Losing Everything to Gain You

by Vina Fenty

  I could feel the emotions oozing from her words, and my tears dropped freely.

  "I was mad at you for a long time, but I guess it's okay now. I do appreciate this gesture Mrs. Akpore," I said, sniffing, and I heard her sniff too, or maybe I had imagined it.

  "Anything you need, if you ever need to talk, just know that I'm a phone call away. Live your truth Amara and do not worry about your parents. They will come around."

  We talked further a little before she finally ended the call, and I put my head on my desk and cried out of relief and joy. I couldn't contain my emotions, and I had to share this with Tejiri, so I took the stairs two at a time to her office.

  "Hey! Have you been crying again?" she asked incredulously as she stretched out her arms for me to enter.

  I climbed into her laps and melted into her, sniffing her perfume and smelling her skin.

  "Your mother called," I said a while later, and she turned down to look at me.

  "And?"

  "She said she was sorry for taking you away from me and that she supports us."

  "Oh, wow! She has been asking about you too much of late. I figured she realized how much you meant to me. Let's not forget that she wants grandkids, and she knows that I would never want that with anyone else but you."

  I looked up at her as the implication of what she was saying dawned on me.

  I hadn't been thinking of marriage to Tejiri lately. I hadn't ever thought about children. I just wanted us to be together in whatever way possible, but now that she mentioned it, marrying her would kick ass.

  Our lips met in a passionate kiss that quickly escalated as usual. In a matter of minutes, my nipple was in Tejiri's mouth, and her fingers were working in and out of me. She brought me to a much-needed climax, and I moaned her name as I came hard.

  I was still in her arms when she spoke again, "babe, I have something to tell you. I don't want you to get mad that I didn't tell you about it all these while."

  "Shoot! What is it? Typical of you to bring it up now that I am satiated and happy."

  She chuckled as she stroked my hair.

  "So Sam had come to my office twice now, first to beg, the second time to threaten and harass me. He got angry the last time and grabbed me roughly. Also, he stopped my car yesterday and broke the windshield. He stopped us on the road and tried to beat Stacy and me up, he was intoxicated, and I was lucky for the driver who fought him off. I am working with the police to file a restraining order against him, but this is Nigeria. All this is good news and can be used against him in court if it ever came to that. I have all his misdemeanors on record. I just didn't want to disturb you with it."

  "No, Tejiri, Sam is my problem. You had no right to keep this away from me," I snarled as I jumped off her lap to rearrange my clothes. The euphoria of my orgasm bounced off me as I went to the wall and started to punch it with my knuckles. I was outraged.

  "Tejiri, you had no right to keep this away from me. If anyone ever hurts you again, do you know how I would feel? You had no right!"

  I was screaming now, and I drew blood from hitting my fists on the wall. Tejiri quickly held me down in a fit to stop me from hurting myself.

  "Leave me alone! I will kill Sam, I will kill that son of a bitch for trying to put his hands on you!" I screamed as Tejiri tackled me to the floor and held me there. I had never lost control this way, I felt like I could strangle Sam once I saw him.

  "Amara, please calm down. He didn't hurt me. Please baby calm down," Tejiri said softly, stroking my hair, but I couldn't for the life of me stop being mad.

  "He gave you that red mark I noticed on your arm, right? You told me it was an accident. Sam put his hands on you, I am going to kill him," I said, crying deeply as my chest constricted in pain.

  It was my worst nightmare come to life, my Tejiri, covered in blood all over again, hurt, and me being powerless to prevent it. I cried till I started to dry heave, and finally, I held her tight to my chest, tired and spent but still calculating my next steps. I wasn't going to wait for the police. In the meantime, I was going to love the hell out of Tejiri because I could.

  ***************

  It was my birthday the following week, and I had expressly made it clear to Tejiri that I didn't want to celebrate. I didn't feel like it at all. Everything was wrong at this point, just a constant web of complications.

  I also didn't think there was any need to celebrate anything. I felt that I would be able to breath when I finally got my divorce and knew for sure that nothing was holding Tejiri and I back.

