How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny
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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from The Amplified Bible (AMP). The Amplified Bible, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by The Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament, copyright © 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
The author has emphasized some words in Scripture quotations in bold, italicized type. Words emphasized in the original Bible versions appear in bold type alone.
Warner Books Edition
Copyright © 1999 by Joyce Meyer
Warner Faith
Hachette Book Group
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New York, NY 10017
Visit our Web site at www.HachetteBookGroup.com
The Warner Faith name and logo are registered trademarks of Warner Books.
First eBook Edition: October 2002
ISBN: 978-0-446-54947-9
Contents
INTRODUCTION
1: SELF-ACCEPTANCE
2: YOUR SELF-IMAGE AFFECTS YOUR FUTURE
3: “I’M OK, AND I’M ON MY WAY!”
4: HAVE YOU LOST YOURSELF?
5: CONFIDENCE IS REQUIRED
6: FREE TO DEVELOP YOUR POTENTIAL
7: KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR “WHO” AND YOUR “DO”
8: RECEIVING GRACE, FAVOR AND MERCY
9: BELIEVING AND RECEIVING
10: STANDING UP ON THE INSIDE
11: CONDEMNATION DESTROYS CONFIDENCE
12: CONFIDENCE IN PRAYER
CONCLUSION PRAYER FOR A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD
ENDNOTES
REFERENCES
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love.
EPHESIANS 3:17
This book is about knowing yourself, accepting yourself and fulfilling your God-ordained destiny.
During my years in ministering to others, I have discovered that most people really don’t like themselves. This is a very big problem, much bigger than one might think initially.
If we don’t get along with ourselves, we won’t get along with other people. When we reject ourselves, it may seem to us that others reject us as well. Relationships are a large part of our lives. How we feel about ourselves is a determining factor in our success in life and in relationships.
When I am around people who are insecure, it tends to make me feel insecure about them too. It is certainly not God’s will for His children to feel insecure. Insecurity is the devil’s work.
Jesus came to bring restoration to our lives.1 One of the things Jesus came to restore is a healthy, balanced self-image.
HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF?___________
Our self-image is the inner picture we carry of ourselves. If what we see is not healthy and according to Scripture, we will suffer from fear, insecurity and various types of misconceptions about ourselves. Please note that I said “we will suffer.”
People who are insecure about themselves suffer in their mind and emotions, as well as in their social and spiritual lives. I know they suffer because I have talked with thousands of them. I also know because I myself have suffered in this area.
I still remember the agony of being with people and feeling they did not like me, or wanting to do things and not feeling free enough to step out and try them. Studying the Word of God and receiving His unconditional love and acceptance have brought healing to my life. It will do the same for you.
SALVATION FROM DESTRUCTION____________________
So then Zacchaeus stood up and solemnly declared to the Lord, See, Lord, the half of my goods I [now] give [by way of restoration] to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone out of anything, I [now] restore four times as much.
And Jesus said to him, Today is [Messianic and spiritual] salvation come to [all the members of ] this household, since Zacchaeus too is a [real spiritual] son of Abraham;
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost.
Luke 19:8-10
Notice that verse 10 says “that which,” not “those who.” In the previous verse we see that the chief tax collector, Zacchaeus, and his household had just received salvation. They had been lost and were now saved, but their salvation was not going to end there.
The statement that follows about Jesus coming to save that which was lost tells me that He intends to save us not only from our sins, but also from everything Satan has tried to do to ruin our lives.
Each of us has a destiny and should be free to fulfill it; however, that fulfillment will not happen as long as we are insecure and have a poor self-image.
GOD APPROVES OF YOU!____________________
Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you [as My chosen instrument]….
Jeremiah 1:5
God never intended for us to feel bad about ourselves. He wants us to know ourselves well and yet accept ourselves.
Nobody knows us as well as God does. Yet, even though He knows us and everything about us, including all of our faults, He still approves of us and accepts us. He does not approve of our wrong behavior, but He is committed to us as individuals.
