Dirty Mind (Nashville Outlaws #2)

by Cheryl Douglas

  He chuckled. “So stadium shows might be a bit overwhelming for you?”

  “Jimmy’s is probably the largest crowd I’d feel comfortable with.” Which should have made my decision easy, but turning Reed down would mean walking away from something else I craved: security and financial independence. So it wasn’t a cut and dried decision for me.

  “What else?” he asked, biting his lip. “Besides music and nature, yoga breaks, work, time with family and friends… what else do you need to complete that dream?”

  I looked around. “A little house like this would be pretty sweet.” His guest house was about twelve hundred square feet with an open living room and kitchen, two bedrooms, and a full bath. It might seem small to most, but after the studios and tiny one bedroom apartments I’d called home over the years, this place felt spacious. “In the woods.” Since I was supposed to be daydreaming might as well go all in.

  “You see yourself sharing this house of yours with anyone?” he asked, his voice husky as he tossed the pillow between us aside.

  He was asking whether I needed a partner to be happy. I didn’t. Love would be nice, but as long as I could support myself, I’d be fine on my own. “Maybe.” I licked my lips while trying to ignore the lure of his. “If the right guy comes along.”

  “The right guy?” he echoed. “Tell me about him.”

  Another fantasy? Why not? I’d already bared my soul to him. “He’s strong,” I said, thinking of the antithesis of every man I thought I’d loved. “Secure.” I rubbed his palm with my thumb before turning it over to steal a glimpse at his lifeline. “Confident in who he is and what we have.”

  His smile was faint when he said, “I like that. Go on.”

  “He’s knows what he wants. Personally and professionally.” He didn’t have to be rich. I didn’t care about that, but I wanted him to have a job that made him excited to get out of bed in the morning. “He’s a positive person.” I wrinkled my nose. “I hate a complainer.”

  His laughter rumbled in his chest when he said, “Good to know. I’ll try to keep my complaining to a minimum in the future.”

  I could never imagine Dade whining like my exes had. He was the kind of guy who liked to take control and bend circumstances to his will instead of bitching about them. “My guy…” I said, still caught up in my fantasy. “He makes me laugh and doesn’t take himself too seriously.” My gaze drifted over his broad shoulders, down his powerful chest. “He turns me on. Wants me, and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.”

  His eyes darkened with interest when he whispered, “A man would have to be blind not to want you, Charli.”

  “He isn’t afraid to take chances either.” It was obvious in the deafening silence that I’d struck a nerve, calling out what he considered his fatal flaw.

  “I’m not afraid to take chances,” he said, finally. “I wouldn’t be where I am if I wasn’t willing to go all in. But when you’ve made as many mistakes as I have, you’d have to be stupid not to learn from them.”

  “That wasn’t a shot, Dade,” I said, keeping my voice neutral. “I was just telling you about the qualities I’m looking for in my… person.”

  “Your person?” His jaw tightened when he asked, “You ever met anyone you think might be your person?”

  You! “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “How about you?” If he could challenge me, I could do the same. “Tell me about your person.”

  He closed his eyes, his grip on my hand tightening. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I can’t let myself go there, Charli.”

  “Of course not.” Because you’re afraid you might have to acknowledge I’m sitting right in front of you! I released his hand before inching back so I was bumping the armrest. “Thanks for talking this out with me. I think I know what I’ll tell Reed when he calls tomorrow.”

  “You told him you need to sleep on it?” he asked, sounding surprised.

  I nodded. “I think I’ll tell him I don’t need a big stage or a lot of money to make me happy. I’ll just keep working on building this quiet, simple life.” Our eyes met when I added, “With these unexpected moments of joy that make my heart sing.”

  He swallowed, like he was trying to force words back down his throat.

  “Meeting you has been that, Dade. Totally unexpected. And it’s made me happy. You could ask me to leave tomorrow and I’d have no regrets about meeting you… or anything we’ve done.”

