How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny

by Joyce Meyer

  I had a shame-based, guilt-ridden personality that stemmed from the abuse, which was carried into virtually every area of my life. I certainly did not like myself. I definitely had a very poor self-image. I was insecure “to the max” and very fearful. Outwardly I presented myself as independent and self-sufficient, not needing anyone, not caring what others thought of me. To those who didn’t know me, I must have seemed very bold and aggressive. My outer life, however, did not match my inner life. Inwardly, I was a mess. Yet God filled me with His Holy Spirit and let me know that He wanted to use me to minister to others.

  The Lord did not wait for me to get all fixed up before He got involved with me. He started with me where I was then and has been responsible for getting me to where I am today. I am convinced that He will do the same for you.

  GOD WILL MEET YOU WHERE YOU ARE__________________

  And God heard the voice of the youth, and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven and said to her, What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the youth where he is.

  Genesis 21:17

  In the Bible we find that when people were in trouble, God met them where they were and helped them. Thank God He does not wait for us to manage to get to Him — but He comes to us!

  Sarah’s handmaid Hagar and her son Ishmael had been cast out by Abraham and Sarah and were facing death in the desert. God had told Abraham to do as Sarah suggested and separate Ishmael (the son of their own effort) and Isaac (the son of promise).

  But God was not finished with Ishmael. He was not trashing him, as it must have seemed at the moment, but was moving him into another chapter of his life.

  Ishmael could have definitely been looked upon as a mistake. Earlier, God had told Abram and Sarai (later renamed Abraham and Sarah) that He would give them a child. They, like many of us, got tired of waiting on God and began developing their own plan. They made a mistake, but God did not stop working with them.

  Sarai gave her handmaid Hagar to Abram to be his secondary wife. She asked him to have intercourse with Hagar, since she herself was barren. She reasoned that by this action God would give them the promised child. This was not God’s plan at all, and it actually caused a great deal of trouble, as we read in Genesis 16-18. As we study these chapters it seems that everybody was making mistakes. But God obviously knew their hearts because He was standing by to bring correction and to redeem the mess they were creating.

  God often makes miracles out of mistakes. The abuse that was heaped upon me as a child was definitely a mistake and should have never happened. It was a mistake not only for me, but for everyone involved. However, because God is so great, He has taken that mistake and made a ministry out of it, one that is helping others. God met me where I was, and even though other people would have rejected me as unfit for the ministry, God accepted me.

  GOD CHOOSES THE UNLIKELY—LIKE ME AND YOU!__________________

  …God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.

  And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are, So that no mortal man should [have pretense for glorying and] boast in the presence of God.

  1 Corinthians 1:27-29

  God purposely chooses those who are the most unlikely candidates for the job. By doing so, He has a wide open door to show His grace, mercy and power to change human lives. When God uses someone like me or many others He is using, we realize that our source is not in ourselves but in Him alone: [This is] because the foolish thing [that has its source in] God is wiser than men, and the weak thing [that springs] from God is stronger than men (1 Corinthians 1:25).

  Each of us has a destiny, and there is absolutely no excuse not to fulfill it. We cannot use our weakness as an excuse, because God says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9.) We cannot use the past as an excuse because God tells us through the Apostle Paul that if any person is in Christ, he is a new creature; old things have passed away, and all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17.)

  How God sees us is not the problem, it is how we see ourselves that keeps us from succeeding. Each of us can succeed at being everything God intends us to be.

  Spend some time with yourself and take an inventory of how you feel about yourself. What is your image of yourself? What kind of picture do you carry in yourself of yourself? When you get it out and look at it, do you resemble a dead dog or a grasshopper? Do you see a hopeless creature that nobody loves? Or do you see yourself recreated in God’s image, resurrected to a brand new life that is just waiting for you to claim it?

  3

  “I’M OK, AND I’M ON MY WAY!”

  3

  “I’M OK, AND I’M ON MY WAY!”

  And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

  PHILIPPIANS 1:6

  I have not arrived, and and neither has anyone else. We are all in the process of becoming. For much of my life I felt that I would never be OK until I arrived, but I have learned that is not the truth. My heart desires to be all God wants me to be, and I want to be like Jesus. My flesh does not always cooperate with me.

