Excuse Me, First Love (College Daze #1)

by Danielle Burton

  He sat back down in his chair shaking his head at me. “Your mother and I raised you better than this. Always protect yourself.”

  Benji scoffed. “Sex Ed 101, strap up.”

  I gave him the finger which got a glare from my dad. “Y’all don’t think I know that? Of course I used protection. Condoms fail.”

  “Obviously. Let’s hope all you got was her pregnant.”

  I added a tally for every smart remark Benji made. He was piling on to his ass whoopin’. “Do you ever shut up?”

  “Knowing Brooke’s ass it ain’t even yours.”

  I shook my head and ran a palm over my face. “She says it is, but I have no way of knowing if she’s lying.”

  “I do. Her lips moved,” he said with a laugh. “Did she take a test?”

  “Yes, Benji. She took a test.”

  “Did you watch her take it?”

  “What do you want me to do, sit there and watch the girl pee?”

  “Hell yeah. As conniving as Brooke is, I’d have held the stick for her.”

  My dad frowned at him and his smile vanished. “Enough, Benjamin.” He moved from the chair and took a seat next to me on my bed. “What are your plans? Do you still plan to get your degree?”

  “Of course. I’m not dropping out of school, Pop. I plan to step up and handle my responsibility as a father.”

  He nodded. “And Gabi?”

  My stomach lurched, knowing what would happen less than four hours from now. “I have to let her go. I love her too much to ask her to deal with my screw up. She has her whole life ahead of her.”

  “You’re a fucking idiot.”

  “Benjamin!” My father yelled. He gave him a long stare before turning his attention back to me. “I know you believe you’re doing the right thing, but don’t you think you should give her a choice in the matter? Who’s to say she won’t accept you?”

  There was a small possibility that she just might do so, but I wouldn’t let her. She had so much life to live and I would only hold her back. “I don’t deserve her acceptance.”

  “So you’re just gonna walk away from Gabi not even knowing if the child is yours?”

  “What am I supposed to do? String her along for the next nine months while Brooks makes her life a living hell? No, I’ve done enough damage in Gabi’s life. Even if the baby isn’t mine…Asking her to be with me would be selfish, I’ve done enough of that.”

  “Son, think about what you’re doing.”

  “I have.” I stood, done discussing it. “I gotta get ready. We’re meeting in a couple hours.”

  He caught my arm before I could walk away. “You’re making a big mistake.”

  “No,” I said with a shake of my head. “I already did that.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  Today she looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. She wore a royal blue sweater and a pair of gray jeans. Her hair hung over her shoulders in loose frizzy curls. Just the way I liked it. It warmed my heart when she actually smiled, even if it was at the sea turtles and not me.

  I’d hung back when she’d watched the electric eels, admiring her profile. I stored each part of her in my memory bank to cherish later when I reminisced on the days we were happy.

  We moved through each exhibit, her mood bright as she enjoyed all her favorite aquatic animals. I only smiled when she’d look at me, and though genuine it hurt to do so. I’m sure had anyone been following us they’d have stepped on the fragments of my heart trailing behind.

  She stopped at a souvenir stand and captured my soul with those big brown eyes as she picked out a pink stuffed dolphin. I paid the cashier before we moved on.

  After visiting all the exhibits, we left, deciding on a walk on the beach. Soon the lake would freeze over. November was three days away and winter was upon us. I’d had so many things planned for the season. Ice skating, sledding, I’d even considered trying out skiing this year. All of which I wanted us to do together.

  Gabi stopped suddenly and looked up at the darkening sky.

  I watched her, wondering what she was doing. A white flake drifted down and landed on the tip of her nose. The first snow.

  She grinned and then stuck out her tongue, trying to catch one. I couldn’t have chosen a better memory as our last.

  Reaching out, I pulled her into a hug, my soul trying to cling to hers. “I love you.”

  She moved her head back, staring up at me. “What?”

  “You were right before.” My voice refused to speak above a whisper.

