This Stolen Life

by This Stolen Life (retail) (epub)

  Madam looked surprised. It was a few seconds before she said anything. ‘You are a diligent worker, Soma. I have no reason to dislike you. Unless you are hiding something from me. Are you?’

  Thankfully, the toast popped at that moment, giving Soma an excuse to turn away. ‘No Madam,’ she murmured. Her heart hammered. Did Madam suspect?

  * * *

  Sahan didn’t often go into the centre of Hull during the day. There wasn’t any point. He could get most things he needed from near the campus. For anything bigger, there was always the internet. But the sunshine was glorious and he couldn’t bear to sit in his room studying any longer, so he tagged along with Nate and Cara to go and see the music festival in the Queen’s gardens. It was busy, with groups of people, mostly families, sitting in the park. Flowers provided a riot of colour in the borders. A jazz band was on in the bandstand. The plaza at the end of the park was full of food stalls. The whole place had a low key buzz about it. It was wonderful to lie back on the grass and think about something other than hydrodynamics. Sahan let the jazz wash over him and shut his eyes to dream about his afternoon in York with Soma.

  ‘Oi lazy arse. We’re going into town to grab something from the pie stall, you coming?’ Nate poked him with the toe of his trainers.

  Sahan opened an eye. There were more people in the group than before. ‘Uh. Yeah. Okay.’ He sat up. The new people were mostly Cara’s friends. One of them was, uh oh, Bex. She nodded to him and looked away. He felt a twinge of guilt. He could have been nicer. Or at least been clearer. Still, it was done now. He scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off.

  They set off in a straggled line, past the bright flowerbeds and fountains. The various food stalls were bustling, giving the place a festival atmosphere. People fell into step with others and somehow Sahan was left walking next to Bex.

  ‘Um… how’s it going?’ he said.

  She glanced at him sideways. ‘Not bad. You?’

  ‘Oh you know, studying.’

  She nodded. ‘Right.’

  What did you do when there was awkward silence like this? He cleared his throat. ‘Look I’m sorry about…’

  She made a brushing off motion with her hand. ‘It’s fine.’

  ‘I—’ But he was interrupted by someone saying ‘Sahan?’

  They had reached the open space of Victoria Square, where some children were playing in the open fountain under the stern gaze of Queen Victoria. He stopped and turned to see Yamuna approaching from one of the many paths that fed into the square. Behind her was Soma, pushing Louie. His heart kicked up a notch. He resisted the urge to look at Soma and tried to focus on his cousin instead. ‘Yamuna, hi.’

  ‘How are you? We haven’t seen you in a while.’ She smiled at him, but her eyes darted to the group of friends behind him. He had to be careful. Everything about this meeting would make its way back to his parents. He had to be absolutely sure not to give anything away about Soma.

  ‘I’ve been… studying. Exams start next week.’ Not looking at Soma was unbearable. He could feel the pull of her, standing quietly behind Louie’s pram. He forced himself to keep his eyes on Yamuna. ‘How are you? How’s Bim?’

  He didn’t hear what she said in response. He couldn’t bear it any longer. He moved to the side of the pram and made a show of peering in at Louie. ‘And how’s Louie?’ Louie, who was used to seeing Sahan, beamed at the sight of him and wriggled happily.

  Sahan risked a glance up and found himself looking into Soma’s eyes. Warmth rose from the core of him and he could barely breathe for wanting to touch her. He tried to convey in his single glance that he was happy to see her. That he missed her. That he wished he could speak to her now and not pretend not to notice her. He saw her breath catch and it thrilled him. She took a deep breath and looked down. A smart reminder to Sahan that Yamuna mustn’t find out. He took the hint and straightened up.

  For the first time, he noticed that his friends had stopped too. Yamuna was still looking at them curiously. ‘Oh, Yamuna, these are my friends. Nate, Cara and… uh… Bex.’ Damn. Why had he hesitated at Bex’s name? He took a quick glance at Soma to see if she’d noticed. She was still studiously ignoring what was going on and fussing with Louie.

