Imagine Us

by Jaxson Kidman

  I really had no idea what I was doing now or what I was going to do.

  Night had settled in and that only meant tomorrow would eventually come and I’d have to face it. I checked my calendar and saw I had two showings. One on a condo and one on a house.

  As I sat there, my eyes unable to close, I realized I never called my mother. Not that I was used to running to her with every problem I had, but this was a pretty big deal. I had been with Chad for basically half my life. He was my first, my only, and we sort of skated through the last few years together, promising each other things would get better through all the hiccups. I stood by him after his injury and the realization that pro baseball was not going to happen. And I told myself he was doing the same for me as I tried to write my next book. My breakout book. The one that would change our lives forever. So I could get a big enough of a deal that I could surprise him by letting him leave his insurance job and get back into baseball. Either in coaching or maybe by opening his own business training players.

  Except he wasn’t standing by me. He hated that I was a writer. He hated that I didn’t work more hours and work harder as a real estate agent.

  I swiped to my mother’s name on my phone and called her.

  “Hey, baby girl,” her voice said through the phone.

  She tried to have a soft and soothing tone, but years of smoking added a roughness to her voice that I couldn’t imagine her not having.

  “Did I wake you?” I asked.

  “No. I’m on the beach. Here. Listen.”

  I rolled my eyes as I heard the swoosh of the beach breeze and the rushing crash of waves.

  I stood from the couch, taking the blanket that smelled like Adam with me, going out back so I didn’t talk too loudly and wake him.

  “That sounds great, Mom,” I said.

  “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call? What happened?”

  “Who said anything happened?”

  “You only call when something happens,” she said. “Which is fine, Elena. Tell me you’re okay.”

  I looked around and saw the dark figures of the trees silhouetted against the night sky. A little moonlight bouncing off the lake. The buzzing sounds of bugs and the orchestra of crickets.

  It was a cool night, the kind where spring fought the coming summer.

  “I’m okay,” I said.

  “You’re not okay,” Mom said.

  “No. I’m not.”

  “Is it the book thing?”

  I shut my eyes. “No, Mom. Chad cheated on me.”

  “Oh,” Mom said.

  There was a long pause.

  “That’s it?” I asked.

  “Well… how do you feel about it?”

  “How do I feel about it? I’ve been with him for how long? And he just runs out and fucks another woman? And I don’t even know if that was the only one. How many times…”

  “Elena,” Mom said. “Did you talk to him?”

  “I tried. He was sort of drunk.”

  She sighed. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I don’t like hearing that.”

  “I’m kind of lost right now, Mom.”

  “You can come down here and stay with me. But I don’t know if it’s smart to do that. With work and all. How’s that going?”

  “Writing is okay. Not as much as-”

  “I’m talking about the real estate.”

  “Right,” I said. “Of course. Everyone just disregards writing.”

  “Nobody disregards your writing, Elena. You’re extremely talented. But just think… if you become successful enough with real estate you’ll have the chance to write. You’ll have the time. The money. It will be perfect.”

  “That’s what you want. Not me.”

  “Elena, I don’t want you to struggle like I did.”

  “I am struggling!” I yelled. “I just told you Chad cheated on me and you want to talk about my job.”

  Mom sighed again. The wind pushed through her phone and into my ear. “Elena, there’s nothing I can say about you and Chad. I always told you that you two were too young. You fought me on it. You insisted you knew what you wanted.”

  “Great. So it’s my fault.”

  “I didn’t say that,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry he did that to you. And to your heart. You can come stay with me. Where are you staying right now?”

  Heat flooded my cheeks. “I’m actually at Adam’s place.”

  “Adam? As in…”

  “Adam,” I said. “That Adam. I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Well, looks like you’re in the right place, Elena. That’s where you always went when you were hurting. How is he?”

  “He’s good. I feel weird being here. I feel weird… anywhere, actually. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now.”

  “Nobody does,” Mom said with a laugh. “My door is always open.”

  I heard a muffled voice in the background.

  “Are you with someone?” I asked.

  “Yes. I’m actually on a date. With Mark. Want to say hello?”

  “No,” I said. “You’re on a date?” I touched my forehead. “I’m talking to you about this… and you’re on a date… I have to go, Mom.”

