Clarity (Hate to Love You Book 1)

by Anna Albo

  “I hope you’re right.”

  I didn’t sleep well that night. Between my upcoming trip to Chicago and the lack of an email from U of M, my mind would not stop thinking. My thoughts were fruitless and my brain felt like a hamster spinning on a wheel. My alarm went off at eight a.m. and it felt like I hadn’t slept a wink. I showered, got dressed, and checked my email one last time.

  There it was, an email from U of M. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. For a few minutes I stared at it, unopened. What was my fate? Did I want to know? I sat on my bed, tapped open the email, and started to cry. I was in!

  I tore down the stairs screaming. I found Mom in the kitchen, a look of sheer panic on her face. “I’m in, I’m in!” I kept repeating.

  Mom hugged me and then wiped the tears from my face. “We’re so proud of you, honey.”

  “I was so worried because Anita got her email yesterday, and I was beginning to think they wouldn’t want me.”

  Dad came into the kitchen having heard all the commotion. Before I said a word, he pulled me into his arms. He didn’t say anything, but by the way his body shook, I knew he was crying too. Moments later Jason arrived and joined in on the celebrations. I’d made it into law school.

  Anita was my last phone call before I left for Chicago. We screamed in delight to each other and Jason simply watched, amused. “When I get back we’ll start making plans,” I said. “This is so amazing.”

  “I can’t wait, Grace! We are going to be lawyers. Can you imagine?”

  I couldn’t sit still in the car. So much energy was pent up inside of me and it had nowhere to escape.

  “You know, I could pull over and you could run alongside the car.”

  “Funny! I’m just so excited.”

  “The three cups of coffee we had at your parents’ place didn’t help.”

  I must have talked nonstop the entire seven-hour trip from Minneapolis. If nothing else, I was keeping Jason awake during the drive. Other than a quick stop for lunch and a bathroom break, we drove straight there. When we reached his parents’ bungalow in South Chicago, my throat was hoarse and dry from all the things I had to say. The familiar nerves set in again. Anita was right; this was like a first date. I wanted his parents to like me, but if I tried too hard, I feared coming off phony.

  Jason grabbed my stuff and I followed him to the door. He let us in with a key and the first smell that greeted me was the stale, entrenched smell of cigarettes. He didn’t say anything, he simply put down our bags and extended his hand waiting for my jacket. A face peered out from one of the rooms and I took it to be Jason’s mom. She was tall, slim, and blonde, with the same faded blue eyes as Jason.

  “Hey, Mom,” Jason said. “This is Grace. Grace, this is my mom Janet. You can call her Janet.” A reference to meeting my parents?

  She came out and greeted me with a warm smile. “Hello, dear, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Jay, why don’t you bring everything to your room. I know you’ve both had a long drive, so dinner is nearly ready.”

  “Where’s Dad?”

  “He should be home any minute.”

  I followed Jason to wherever he was going. We stepped inside a bedroom and once again he set everything down.

  “Am I sleeping here?”

  His eyes crunched up in confusion. “Where else would you sleep?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe your parents would be weird about that.”

  “They don’t care. I’ve been bringing girls home . . . never mind.”

  “Yes, never mind!”

  “I have parents who don’t care. What can I say?”

  I rolled my eyes and dropped the subject. “Your mom is sweet.”

  “She is.”

  He sat on the bed and I sat next to him.

  “Was this your room?”

  “No, I had the small room. This used to be Renee’s room. My room is now Mom’s craft room.” That explained the lavender walls and white furniture.

  “You tired from all the driving?” I asked, moving behind him and gently massaging his neck. He let out a soft groan as I worked out the knots. It was his fault. He made it clear that I was strictly prohibited from driving his truck despite my perfect driving history. Boys and their cars.

  “A little,” he said as I moved to the tight muscles in his shoulders.

  My instinct was to rip off his shirt and have my way with him, but with his mother having only met me and with her being only a few feet away, it didn’t seem appropriate.

