Clarity (Hate to Love You Book 1)

by Anna Albo

  “I know you’re pissed at me, but I should probably be pissed at you.”

  Pissed at me? The gall of him.

  “Eric, I don’t care about it. I want you to move so I can leave.”

  “It’s not my fault.”

  “Okay, fine, it’s not your fault. I want to go. If you don’t move, I’ll scream.”

  “You’re such a bitch. I should have dumped your fat ass a long time ago.”

  “Hey, what’s going on here?”

  I jumped at hearing Jason’s voice. I shoved Eric out of the way and ran behind Jason like a scared puppy. My heart was beating wildly now, and I grasped onto Jason’s arm for further comfort. I hated that I needed him, that I was using him as a shield, but Eric had succeeded in spooking me.

  “Why don’t you mind your fucking business,” Eric spat.

  “I’m pretty sure this is my business. She’s my girlfriend and I think you’re bothering her.”

  Eric’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re the lucky guy? Enjoy the sex now while you can. And I’m talking every port of entry, if you know what I mean. She’ll give it up to you. That’s just a piece of advice from her ex.”

  I gasped. “You are such an asshole!”

  “Gracie, stop,” Jason warned.

  “Yeah, Gracie, stop,” Eric mimicked.

  Jason’s body stiffened. “You want to take this outside? Maybe we can handle it like men?”

  “No, no, no,” I said, pulling on Jason’s arm. “He’s not worth it!”

  Jason ignored me; by now, people had started to crowd the hallway. I didn’t want this to happen because I didn’t want Jason to get into trouble. He had thirty pounds and a couple of inches on Eric. He could easily hurt him, and hurting Eric could land him in jail and maybe cost him his job.

  “Okay, big guy, let’s settle this outside.”

  I pulled Jason’s arm, pleading with him, but nothing was going to stop him. Even more people had crowded around, including some of Eric’s friends. Mike had taken notice too. He set down his coffee and searched for one of Anita’s security guards, but the only one he could find was busy handling a drunk guy who refused to leave. I followed Jason and Eric outside, into a bitterly cold evening, but with all the adrenaline flowing, no one seemed to notice, not them or the fifteen or so people who now included Callie and Anita.

  “No fighting,” Anita screamed. “You will not fight at my party!”

  No one heard or cared.

  “Look, man, you want my sloppy seconds, you can have them, I just wanted you to know what to expect. She’ll serve it all up in the beginning, but it’s not going to last.”

  I wanted to throw up.

  “You’re a pretty classy guy, aren’t you?” Jason let out a chuckle, which infuriated Eric. “I can see why she dumped your sorry ass.”

  “She didn’t dump me,” he said defensively.

  “Oh, yes, she did. She dumped you. I know you probably told your friends something different, but I thought I’d tell them the truth. Hey everyone, this asshole was dumped by his girlfriend,” Jason shouted to the assembled crowd.

  “You can believe all her lies; she’s a fucking cunt.”

  Jason stepped closer to Eric and my head began to spin. The only thing keeping me from passing out was the blast of cold wind that knocked life back into me every minute or so.

  “You know she has pictures.”

  My head instantly cleared. “No, stop! Jason, you promised me. You promised me!”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re as crazy as she is.”

  “Do your friends know that you like to hit girls? Beat them up when they don’t do what you want them to? Those are the pictures I’m talking about. At least she’s tough. How long did those bruised balls of yours take to heal? You’re such a loser.”

  My knees gave out, but Mike was there to catch me from falling. I watched them both, praying it would end, and that’s when Eric’s fist balled and he hit Jason in the face. Jason didn’t flinch, didn’t care, like he knew it was coming. Someone grabbed Eric, then Jason, even though it was clear he had no intention of hitting Eric back.

  “You see, everyone, this is the kind of person Eric is,” Jason said. He turned back to Eric. “I’m feeling a little sorry for you, so I won’t bother calling the cops and pressing charges.”

  I don’t remember much after that. There was more screaming, mostly from Anita telling Eric to get off her property. Callie was screaming too, calling Jason a liar. Through it all Mike kept rubbing my back and telling me it would be okay. At some point I threw up into a snow bank. The party disbanded quickly and the next clear memory I had was sitting in the living room with Anita.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It was private,” I said, massaging my temples. A blinding headache had set in.

  “Private? Are you serious?”

  “I wanted it over with. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “You told Jason, but you didn’t tell me.” The hurt in her voice broke my heart.

  “You were still friends with Callie. I didn’t want to start anything.”

  Jason came into the kitchen, his face a little swollen, and a yellow bruise was forming near his left eye. “Do you want me to take you home now?” he asked.

  “No,” I muttered. “Anita or Mike will take me home.”

  He didn’t protest and quietly left.

  “He cares about you,” she said.

  “I know, but I’m so angry right now.”

  “I’m just saying he cares, that’s all.”

  After what had happened tonight, I wasn’t so sure about that.

  CHAPTER 14

  I was mad, really, really mad. For the first few days after Anita’s party, Jason called and left messages. He texted too, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. I knew that I would only say things I’d regret. Instead, I retreated to Greta’s House for an extra few hours. With winter break I was able to devote more time to my volunteer work. Ellen was in the office and immediately saw my sour mood.

