How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny

by Joyce Meyer

  We have failed to follow that plan for years. We are not even loving others with our own love, much less with God’s love. Remember, we did not have any love with which to love anyone until God first loved us!

  ACCEPTANCE OR REJECTION?_________

  And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good (suitable, pleasant) and He approved it completely. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.

  Genesis 1:31

  Rejecting ourselves does not change us, it actually multiplies our problems. Acceptance causes us to face reality and then begin to deal with it. We cannot deal with anything as long as we are refusing to accept it or denying its reality.

  Webster’s II New College Dictionary defines accept in part as: “1. To receive (something offered), esp. willingly. 2. To admit to a group or place.3. a. To consider as usual, proper, or right. b. To consider as true.”1

  I notice from this definition that acceptance involves the will. If I apply this definition to self-acceptance, I see that I can choose or not choose to accept myself. God is offering me the opportunity to accept myself as I am, but I have a free will and can refuse to do so if I so choose. I also see from this definition that when something is accepted, it is viewed as usual, proper or right.

  People who reject themselves do so because they cannot see themselves as proper or right. They only see their flaws and weaknesses, not their beauty and strength. This is an unbalanced attitude, one that was probably instilled by authority figures in the past who majored on what was weak and wrong rather than on what was strong and right.

  The word acceptance from the same dictionary is defined in part as “approval” and “agreement.”2 If we are having problems accepting ourselves as we are, I suggest that we need to get into agreement with God that what He created is good — and that includes us.

  In Amos 3:3 we read, Do two walk together except they make an appointment and have agreed? To walk with God, we must agree with God. He says He loves us and accepts us; therefore, if we agree with Him, we can no longer hate and reject ourselves.

  We need to agree with God that when He created us, He created something good.

  Once again let me emphasize that I realize everything we do is not good, but at this point we are discussing ourselves, not our behavior. Later in the book we will discuss in detail how God views what we do; right now in this beginning chapter we are more concerned with who we are in God’s sight.

  You may be at the same place I was when God began revealing these principles to me. You see the things in yourself that need to be changed, and it is very difficult for you to think or say, “I accept myself.” You feel that to do so would be to accept all that is wrong with you, but that is not the case.

  I personally don’t believe we can even begin the process of change until this issue is settled in our individual lives.

  CHANGE REQUIRES CORRECTION_________________________________

  For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes.

  Hebrews 12:6

  This truth about God’s correction and discipline of those He loves is verified by Jesus Himself in Revelation 3:19 when He says: Those whom I [dearly and tenderly] love, I tell their faults and convict and convince and reprove and chasten [I discipline and instruct them]. So be enthusiastic and in earnest and burning with zeal and repent [changing your mind and attitude].

  Change requires correction — people who do not know they are loved have a very difficult time receiving correction. Correction does no good at all if it is not received.

  In dealing with my children and hundreds of employees over the years, I have discovered that correction must be given in love. In other words, for my correction to be successful, the people I am correcting must know that I love them and care about them.

  I can spend a lot of time correcting someone, but my time is wasted unless that individual receives what I have said. In the same way, in order for God to change us, He must correct us. We won’t receive His correction properly if we don’t have a revelation concerning His love for us. We may hear His correction and even agree with it, but it will only make us feel angry or condemned unless we know it is ultimately going to bring about the change that is needed in our life.

  BE ASSURED OF GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU________________________________

  For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  Romans 8:38,39

  We cannot trust unless we believe we are loved. To grow up in God and be changed, we must trust Him. Often He will lead us in ways that we cannot understand, and during those times we must have a tight grip on His love for us.

  The Apostle Paul was convinced that nothing would ever be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. We need to have that same absolute assurance of God’s undying love for us individually.

  Accept God’s love for you and make that love the basis for your love and acceptance of yourself. Receive His affirmation, knowing that you are changing and becoming all that He desires you to be. Then start enjoying yourself — where you are — on your way to full spiritual maturity.

  2

  YOUR SELF-IMAGE AFFECTS YOUR FUTURE

  2

  YOUR SELF-IMAGE AFFECTS YOUR FUTURE

  And [the cripple] bowed himself and said, What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I am?

  2 SAMUEL 9:8

  We have already established that insecurity caused by a poor self-image affects all of our relationships. It also greatly affects our future.

  If you have a poor self-image, it has already adversely affected your past, but you can be healed and not allow the past to repeat itself. Let go of what lies behind, including any negative ways you have felt about yourself, and press on toward the good things God has in store for you.

