“Believe me when I say I understand,” I said, working past the lump in my throat. “But illegal is illegal. Betraying the very people . . .” I rushed my hands through my hair. “Never mind. Later.”
I had the burning need to tell her who her ex really was—all the ugliness. She winced as if she knew there was more to the story but she didn’t want to hear it—was afraid to hear it. Maybe it would change who Sparrow had been not only to her but also to her son. I saw the battle raging behind her eyes, but it was late, so I dropped it. For now.
I helped her spread the sheets across the cushions and then we stood staring at each other from opposite sides of the couch.
“Thanks again,” she said and I detected the same struggle in her eyes. She didn’t want to like me, or have me here, but she couldn’t turn it off.
“No problem,” I said, lying back on the warm sheets. “Good night.”
I waited until she left the room to strip down to my boxers. It took me awhile to drift off but when I finally did I slept soundly.
* * *
The next thing I heard was Meadow padding into the kitchen, attempting to stay quiet.
I stretched and squinted open my eyes. She was wearing a thin silk robe and I wondered what she had on beneath it. Damn.
“Morning,” I said, attempting to clear the sleep from my throat.
“Sorry if I woke you,” she whispered across the room. “Coffee?”
“Please.” She ran the carafe beneath the faucet to fill it with water.
I sat up and scratched my shoulder, her gaze following my hand. I’d forgotten that I didn’t have a shirt on. “I . . .”
She bit her lip and twisted toward the counter to push the button on the coffee machine.
“Sorry if I’m not decent,” I said, wondering if I should’ve tried to sleep in my clothes. “I was hot. You keep the thermostat turned up.”
“Only at night, for Joaquin.” She reached for mugs in the cupboard. “But I adjust it when we’re gone to save on the heating bill.”
I thought of the money in the envelope and how they were trying to stay afloat.
When she turned to look at me, her eyes trailed down my chest to below the blanket. I hope she didn’t notice the bulge beneath the material.
I returned the favor, taking in her silk cream nightgown peeking behind her delicate robe. Her nipples hardened at my perusal telling me she was just as turned on and fuck, in that moment, I wanted her so badly.
“If you just . . . look elsewhere,” I said, thickly. “I’ll toss on my jeans, use your restroom, and then I’ll be on my way.”
She spun toward the counter and poured coffee into the mugs, her breaths releasing in heavy wisps. After hauling my jeans on, I made my way to the bathroom and got myself the hell under control. I splashed water on my face and used some of the mouthwash I spotted on the counter. I’d travel back to my hotel and take a shower before heading to the tribal police department today.
“Feel free to take the coffee with you,” Meadow said, sipping from her cup after I emerged from the restroom. “Or . . . you’re welcome to stay for breakfast.”
“No, that’s okay,” I said, reaching for my shirt and pulling it over my head, sensing her gaze on me the entire time. “I wouldn’t want to give Joaquin the wrong idea.”
She shut her eyes. “Thanks for that.”
When she handed me my cup and our fingers brushed I could plainly see the yearning in her eyes. It was the same look I probably wore and I took a grateful swallow, attempting to dislodge the heaviness in my chest.
But then something broke loose and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I placed the mug down on the table and met her heavy gaze.
“Meadow,” I said, my voice rough as I stepped toward her, backing her against the counter. I didn’t even know what I was going to say, I just wanted to be near her.
I could feel the heat from her skin as she leaned back and she stared into my eyes, her bottom lip trembling.
“Do you want . . .” I shook my head. “Damn.”
There was a whimper that arose in her throat but I wasn’t about to do anything about it until she gave me permission.
“Is this that grey area you were talking about?” I murmured.
Her breath caught and she nodded.
“You’re beautiful,” I said, my lips skimming hazardously closer to hers. “I thought so the first moment I saw you.”
“Likewise,” she said as she reached out and swiped her thumb along my cheek.
My fingers moved up to curve around the nape of her neck. Her skin was smooth and warm and it felt so damn good to be touching her.
“Tell me what you want,” I said, grazing my lips to the underside of her jaw.
She groaned. “I . . . I can’t.”
“You can’t what?” My head sprang up. “You can’t tell me or you can’t do this?”
“Both,” she whimpered and her delicate fingers shifted to my waist.
I felt like I was coming out of my skin from her touch alone.
“But you want to.” My mouth found her ear and she shivered. “Just like I want to.”
“Yes,” she said, gripping my shirt.
“How badly?” I said and then sucked on her earlobe.
Her shoulders shuddered. “You tell me.”
I drew my head back to look into her eyes. And then my gaze slid slowly down the front of her. Her nipples were taut as erasers. “I want to thrust you up on that counter, lift your nightgown, and be inside you anyway I can. My fingers, my mouth, my cock.”
Her head fell back, revealing the long line of her neck. When she moaned my length tightened against my zipper. I took advantage of all of that smooth flesh on display and sucked on the skin at the hollow of her throat. Her fingers slipped to my hair and tugged.
“Momma,” Joaquin called from his room and we froze.
“I’ll be right there,” she said in a hoarse voice.