  ‘Hi. I’m Sahan’s cousin,’ said Yamuna.

  ‘I’ve seen you around at the uni,’ said Cara. ‘Are you studying there?’

  Yamuna laughed. ‘No. I’m flattered you think I’m a student, but no, I’m staff. I’m a post doc in the Biological Sciences department. What are you studying?’

  ‘History. Medicine. Drama.’ Cara pointed to herself, Nate and Bex in turn.

  Yamuna politely enquired how things were going. Soma continued to avoid eye contact and fuss around with Louie. Sahan stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, in agonies of awkwardness. Finally, Yamuna said, ‘I guess I’d better let you get on. Sahan, you should come round one evening. I’ll make dinner.’

  Oh, the relief. ‘Yes. That would be great. I’ll call you later,’ he said. Yamuna nodded her goodbyes to the others and peeled off on her way. As she pushed the pram past him, Soma looked up shyly and gave him a little, secret smile. He felt it in his gut. He smiled back and watched them as they hurried away.

  ‘Hey, that was her, wasn’t it?’ Nate nudged him hard enough to make him jump. ‘The girl you were talking about. That was her.’

  ‘Shh. Keep it down.’ He checked to see if Yamuna had heard, but she was still hurrying away, well out of earshot. ‘Yes,’ he smiled. ‘Yes, that was her.’

  ‘Wow,’ said Bex, quietly. ‘The way you looked at her. No wonder you’re not interested in anyone else.’ She smiled, and for the first time that day, it reached her eyes. ‘If someone looks at me like that just once in my life, I’ll be a happy woman.’

  Sahan grinned back at her, glad the ice had melted. ‘Someone will, Bex. Someone will.’

  They started walking again. ‘And your cousin doesn’t know about you guys? Why keep it a secret?’ Cara said.

  ‘She’s their nanny. It’s not the done thing to fall in love with the nanny, really. If my parents found out, they’d kill me.’ He saw Nate and Cara exchange glances. They didn’t really see a problem, he knew. Thankfully, they didn’t launch into the argument about cultural norms and class snobbery. The three of them had wasted too many evenings on that already.

  ‘So what are you going to do when you graduate?’ said Bex, who had made no secret of the fact that she was going to go to London when she finished.

  He didn’t really want to think about that too much. He had originally thought of working in the south of England for a bit, then applying for jobs in the Middle East, where the money was good. But now… now he wanted to be somewhere near Soma. Hull wasn’t really an option, not unless he found something in one the big chemical firms in the area, but there were places like Leeds and Sheffield within an hour’s commute. He was confident he would pass his course with at least a 2.1, but he needed a work visa to go with his job, which immediately put him at a disadvantage.

  ‘I’m applying for jobs…’ he said. ‘I might get lucky.’

  ‘What if you get a job miles away from here?’ said Bex. ‘What will you do then? Long distance relationship?’

  Cara laughed. ‘Or you could elope with her and get married in secret.’

  Sahan laughed too, but at the back on his mind, the thought nestled in.

  * * *

  Soma sat by Louie’s bed, waiting for him to go to sleep. By the glow of the nightlight, she watched the shape of his little body as he moved around, trying to fight sleep and failing.

  The image of Sahan with his white friends kept resurfacing in her mind. It was the first time she’d had a glimpse into his life. She’d seen him striding along in the sunshine, chatting to a girl who was far more glamorous than she could ever be and her heart had leapt to her throat. When he’d looked at her, his eyes speaking volumes in that one glance, her whole body had felt as though it would burst in
to flames and she’d felt, for the briefest of moments, that they had something special. But then he had looked away, snatched back into a world where she didn’t belong. Where he spoke English and sounded exactly like his friends – a world where people had degrees and owned houses and had big, office jobs.

  Oh, she knew her connection to him was tenuous. She was only a distraction to him for a few short months. But that didn’t stop the thought of being so far from him ripping holes in her heart. He was applying for jobs in places she could barely pronounce. Places that were too far away for her to have a hope of seeing him again. She couldn’t ask him not to go. That was where his future lay. Not with her.