In the following pages you will have an opportunity to learn the difference between your “who” and your “do.” You will discover that God can hate what you do and yet love you; He has no trouble keeping the two separated.
God is a God of hearts. He sees our heart, not just the exterior shell (the flesh) we live in that seems to get us into so much trouble. I believe if God can keep the two separated, He can teach us to do the same thing.
I believe that reading this book will be a turning point in your life. In this book you will learn to face your weaknesses and not hate yourself because of them. You will experience healing and freedom that will release you to succeed at being yourself.
1
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
1
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he….
PROVERBS 23:7
Do you like yourself? Most people don’t like themselves, you know. I have many years of experience with people, trying to help them be whole emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially. I felt it was a major breakthrough when I simply discovered that most people really don’t like themselves. Some of them know it, while others don’t even have a clue that is the root of many other problems in their life.
Self-rejection and even self-hatred are the root causes of many relationship problems. God wants us to have great relationships. I have found the Bible to be a book about relationships. I find teaching in it about my relationship with God, with other people and with myself.
SEEK PEACE IN RELATIONSHIPS____________________
…[Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]
1 Peter 3:11
God’s Word instructs us to have good relationships, but it also teaches us how to develop and maintain those relationships.
I found this particular Scripture in The Amplified Bible to be very enlightening. As I studied it, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that first I must have peace with God. I must believe that He loves me. He does not wait until I am perfected to love me; He loves me unconditionally and completely at all times. Second, I must receive His love.
Receiving is a big issue. When we receive from God, we actually take into ourselves what He is offering. As we receive His love, we then have love in us. Once we are filled with God’s love, we can begin loving ourselves. We can also begin giving that love back to God and bestowing it on other people.
Always remember: we cannot give away what we don’t have!
THE LOVE OF GOD____________________
…God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
Romans 5:5
The Bible teaches us that the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. That simply means that when the Lord, in the form of the Holy Spirit, comes to dwell in our heart because of our faith in His Son Jesus Christ, He brings love with Him, because God is love. (1 John 4:8.)
We all need to ask ourselves what we are doing with the love of God that has been freely given us. Are we rejecting it because we don’t think we are valuable enough to be loved? Do we believe God is like other people who have rejected and hurt us? Or are we receiving His love by faith, believing that He is greater than our failures and weaknesses?
What kind of relationship do you have with God, with yourself and ultimately with your fellowman?
It never occurred to me that I even had a relationship with myself. It was just something I never thought of until God began teaching me in these areas. I now realize that I spend more time with myself than with anyone else, and it is vital that I get along well with me.
You are one person you never get away from.
We all know how agonizing it is to work day after day with someone we don’t get along with, but at least we don’t have to take that person home with us at night. But we are with us all the time, day and night. We never have one minute away from ourselves, not even one second — therefore, it is of the utmost importance that we have peace with ourselves.
WE CANNOT GIVE AWAY WHAT WE DON’T HAVE____________________
“…Freely you have received, freely give.”
Matthew 10:8 NKJV
With the help of the Lord I learned to receive God’s love, to love myself (in a balanced way), to love God in return and to love other people. But it was neither quick nor easy because of my personal history.
It seemed to me that I had always had difficulties in relationships, and I really did not know why. I could not find people that I liked and enjoyed who also felt the same way about me. Through God’s help I finally realized what the problem was: I was trying to give away something that I did not have.
As a young believer I heard sermons about the importance of Christians loving each other, and I was sincerely trying to walk in love, but I failed continually. I needed to get God’s answer hooked up with my particular problem. I had heard with my ears that God loved me, but I had not really believed it for myself. I may have believed it in general, but not personally. I had the problem, and I had the answer, but I was not making the right connection between the two.
Many times we know what our problem is, but we cannot seem to find the right answer to it. On the other hand, we often discover an answer in God’s Word, but we really don’t know what our problem is. God wants to reveal to us the nature of our true problems and the answer to those problems that are found in His Word. When we make the right connection between them, when we hook up the right problem with the right revelation — the devil is on his way out, and freedom is on its way in.