  “About what?”

  “We shouldn’t hang out.”

  Her eyes flitted around, searching mine. “For how long?”

  I dropped my gaze unable to take the intensity of her stare. “Forever, Gabi.”

  She stepped out of my embrace, unshed tears coating her lashes. “Wh-what are you saying?”

  I rubbed at the back of my neck. It was time to come clean. It was the only way she’d understand. “Brooke’s–”

  She scoffed, her eyes hardening into a glare. “Of course it’s Brooke. It’s always her.”

  “Gabi, let me ex–”

  “I’d understand it, if you hadn’t kissed me, if you hadn’t begged me stay, I’d understand you choosing her.”

  “Gab–”

  “You begged me. I was walking away and you cried for me not to leave you. Made me promise. And now you’re leaving me...for her.” A tear broke free and crawled down her inflamed cheek, splashing into the pit of my soul. “I am your best friend! I’ve always been there for you. Even after you abandoned me, I forgave you, because I loved you. But God forbid you love me back.”

  Red splotched covered her tear soaked face. Tears I’d caused. She clutched her chest like she was having trouble breathing.

  I went to her, wrapping her in my arms. She had to know I loved her, that’s why I was freeing her.

  She fought out of my hold and pushed me away. “Don’t touch me.” Dropping her stuffed toy in the sand, she punched my gut. “I hate you.” She hit me again but I didn’t budge. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” Her small fists pummeled my chest, and I stood there and took it.

  Wetness dripped from her eyes and nose but she didn’t care. She continued her assault, a scowl etched across her angelic face. Her palm flew across my cheek, leaving a sting in its wake. “I hate you!”

  She finally stopped and stood breathing hard, her shoulders shook from the sobs she couldn’t seem to control.

  I dared not to touch her, less she start her attack all over again.

  Her scowl melted away and she looked up at me. A deep frown creased her brow, and her lips quivered for a second before she spoke. “Don’t call me. If you see me, don’t even look at me. Don’t even think about begging me to forgive you again, because I won’t. You got your wish, I’m gone.” She stepped away and turned to leave.

  A few feet away she stopped and faced me again. Her hand went to her neck, grasping the dolphin charm. She snatched it off, breaking the chain, balled it in her fist, and flung it into the lake.

  I stood on the beach, staring after her until she was but a distant memory then sank to my knees in the sand and clutched at my head. An ocean must have fallen from my eyes as I sat there sobbing for the world to see. What had I done?

  Nineteen

  Gabi

  Life continued. Jay was gone, and the world kept spinning. At least everyone else’s did. The air around me was impenetrable, weighing down my soul. How could you feel so heavy, yet hollow all at once?

  It wasn’t until my alarm clock went off Monday morning that I realized a day had passed, then Tuesday, Wednesday. I was pretty sure it was Thursday. I had Calculus today, but that was a Friday class. Was it Friday? I pulled out my phone and scrolled to my calendar. It was.

  The smiley face marked on Sunday mocked me. Mrs. Adams would be expecting me to be there. I didn’t want to let her down, but how could I go if he was there. Certainly, she knew by now that we’d parted ways. Unless he didn’t
tell her. I suppose he wouldn’t, she didn’t need the stress.

  I’d already missed last Sunday, and ignored her text, making me feel like a pile of crap. I wondered what excuse he’d given her for my absence.

  My phone rang in my hand and I hurried to silence the ringer then answer it. “What’s up, Kas?”

  “Hey sis, why are whispering?”

  “Because I’m in a library. Did you need something?”

  “Wow, Sis. I can tell you miss me sooo much.”

  I took a deep breath and rubbed my temple. I didn’t mean to be short with him, but I wasn’t really in a sociable mood. “Sorry Kas. I’m just not feeling well today. What’s up?”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just a bug that’s going around.”

  He was silent for a beat, and I was sure he could see through my lie. “Make sure you get some rest. Okay?”

