Anything But: The Musings of an Outcast, Me, Razberry Sweet
Page 8
“I’ll have to work on that,” Wizard mumbles. He puts his tongue between his teeth as he goes to fix the small mistake.
I’m glad I have the movie for a distraction. I had a complete meltdown last night, one that I barely concealed from my aunt and uncle. There are bags under my eyes and I know I’m on edge, but so far, nobody has noticed.
I don’t want to be Mildfreud, the kid who was assaulted in the back of a dirty warehouse today. Today I just want to be Razberry Sweet.
“Guys,” Don says, Brody at his side. They look pretty panicked, which means this can’t be good.
I stand up and ask, “What’s wrong?”
“The camera broke,” Brody groans. “We were playing around with it in the bathroom, and it fell into the toilet and drowned the battery…”
“You clowns were tossing it around and it landed in the toilet?” Puppy asks. “After all that hard work?”
“All the scenes are on my computer, don’t worry,” Wizard assures us. “Though how we’re going to film the rest, I’m not sure. That was our best camera.”
Crap. We’re more than halfway through the movie. It’s too much to go and waste all that hard work by not finishing it. I look into the devastated faces of our team but I refuse to give in. We’re not beaten yet.
“No worries, guys,” I say. “I’ll just go ask Ms. Sue if we can borrow one of hers right away.”
Ms. Sue is the director of technology at the school. She’ll have what we need.
“You two go, then.” Pepper points to Puppy and I. “She likes you guys. She ought to lend you one.”
Puppy sighs. We twirl on our heels and head out the door.
It seems like it takes forever to Ms. Sue’s room. The going is silent, just as awkward as before.
I sort of wish Pepper had sent me alone or with somebody else instead of Puppy. I’m relieved when we finally enter Ms. Sue’s room and go up to her desk. Even then, Puppy won’t look me in the eye.
“Ah Carmen, Raz,” Ms. Sue says. “What’s up?”
Puppy opens her mouth to speak but I beat her to it. “We’re making a um… movie for a school project and our camera has… malfunctioned. We need a replacement, and we were wondering if…”
“You could borrow one of the school’s?” Ms. Sue asks. “Sure. You just need to sign one out.”
She hands me a bunch of golden keys on a loop. “They’re in the storage room, along the catwalks. You can find them, right?”
“It’ll be no problem,” Puppy says, signing her name on the camera waver. Inwardly, I relax. At least if this one gets toileted my name won’t be on the sheet to be hung.
“I always recheck it every night, so I’ll know if anything’s missing,” Ms. Sue says with a teasing smile. “Good luck with your project.”
Unhappy to be alone with Puppy again, I make way for the door.
The walk to the auditorium is even longer and no less uncomfortable. Every single muscle in me is tense. I’m longing for the moment when we return to the classroom with the extra camera. Every step I take makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
As we go into the auditorium and I reach the stage that familiar, deep smell of fresh carpet and dusty lighting climbs to my nostrils. I take a deep breath and smile despite the coldness from Puppy.
“You really do love it out here, don’t you?” Puppy asks softly. For once, she’s not being sarcastic.
I nod, not taking my eyes off the stage. “Yeah… yeah, I do. I think if I had a choice, you’d never get me off the stage.”
We navigate around the props until we reach the winding staircase. Going up this thing makes me dizzy. I don’t know how Ms.Sue does it everyday. I trip several times up the stairs before we finally reach our destination.
The catwalks. Long strips of black metal hooked up to the ceiling that go back to the attic of the school. These places are used for the spotlights and sometimes for the taping of plays. I like it up here, even though being up so high scares me. It’s breathtaking and deadly. Railings are the only thing that keep me from tripping over the side.
Even then I may go over anyway, because I’m such a klutz.
“Like the drop?” Puppy asks, noticing my pale expression.
I look down again. The stage looks like a desk from up here. “Do you think if I…” I swallow. “Fell over the side, that I’d live?”