  “Who pissed in your cereal this morning?”

  I dropped my backpack with a thud and hung up my coat. “You don’t want to know.”

  “But you’re going to tell me anyway?”

  “Grrr! Jason and I went to Anita’s party this past weekend and Eric was there with Callie.”

  “Oh, no!”

  “Yes. I managed to avoid Eric for much of the evening, but he cornered me in a hallway. As usual, he was his narcissist self and when I told him I was dating someone, he turned into his asshole self. Jason, who wanted to be the hero, stepped in, and in a split second the boys were taking it outside to handle things.”

  “Oh, no!”

  “It gets worse. Eric, in full form, taunted Jason, who then announced to the assembled crowd that Eric liked to hit women.”

  “Oh my!”

  “I trusted him with that information. Other than you, I’ve never told anyone, and now the whole damn city knows!”

  “Maybe the whole damn city needs to know. People like Eric don’t change. Grace, I shudder to think what would have happened had you stayed with him. We both know the violence would have escalated.”

  “I know, but there will be people who don’t believe what Jason said. And they will spread things around.”

  “So what? What about the people who do believe Jason? Maybe next time Eric tries to hook up with some girl, a Good Samaritan will let her know that maybe Eric isn’t the prince he appears to be.”

  “You’re right. There’s a part of me that feels guilty because I know he’ll probably do it again.”

  “Probably?”

  “I’d like to think the pain I inflicted to his privates might give him pause next time.”

  Ellen let out a belly laugh. “Well, we can hope. In the meantime, don’t worry about it. People have short memories. I bet they’ve already forgotten. They are going to move on to the latest gossip. I�
��m not defending Jason, by the way. He should’ve kept your confidence.”

  “After all the crap Eric was spewing, he remained so calm. And when Eric punched him, he didn’t make any move to hit him back. With his family history, I thought for sure he’d beat him into next week.”

  “Whoa! You just said a whole lot there and I’m trying to process it. Eric hit Jason? And what’s with Jason’s family history?”

  Oh, right, I hadn’t told Ellen about that. “I hate to admit this, but I think Jason was taunting him, like he wanted Eric to hit him. Maybe it would prove to everyone what a parasite Eric actually was. I’m only guessing. As for his family history, I didn’t want to tell you because you already were less than impressed with his job and military background. Telling you about his family history was the trifecta.”

  “I don’t hate him. Hell, I don’t even know him. He showed a lot of restraint by not hitting Eric back, I’ll agree with you on that point. As for his family history, we know that a lot of people have the ability to break the cycle of violence. It sounds like he’s one of them. And before it gets me into trouble, I shouldn’t judge him on his military past. It’s wrong of me. I have to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt, not paint them all with the same brush. I’m learning that I must stop doing that.”

  Her reaction shocked me. I expected her to implore me to dump Jason, run for the hills, and never look back. I also appreciated that she’d discovered some self-awareness. “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

  “I don’t need to. He may have used some poor judgment, but he sounds like an okay kind of guy. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set him straight for betraying your trust, but if I were you, I’d keep him around.”

  “I think I’ll stay mad a little while longer.”

  “Good idea. Make him grovel and then welcome him back.”

  BY THE FOURTH DAY JASON stopped texting and calling, but I knew I’d see him at work that day unless he chose to avoid me. I still felt so betrayed. He shared something so private with a bunch of gawkers just to get back at Eric. And as for Eric, he was the piece of shit who had shown himself to all his friends.

  “It’s been so slow today,” Jessica said, tidying up the front counter for what must have been the tenth time.

  “I heard there was a storm out east and flights were delayed. That might be why.”

  “Cathy left me a list of supplies to check. I think I’ll do that now while it’s so quiet.”

  She disappeared into the stockroom and I rearranged baked goods. Again. The apple bran muffins were not popular and I would have to tell Cathy to order less. We seemed to always be discounting those the next day while we sold through everything else. Who wanted an apple bran muffin when they were about to board an airplane?

  Bored, I made myself a cup of coffee with a hazelnut shot. I was eyeing the cherry Danish when I saw Jason from the corner of my eye. I resumed my position at the front counter and we stood across from each other, just staring. The bruising on his face was now a dark purple and a constant reminder of that horrible night. I hated that it looked sexy.

  “I’m mad at you,” I said evenly.

  “I know. All afternoon I wondered if coming by was a good idea, but I wanted to see you. I am sorry.”

  His apology was sincere, and as much as I wasn’t ready or willing to put up a fight, I wasn’t quite finished with him yet. “You humiliated me in front of all those people.”

  “I think he humiliated himself. You were the victim, and I’m pretty sure everyone saw that.”

  “You also broke your word.”

  Jason gazed down at the counter and slowly nodded. “Yes, I did, and I’m sorry for that, but he was an asshole and I wanted everyone to see that. If I had to do it over again, I would have handled it differently.”

  “But here’s the thing: you were so calm, like you’d planned it.”

  He shook his head. “No, I didn’t plan it. I’ve just learned to keep calm in all situations, that’s all that was. Inside, I wanted to beat the shit of him, and I could have, but he wasn’t worth it.”