  “Okay, big little brother.”

  He chuckled, and it struck me just how deep his voice had gotten. “Anyway, I need some advice.”

  Leaning back in my chair, I crossed my legs. “What kind of advice?”

  “Well, my girlfriend’s birthday is in a couple weeks and I’m not sure what to get her.”

  “Why didn’t you ask Dad?”

  “I need a woman’s perspective.”

  “And Mom?”

  He scoffed. “Let’s not even go there.” Our mom wasn’t as hard on him as she was me, but they still had their moments.

  I sighed. “Okay, what type of gift did you have in mind?”

  “I thought about jewelry but I don’t want it be anything generic. It has to be special. Something to show her I love her.”

  I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a second before putting it back. “Love? What do you know about love? You’re fifteen.” Heck what did I know about love? Apparently not a damn thing.

  “And? There’s no age on love?”

  “If you say so.”

  He smacked his lips into the phone. “Don’t be acting salty ‘cause you single.”

  The sting of his words made me flinch, but I couldn’t even hold it against him. How was he to know his big sister had just had her heart ripped out by the only boy she’d ever loved?

  I sat in silence chewing the inside of my jaw.

  “Hello? You there?”

  “Yeah, Kas. I’m still here.”

  “I was just playing.”

  “I know.” I faced forward and tapped my pencil against my notebook. “So, tell me about this girl. What’s she like?”

  I could practically see him cheesing through the phone. “Her name is Logan, and she actually reminds me of you in a way.”

  “Ooookay, because that’s not weird at all.”

  “Eww, Gabi. Not like that. I just mean that she’s a good person. Always thinking of others, you know. She has a big heart.”

  “Aww, she sounds nice. What you should do is think about the things she likes and go from there. Like the dolphin necklace I have because they’re my favorite animal.” My hand went to my neck instinctively, and I had a five second panic attack when I felt nothing but bare skin. Pain rose in my chest upon remembering what had become of the trinket I’d once held so dear.

  Kas was still talking but I only caught the last bit of what he was saying. “So maybe I should get her a necklace with a musical note.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Alright, that’s what I’ll do then. Thanks, Sis.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye Kasper the friendly ghost.”

  He groaned before the line clicked off. He hated when I made fun of his name.

  I was glad that he was happy in his relationship, but what kind of world was it when my fifteen-year-old brother could find love and I couldn’t?

  Sighing, I put my phone down and went back to studying. I’d chosen the library so I could have some peace and quiet. I loved Cam like a sister but if she brought him up one more time I’d scream. Even if her doing so was to threaten his life...and anatomy. That girl had some violent tendencies.

  After reading the same page for the fifth time and not absorbing a thing, I slammed my book shut.

  “Easy, Red. Don’t take it out on knowledge.”

  My head jerked up at the sound of Haikeem’s voice.

  He stood at the end of my table, flashing me that crooked smile.

  I tried to return the gesture but couldn’t muster the strength, not that I had a reason to smile.

  Keem being Keem sensed my somber mood. He pulled up a chair next to me and patted my hand. “What’s the matter, Red?”

  I kept my gaze down. Leaving Keem was my greatest mistake. I should’ve stayed, tried harder to love him. I’m sure it would’ve come eventually. Instead I’d dumped him for a man who deep down I’d always known I’d never have. A squeeze of my hand drew my attention up. His hazel eyes, filled with so much concern, searched mine. Even after I’d hurt him, he still cared for me.

  He brushed my hair back, his fingers giving a gentle caress to my cheek. “What did he do?”

  I fought so hard to not give in to the sob burning in my chest or the tears threatening to fall. It was all futile. Then his strong arms wrapped around me, and the floodgates broke.

  He rubbed my back, his warmth surrounding me as I cried into his shirt. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  I tried to pull away but he held me tighter, and didn’t let go until my tears had subsided. Using the sleeve of his shirt, he cleaned up my face. “Why don’t you hang out with me for a while, get your mind off things?”