  A door slammed and I flinched. “Dad’s home,” Jason muttered. “He doesn’t shut things, he slams them.”

  “Come on, guys, we’re eating,” Jason’s mom called.

  I was a bit scared of Jason’s dad even though I’d never met him. I followed closely behind Jason as we made our way to the dinner table. His dad was already sitting at the head of the table and piling food on his plate. Jason pointed to my seat and he took his. Janet sat and I waited for someone to speak.

  “Dad, this is Grace,” Jason said absently as if out of obligation more than anything else.

  He glanced up at me. His face was hard from drinking, his nose red and his blue eyes bloodshot. His graying light brown hair was disheveled a bit and he reeked of cigarettes. He grunted a greeting and returned to his food.

  “So, Grace, Jason says you want to be a lawyer,” Janet said pleasantly. She was such a beautiful woman, the girl you wish you were in high school with the long blonde hair, great body, and winning personality to match. How did she end up with Jason’s dad? There had to be a story there. Maybe he knocked her up? Why else would the Homecoming Queen end up with the drunk?

  I couldn’t help but beam. “Yes, I just got accepted to the University of Minnesota.”

  “Congratulations. You must be very excited.”

  “I am.”

  “Jason says you met at the airport? You work there?”

  “Yes. My job isn’t nearly as exciting as his. I work in one of the coffee shops.”

  Jason passed potatoes, peas, and salad over to me. I was starving after only having a sandwich for lunch.

  “Jay, pass her the chicken.”

  Jason froze and I didn’t know why. “Grace doesn’t eat chicken.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, dear, I would have made something else. Tomorrow I could make a pot roast or meatloaf.”

  “Actually, she doesn’t eat any meat.”

  At that his dad seemed to wake up. His cloudy blue eyes zeroed in on me like a missile launcher ready to fire. “You don’t eat meat?”

  His voice was stern and sarcastic and I felt myself shrinking. Now I understood why Jason reacted to his mother’s statement. He’d forgotten to tell her, which would have avoided what I suspected was going to be a scene. “I’m a vegetarian.”

  “You’re a vegetarian. Why? Human beings were put on this Earth to eat meat. Why do you think we have canine teeth? To chew on broccoli?”

  My face flushed. “I made a personal choice.”

  “You wear leather shoes? Do you have fancy leather handbags?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Dad, cut it out,” Jason said.

  His eyes now turned to Jason with the same penetrating gaze. “I’m asking the girl some questions. What’s it to you?”

  “You’re giving her a hard time, that’s what you’re doing. She doesn’t eat meat, get over it.”

  There might have been a time that Ted McCarthy wouldn’t have stood for his son’s backtalk, but with Jason being younger, faster, and much bigger, he didn’t stand a chance.

  “I make a wonderful chili,” Janet said, as if nothing had gone on. “I’ll just make it without beef.”

  “I want beef in mine,” Ted barked.

  “I’ll make yours with beef,” she said dutifully.

  Ted got up, took a beer from the refrigerator, and sat back down. He said nothing else for the rest of the meal. When he
was finished, he got up and left the table. He didn’t seem to care that the rest of us were still eating.

  “Renee is coming with the kids tomorrow night. She wants to meet you, Grace.”

  “I look forward to meeting her.”

  “The kids are wonderful and very well behaved.”

  Janet went on to tell me all about her two grandchildren. It was then I noticed how starved for attention she was. I don’t think I spoke more than ten words as I helped her clean up the table and do the dishes. I couldn’t imagine she had much to say to her husband, and I didn’t know whether she had a lot of friends, but because I was listening, she was talking; I didn’t mind a bit. She really was a nice lady.

  “How about a few games of cribbage?” she asked her son.

  “Mom, we’re tired, and Grace doesn’t know how to play.”

  “Just a few games.”

  He relented. They both taught me how to play and before we knew it, three hours had passed. I excused myself to take a shower. The long drive made me feel gross. When I got to our room, Jason was yawning and crawling into bed. It had been a long day.