  “Jesus,” he whispered, dipping his head. “Why now? Why the hell did you have to come into my life now?”

  “Better now than never?” But I knew he didn’t feel that way. Guys like Dade believed timing was everything and the timing for us was clearly all wrong.

  I stood and crossed the small room to open the door for him. “Thanks for coming to check on me. Our talk helped a lot.”

  He hesitated at the door, letting his gaze sweep over my bare legs. “I don’t want to leave, you know.”

  “I know.” I didn’t want him to leave either. “But that’s the way it has to be.” I pressed my hand against his chest. “I’ll see you bright and early in the morning. Blueberry pancakes for breakfast?”

  He drew a deep breath when he curled his hand around my wrist and brought my palm to his lips. “Sweet dreams, beautiful.”

  Dade left the kitchen door open for me the next morning, so I assumed he was already awake and in the shower.

  I moved through his kitchen with alarming ease, like I belonged there, which was ridiculous.

  “Oh, excuse me!”

  I jumped back when a Spanish lady in her mid-fifties rounded the corner into the kitchen. I rested my hand against my pounding heart, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize anyone else was here.” I offered my hand. “You must be Dade’s housekeeper?”

  “Yes, ma’am. Sofia.”

  Her accent was pronounced, which worried me, since I’d barely passed high school Spanish.

  “Dade mentioned you would be here this morning. Charli, yes?”

  “Yes.” I flipped the flapjacks before they burned. “I hope it’s okay that I’m making breakfast?” Even though Dade and I agreed that was part of the deal, I didn’t know if I was messing up Sofia’s clean kitchen.

  “Of course it is,” she said, gripping her fluffy duster tighter. “Dade made it clear he wants you to feel at home here.”

  “He did?” I tried to ignore the little flutter in my belly. This wasn’t my home. I was his employee, not his live-in girlfriend. “Um, that’s nice. Would you like to join us for breakfast?”

  “Aren’t you sweet,” she said, smiling. “Thank you, but I’ve already had breakfast.”

  “Oh, okay.” Instead of the single serve coffee, I went to the trouble of French press once the pancakes were stacked on the warming rack. “I guess Dade’s still upstairs?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” She hesitated before asking, “You stayed in the guest house last night?”

  “I did.” I glanced at her over my shoulder. She’d obviously heard about my pseudo-relationship with Dade and wondered if there was any truth to the rumors about me and her boss. “He hired me as his assistant, nothing more. I’m staying in the guest house for a couple of weeks, tops, until all the craziness surrounding us dies down.”

  “Uh, that may take longer than you think.” She slipped her phone out of the front pocket of her gingham apron and flashed it at me. “There were pictures of Dade posted at Jimmy’s bar last night. Said you were performing there? Seemed to fuel the gossip about you two.”

  I’d been wrong to worry about her English. She could give my mother language lessons.

  “Ugh.” I groaned. “I was afraid of that. But honestly, I didn’t even know Dade was going to be there. He just showed up because his friend, Skylar, was performing. His being there had nothing to do with me.”

  Sofia’s dark eyes sparkled with amusement when she said, “If you say so, miss.”

  Clearly she didn’t believe me
and it wasn’t my job to convince her, but I didn’t want Dade to think I’d been the one to plant the suspicion in her mind. “Sofia, there’s nothing between me and your boss. I promise you. I like him as a friend, but that’s all it will ever be.”

  “Good morning.”

  We both jumped when Dade strode across the room, looking dark and moody. Maybe because of the conversation he’d overheard? But I didn’t think that would set him off. I was just being honest.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two your breakfast,” Sofia said, avoiding Dade’s gaze. “Enjoy.”

  “Sofia,” he snapped. “Would you mind going out to the guest house? Clean it, wash and change the sheets, and make sure the fridge is stocked, please.”

  “But I can do all that.” I didn’t want to increase Sofia’s workload just because I was staying with Dade. “I’ll go shopping after work and—”

  “Not necessary.” Dade shot me a warning look that let me know it wasn’t up for debate. “Thank you, Sofia. That’ll be all for now.”