  “I couldn’t ask you do that.”

  He stood and smiled. “You didn’t, I offered. Now, come on.” He held out his hand for me to take, which I graciously accepted.

  “Where are we going?” I asked once we were in his car.

  “There’s this place downtown that plays Neo Soul and R&B. I thought we could get some food and listen to some good music. That combo always cheers me up.”

  Forty-five minutes later I glanced around the restaurant Keem had chosen. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, but looking around I noticed quite a few couples cuddled up. It seemed as though everyone had someone to love but me.

  Keem took my hand and looked down at me. “We can go somewhere else of you want.”

  “No, it’s fine.” He was nice enough to do this for me. I didn’t want to be a bother.

  A hostess came over and escorted us to a table. She smiled and gave us our menus. “Hi, I’m Jessie. Welcome to Lavender. Your server will be right with you.”

  I looked over my menu even though I didn’t have an appetite. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten. Sustenance was for the living. I wasn’t sure if I was doing that anymore.

  A hush fell over the restaurant and I looked around to see what had happened.

  My gaze stopped at the stage and I’m pretty sure my mouth fell open. A gorgeous woman stood behind a microphone smiling at her audience. Her skin was as dark as rich espresso, and flawless. Not a blemish in sight. Thick coils framed her face. It reminded me of my own hair, except hers was the color of coal and fell just below her jawline. She was striking.

  The rest of the patrons seemed just as amazed as I was. They sat enthralled as a piano began to play.

  My throat tightened upon recognizing the melody, and the lyrics stilled my heart. I closed my eyes, every word of her rendition of ‘Have You Ever?’ by Brandy registering within my soul.

  A hand clasped mine, making me jump.

  Keem stood above me, a deep frown etched on his face. He beckoned me to stand and nodded toward the exit. “Come on, we’re leaving.”

  “We don’t have to. I’m fine.”

  “Gabi, you’re crying.”

  I lifted my fingers to my face and sure enough it was wet. I accepted his hand and he led me out of the restaurant, not even acknowledging the funny look the hostess gave us.
<
br />   He drove us to Angelo’s then went inside to get us a to-go order.

  I stayed in the car, staring out the window and replaying my fight with Jay. Our day at the aquarium had been so much fun. Then he’d whispered those three little words in my ear. One’s that I’d heard from him hundreds, maybe thousands of times, only different. For a second I’d thought...I pushed it all away. It didn’t matter anymore he’d chosen her. Not just over being with me, but over our entire friendship.

  As if I’d summoned the demon herself, Brooke came waltzing out of Angelo’s. I ducked in my seat, burying my face between my knees. I didn’t want to see her triumphant grin, knowing she’d won. She had his heart while he’d ground mine to a pulp.

  The driver side door opened and I lifted my head a bit to look at Keem.

  He lowered his brows, the corners of his mouth turned down. Even his frown was lopsided. “What are you doing?”

  I sat up straight, shooting a quick glance out my window to make sure the she-demon was gone. “I dropped something.”

  He eyed me for a moment before climbing in and handing me the bag. “I got your favorite, chicken ravioli with the four cheese sauce.”

  I held the warm bag in my lap and nodded. “Thank you.”

  “We can go to my dorm. My roommate is out for the night.”

  “Okay.” The ride to his dorm was quick and silent. When he pulled into the parking lot I froze.

  Keem came around to open my door. I sat there staring up at the brick building, unable to even will myself to move. This was the first time he’d ever brought me to his dorm. We’d only ever hung out in mine or out around town.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I couldn’t look at him. “Please tell me you’re not on the sixth floor.”

  “The fifth, why?”

  I finally wrenched my gaze away from the building to look at him. “Did you know?”

  He stared down at me with his head titled to the side. “Know...?”

  “That you were in the same building as him?”

  “Wha–” His eyes widened and he glanced at the dorm. “No, I had no idea. It’s a big building Gabi, and I’m hardly ever here.”