, he entangles his hands in my hair, holding me tightly. The kiss goes on for a while and I try to imagine I’m somewhere else, which doesn’t work. I’m stuck in this horrible moment. Finally, Jackson pulls away, climbing off the bed.

  He licks his lips, and then they curve up wickedly. “Now that’s a kiss. You know you’re into me. You kill me playing hard to get. You taste so sweet, I might come back for more.”

  My back goes ramrod straight. A tear escapes—I’m seconds from losing it. I don’t respond for fear of what will happen if he thinks I’m rejecting him again. Jackson’s smile turns upside down. He has the worst case of being bipolar I’ve ever seen.

  His eyes narrow into slits. “Remember what I said,” he throws out there before leaving my room.

  What he’d whispered in my ear makes me cringe. Everything that occurred comes crashing down on me. My body crumples into a heap. Sobbing only makes me weaker. But once my tears start, I can’t stop them. I don’t know ho
w long I cry before I manage to get up. Suddenly, I want to be clean. I need a hot shower to get his scent off me. Maybe then, I can erase what happened.

  Slowly, I walk to my bedroom door, scared he might return for more like he’d mentioned. I ease it open, checking if the coast is clear. When my head veers to the left, I see Tanya peeking from her bedroom door. She stares at me with questioning eyes before closing the door. My sister lives in her own world. If she didn’t hear me shouting, then I doubt she has the faintest clue what occurred in my world.

  I creep to the bathroom, each step aching. My body’s sore and that particular spot is throbbing. After climbing in the shower, hot water scalds me. At least the scalding steam jets start to make me numb. I scrub until I can no longer smell his pine scent, but I still feel dirty. Somehow, he has seared himself into me. Flashes of the encounter ransack my mind. I can’t seem to get the images out of my head.

  Before returning to my bedroom, I scope the hallway. Once in my room, I lock the door. Where is Justin? The real one. My clock reads past 2 am.

  Justin told me earlier he was going to a friend’s house. I’d thought it was him crawling into bed with me. My heart beats rapidly, and my chest constricts, making it hard to breathe. Curling into a ball, I cry myself to sleep.

  * * *

  When I awake the next morning, my mind is fuddled. I attempt to filter through the haze, then my chest constricts recalling the night before. Maybe it had been a nightmare, I try telling myself. The soreness between my legs smashes the reality into me. It really happened. What am I going to do?

  I check my cell. There is a text from Justin last night at 11 pm.

  Hey. Think I’m gonna stay the night at Chris’. He got me toasted, so I probably shouldn’t be driving. Didn’t want u 2 worry.

  Another missed text from him twenty minutes later said: U probably r asleep. I should be home before noon.

  My heart clenches. Justin had texted me, letting me know he was not coming home. I’d been dead to the world, not receiving his message when he’d come into my room. Justin and his brother are close. Justin had probably told Jackson he wouldn’t be home, too. A perfect time for him to make his move. Bile rises to my throat. I barely make it to the trash can, dry heaving. I have no clue how to handle this or what to do. One thing for sure is that I don’t want to be in this house another minute. I have to get away from here—attempt to clear my head. I definitely can’t see Justin right now. He wears his face.