Dirty Mind (Nashville Outlaws #2)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Looking for a bed to replace the one we broke.” She tipped her head back, a smile teasing her lips. “I think I’ve found one. Since Knox and Cece are going to be back at the farm in a few days, I’m hoping I can talk the seller into a rush delivery.”

  My friends could only take a week in Hawaii for their honeymoon and a few days at her family farm before they had to return to the demands of their hectic schedule, but I had no doubt they were making the most of every second they had together.

  “Whatever it costs,” I said, reaching into my pocket for a money clip. I set a black credit card down beside her before leaning in to kiss her neck. She smelled incredible, a berry scented body wash we’d used on each other in the shower that morning. “Just get it done, babe. Last thing I need is for Knox to see that bed. He’ll never let me live it down.”

  She laughed before reaching back to pat my cheek. “You weren’t solely to blame, if I recall. Couldn’t have trashed that old bed all by yourself.”

  “Hmmm.” I was grazing her jaw with my scruff, making her shiver.

  We’d agreed to keep our hands off each other during office hours, but that was a promise I couldn’t keep. Especially when she looked so damn cute. Torn skinny jeans and a long-sleeved black scoop neck had never looked so good.

  She leaned her head back as I started exploring her neck. “We have to stop,” she whispered. “I have a lot of work to do this afternoon.”

  I curled my arms around her from behind. “That’s one of the advantages of bangin’ the boss, baby. You can take an extra-long lunch break any time you want.”

  She tensed in my arms. “Is that what I’m doing… banging my boss?”

  Poor choice of words. This wasn’t a power play and I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to exert any control over her or our situation, but I had a feeling that wasn’t her problem. She didn’t appreciate me diminishing what we had, but this wasn’t the time or place to talk about it.

  I stood up. “You know I’m just joking. That sandwich looks good. I think I’ll go make myself one. You want anything else?”

  She shook her head before glancing back at me. “Has my sister told you about the birthday party she has planned for Knox when they get back?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, she sent out invites. I got mine yesterday. Should be fun, right?”

  “I think so.” She was biting her lip and I could tell she wanted to say more. “You taking a date?”

  Shit. I hadn’t even thought about that. “Uh, no.” I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to find a way out of this without offending her. No way could I show up there with Charli on my arm. Not after the wedding fiasco. “Why?”

  She looked a little stunned before shaking her head. “No reason, just curious.”

  “I don’t think we’re ready for that, do you? Being seen together in public?” I tried to ignore the flash of hurt in her eyes, but it wasn’t easy. “I mean, that’s what this whole ruse was about, right? Throwing people off our scent.”

  “Ruse,” she repeated. “You mean me living here with you? Working for you?”

  I knew there was no right answer to this question. I should probably just keep my mouth shut and walk away, but she deserved to know where my head was at. “When we’re together, obviously it’s real. I mean…” I gestured between us. “I’m not playin’ about that. Everything I say to you, I mean.”

  “But…?”

  “It’s still… new, right? We have no idea where this is going. Or whether we even want it to go anywhere.” Logically, everything I said made sense, but there was a voice screaming idiot in my head.

  She stared at the screen in front of her, biting the inside of her cheek. “Right.”

  I could tell I hurt her and that hadn’t been my intent. But I’d made so many mistakes in the past because I’d let women pressure me into a commitment before I was ready. I couldn’t go there with Charli.

  “Hey,” I said, reaching her hand. “Please don’t be pissed. I think we’ve got a good thing going here. Don’t you?”

  “I don’t know what to think,” she said, softly. “Yesterday I was ready to write you off. But last night I thought we had a breakthrough or something. Now?” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what to think, honestly.”

  My heart started beating faster as I processed her words. Write me off? She couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let her.

  “Char—”

  She raised her hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say another word.”

  Chapter 17

  Charli

  I was helping my sister set up for Knox’s surprise party while Dade, Archer, and Reed kept the guest of honor busy. I was thrilled she was home, but I wasn’t looking forward to the inquisition now that the caterers and decorators had dispersed and she had me cornered.

  “Okay,” she said, giving me the stink eye. “Tell me everything.”

  “Everything?” I shrugged. “Not much to tell, sis. Things are good.”

  “Mama said you moved back home.”

  I knew it was cowardly, but I hauled my stuff out of Dade’s place the night he told me he was going stag to my sister’s party. He’d made it clear where we stood. And since then I’d been his employee, nothing more. Every time he tried to touch me or talk about our situation, I shut him down.

  I was over being jerked around by guys who couldn’t make up their minds and I had too much self-respect to go on being Dade’s dirty little secret forever. I was over it. Too bad I couldn’t say I was over him.

  “Yeah, I thought it was time.” I rolled my eyes when she squeezed my hand, her eyes softening with sympathy. “It’s no big deal. Staying with Dade was only supposed to be temporary. I didn’t wanna overstay my welcome, and since the reporters and photographers aren’t doggin’ me anymore, I saw no reason to stay.”

  “But you’re still working for him?”