  I was in my office, fixated on a task on my screen when my phone rang. I smiled from ear to ear once I saw 'Mi Casa' sliding across the screen. Mi Casa, because Tejiri was my home. The one I run into after going through all the stress of the day. She was my peace.

  "Hey big head," I said as I placed the phone on my shoulder and then tilted my head to wedge it in place so I could free my hands.

  Tejiri had bought me AirPods, but I couldn't for the life of me find them.

  "Hey. Still at the office?" she asked from the other end of the phone, and I scrunched my face in confusion.

  Why was she asking me that except she wasn't in the office? We always came in together, and we had done just that in the morning, but now it was clear that she wasn't in the office.

  "Where are you?" I asked simply, and I heard her sigh.

  "I've told you about answering questions with questions. I'm somewhere, I just wanted to know if I could come to pick you now," she said softly, and my heartbeat accelerated.

  We had started using one car since I moved in with her at the hotel but where was she, was she okay, why hadn't she told me that she wasn't around.

  "You're making me scared, and I don't like it. Why didn't you tell me you were going out. I have panic attacks, just knowing that I had no idea about your movements today. This isn't fair," I replied to her with a high pitched voice that didn't sound like me.

  "Babe, breathe. I'm just trying to put together a surprise for you. Something small because you said you didn't want to celebrate, but I do believe that we have a lot to be grateful for."

  I couldn't even be mad at her. I knew she would defy me, but I thought about it, and she was right, I shouldn't be thinking about everything that was wrong with my life and forget everything right. This time last year, I was at work thinking that I had lost Tejiri forever, but here she was, talking to me on the phone.

  "Yes, you can come to get me. I'll just round off this design, and before you get here, I'll be downstairs."

  True to my words, I was downstairs waiting patiently as I saw her car drive into her parking spot. She climbed down the SUV clutching flowers and a box of my favorite chocolate. I walked to her with tears in my eyes because I had been so stupid, everything didn't have to be perfect, yes I was still legally married to Sam. Still, she was here, and I loved her so much, I should celebrate.

  I hugged her tightly once I reached her, and she kissed my forehead repeatedly before releasing me.

  "You're going to give the office some gossip if you keep hugging me like that in public, and this isn't the surprise," she said as she led me to the other side and opened the door for me. Once I was comfortably seated, she put the gifts on my laps and told me a 'Happy birthday.'

  I smelt the roses and smiled at her, but her eyes were fixed on the road. I knew that she could feel my eyes on her.

  We drove quietly until she broke the silence by saying, "do you remember my seventeenth birthday and the letter you wrote to me? It's the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me, and I have all the words at heart. I've never been able to return the favor, your birthday always fell during the holidays."

  I laughed as I remembered how frustrating it had been to always celebrate my birthday at home. My mother always went overboard baking cakes and all when all I truly wanted was to be in school with Tejiri and have her make me 'Garri cake' and bath me with water. I also remembered the letter and how I had felt writing it, and as I
thought back, I felt nostalgic, feelings, and emotions were running through all my veins.

  We soon drove past the road to the hotel, and that was weird. I raised my eyebrows as I turned to look at her, and that exact minute she turned to meet my gaze. She shrugged as though asking me to say what was on my mind.

  "Where are we going, I'm not even dressed to go out. Let me change first, please," I said to her in a small voice.

  She threw her head back and laughed before saying, "I'm not taking you out, just a small surprise, just try to be patient. No more questions."

  I nodded, even as I almost died inside. I didn't know what Tejiri could be up to, and that was the problem. I just prayed to God that it wasn't a party planned in some fancy place with all our friends and family in attendance, I wanted alone time with her.

  It didn't take long before we were in an estate somewhere on the island. After clearance and another few minutes of driving, we were in front of a beautiful house, and Tejiri was honking like crazy.