  “Okay, I don’t want to linger on this forever. Let’s just forget about it.”

  A smile crept up on his lips, more out of relief than anything else. “It’s already forgotten. And I was thinking about something. I know your spring break is weeks away, but what would you think of spending part of your break up in Chicago? Before you answer that, I thought long and hard about asking you because you probably want to spend it with your friends, but I thought it might be a chance for you to meet my folks. Warts and all.”

  Wow, I hadn’t seen that coming. “Uh, sure.” I know I sounded apprehensive, but it was more shock than anything. And, well, apprehension. His family didn’t exactly sound like the Brady Bunch.

  “If you don’t want to, I completely understand.”

  “I want to! And I’d love to.” I think.

  His face brightened. “We could leave Thursday and be back by Sunday night.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.”

  I was not looking forward to it.

  CHAPTER 15

  Starting my last semester of school was bittersweet. I had one last semester to maintain my 3.9 grade point average and secure my spot in law school. For the first month and a half Anita and I hit the books every chance we had, meeting in libraries, coffee shops, and at each other’s houses. Mom and Dad loved having Anita over. Mom was like Anita’s adopted mom. Mom felt a need to compensate for the fact that Anita didn’t have one. She paid more attention to Anita than to her own kids. And in many ways Anita and Mom were alike discussing environmental and economic issues, and their thoughts on politics were eerily similar. They were so close I’d once caught Mom grilling Anita about Jason. Anita loved Jason, so Mom had no ally there.

  “Nervous?” Anita asked.

  “A little.”

  Anita cradled a cup of my mom’s homemade hot chocolate and sat on my bed watching me pack my small luggage. I felt like a teenager again with her in my room, gossiping about boys.

  “It’s a big step meeting his parents and his friends. Are you going to sleep in the same room?”

  “I don’t know. I hadn’t even thought about it.”

  “When I met Mike’s parents, I was so nervous. It was like going out on a first date, except it was with two old people.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine.”

  The truth was that I was a little scared of his dad. Jason had already warned me that his dad would make a big deal about me being a vegetarian. I could sacrifice my principles for a few days and eat meat if it would shut him up. The thought of chewing on flesh made me momentarily gag.

  “Sooo, I bumped into Callie the other day,” Anita said, wrapping a lock of her raven-colored hair around her index finger. That meant she had something to say but was apprehensive about it. After the infamous party, I’d confided all to her. We both had a good cry and she made me promise to never keep a secret like that again.

  I stuffed my U of M sweater into my bag and sat on the bed with her. “And? Do I even want to know?”

  “It was awkward! She seemed a bit embarrassed, but you know me, I went in for the kill. First I was nice and asked how Eric was. Then I told her that her brother better never set foot in my time zone again, and if he did, I’d castrate him and then set his balls on fire.”

  I stifled a laugh. “That’s good. What did she say?”

  “She got defensive at first and said that Jason was lucky that Eric didn’t press charges. Press charges! I couldn’t believe her. That’s when I went ballistic. I warned her that if her brother didn’t smarten up, he’d find himself in jail for rape, being raped by men a lot bigger than him. Can you imagine Eric being some guy’s bitch?”

  “No, not really. It’s not something I’ve thought about. Anyway, she must have gotten mad.”

  Anita shook her head. “Here’s the thing, she didn’t. Grace, I’m thinking that deep down she knows her brother is a sadistic piece
of shit.”

  Anita’s phone chimed, cutting our conversation short. Every day for the last two weeks she’d checked her phone’s every chirp, chime, and whine in the hopes it was one of the schools we had applied to. She grabbed her purse and started tapping on her phone. A wide grin suddenly spread across her face. “I’m in,” she shrieked. “U of M accepted me!”

  I screamed and hugged her—once she’d put down the hot chocolate first. She started jumping up and down and fist pumping. “Grace, go check your phone! Maybe you got an email too.”

  My phone, sitting on the nightstand, had been silent. I grabbed it anyway and scrolled through my email. “Nothing,” I said. Nerves started to percolate. Why had she got her acceptance letter, and I’d gotten nothing? I tried not to think about it much, but my missing mental health semester haunted me. Would U of M ask me about it? Would they even know? I made up all the classes during the summer sessions.

  “You’ll probably get it later today, or while you’re away. You’ll text me the second you get it?”

  If I get it. “Of course, you know I will.”

  I finished up my packing and Anita went home to tell her father and Mike the good news. I called Jason.

  “You ready for tomorrow?” he asked.

  “I’m all packed.”

  “Mom said she’d take you shopping and around town for a girls’ day out.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  “You sound down. What’s wrong?”

  I let out a deep sigh. “Anita got her acceptance email from U of M and I didn’t.”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe they are processing them at different times or going in alphabetical order.”

  “My GPA and LSAT scores are higher than hers.”

  “Then why are you worried?”

  “I don’t know, but my gut is telling me something is wrong. Maybe they know about the semester I took off and they think I’m some kind of slacker.”

  “Wait another week and see what happens. My guess is you’ll get it any second now.”