  “Sorry about my dad. If you didn’t notice, he’d been drinking before he got home. How that asshole still has his driver’s license is beyond me.”

  I climbed into bed beside him and he pulled me close to him. I loved how much he loved to cuddle. I rested my head up against his shoulder and let out a deep, contented sigh.

  “Just so you know, if I weren’t so bloody tired, I’d be all over you right now,” he murmured.

  “Ditto.”

  He kissed me on the forehead and we both drifted to sleep.

  CHAPTER 16

  I woke up early, the result of conditioning my body to be awake for school. I eased out of bed, although a marching band could have come through our room and Jason wouldn’t have stirred. I changed and made my way to the kitchen. Janet was there putting away dishes, the smell of coffee drifting towards me.

  “Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?”

  “I did, thank you.”

  “Coffee?”

  “I’d love some.”

  She handed me a cup and directed me to the cream and sugar. “The morning paper is in the living room if you’d like to read it. I’ll start breakfast when the boys wake up, unless you’re hungry now.”

  “I can wait.”

  I looked around the living room for the first time. There were some framed photos on an end table and I went to look at them. There were Jason’s nieces and a family photo from a few years ago, but two caught my eye. One was of Jason in full military uniform looking serious. His hair was cut short and he looked meaner than any time I’d ever seen him before. The other picture was of him and a tall, beautiful blonde.

  “Oh dear, I still have that picture out? Sometimes you just forget,” Janet said, slipping in front of me and taking the photo away. She stuffed it in a table drawer.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  “He’s never told you about Laura?”

  Laura. The name he’d mentioned in passing once and that I’d never pursued asking about. “No.”

  Janet pursed her lips together, weighing whether or not she should say any more, but now I was dying to know.

  “I probably shouldn’t.”

  “You can’t leave me hanging.”

  Janet sat on the sofa and motioned for me to do the same. “She’s his ex-fiancée,” she said quietly. The words nearly knocked me over. Ex-fiancée? That was a small detail he’d failed to mention. A huge freaking detail.

  “They were together almost four years. They got engaged before his final tour in Afghanistan, but he was barely with a foot in the sand when she called it off. By the time he got home, she was already engaged to someone else, a friend of his—or should I say, former friend. Sweetie, you’re the first person he’s really dated since Laura. He’s gone out with gals here and there, but you’re the only one he’s told me about. That’s a big deal.”

  All of this information was overwhelming. Four years? An engagement? He’d been keeping quite the secret. I had so many questions.

  “Why did she break it off?”

  “I don’t know for sure, but I think she was sneaking around with Russ for a while, and once Jason was in Afghanistan, it was easier to break things off. Poor Jay was devastated. He loved her so much. But at the end there I sensed something wasn’t right. She didn’t want to look for a house, she wasn’t making wedding plans, and she didn’t come around that much anymore.”

  Our bedroom door opened and our conversation ended. “We’ll talk later,” Janet whispered. “Don’t tell him I told you anything. It really should have come from him.”

  Jason wandered off to the washroom to take a shower. Not risking it, Janet and I talked about what our plans for the day were rather than Laura. We started making breakfast, and by the time Jason appeared showered and shaved, Ted had also stumbled in. I could only imagine what Ted looked like in his prime. Maybe a little like Jason? Now he was a shell, a decaying skeletal mass who looked homeless with the gray stubble on his face and baggy clothes that looked slept in. I almost expected him to shove an empty cup in my face and ask for spare change.

  “What are your plans today, Jay?” Janet asked.

  “I’m catching up with Tyson and the guys. They want us to go out Saturday,” he said to me.

  “That’ll be nice. I’d like to meet your friends.”

  “And on Sunday we’ll have a nice breakfast before you both go back to Minnesota,” Janet said.

  “You should come home more often; it’s the only time I eat well,” Ted grunted.