  I wondered who we were coming to visit. Even though I felt exasperated, I couldn't show it. The gates flew open, and as Tejiri drove in. I saw the layout of the spacious compound, I knew, I could see Tejiri's hand all over the place, and it was breathtaking, I hadn't even gone in yet, but I could tell that I would be in love with this place.

  She got my door once we parked. I hadn't even stepped out yet when I saw two people come out of the enormous house.

  "Welcome home babe, this is a bit of the surprise," Tejiri said, hugging me and kissing my forehead. God, I was so in love with her, and her smell was the only thing that had my attention at that point.

  I melted into her and then started to cry because she'd called this place home, and it already felt like it. Just knowing that she'd designed and decorated the house, knowing that we were going to be living here now was enough for it to be home, unlike the prison I had shared with Sam. I also thought back to the time that one single room at the back of our secondary school had been more home to me than anywhere I had ever stayed because I'd had my wolf with me then.

  Our hug was interrupted by someone clearing their throats, and I finally acknowledged the two people who had come out of our' home.'

  "Babe, I don't know if you remember, but this is Zee. Yeah, the Zee, my school daughter, and that is Dr. Irene, her girlfriend, they've been of great help since I started this project," Tejiri said, waving at the two people.

  When I did look hard, it was Zainab from secondary school. She had grown since the last time I'd seen her, even added a little bit of weight, and her girlfriend was, well, way older than she was but beautiful. I shook Dr. Irene and hugged Zee hard. It was good to see a face from the past that didn't bring any bad memories to me. As Tejiri and her helpers showed me around the beautiful house, I allowed myself to think back to the first time Tejiri had announced to me that she wanted Zee as a school daughter.

  ****

  2008, FGC, ASABA

  I remembered precisely what Tejiri and I had been doing the day that we first met Zainab, We'd been at the field for sports.

  Tejiri and I were throwing a ball around. I enjoyed watching her lithe movements, and also I got an eyeful of her taut stomach each time she tried to catch a ball. Her purple sport's top rode up her stomach. I was lost in my imaginations, which involved me licking her from her hips up to her belly button and... Wham! A ball hit my head, and I frowned at the laughing Tejiri.

  "You're drooling, and it's no fun," Tejiri said as I came back to earth, tried to pick the ball, and throw back to her. It was then that our eyes fell on the school bus bringing in what would be the new students from Lagos. The students filed out from the bus with their entire luggage in hand. Then a scrawny looking teenage girl got down, she turned around towards us and looked directly at Tejiri. Her eyes were big and sad, and as Tejiri looked back at her, I could see the same emotions playing in her eyes for a few seconds until it was gone. Just those two seconds of eye meeting, and it was all Tejiri needed to conclude that she needed to be a school mother to the new girl.

  I couldn't understand it, Tejiri wasn't even the type, she didn't even act like a mother or have the patience to be one. She had also fought and rebelled against the idea of school parents, and yet here she was insisting on taking this girl under her wing.

  "Don't tell me you didn't see how sad and helpless she was, just like I looked on my first day. I can directly relate with how she feels," Tejiri would say in conviction in which I would roll my eyes and said, "We all looked like that on our first day, you can barely take care of yourself."

  "I'm taking care of you alright, and I didn't call it school parenting, you did, I just feel like I need to protect her, that's all."

  I had nothing to be afraid of, I wasn't jealous at all of the newbie or she sharing Tejiri's attention with me. This fact was cemented further once I watched the two of them together. Thinking about it later in the future, I realized that it was more of a mentoring relationship. Tejiri was grooming the newbie, known as Zainab Ahmadu, to be just like her, and their relationship was healthy and beneficial to both parties.

  If Tejiri had a school daughter, I would automatically be the other mother seeing as we were what we were, but it wasn't the case at all. I was outside of their relationship in a weird way. Zainab respected me, even liked me, but she was loyal to one person only, and that was very obvious. She seldom acknowledged me, not in a bad way, but she only ever took orders from Tejiri, opened up to her.