For example, I saw in the Bible that we were to walk in love. I knew that I had a problem with love, but I did not know that my problem had roots.
We frequently try to deal with the bad fruit in our lives and never get to the root cause of it. If the root remains, the fruit will keep coming back. No matter how many times we cut it off, eventually it will come back. This cycle is very frustrating. We are trying the best we know how, and yet it seems we never find a permanent solution to our miseries.
I was desperately attempting to display loving behavior, but I had failed to receive God’s love; therefore, I could not give love away. I did not have any to give.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF____________________
For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is complied with in the one precept, You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself.
Galatians 5:14
While I was seeking answers to my problems, the Holy Spirit opened up to me Galatians 5:14 in a way I had never seen or heard before. I was experiencing marriage problems. My husband and I were not getting along — it seemed we couldn’t agree on anything, we had strife almost continually. It was affecting our children in an adverse way. All the anxiety and turmoil were affecting my health. I had to have some answers!
THE ANSWER IS LOVE____________________
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear….
1 John 4:18 KJV
When the Holy Spirit revealed this Scripture to me, I asked myself, could it be possible? Was I hearing God right — could it be as simple as “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so”? I had a lot of fears in my life, and 1 John 4:18 was telling me that perfect love would cast out fear.
I had tried walking in “perfect love” and had failed daily. I thought “perfect love” referred to my loving others perfectly. I was now beginning to see that perfect love was God’s love for me — He is the only One Who can love perfectly.
God’s love is perfect even when we are not!
LOVED TO LOVE OTHERS__________________
May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it].
Ephesians 3:17,18
As I meditated on these Scriptures and others like them, I felt like a blind person who was seeing for the first time. My problem was a lack of love. I had never received proper love in my life; therefore, I had never learned to properly love myself. I didn’t even like myself, let alone love myself.
If nobody else loves us, we don’t see why we should love ourselves. If others don’t love us, we think we must not be worth loving.
We should love ourselves — not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence, but in a balanced, godly way, a way that simply affirms God’s creation as essentially good and right. We may be flawed by the years and the unfortunate experiences we have undergone, but that does not mean we are worthless and good for nothing but the trash can.
We must have the kind of love that says, “I can love what God can love. I don’t love everything I do, but I accept myself, because God accepts me.” We must develop the kind of mature love that says, “I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but in the meanwhile I will not reject what God accepts. I will accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way.”
Our faith gives us hope for the future. As He did with the Israelites, God will help us conquer our enemies (our “hangups”) little by little. (Deuteronomy 7:22.) He will change us from glory to glory as we continue to look into His Word. (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV.) He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2 KJV.) He has begun a good work in us, and He will complete it and bring it to its final fulfillment. (Philippians 1:6.)
Once we receive God’s love and begin to love and accept ourselves, it greatly improves our relationship with Him. Until we accept His love, the cycle is incomplete. We can love Him only because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19.)
We all know how frustrating it is to attempt to give a gift to someone who keeps refusing to take it. I love to surprise people and give them something they want or need. I have had the experience of planning a surprise, going shopping, spending my money, getting e
verything ready, and yet when I gave my gift, the person was so insecure they did not know how to simply receive my gift graciously.
Insecurity and feelings of unworthiness keep us from being able to receive very well. We may feel that we must earn or deserve everything we get. We may think, “Why would someone want to just give me something?” We may become suspicious: “What is their motive? What do they want from me? What are they after?”
There are times when I try to give something to someone and have to spend so much time and energy convincing them I really do want them to have it, that the situation becomes downright embarrassing. I just want them to take it! I want them to show their appreciation for my gift by graciously receiving it and enjoying it.
If we as humans feel that way, how much more does God feel that way when He tries to give us His love, grace and mercy, and we refuse it because of a false sense of humility or unworthiness? When God reaches out to love us, He is attempting to start a cycle that will bless not only us but also many others.
God’s plan is this: He wants us to receive His love, love ourselves in a balanced and godly way, generously love Him in return, and finally love all the people who come into our lives.