“I think you’ll be splattered all over the seats and the janitors will have to use a spatula to clean you up,” she says.
Puppy moves across the catwalks like she owns them. That’s another thing I love about her, I guess… she never acts scared, or unconfident. She takes control of everything.
We come to the storage room. Once I reach the door I bring out the keys. I feel a little self-conscious as I try key after key, forgetting which one Ms. Sue pointed out to me.
Puppy’s expression is drilling a hole into my back and her foot is tapping against the floor. Finally, I get the right one. I struggle a bit with the door before it finally swings open. We turn on the light and see many cords, light boxes, extra electronics…
“Here we go,” Puppy says and she grabs a camera. She puts it in her bag and says, “Make sure you lock the door on your way out.”
“Hold up,” I say, banging the door against the side of the frame. She still keeps walking away and I whine, “Don’t leave…”
“Leaving, Raz! Lock the door!” she repeats.
I let out a long, groaning sigh. She stops, and turns to look at me.
“Puppy,” I say, tiredness in my voice. “What’s happening to us?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she says casually.
“Yes, you do,” I snap. “As friends, we’re falling apart. Why are you avoiding me?”
She looks down. “It’s complicated.”
“Then tell me,” I plead. “I want to know what’s going on.”
“It’s not important,” she says.
“Yes, it is!” I protest. “It’s important to me! Is it about Maymee?”
She shakes her head. “It’s more than that.”
“Then let’s talk it out, please. I… I don’t want to lose you as a friend.” Or anything else.
Puppy sighs. I give her a desperate, pleading look. She gives in at last.
Puppy goes over to an old, ragged couch that’s probably been up here for ages and that everyone in the high school has probably screwed on. She lies down on it, her hand on her head. “I guess I’m just upset you told Maymee everything about Bethany and I don’t know anything. You are my best friend.”
I blink. “I’m… your best friend?”
“I thought you were. I haven’t known you that long, but I feel… closer to you than the others.”
This is hard for her to admit. I’ve never had a best friend before.
The confession means everything to me.
“I don’t want you to think badly of me for what I did,” I say, and I sit down on the opposite end of the couch. She throws her legs over mine.
“But I don’t, Raz.” She sits up. “I just want to hear your side of the story.”
I cross my arms and look away, sullen. Telling Maymee was easy because she knew nothing about me. Puppy, though… she understands me better than anyone else I know. Even though I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks, I’ve come to care about her more than anyone else at Limesville High.
The thoughts of people you care about hurt way more than those you don’t. If Puppy ever thought I was a bad person, it would hurt more than anything.
She plays with her hands and says, “You know my parents don’t want me hanging out with you, not since they found out that you and Bethany… Raz, for my sake and sanity just tell me!”
She’s doing it again. Giving me that puppy-dog look. I try to hold back, but my reserve fails
I spill. I tell her everything in as much detail as I can, leaving one very critical, crushing part out.
You can probably guess which part.
When I’m done, Puppy just stares down at the stage below. I shift on the couch and say, “You’re mad at me.”
“Yeah, I am,” she huffs. “Raz, how could you be so stupid?”
“She was nice to me. I had no one else,” I said. I hadn’t told her about how Bethany had saved me in the cafeteria, only that we had started hanging out during the summer. That was too embarrassing for me to reveal, even to Puppy.
“A lot of people are nice to you. Like Maymee.”
“We’re not back on her again, are we? Come on, Puppy, let it go,” I beg.
We’re quiet again, but this quiet is a contemplative quiet, not an uneasy one. She shakes her head and says, “Come on, Raz Attack. Let’s go.”
I follow her back downstairs. The halls are empty. I realize that school got out fifteen minutes ago.
“I missed the bus,” I say to her. “Did you drive today?”
“No,” she shakes her head. “But my mom will come pick us up if I call her.”
“Will she let me ride with you guys?” I ask, remembering what was said earlier about her parents not trusting me.