  In Romans 7, Paul said the good things he wanted to do, he could not do; and the evil things he did not want to do, he always found himself doing. He said he felt wretched. I can relate to that — how about you? In verse 24 he cried out, …Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of ] this body of death? Then in the following verse, as if he had received an answer that was a revelation to him, he said, O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord!…

  Yes, we all have a way to go. I was distraught about how far I had to go, and it seemed Satan reminded me of it daily, sometimes even hourly. I carried a constant sense of failure, a feeling that I just was not what I needed to be, that I was not doing good enough, that I should try harder — and yet when I did try harder, I only failed more.

  I have now adopted a new attitude: “I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be; I’m OK, and I’m on my way!”

  KEEP ON WALKING!__________________

  But the path of the [uncompromisingly] just and righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines more and more (brighter and clearer) until [it reaches its full strength and glory in] the perfect day [to be prepared].

  Proverbs 4:18

  I now know with all my heart that God is not angry with me because I have not arrived. He is pleased that I am pressing on, that I am staying on the path. If you and I will just “keep on keeping on,” God will be pleased with our progress.

  Keep walking the walk. A walk is something taken one step at a time. This is an important thing to remember.

  If I invited you to take a walk, you would think I was crazy if I became angry after the first few steps because we had not yet arrived at our destination. We can understand ordinary things like this, and yet we have a difficult time understanding that God expects it to take some time for us to grow spiritually.

  We don’t think there is something wrong with one-year-old children because they cannot walk perfectly. They fall down frequently, but we pick them up, love them, bandage them if necessary, and keep working with them. Surely our awesome God can do even more for us than we do for our children.

  KEEPING IN BALANCE__________________

  Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.

  1 Peter 5:8

  It is very important to maintain balance in all things, for if we d
on’t we open a door for Satan.

  We have been considering how to have a good self-image. One way we do that is by realizing that we have not arrived at perfection, that we have some growing to do, but that in the meantime we are OK. It is true that we have to keep pressing on, but thank God we don’t have to hate and reject ourselves while we are trying to get to our destination.

  What is a normal, healthy Christian attitude toward self? Here are a few thoughts that reflect that kind of wholesome, God-centered self-image:

  l. I know God created me, and He loves me.

  2. I have faults and weaknesses, and I want to change. I believe God is working in my life. He is changing me bit by bit, day by day. While He is doing so, I can still enjoy myself and my life.

  3. Everyone has faults, so I am not a complete failure just because I am not perfect.

  4. I am going to work with God to overcome my weaknesses, but I realize that I will always have something to deal with; therefore, I will not become discouraged when God convicts me of areas in my life that need improvement.

  5. I want to make people happy and have them like me, but my sense of worth is not dependent on what others think of me. Jesus has already affirmed my value by His willingness to die for me.

  6. I will not be controlled by what people think, say or do. Even if they totally reject me, I will survive. God has promised never to reject me or condemn me as long as I keep believing. ( John 6:29.)

  7. No matter how often I fail, I will not give up, because God is with me to strengthen and sustain me. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5.)

  8. I like myself. I don’t like everything I do, and I want to change — but I refuse to reject myself.

  9. I am right with God through Jesus Christ.

  10. God has a good plan for my life. I am going to fulfill my destiny and be all I can be for His glory. I have God-given gifts and talents, and I intend to use them to help others.

  11. I am nothing, and yet I am everything! In myself I am nothing, and yet in Jesus I am everything I need to be.

  12. I can do all things I need to do, everything that God calls me to do, through His Son Jesus Christ. (Philippians 4:13.)

  Here are some additional suggestions to help you develop and maintain a balanced attitude and a healthy self-image:

  l. Always reject and hate your sin, but don’t reject yourself.

  2. Be quick to repent.

  3. Be honest with God and yourself, about yourself.

  4. When God gives you light, don’t fear it.

  5. Stop saying negative, downgrading things about yourself, but don’t boast either.

  6. Don’t have an exaggerated opinion of your own importance, but don’t think you are insignificant.

  7. Don’t always assume when things go wrong that it is your fault. But don’t be afraid to admit it, if you are wrong.

  8. Beware of having yourself on your mind too much. Don’t meditate excessively on what you have done right or what you have done wrong. Both of these activities keep your mind on you! Keep your thoughts centered on Christ and His principles: You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You… (Isaiah 26:3).

  9. Take good care of yourself physically. Do the best you can with what God gave you to work with — but don’t be excessive or vain about your appearance.

  10. Learn all you can, but don’t allow your education to become a point of pride. God does not use us because of our education, but because of our heart toward Him.