  GOD HAS PLANS FOR EACH OF US__________________

  For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].

  Ephesians 2:10

  God has a good plan for each one of us, but not all of us experience it. Many times we live far below the standard that God intends for us to enjoy.

  For years I did not exercise my rights and privileges as a child of God. This occurred for two reasons. The first was, I did not even know I had any rights or privileges. Although I was a Christian and believed I would go to heaven when I died, I did not know that anything could be done about my past, present or future. The second reason I lived far below the level of life God intended for me was very simply the wrong way I perceived and felt about myself. I had a poor self-image, and it affected my day-to-day living, as well as my outlook for the future.

  GOD HAS PLANS FOR YOU!__________________

  For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

  Jeremiah 29:11

  If you have a poor self-image, as I did, I recommend that you read the story of Mephibosheth, which is found in the ninth chapter of 2 Samuel. It greatly affected my life, and I believe it will do the same for you. It will help you see not only why you are living far below the level that God intends for you now, but also why you are in danger of missing out on what He has in mind for you in the future.

  “IS THERE ANYONE I CAN BLESS?”__________________

  And David said, Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul to whom I may show kindness for Jonathan’s sa
ke?

  2 Samuel 9:1

  Mephibosheth was the grandson of King Saul and the son of Jonathan, who had been a close covenant friend to David. Jonathan and his father Saul had both been killed in battle, and David was now king.

  David had a desire to bless someone in Saul’s family for Jonathan’s sake. He inquired as to whether there was anyone left of the household of Saul to whom he could show kindness. One of his servants reported that Mephibosheth was alive and living in a town called Lo-debar.

  The name Lo-debar means “pastureless.”1 In an agricultural society, a place without pastures was probably a place of poverty. Why would a king’s grandson be living in such a place? Why hadn’t he come to the palace claiming his rights and privileges as an heir of King Saul, not to mention his rights and privileges as the son of Jonathan, who had covenant relationship with the present king? He surely understood covenant relationship; everyone did in those days. He knew that the covenant between his father Jonathan and David the king extended to their children and heirs.

  In ancient Israel, when two people entered into a covenant relationship, everything each of them possessed was made available to the other. The covenant relationship also meant that they would help one another, fight for one another, do anything necessary to meet each other’s needs. Yet Mephibosheth, the rightful heir of Jonathan, King David’s covenant partner, was living in poverty. Why? The reason goes back to the last days of the reign of King Saul, Mephibosheth’s grandfather.

  When news came to the palace that Saul and Jonathan had been killed in battle, Mephibosheth was just a child. Hearing the dreadful news, his nurse ran from the palace with him in her arms, fearing that David might try to take vengeance on the boy because of the way David had been treated by King Saul. During her escape, Mephibosheth fell and was crippled in his legs as a result. (2 Samuel 4:4.)

  When David sent for Mephibosheth, he fell down before the king and displayed fear. David told him not to fear, that he intended to show him kindness. Mephibosheth’s response is an important example of the kind of poor self-image we all need to overcome.

  THE DEAD-DOG IMAGE__________________

  And Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and did obeisance. David said, Mephibosheth! And he answered, Behold your servant! David said to him, Fear not, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your father [grandfather], and you shall eat at my table always.

  And [the cripple] bowed himself and said, What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I am?

  2 Samuel 9:6-8

  Mephibosheth had a poor self-image, a dead-dog image. He did not think very well of himself. Instead of seeing himself as the rightful heir to his father’s and grandfather’s legacy, he saw himself as someone who would be rejected. If this were not true, he would have already gone to the palace long ago on his own to claim his inheritance.

  A poor self-image causes us to operate in fear instead of faith. We look at what is wrong with us instead of what is right with Jesus. He has taken our wrongness and given us His righteousness. (2 Corinthians 5:21.) We need to walk in the reality of that truth.

  When I saw this passage, I realized that I also had a dead-dog image, and it was hindering me from being all I could be and having all I could have in life. I started changing my attitude toward myself. It took time and a lot of help from the Holy Spirit, but I determined that I would not live below the blessings Jesus had provided for me.

  God’s Word says that because of His covenant with us, we can be the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath. (Deuteronomy 28:13.) I am sure that, like me, you have been the tail long enough. It is time to take a stand and start receiving your rightful inheritance.

  David blessed Mephibosheth. He gave him servants and land and provided for all of his needs. The story ends by saying, So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem, for he ate continually at the king’s table, [even though] he was lame in both feet (2 Samuel 9:13).