“She can’t just leave you here,” Puppy says. “I’ll tell her you’ll be riding along.”
She nudges me and gives me an encouraging smile. I smile back at her, but I can’t deny how stupid I feel. No matter what Puppy said, I’m still worried what she thinks of me. Puppy’s opinion of me means the world.
Bethany would be ashamed.
* * *
The day after that is Soldier’s birthday party. We’re going out to play paintball in the cold, dreary weather, an event that we’ve all been looking forward to for months. It’s Puppy, Pepper, Zoar and I with Soldier. He greets us in the kitchen and we start loading up our guns with orange paintballs.
I lift my gun up on my shoulder and there’s a loud bang. It goes silent in the house. We all look at each other, then the ceiling.
“Be glad that thing wasn’t loaded,” Zoar says, giving me an annoyed look. “You would have splattered paint all over the ceiling.”
“Sorry.” I laugh shakily. “I guess I’m not good with guns.”
“Really? I wouldn’t hand you a gun if my life depended on it,” Pepper teases.
“Come on guys, hurry up,” Soldier says. “We’re losing the sun.”
We head out in the twilight. Puppy puts her face mask down as we walk along the dirt road and into the open, grassy field.
“Right,” she says. “Teams?”
“You, Zoar and Raz against Pepper and I,” Soldier says. “You’re good, so is Zoar, and I’m excellent. We all know Pepper’s never done it before and I bet Raz can’t shoot to save his life.”
“Excuse me?” I ask. I lift my gun onto my shoulder again and all the paintballs fall out of the back compartment. We all stoop down to pick them up and I mumble, “Point taken.”
“I’ll give you guys a one minute start. Go!” Soldier says.
Somebody pushes me into the high grass and I lead the way, jogging into the bushes military style with Zoar and Puppy following.
I’m so intent on watching for our enemy that I trip in a hole and fall on my face. When this happens, Puppy whispers, “Get down!”
My friends fling themselves to the grass, crawling into the pine trees.
Only a few minutes pass and we see Pepper and Soldier coming. Puppy raises her gun and says, “Wait… aim… fire!”
We lob paintballs at them like no tomorrow. Pepper is hit and goes down almost instantly, but Soldier must have heard us coming. He avoids everything we shoot at him, dancing amongst the weeds as if coals were under his feet. I’m pumping my gun like a maniac but no paintballs are coming out.
One paintball flies out of my gun and nearly whaps him in his face mask, but that’s it.
Guess I know why I called him Soldier.
“My gun won’t work!” I shout. The others look back at me, confused.
It’s Soldier’s turn. He shoots and a paintball zings right for Zoar, hitting him on the ass.
“Ah! Of all the places to get hit!” he yells. He throws his gun to me and I shoot once out of that one, but that freezes up, too.
“What’s wrong with these things?” I complain. How did I manage to mess this up, too?
Puppy yells, “Let’s go!” We retreat as Soldier closes in, holding on to two useless guns.
We come to a field full of corn. Puppy pushes me into the crop and we go back to back, me with my useless gun and Puppy pretty much fending for herself.
“You’re a nuisance, you know that?” she asks. I laugh loudly until she shushes me. We travel through the tall plants that are weaving back and forth like ghosts. Soldier could be anywhere...
“Rargh!” he screams as he jumps upon us. Puppy is taken out and falls to the ground as paintballs hit her by the dozen.
I run for it.
Soldier’s laughing, shooting paintball after paintball at me. Several hit me at once and I scream. “Ow! Soldier, cut it out! Ow!”
He only laughs harder. He raises his arms up in the air and screams, “Victory!”
“Great,” Pepper says, wiping off her face mask. She and Zoar have arrived, covered in orange paint. “Can we play it again?”
“Maybe,” I say. “My gun sort of broke.”
“You malfunctioned mine, too,” Zoar says, attempting to shoot his gun and failing.
“That only goes to show you all that I am the king of paintball!” Soldier says, his voice loud and booming.