  “Of course, sir,” she said, scurrying out the kitchen door.

  “What was that about?” I asked, fisting my hand on my hip as I turned to face him. “Why were you so short with her?”

  “Because she has a tendency to stick her nose into my business and I don’t like it.” He poured himself a cup of coffee before he said, “Our relationship is none of her business and it sounded like she was grilling you about it.”

  “She wasn’t grilling me!” I didn’t want that poor, sweet woman to get in trouble because of me. “She was just…”

  “Fishing for information?” He rolled his eyes. “Same difference. I don’t like it and I won’t put up with it.”

  I took fresh fruit out of the fridge and started washing berries before stacking them on a plate. “If you don’t like it, why don’t you talk to her about it?”

  “I have. Every time a woman’s spent the night.”

  Those words hit me like a sucker punch and my reaction must have shown on my face because he winced.

  “Jesus Charli, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  I forced a laugh as I raised a hand to halt his apology. “You don’t owe me an apology.” We’d had sex twice. It’s not like we’d been intimate for months and he’d disrespected me by talking about his old girlfriends. “It’s no big deal, Dade. I know you have sex with other women.”

  He moved in behind me, bracing his hands on the counter, caging me in. “You want to know why I’m in a shitty mood this morning? Because I fell asleep thinking about you last night and woke up this morning to a cold, empty bed. I wanted you there with me.”

  I forced myself to breathe as I stacked berries on the platter. “We can’t keep doing this,” I whispered. “If I’m going to work for you, that’s all it can be. We can’t blur the lines.”

  “But I can’t stop wanting you.”

  The evidence of his desire was prodding my back and it took everything in me not to turn into his arms. “You have to.” I closed my eyes when his scruff brushed my cheek. “I want this to work. I think I’ll like this job. But I can’t keep fighting this attraction, Dade. It’s not fair.”

  He brushed my hair aside, letting his lips tease my neck when he whispered, “Maybe we’re not being fair to ourselves. Trying to fight it. Maybe we should just give in to it.”

  I saw where he was going with this and I didn’t like it. I finally turned to face him, bracing my hands on the counter behind me. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. Inside this house, I’m your plaything. In public, I’m your assistant? Or… a stranger you once kissed when you got drunk at a wedding?”

  He swore softly when the phone sounded, alerting him to a visitor at the gatehouse.

  “I’ll get it.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “That’s probably in my job description, right?”

  Chapter 12

  Dade

  It wasn’t bad enough that Reed showed up unannounced and uninvited at eight in the morning, but he had to flirt with Charli right in front of me? I was gonna lose my shit.

  She’d invited him to breakfast, so they could talk about his offer, and I was trying to choke down food while I tried to resist the urge to choke him. Hearing Charli talk about the kind of man she wanted last night set me on edge. I knew I could be her man. I had all of the qualities she was looking for and I could provide everything that would make her happy for the rest of her life, but goddammit, I was scared. I couldn’t afford to make another bad call and make a fool of myself again. It wouldn’t just be bad for my career this time. It could end it. Then I’d have nothing, except a big bank account and days that stretched on too long, with no purpose.

  “How ‘bout you just try a few shows?” Reed asked, popping a strawberry in his mouth. “No commitment. I’ll bill you as a special guest. See if you like it—”

  “Are you deaf?” I asked him. “She said thanks, but no thanks.” She hadn’t been that direct, but I knew Reed well enough to know that’s what it would take to get him to back the hell off.

  Reed scowled at me. “The lady can speak for herself.”

  Charli raised a hand before wiping her mouth with a paper napkin. “I’ll be honest, Reed. I’m so flattered that you’d even consider me, but playing in front of a crowd that size scares me.”

  He smiled, reaching across the table to squeeze her shoulder. “Hon, I get it. I’ve been there. So has Dade. It’s scary as hell the first time, but it gets easier every time you step on that stage.”