  I absolutely love the end of the story. I relate Mephibosheth’s lameness to our own weaknesses. We may also fellowship and eat with our King Jesus — even though we have faults and weaknesses. We still have a covenant with God, sealed and ratified in the blood of Jesus Christ. Blood covenant was, and still is, one of the strongest agreements that can be made between two parties.

  We offer God what we have, and He gives us what He has. He takes all of our sins, faults, weaknesses and failures, and gives us His ability, His righteousness, and His strength. He takes our poverty, and gives us His riches. He takes our diseases and sicknesses, and gives us His healing and health. He takes our messed up, failure-filled past, and gives us the hope of a bright future.

  In ourselves we are nothing, our own righteousness is like filthy rags or a polluted garment. (Isaiah 64:6.) But in Christ we have a future worth looking forward to. The term “in Christ” very simply stated means that we have placed our faith in Him concerning every aspect of our lives. We are in covenant with Almighty God. What an awesome thought!

  ARE YOU A GRASSHOPPER?__________________

  There we saw the Nephilim [or giants], the sons of Anak, who come from the giants; and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.

  Numbers 13:33

  Another story that greatly affected me is found in Numbers 13. Moses sent twelve men to scout out the Promised Land to see if it was good or bad. Ten of the men came back with what the Bible refers to as “an evil report.” (Numbers 13:32.) Only two of the scouts, Caleb and Joshua, had the attitude God wanted them to have.

  When the twelve scouts returned from their journey, They told Moses, We came to the land to which you sent us; surely it flows with milk and honey… (Numbers 13:27). Then they continued: But the people who dwell there are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large; moreover, there we saw the sons of Anak [of great stature and courage] (Numbers 13:28). In other words, “The land is good, but there are giants in it!” The fear of the giants prevented God’s people from entering the land that He had promised to give them. They only saw the giants; they failed to see God.

  It wasn’t really the giants that defeated these people, it was their poor self-image. It was their wrong attitude toward themselves. They saw others as giants and themselves as grasshoppers.

  Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who had a proper attitude toward the land. They said to Moses and the people, …Let us go up at once and possess it; we are well able to conquer it (Numbers 13:30). In the end, they were the only ones who were allowed by God to go into the Promised Land.

  God had a glorious future planned for all of the Israelites, but all of them did not enter in to that future — only the ones who had a proper attitude toward God and toward themselves.

  “Let us go up at once and possess it; we are well able to conquer it.” What a victory statement! What a great attitude!

  This event happened thousands of years ago, and it still inspires me today. We can have a dead-dog image or a grasshopper image, but they both adversely affect our future. We see the proof in the stories of Mephibosheth and the twelve scouts. No matter what God has planned for us, we will never experience it unless we get into agreement with Him.

  God does not have a bad attitude toward you — you should not have one toward yourself! Shake off the past and set your sights on the future. The Apostle Paul wanted to do things right, and yet he realized that he was growing and learning and would not always manifest 100 percent perfection.

  PRESS ON!__________________

  Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.

  Philippians 3:12

  In the next verse, Paul went on to say that he forgot what lay behind and strained forward to what lay ahead.

  We see this princ
iple in many places in God’s Holy Word. The prophet Isaiah had the same revelation when he brought forth the message of the Lord: Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing!… (Isaiah 43:18,19).

  I believe God has led you to read this book because He wants to do a new thing in you and in your life.

  Almost every one of us could use some improvement in our self-image. It takes time to grasp the hope for ourselves that God has for us.

  To realize how much hope God has for me, all I need to do is remember what I was like when God called me into full-time ministry. I certainly was not the kind of material the world would have picked to be doing what I am doing today. As a matter of fact, I firmly believe most people would have given up on me.

  It is so wonderful and comforting to know that when everyone else only sees our faults, God still sees our possibilities.

  When God began using me to minister to others, I still had a lot of bad habits in my own life. I needed a lot of refining. I sincerely loved God, and I wanted to do what was right, but I possessed very little revelation about any of His precepts. I knew the Ten Commandments, and I went to church and tried to be “good.” I added in some “good works” and hoped it would be enough to get me into “the pearly gates,” but I had no real victory in my daily life.

  I was sincere, but poverty-stricken concerning real truth. I had multiple problems. I had been sexually abused as a child for many years, and the effects were still devastating me. I had also been hurt in several personal relationships and had no real understanding of what love even was.