“I would’ve gotten you if my gun hadn’t of backed up,” I say.
“Yeah, sure,” Soldier says. He looks at me and Zoar and says, “Since you guys don’t have guns, we’ll give you five seconds to run. One… two…”
“Move, Zoar!” I scream, and we run like heck as the three of them chase us with their guns, lobbing paintball after paintball after us as we feebly try to take cover behind bushes and trees. This continues for awhile until the sun has set and it’s too dark out to see anything. I’m so sore from paintballs hitting me that it hurts to move.
“It’s almost eight,” Pepper says, looking up at the sky. “We should be heading back.”
The five of us walk along the path together. Zoar and Soldier are punching each other, and Puppy’s just told Pepper a joke that’s making her gasp for breath. Zoar sneaks up behind her and grabs her around the waist, scaring her as he lifts her up off the ground, spinning her round and round. They crash into Puppy and Soldier.
All my friends end up falling in the dirt, laughing. I smile as I watch them. How in the world did a bunch of misfits like us end up together? More importantly, how did I manage to find such a great group of people that like me… actually like me?
My eyes fall on Puppy. The wind is ruffling her soft brunette hair and the starlight makes her look the same way she did that evening on the bridge. My stomach turns and I nervously glance down.
“Raz, are you okay?” Puppy asks.
“Yeah, Pup, don’t worry about it,” I say absentmindedly. “It’s just really cold out here.”
When we reach the house to feast on pizza, Soldier comes out of his den (I mean, uh, room) with an astonished look on his face.
“You nearly ruined my gun, Raz,” Soldier says. “I was getting the paintballs out and you had eight of them cramped in the barrel! Is that even possible?”
“With Raz it is,” Pepper rolls her eyes. She flips to a movie on the TV, but we barely watch it because we’re talking so much. Puppy’s on the other side of me.
Our legs are touching as she leans against me in a tired sort of way, a friend sort of way. It makes me both happy and uncomfortable.
“Raz, what is your deal tonight?” Pepper asks as I begin bouncing up and down on the couch.
“No idea,” I laugh, and my
voice shakes. “I’m just really, really hyper.”
“What’s making you bounce off the walls?” Soldier asks. “You’re acting like a little kid.”
“Like I said, I don’t know.” I shake my head quickly back and forth. I just feel like… running. So far and so fast that I’m far enough away from everyone, but close enough that my friends are with me.
“You’re weird, Raz,” Pepper says.
“Very weird,” Soldier adds.
“You are completely, utterly, and totally anything but ordinary,” Zoar quips.
I look at Puppy again. I can tell by the look on her face that she is amused by my antics.
“Yep,” I say. “And you guys wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Chapter 7 - A Major Mistake
That Monday during lunch, Puppy is pulled away by Goose to talk about something. We all watch as the principal takes her to a corner of the lunchroom and starts berating her. He’s yelling as loudly as he can without calling the attention of everyone in the room.
“What does the Warden want now?” Pepper moans.
“Probably wants to complain to her about walking in the halls without a pass or something,” Soldier says, cramming his face with fries.
I peer over Zoar and wonder why Goose looks so demanding and stern. It’s way more than his usual, which is saying something.
I glance down as Puppy looks back at me. I don’t like the expression on her face. She seems upset. I’d do anything to see her smile...
My cheeks are burning. I see the way everyone’s pretending not to notice.
There’s no way around it. I like Puppy. I mean I really, really like Puppy. It’s so obvious that everyone else has realized it… everyone, that is, except me. Even Puppy has probably noticed.
A pit forms in my innards as I understand this. Duh, Puppy noticed. That’s why she’s been acting so weird lately. She probably doesn’t like me back.
I can’t understand why I like her in the first place. She was so mean to me, at first. But then, for some reason, we just clicked. Her sarcasm and harsh comments aren’t meant to be hurtful. Her words are a way to hide how much she cares about me.
If anybody could make me feel better about what had happened to me this summer, it’d be Puppy.