  People like her didn’t end up with people like him. That was just the way the world worked. She sighed. He would call her later. No matter how she felt, she would be cheerful and back him in whatever decisions he was making. What else could she do?

  * * *

  Yamuna called Sahan that night. ‘I need to ask you something,’ she said.

  His breath caught. Had Yamuna noticed the look that had passed between him and Soma? If Bex and Cara had spotted it, then it wasn’t such a stretch to think that Yamuna had noticed it too. What did he say if she asked him outright? He would have to lie. He steeled himself. ‘Sure. What is it?’

  ‘Do you know if there are any Sri Lankan guys at the uni? Students, I mean?’

  Okay. Weird question, not what he was expecting. Phew. He relaxed. ‘A few, why?’

  ‘I think Soma has a boyfriend. A Sri Lankan one. She’s only been here a few months and already she’s sneaking around with someone. You know what these people are like,’ said Yamuna, her voice dripping with disapproval.

  ‘Wh—?’ Soma wouldn’t cheat on him. ‘Uh. What makes you think that?’

  ‘She’s got a mobile phone in her room. She hasn’t told me about it, which is fairly suspicious in itself. Anyway, she’s usually on it, whispering in Sinhalese. I’ve heard her when I go to check on Louie.’

  Thank goodness. That was all it was. ‘You listen outside her door?’ Oh god, what had she heard? He tried to think what they’d talked about – they’d mostly talked for the pleasure of hearing each other’s voices. But what if Soma had said his name? Maybe Yamuna was using some elaborate double bluff to make him incriminate himself.

  The pause at Yamuna’s end was a dead giveaway.

  ‘You do, don’t you?’ he said.

  ‘She lives in my house and looks after my son. I have a right to know,’ said Yamuna. ‘It didn’t do any good, though. She speaks so softly, I couldn’t tell what she was saying.’

  Another wave of relief. ‘You think she might be seeing someone from the uni?’

  ‘Well, I’m not sure, but even if he’s not a student there, someone there is bound to know something.’

  ‘And you want me to find out who it is?’ Oh the irony. He tried not to grin, in case she could hear the amusement in his voice.

  ‘Yes. Can you do that for me? Ask a few questions? After your exams are over, obviously. Your education comes first.’

  ‘I don’t know, Yamuna…’

  ‘Sahan, if she’s seeing some man when I’m not at home, I need to know. She’s supposed to be looking after Louie.’

  ‘She would never do that!’ It came out before he had time to censor it. He quickly tried to recover the situation. ‘I mean, I get the impression she’s very fond of Louie. She wouldn’t put him in danger.’

  There was a pause. ‘You’re probably right.’ Yamuna had the grace to sound embarrassed.

  ‘What will you do, if you find this guy? Assuming there is a guy.’

  ‘Try and put a stop to it, I suppose. I mean, she’s only young and… vulnerable, really. I feel responsible for her while she’s under my roof.’

  ‘You don’t own her, though,’ he said. ‘She is an adult and entitled to a love life… you don’t have control over her life.’

  Yamuna sniffed. ‘That’s not really your concern.’

  Sahan said nothing. Yamuna had effectively just told him to stop interfering with grown-up conversations.

  ‘Well, anyway, can you ask around?’

  ‘Sure. I’ll see what I can do.’ What else could he say? He would have to tell Soma that Yamuna was suspicious. They would have to be even more careful. At least they never met in the house.

  ‘Oh, by the way, Sahan.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You are keeping your focus on your studies, aren’t you?’

  Wait; where did that come from? What was she trying to say? Was this a subtle way of saying she knew? Play it cool. He had to play it cool. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Why?’

  ‘I just wondered. It was nice to meet your friends today.’ Yamuna paused. ‘Especially that nice girl, Bex.’

  ‘Bex?’ What? ‘Yamuna akki, what are you saying?’

  ‘I’m just saying, remember what you came for. Education first. Your exams are more important than anything else.’