  Jason’s ability to completely ignore his father was quite impressive. He didn’t look at Ted when he spoke nor acknowledged him with even a facial expression. Nothing.

  “Mom, I’ll clean up. You and Grace go get ready and have a nice day.”

  NEARLY SIX HOURS LATER we were back. She’d taken me shopping and then we’d stopped for groceries. I was a little nervous spending the day with her, but it had gone well. She made no mention of Laura, and I didn’t ask.

  “I’ll help you with dinner,” I said as we lugged all the bags into the house.

  “Wonderful, dear. That would be very nice.”

  The house was empty. Jason had sent me a text earlier telling me he’d be out with some friends and I could only imagine what watering hole Ted parked himself at. I helped Janet put away some groceries while she set aside those that we needed. She set me up at the kitchen table with a cutting board, knife, and an assortment of vegetables.

  “Once you wash those, cut them up in small pieces. I’m going to make my chili. Jason and the kids love it. I’ll make sure to make a second batch without the ground beef. One of Renee’s girls hates ground beef so I would have done it anyway,” she stressed. “I don’t want you feeling bad.”

  I washed the mushrooms, carrots, and celery and got down to chopping. Halfway through, Janet added some garlic to my pile.

  “Do you like to cook?” she asked.

  “I do, but I don’t have much time for it.”

  “Jason mentioned that your parents had restaurants.”

  “Three, but with the economic downturn, they had to close them.”

  “So many people have been affected. A few of our friends lost their homes. I worry about my family, but Renee has a good job, so does her husband, and Jason’s always been so responsible. It’s a good thing because Ted and I have nothing to pass on other than this house.”

  “Do you miss Jason now that he’s gone?”

  Janet took the onions I’d just cut and threw them in a huge pot. She let out a deep sigh, and a sad smile spread across her face. “He’s been gone a long time, even before he left for Minnesota. When he enlisted, I knew what that meant, and I didn’t blame him. He and his father don’t get along so I knew he wanted to get away. Even when he came home, he spent all his time with Laura. Anything not to be here.”

  Laura. I’d be lying if I di
dn’t say I was jealous.

  “Do you think he’d get back together with her if he had the chance?”

  “She’s married, dear.” The reaction on my face must have said it all. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. No, that’s over. The thing about Jay is that when he makes a decision, it’s usually final. When she left him, she was dead to him.” She handed me a loaf of French bread. “Now slice this in half and I’ll give you my secret garlic butter recipe to spread on it.”

  That ended the discussion on Laura and any other thoughts I was going to have about her.

  IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER, I would think Jason’s nieces were on a perpetual sugar high. While they were completely gorgeous with their long locks of blonde hair and huge blue eyes, I couldn’t keep up with them if I tried. They never tired of Jason swinging them through the air or chasing them around the house, but I was exhausted from watching. Jennie wanted to play with my hair, a frightening prospect, but I let her do it. Remarkably, she was very gentle as she combed what must have been a thousand strokes.

  “You have pretty hair,” the seven-year-old said.

  “Thank you. So do you.”

  “It’s okay. Yours is nicer.”

  “You have a lot of patience,” Renee said, coming and sitting next to me on the sofa, or should I say, the stylist area. Jennie was now putting her pink clips in my hair.

  “I love kids.”

  Her eyebrows raised. What did I say? Did she think I was planning anything? “Jay loves kids too,” she said.

  “I’d love to have kids once I’ve finished school and have my career established.” I felt a need to set her straight in the nicest way possible.

  “There’s no rush. You’re still young.”

  “Time to eat,” Janet called out.

  Jason scooped Jennie up into one arm and Lucy into the other. They shrieked in delight like two little girls totally in love with their uncle. I’d never seen Jason with kids before and it was a beautiful sight. He loved them and they adored him. Even ornery Ted was taken in by the little girls. I’d seen him play a game of Trouble with Lucy. It was obvious he’d laid off the hard stuff because he was actually polite to me when he came home from work and asked me how my day had been.