  11. Realize that your gifts and talents are a gift, not something you have manufactured yourself. Don’t look down on people who cannot do what you can do.

  12. Don’t despise your weaknesses — they keep you dependent upon God.

  “HOW CAN I CHANGE?”__________________

  Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude]….

  Romans 12:2

  Change does not come through struggle, human effort without God, frustration, self-hatred, self-rejection, guilt or works of the flesh.

  Change in our lives comes as a result of having our minds renewed by the Word of God. As we agree with God and really believe that what He says is true, it gradually begins to manifest itself in us. We begin to think differently, then we begin to talk differently, and finally we begin to act differently. This is a process that develops in stages, and we must always remember that while it is taking place we can still have the attitude, “I’m OK, and I’m on my way!”

  Enjoy yourself while you are changing. Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going. Enjoy the journey! Don’t waste all of your “now time” trying to rush into the future. Remember, tomorrow will have troubles of its own. (Matthew 6:34.)

  Today you may be wrestling with a bad temper and thinking if you could just get freedom in that area, everything would be all right. The thing is, you may have forgotten that God will then reveal something else that needs to be dealt with, and you will be back in the same frame of mind again, thinking, “If only I didn’t have this problem, I could be happy.”

  We must learn to look at these things in a new way.

  A NEW AND LIVING WAY__________________

  By this fresh (new) and living way which He initiated and dedicated and opened for us through the separating curtain (veil of the Holy of Holies), that is, through His flesh.

  Hebrews 10:20

  Under the Old Covenant, people had to follow the Law; when they made mistakes they had to make sacrifices to atone for them. There were a great number of laws, too many for anyone to manage to keep them all. The result was works, works, works — people trying and failing; feeling guilty and trying harder; failing again and making sacrifices. It was a never-ending cycle that drained all the life from the people.

  The Law came to the people on two stone tablets, given to Moses by God. It made the people’s hearts hard and stony as they desperately tried to keep it.

  The Law, the “dispensation of death,” was replaced by “the dispensation of the Spirit,” a new and living way.

  LAW OR SPIRIT?_________________________________

  Now if the dispensation of death engraved in letters on stone [the ministration of the Law], was inaugurated with such glory and splendor that the Israelites were not able to look steadily at the face of Moses because of its brilliance, [a glory] that was to fade and pass away,

  Why should not the dispensation of the Spirit [this spiritual ministry whose task it is to cause men to obtain and be governed by the Holy Spirit] be attended with much greater and more splendid glory?

  2 Corinthians 3:7,8

  Living under the Law actually ministers death rather than life. To me, “living under the Law” means that I feel I must do everything perfectly; otherwise, I am in trouble with God. It means rules and regulations, with no freedom. I lived under the Law for years, and it stole all my peace and joy. I was alive, and yet I was filled with death.

  Death in this sense actually means every kind of misery. Legalistic living makes people tense and rigid. They know practically nothing about mercy; they neither receive it from God nor give it to others.

  While I was trying to learn to walk in love, I realized I was not a very merciful person. Once again God taught me that I could not give away something I did not have. I was not receiving His mercy for my failures; therefore, I did not have any mercy to give to other people. I tried to follow all the rules and regulations: ones that had been handed down to me, those that the Church had issued and all the thousands I had allowed Satan to program my mind with. These were not even scriptural, they were just things to feel guilty about.

  God gave Moses ten commandments. I once read that by the time Jesus came, the religious leaders had turned those ten commandments into approximately 2,200 different rules and regu
lations for the people to follow. I don’t know for sure if they had 2,200 or not, but I do know they had more than any person could possibly handle.

  Some people have greater tendencies toward legalism than others. Even our natural temperament can contribute toward perfectionism and legalism. But we must remember that where there is legalism, there is also death.

  Jesus said He came to give life. ( John 10:10.) The new dispensation was one whereby people were to be governed not by Law, but by the Spirit of God. It was a new way of living! It included mercy for failure, forgiveness for sin, and replacement of sacrifices with faith in Jesus Christ.

  It was almost too good to be true. It was simple, and for many people it was too simple. They just could not believe it. They kept working at trying to impress God with their goodness. The Bible says that we are justified through faith, not by works. (Ephesians 2:8,9.) Any attempt to obtain justification and righteousness any other way only frustrates us and wears us out.

  WE ARE THROUGH WITH LEGALISM AND READY FOR A NEW LIFE!__________________