My eyes met her gaze as I stepped back and grabbed my cup, taking a hearty sip to help my raw and aching throat. Then I was out the door.
13
Meadow
Oh God, what just happened? I gripped the counter and stared at the door.
I almost made a terrible mistake with the man who was in town to investigate Joaquin’s father’s whereabouts.
I was ten kinds of confused. In the meantime, Sparrow was flying free as a bird and we had been struggling to make it on our own ever since he left town.
Not for the first time, a well of anger rose up in my chest. Why the hell was I still protecting him? Because he called and sent money every now and again? Or was it because I thought I needed to keep that tie for my child?
He had always been some enigma that couldn’t be contained. Even after we made the leap from friends to lovers I knew it was doomed from the start. The kind of love I felt for him was a childish kind of infatuation. It wasn’t real or grounded in reality.
I could never depend on him. I always felt on guard, resentful of him, his freedom, his personality. How he could be so carefree when engaging in less than appropriate behaviors.
That might be why Alex was messing with my head. He was a tough and strong Federal Marshal and something about that must’ve made me feel safe. Or it was just the man himself. As soon as he suggested staying on our couch a sense of calm washed over me.
And what he said right before I thought he’d kiss me. A shiver raced through me.
He had crossed the line. We both did. But I’d continue to want him. No doubt about it.
I straightened my nightgown, still feeling the ghost of his lips on my neck and ear.
But I needed to get my head in check. Alex was here for a limited time and then he’d be gone, just like Sparrow. This was not the kind of arrangement I wanted to be involved in. Unless we were only talking sex. Sure it blurred the lines, but if I never saw him again, would it really matter?
Except I’d always know he’d been the one to put Joaquin’s daddy
behind bars if it came to that. So yes, it probably mattered whether or not my body was telling me otherwise.
“C’mon, sweet boy,” I said picking Joaquin up and cradling his warmth in my arms. “I’ll make you breakfast.”
As I pulled the cereal bowl from the cupboard I watched a sleepy Joaquin slink into the kitchen seat. He looked groggier than usual and there were shadows forming beneath his eyes. “You feeling okay, buddy?”
“Uh huh,” he said, yawning. “Just starving.”
I poured the flakes into his bowl and watched him eat as I pondered my day.
“I’ll drop you off at Jayden’s this morning so I can sell my jewelry.”
“Okay.” He wasn’t his usual talkative self and I wondered if it was because of the fire last night. But if I brought it up, he’d think it was bothering me too. It was best just to let it go for now. He’d tell me if something was on his mind, eventually. He always did, without fail.
I placed a couple of his favorite picture books in front of him and then walked to the bathroom to slip in the shower.
I looked forward to these days when I was allowed to do what I loved. I think in a different life I might’ve made a decent business owner. I had a go-getter attitude and was self-reliant. It didn’t surprise me that I was asked to take over the management position at the casino because I knew I was good at my job and got things done.
Stepping into my jeans, I pulled on my pink t-shirt, and then wound my hair into a wet braid, which was easiest on days like today when we were in a rush.
“C’mon honey, we need to get going,” I said, reaching for his small hand. I helped him get dressed in pants and shoes that were getting tight on him. I made a mental note to stop at the Goodwill one day this week. It was useless to buy him brand new pricey clothes when he was growing so fast. Besides, I might find him a used Lego set as well to add to his collection.
We locked the door behind us as we headed over to Jayden’s.
“You okay?” she asked as soon as she opened the door to let Joaquin inside.
She looked as worn as Joaquin did. Maybe she had tossed and turned as well. “Yeah, how about you?”
She nodded. “Just glad we caught the fire in time.”
“Me too.” I watched as Joaquin sat next to Jayden’s girls on the couch to watch a cartoon.
“Probably some kids drinking and smoking in the field,” she said as if trying to convince herself. “Not like that hasn’t happened before.”
She was right, plenty of kids hung out at the park even though it was discouraged after dark. The tribal police had gotten better about enforcing the curfew but it still happened from time to time.
“Is that why your friend, Alex . . .” she said and then clamped her lips shut. “Never mind.”
“He’s just looking out for me,” I said and then figured that maybe I should be confiding in a friend. “For us. He’s in contact with the local police and he wanted to make sure there was no foul play involved.”
“With the fire?” Fear flitted through her eyes. “Is there anything I need to know?”
“Just that . . .” I blew out a breath. “Some guys have been coming around asking for Sparrow.”
“He’s upset the wrong kind of people?” she asked, her arms crossed, worry and frustration coloring her features.
“Seems that way,” I said, and then lowered my voice. “But this is Sparrow we’re talking about. Does that even surprise you?”
“Not even a little, unfortunately.” She said, a scowl lining her features. “Good thing he reproduced that sweet boy in there or he’d have nothing to show for all of his charm and bad-decision making.”
“The idiot,” I said, cracking a smile, trying to lighten the situation even though I knew it was way worse than some idiotic teenager prank from our childhood.
“Does Alex think the fire is somehow connected?”
“He’s being careful,” I said. I didn’t want to alarm her either. Besides, we weren’t even sure. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that Alex’s intentions weren’t clear either, not after that almost kiss. But he wasn’t out to hurt me. At least not physically.