  I hated to admit it, but he was right. I still got a little nervous before every show, but it was the good kind of nerves now. Excitement about putting on the best show I could for my fans.

  His smile spread and he winked. “Kind of like sex, right? Scary the first time, but once you’ve done it once you can’t wait to do it again.”

  Charli threw her head back and laughed, but I wanted to go for his jugular. After my warning last night, I couldn’t believe he was still making a play for her.

  “You,” I said, crooking a finger at him. “Outside.” I pointed to the kitchen door behind him. “Now.”

  “Guys,” Charli said, looking uneasy. “I don’t want you to—”

  “Relax, sweetheart,” Reed said, standing and tucking his chair in. “He always gets like this when he feels threatened. I’ll set him straight.”

  Threatened? Was he serious right now? I pushed him through the door and down the walkway, towards my home studio and away from the guest house. “What the hell was that?” I demanded. “Why are you putting pressure on her? Isn’t it obvious she doesn’t want to go out on the road with you?”

  “Why are you talking for her?” Reed asked, looking amused. “You’re not her boyfriend. And even if you were, it would still be her call.”

  I knew when I was being baited by one of my asshat friends but that didn’t make it easier to deal. Tipping my head back, I prayed for patience, but found none. My rage was simmering. But I didn’t know if I was mad at Reed or myself. At least he had the balls to go after what he wanted. I was pretty sure I’d lost mine after relationship number three went south.

  “I know what she wants,” I said, between clenched teeth. “We had a long talk about it last night. And she doesn’t want to go on the road with you.” I stepped closer to make my point. “So back the hell off. And quit flirting with her or I’ll throw you out on your ass.”

  Reed shook his head before swiping a hand over his face to hide his smile. “Dude, you’ve got it bad for this girl. Why the hell are you draggin’ your heels? Make your move already.”

  I stepped back, forcing air into my lungs. If Reed was encouraging me to go for it, he wasn’t serious about making a play for Charli. “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Why?”

  I turned in a slow circle, clasping my hands behind my head. “I can’t fuck up again. It could cost me everything.” Just thinking about losing it all made it tough to breathe. I’d worked too hard, come too far, to watch my life fly of
f the rails now.

  Reed gripped my shoulder. “Listen to me. I screwed up with Brook ‘cause I thought I had all the time in the world for marriage and kids. I thought she’d wait around. She loved me, right? That’s what I kept telling myself.”

  I turned to face Reed, knowing how hard it was for him to talk about Brooklyn.

  “But time ran out on us, man. I wasn’t giving her what she needed and she bailed on me.” He stabbed a thumb at his chest. “I’ve got to live with that. It kills me. Every goddamn day the pain just eats away at me, ya know?”

  It wasn’t like Reed to talk about his feelings, so I knew the pain must run deep for him to open up like this. “I know—”

  “You don’t know.” He shook his head. “You don’t have a clue. I know you’ve never loved like that. In the past, your relationships ended and you felt like shit because you’d failed. That’s how you viewed it—as a failure. You weren’t gutted that you lost the love of your life.”

  I couldn’t deny he was right. “I may not have felt the way you did about Brook, but—”

  “What if Charli’s the one to make you feel that way?”

  My breathing was getting labored again as I tried to process what it would mean if Reed was right. What if Charli was “the one” and I let her get away because of my stupid pride and fear? But it was so much more than that. If I was just a regular guy, not someone living in a fish bowl with eyes on me all the time, I wouldn’t hesitate to go all in with Charli. No matter the risk to my heart or pride. But there was so much more at stake. My brand, worth almost a billion dollars. All of the people who depended on me for their livelihood.

  “Maybe it’s selfish to want it all.” That’s what I’d been telling myself since my last relationship ended. I already had so much more than most. I had no right to expect a solid marriage and family too, but Knox shot that theory to hell when he married his best friend and the love of his life. If he could have it all… maybe I could too?