  ‘Okay. I know that. Thanks.’

  After he hung up, he stared at his phone for a few minutes. If Yamuna thought he was interested in Bex, then that was a good thing. It made it less likely she would suspect the truth.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Soma’s first reaction when Sahan told her of the conversation was one of hope. Was that what Madam had been referring to when she asked if she was hiding something? It must have been. She put her hand over her heart, which was slowing back down after the flash of panic.

  ‘Oh. She knows about the phone.’

  Relief was followed by another thought. Did Madam suspect about Sahan, too? She thought back to all the things they’d said. ‘Wait a second.’ She put the phone down, opened her bedroom door and checked outside. No one. She bolted the door and returned to sit on her bed. ‘She doesn’t know it’s you, does she?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.’

  ‘What would happen if she figured it out?’ They had never properly discussed their relationship, despite how often they spoke to each other and the way they’d held hands on their one day out. Maybe this was because he didn’t want to admit there was anything there. Soma was well aware of how unsuitable she was for Sahan. She couldn’t help how she felt, but it seemed too much to hope that he would feel the same way about her. Oh, he gave every appearance of being interested in her too, but really, when it came to choosing, there was no chance he would choose her above family and comfort. The fact that Sahan took so long to answer her question was proof of that.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘It wouldn’t be good.’

  ‘She’d tell—’ Even though she knew Yamuna wasn’t lurking outside, she turned her face to the wall and whispered. ‘She’d tell your parents, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Yes, most likely.’

  ‘What would happen then?’ Part of her didn’t want to know the answer. The other part of her wanted to know that she was right. If she was forewarned, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much when it finally came. Time was running out for them. Sahan’s exams were starting in a few days. He was bound to get a job soon. He would be leaving Hull and she would be staying. Then there were those letters… if they came looking for her, she would have to run.

  ‘I don’t know.’ He sighed.

  For a moment they sat in silence, listening to each other breathing. Each preoccupied with their own thoughts.

  ‘Soma,’ said Sahan finally. ‘I don’t want to lose you. I… don’t know what to do.’

  His words electrified her. She forgot about facing the wall and secrecy and flopped back on her bed, a smile beaming out. ‘Oh Sahan.’

  ‘Shhh. Don’t say my name!’ But there was no anger in his voice.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispered, trying to get a world of emotion into a single whisper. ‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.’

  He gave a low laugh. ‘Is that because you’ve never met someone who was boyfriend material before?’

  He was teasing, and she
knew it, but it still bothered her. He didn’t know how right he was. She had never been loved before. Used, but not loved. Her smile faded. She hated that she had to hide things from him.

  When she didn’t answer, he said, ‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone else either.’

  The smile returned. This wasn’t going to be easy, but if they loved each other, they could find a way. Love always found a way, didn’t it? ‘Listen,’ she said. ‘The important thing right now is your exams. You get through them first. Once they’re over, we’ll think about what happens next.’

  He sighed. ‘Yes. I suppose I should get back to work. You look after yourself, okay? Keep out of Yamuna’s way. Perhaps we should stop calling each other every night. We could text each other instead and talk at the weekends.’

  ‘Okay.’ She hated the idea. Texts had to be in English and it took her ages to write one, but if he felt it helped him with his studying, then she wasn’t in a position to complain.

  ‘Will you text me?’

  He laughed. ‘I will. When these exams are over, would you like to go out for the day again?’

  ‘Oh yes, I’d love it.’

  ‘Brilliant. Let’s do that.’

  ‘What shall I do about Madam? Should I say something?’

  ‘No. Don’t do anything. Just keep acting normal.’

  ‘I’m scared,’ she said. If only she could tell him why.

  ‘Don’t be,’ said Sahan. ‘You’re not doing anything wrong.’

  That made her feel terrible. He had no idea how wrong he was. But, she reminded herself, neither did Madam… which was the more important thing.

  They said protracted goodbyes and Soma carefully put away her phone. It had become her favourite possession. It connected her invisibly to Sahan and, to her, it was as precious as life itself.