  I could tell she was on to me but was trying to let me spill my secrets on my time. “Yeah, why not, right? It’s a good job. Pay and benefits are great and I need to make money so I can afford my own place.” Living with my parents after so many years of independence was hell, but decent apartments downtown weren’t cheap and I wanted a little cushion before taking the leap on my own.

  “So, there’s nothing between you and Dade then?” she asked, taking a seat on the cream sectional while patting the cushion next to her. “Strictly professional? ‘Cause that’s not the impression Mama gave me.”

  “You’re gonna listen to Mama?” I asked, dropping down beside her. “Hell, she’d probably pay Dade to marry me, even if it meant mortgaging the house. That’s how desperate she is to get me married off.”

  Cece laughed, patting my leg. “I don’t think Dade can be bought, so you’re safe.”

  If I’d had a half-decent boyfriend before, one who could be persuaded, I had no doubt Mama would have offered a hefty sum in exchange for a wedding date.

  “Safe,” I repeated, thinking Dade was the one playing it safe. Trying to avoid making a fool of himself or risking another broken heart. He was locked in his gold bubble, lined with all his millions and platinum records, and not much else. “Safety’s overrated if you ask me. Taking risks, that’s living. Even if you get screwed, at least you can say you tried.”

  Cece raised an eyebrow. “Ok, where’d that come from?”

  I shook my head, pinching my lips shut. “Never mind, doesn’t matter.”

  “You have feelings for him, don’t you?” She sighed when I refused to answer. “Damn it, I was afraid this would happen. That’s why I didn’t want you working for him. You can’t see your crush every day without—”

  “Damn it, Cece! This isn’t some stupid crush!” I was tired of people belittling what I felt for Dade. Maybe if he had any idea, he wouldn’t be so quick to throw it away.

  “Hey, I’m sorry,” she said, squeezing my hand. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I’m just trying to figure out what’s goin’ on with you. So maybe I can help?”
<
br />   “You can’t.” But I loved her for trying. “We have to figure this out on our own.” My gut twisted every time I thought about how far apart we were. Working in the same office, not more than ten feet apart, yet we may as well have been in separate continents. He couldn’t meet me halfway and I couldn’t risk it all for a man who wasn’t willing to do the same for me.

  “Tell me what’s been going on,” she said, softly. “It’s obvious something has.”

  “I fell for him.” I closed my eyes before tucking my legs up under me. “I knew it was stupid. He warned me against it, but the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. We connected.” I’d come this far, no reason to hold back now. “In and out of bed.” I met her eyes. “It was hot. Like a whole ‘nother level of hot, if you wanna know the truth. I guess that’s making it harder to get over him.”

  “I think you’re lying to yourself if you’re trying to pass it off as great sex. That wouldn’t have you tied up in knots like this, kid.”

  Huh. And I thought I’d been hiding it so well. But no one knew my heart better than Cece. “It’s more than the sex, obviously. It’s everything. He got me. I got him. We’d both survived shitty relationships and I thought this time was different. But I guess I was lying to myself.”

  “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

  “No point. He’s made it clear he can’t go public with another relationship and I refuse to be his plaything behind closed doors.”

  Cece winced. “Plaything? That’s harsh, don’t you think? I’ve known Dade a long time. He doesn’t use women, Charli.”

  Maybe I wasn’t being fair. And maybe I didn’t even have the right to be angry. It’s not like he’d ever lied to me. He’d been upfront from day one about his limitations, and I chose to ignore his warnings. Which made the gut-wrenching pain I felt every time I looked at him… my fault.

  “I know that.” I extended my arm along the back of the sofa, leaning my head on it. “I don’t feel he used me. He was upfront. Tried to protect me. Offered me a great job and he’s still looking out for me, I guess, trying to keep me out of his spotlight.”

  “But you don’t want to live in the shadows,” Cece said. “I get that. Knox and I were trying to keep things on the QT with our relationship in the beginning too. We didn’t want the crew to know until we were sure it was gonna work out. But it wasn’t easy. We were crazy about each other and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t hide that.”

  “Hmm.” Which was why I’d invited a buffer to the party, hoping Dade would keep his distance if I was with Max. I didn’t want to be another hashtag and I sure as hell didn’t want him to feel like protecting me was his responsibility. So, the only way to avoid that? Avoidance. As hard as it would be, I’d just have to pretend he wasn’t even there tonight.

  Dade

  It felt good to re-connect with my friends, but my head and heart were with Charli. As the party drew closer, the sense that I’d made a huge mistake started to overwhelm me.

  She’d moved out of my house and written me off, just like she said she would.

  And it was killing me.

  Seeing her every day and not being able to touch her was a special kind of hell. I understood why she’d taken a stand. She had every right to expect more from me, but the internal struggle I was battling was wearing me down.

  Before Charli I was so sure I’d never fall in love again. I didn’t think I had it in me. But she proved me wrong.

  “Hey,” Knox said, nudging me with his elbow. “What’s with you?”

  I was a shitty friend, drawing Knox into my drama on his birthday. “Nothin’, man.” I scrubbed my hands over my face as I pretended to watch Archer kick Reed’s ass all over the pool table. “It’s all good.”

  “Bullshit.” He tipped his beer bottle back. “You wanna try again?”