  Back at the hostel after sports, while we were getting ready for dinner, Tejiri had walked up to Zee while she sat sadly on her bed and invited her to come to dinner with us. Zee's face had lit up in having someone talk to her. She'd followed Tejiri side by side like a lost puppy, and that had continued for the next couple of months. The lost puppy had found a master, sort of.

  I accommodated Zainab's presence in our lives. She was a great influence on Tejiri. I knew that Tejiri liked taking care of me, but taking care of Zainab enlightened me more on the kind of person that she was, and what I discovered endeared her to me even more.

  When she was harsh to Zainab, the younger girl would cry and become moody for the whole day. She wanted to please Tejiri at all costs, and one of the fastest ways to do this was to study and solve the hard equations that Tejiri often threw her way. Tejiri couldn't handle anything short of genius. When Zainab had topped her class by the second term in school, Tejiri had worn a big smile throughout the day like a proud mother.

  No one dared to bully Zainab or send her on futile errands. Tejiri had made it clear that she wouldn't take it from anyone.

  One of the best memories from that period was on one of Tejiri's birthdays. I was on my bunk, writing what would be a letter, and even as I penned down my emotions, tears pooled in my eyes, I was pouring out my heart on the paper. Insecurities set in as I remembered the stack of envelopes Tejiri had, and I reasoned that mine could be the least poetic. I thought hard about it and scoffed, I decided that it didn't matter if I wasn't a poet. I just wanted her to know how I felt about her.

  After writing, I put the paper in an envelope, then I started to look for the book I'd bought Tejiri. I was at it frantically when Zainab had walked to me. She sat on my bed and greeted before saying, "senior Tejiri is calling you at the tuck shop."

  I finally found the book, and I put it in my school bag.

  "What's she doing there?" I asked, confused. I had thought that she and I would spend her birthday alone in the lair.

  "She's with her friends, and they're drinking and eating," Zainab replied.

  I nodded before handing over the letter I had written to Zainab. I instructed her to give it to Tejiri and tell her not to read it until she was alone. The younger girl had become something we called 'messenger of love' for Tejiri and me. She was used to passing love letters from one person to the other.

  She waited till I was ready before we started walking towards the tuck shop that Sunday evening. I sighted Tejiri from afar, in the middl
e of most of her friends and classmates. Everyone had a bottle of soda, and Tejiri was just there, talking and laughing, and from time to time, the group would burst into laughter.

  I knew the exact moment she saw me because all of a sudden, she stopped talking and stood still for a few seconds as her eyes took me in, the words she'd been trying to say dying on her lips. Our eyes met and held, and it seemed like the world had stopped momentarily. She was looking like something out of my wet dreams, with her signature cornrows and a little purple checkered house wear. She was wearing stockings, and the brown material accentuated her beautiful legs.

  She managed to pull her eyes off me and continued with what she had been saying. I got to her, and she hugged me absentmindedly as she concentrated on finishing her story, but while the short hug had ended, her left hand held my hand in hers. I waved to her friends shyly, and they waved back while still listening to Tejiri talk. Finally, she finished with a flourish and grinned at the loud laughter emanating from the group, after which they broke into discussions among themselves, seeing how Tejiri's attention had shifted to me now.

  "Hey," she said simply while trying to move a strand of wayward air out of my face and behind my ears.

  "Happy birthday. I'd been looking for you everywhere," I replied, sulking.

  "I couldn't bear to wake you. What do you want? Wait, I know," she said, releasing my hand, and I immediately missed the contact.

  She quickly went with Zainab and got me a bottle of Fanta and some biscuits while the younger girl clutched her snacks. Tejiri created a space for me to sit while she continued standing and then telling her stories.

  After more laughter and the entire group singing a birthday song for Tejiri, the group finally broke up as the tuck shop started to close. It was already past seven in the evening, and the rest of the students were done with having dinner. Tejiri got the bills, and what she had paid looked like my entire pocket money for the term. I would never understand how Tejiri had so much money to spend whenever she wanted to. It was rare though, she always preferred to eat food from the dining hall, but when needed, and she always had just enough money to save the day.