“That’s not a bad thing, Meadow,” she said, before I could get anything more out. “I’m only looking out for you, too. You’re one of my closest friends.”
“I know,” I said, warmth filling my chest. “You could use some looking out yourself.”
She smiled, pink dotting her cheeks.
“It’s just . . .” I began to explain the situation between Alex and me and realized that even I didn’t understand it. “Things are . . .”
“It’s okay,” she said, squeezing my arm. “Tell me when you’ve got it figured out or if you need help working through it. Rely on your gut instincts.”
I sighed. “Thanks.”
“Just remember this,” she said, grasping my chin. “You’re a beautiful woman and you have needs too, just like the rest of us.”
“I . . .”
She shook her head, to ward me off. “Now get going, we’ll be fine here today.”
“You’re the best.” I kissed her cheek and stole a last glance at our kids. “Just be more careful . . . in general. I’ll check in with you in a couple of hours.”
14
Meadow
When I got to the tent there was a line of cars already forming in the provisional lot, waiting for us to open. That was good news for business. I laid out rows of earrings, bracelets, and necklaces in front of me while I made small talk with Mr. and Mrs. Black, who had heard the fire truck last night.
“Probably just some kids from the community center,” I said, as I watched Mrs. Black arrange her small vases. Pottery was such a beautiful art form but one I’d never taken to.
My mom had a whole collection of jugs that I’d inherited and would cherish, but it didn’t match my modern décor. Instead, I only put out a piece or two and packed the rest away in boxes. Besides, it reminded me too well of how much I missed my parents who had passed too soon of diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
Actually my mother might’ve died of a broken heart. I knew I never had that kind of love with Sparrow. My parents had known it as well. Hopefully they could see me now and understand that I was doing the best I could as a single mother.
“How’s Joaquin getting along, Meadow?” Mrs. Black asked. She had been one of my mother’s closest friends and liked to check in with us regularly. Their generation had seen worse times than ours, at least on this reservation. But during annual events such as the corn festival, the kids were celebrated and the elders revered. It was a beautiful custom and one I was proud of.
“He’s doing great.” Joaquin attended a school that was heavily steeped in Indian tradition. I was glad for that. I didn’t want our customs to be lost to a new generation too far removed from our history.
As the shadows of the sun moved across the room, I looked down to see that I had little inventory left. It had been a good day of sales. My feather pendants were the most popular and I made a mental note to order more bead ball chains from my supplier. If this kept up maybe I wouldn’t need Sparrow’s money after all. I hated that it helped so much during rougher months.
As guilt slammed into my gut, I heard my phone buzz with a text. I dug it out of my bag and saw that it was from Jayden.
Jayden: Just letting you know that Joaquin came down with a fever. I gave him some children’s Tylenol. He’s fine, resting on our couch with a book. But wanted to tell you in case you needed to stop at the store for some medicine.
Crap.
Me: Thanks. Be there soon.
I immediately began cleaning up my table wondering if I had any kids’ fever reducer in the medicine chest.
“Everything okay?” Mrs. Black asked me.
“Joaquin came down with something, maybe the flu,” I said. “I need to get him in bed.”
“Make sure to use some menthol and eucalyptus to loosen his chest.”
I stood with my
bag and pecked her on the cheek. “Thanks.”
On the way home, I stopped at the local drug store to pick up extra tissues along with Tylenol and a menthol salve that they sold in the all-natural section. I parked the car and strode to Jayden’s door to pick up my child.
“C’mon baby, let’s get you in bed.”
Joaquin looked worn out and by this time was shivering. No wonder he had looked so sleepy this morning.
Darn, I’d definitely have to call in sick tomorrow. But the casino would understand. I had a new trainee, but maybe that could be rescheduled.
“Thanks, Jayden.”
She squeezed my arm as I held Joaquin and kissed his head. “Feel better, honey.”
I was so lost in the routine of getting my baby boy taken care of with a warm bath, soup, and fuzzy pajamas that I was startled to hear a knock on the door. My shoulders tensed. I hoped to God it wasn’t those men returning. What would I do at this point? Fear shot through me as I realized how vulnerable and alone I felt.
I considered ignoring it, but I was sure that wouldn’t solve anything. They might only return later. I trudged to the door with my phone in hand in case there was trouble. My entire body sagged when I saw it was Alex. I looked behind him to the lot but didn’t see his orange Jeep, only a grey rental parked in a far corner.
“Switching it up again?” I said as I motioned to the car.
“Exactly,” he said. “I put in a lot of miles on the road. So it’s good to drive something else for a couple of days.”
Maybe what he also wasn’t saying was that his car stood out. It certainly did to me last year during the Nakos case. And maybe that could hinder his investigation.
Alex wore loose fitting jeans and a blue Henley shirt and I could tell there was uncertainty in his eyes the moment before he spoke.
“Have you had dinner yet?” he said. “Figured I would stay on your couch another night, so I’d be happy to pick something up.”
Three Sacred Words (Golden Arrow #2) Page 8