  “No.” I was done bitching and complaining about a situation I’d created. It was time for me to either man up or shut up.

  “Charli’s upset. Anyone can see that.” He hit me in the shoulder, knocking me off balance. “And that pisses me off.” He stared me down. “Always loved that girl, but now she’s family. So you fuck with her and I take it personally.”

  Knox was one of my oldest friends in this business and I didn’t want to lose him, but I wasn’t gonna stand for him bustin’ my balls either. Not today, when I was already beating myself up for being the biggest asshole on the planet.

  “Just stay out of it, Knox. I know what I’m doing.”

  “No, you don’t.” He rolled his eyes. “If you really knew what you were doing Charli wouldn’t have moved back in with her folks.”

  He had a point, not that I’d give him the satisfaction of admitting it. “She’s still working for me, just not living in my guest house anymore. We didn’t think it was necessary since—”

  “We?” He chuckled. “Like you had a say.”

  “Oh yeah?” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to hold my temper. “How the hell do you know? Charli told you?”

  “She didn’t have to. I’ve known that girl a long time. Can read her pretty well. And it’s obvious she’s had her fill of you already.”

  I knew he was trying to bait me, goad me into telling him more about my relationship with Charli than I wanted to, but it was hard to keep my mouth shut when I wanted information as much as he did.

  “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” I hoped. “If Charli was done with me, she would’ve quit her job. We’re still working together every day—”

  “She may be with you during the day,” he said before draining his beer. “But she’s with her buddy Max at night.”

  I drew a deep breath and tried to rein in the fury. Every morning I tried fishing for details about what she’d done the night before and she always shut me down. Now I knew the reason. I had no right to be mad, but that didn’t stop the rage from bubbling up just the same.

  “Cece told you that?” I asked between clenched teeth. “Or Charli?”

  “Actually, Chee did. Said if you don’t get your head out of your ass soon, he’s afraid you’re gonna lose your chance.” Knox smirked. “I don’t know what you said or did, but it seems you’ve got my father-in-law pulling for you all of a sudden.”

  “He’s a good guy,” I said, wondering if Chee planned to tear me a new one at Knox’s party for screwing things up with his little girl.

  “Yeah, he is. And he can see right through the bullshit. Says he’s met Max a few times and he’s not the guy for Charli.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed, smiling when he read the text. “But he seems to think you are.”

  “I wanna be.” I closed my eyes, grateful we’d stayed at Archer’s instead of hitting a bar or restaurant like we’d planned. I didn’t need an audience for my meltdown. “But I don’t know.” My chest tightened when I leaned forward, grasping my hands in front of me. “I’ve been wrestling with this ever since she packed her bags. I want her back. In my house and my bed, but I don’t know if I have the right to ask her to come back.”

  “Why the hell not?” Knox slapped my back. “You know how rare it is to find someone who gets you all twisted up in knots like this, man? Cece was the first and only girl who made me feel that way. That’s how I knew it was time to make her my wife.”

  “Yeah, but it was different for you guys.” I cleared my throat, trying to force the emotions back down. “You were best friends. You’d known each other for years. And you hadn’t taken that long walk down the aisle before. You haven’t failed the way I have, made a goddamn fool of yourself—”

  “Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?” He shook his head, looking disgusted. “Seriously? It’s your life. Yours and Charli’s. No one else’s opinion should matter.”

  I reached for my beer, taking a deep pull. “I know you’re not that naïve, Knox. Everything we do is under scrutiny. We can’t walk to the goddamn john in a restaurant without someone whipping their phone out a
nd posting the pic on social media.”

  “So what?” He shrugged. “Let ‘em take their pictures. Let ‘em post their articles. I got nothin’ to hide and you shouldn’t either.” He spread his arms. “What’d you do that was so terrible, Dade? Fall in love again? Stop the fuckin’ presses.”

  He made it sound like it was no big deal, but he hadn’t lived through the circus. I had. And so had my exes. I didn’t want Charli to be another media casualty if we went up in flames in six months.

  My heart raced as I started processing my thoughts. I was expecting the worst. There was no room in my screwed-up mind for the possibility that things with Charli could be different. She hadn’t written me off. I’d written her off. Even before I’d given her a chance.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  I dropped my head in my hands, wondering if there was any way to undo the damage I’d done.

  She’d brought him to the party. Max. Her so-called friend. But they didn’t look like friends. They looked like a hell of a lot more, and watching them made me feel chewed up and spit out.

  Chee slapped me on the back. “Seen happier faces at a funeral. What the hell’s got you so down, boy?”

  I shook my head, knowing if I started spewing my guts now they’d be blasting that shit off the walls and ceiling. “No problem, Chee.” I tipped my scotch back, savoring the burn.

  “Bullshit.”

  He was starting to sound like his son-in-law. “Just got a lot on my mind. Shit to sort out.”

  “You waste more time sortin’ it out and you’ll be too goddamn late.” He gestured towards his youngest daughter. She was posing for a picture with her friend, the smile lighting her pretty face twisting the knife in my gut a little deeper.

  I drained my glass before slamming it down on the bar, drawing the bartender’s attention. “One more, please.”