  “Elena, wait…”

  “I’ll call you if anything else happens. Or changes. Or… I don’t know.”

  “I love you,” Mom said.

  “Love you,” I said.

  I ended the call and hung my head.

  I thought about the night in the motel when Mom told me we were leaving that asshole Dan once and for all. And that she bought us a house. She held me all night as I cried with relief and fear.

  That was the last moment I truly felt close to her.

  Not that she could do anything for me as I stood outside, wrapped in a blanket, my heart in pieces.

  I wiped away a stray tear and shook my head.

  “I fucking hate you, Chad,” I whispered.

  It was my fault though. For letting him get to me the way he did. For letting time just pass by as though I’d have forever to make things right.

  Even still, fuck him for cheating on me.

  I sucked in a shaky breath and let out a cry into the dark night.

  “It’s going to be okay, sugar,” a soft voice said.

  I jumped and gasped, turning to find Adam standing a foot away from me.

  Shirtless, his body ripped with hard and tight muscle. Tattoos on his shoulders and his chest. My jaw suddenly dropped as several emotions collided at once.

  He reached out and touched my shoulders. “I promise it’s going to be okay.”

  I nodded. “You’re supposed to be sleeping, Adam. You have to open the diner in the morning.”

  “Stop caring about everyone else so much,” he said, reminding me of what he said earlier.

  I stepped forward and fell into his bare chest. His skin smelled so good. So tempting and good. The ache of my heart shifting into the anger of what Chad did. The urge to kiss Adam’s perfect chest. Taste the ink of his tattoos. To make a straight line of invisible kisses down… and keep going down… to take away this sick feeling inside me.

  Adam hugged me, a hand against my head.

  “It’s okay to be hurt, Elena,” he whispered. “As long as you need.”

  The longer he held me, the less it all seemed to hurt.

  6

  Across the Counter Confession

  ADAM

  (now)

  I passed through the house as silently as I could, pausing at the couch to check on Elena. She was turned, facing the couch, the blanket pulled so far up that only her left cheek stuck out. Her dirty blonde hair rested against the pillow behind her, leaving me almost jealous of the pillow. She slept with one foot sticking out of the blanket. All these little things I always wondered about.

  I wrote her a quick note telling her to stop by the diner for something to eat when she was up and moving. And where the spare key was hidden outside so she could grab it and take it along in
case she ended up coming back here before I left the diner.

  Outside in the early morning hour, I sat in my truck and ran a hand through my hair.

  Elena was inside my house, on my couch, sleeping off one of the worst kinds of heartache someone could live through. Well, the second worst kind of heartache in my opinion. The first kind was watching someone you loved love someone else for all the wrong reasons.

  It was fucking impossible not to kiss her. Not to take those tear-filled hugs of hers and want to show her what it was like to be cherished and taken care of. My mind flirting with images of me carrying her to my bed and taking away all that pain.

  But if I did that, I would be a bigger asshole than Chad. Playing her emotions against herself to get her in bed. That was wrong. Which meant I had to play the good guy friend card one more time in my life.

  I opened the middle console in the truck and dug around to find my morning wake up call. Some people needed coffee, I needed something else. I flexed my right shoulder and winced at the pain.

  Two pills later and I was off to the diner.

  By the time I got there, the medicine began to do its trick and the pain in my shoulder subsided.

  But the pain in my heart… that shit was real… and it wasn’t going anywhere as long as Elena hung around.

  * * *

  “Joe forgot his wallet and is embarrassed to ask Tony to pay his check,” Judy said to me as she walked a stack of dirty plates to the kitchen sink.

  “Where the hell is Chris?” I asked to anyone listening.

  “Running late like he always is,” Judy said. “Did you hear what I said?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Why is that my problem?”

  “What do you want me to tell him? I don’t want to start a tab. Not for eggs and bacon.”

  I looked at the back door and gritted my teeth. I always promised myself I wouldn’t worry about Chris, but when he didn’t show up on time, it did worry me.

  “Adam?” Judy asked.

  I touched my forehead. “Fuck.” I reached into my pocket and took out a twenty. “Here. Give this to him. From me. Tell him to pay his goddamn bill and that he owes me personally.”

  “Rough night of sleep?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

  She was four-foot-ten but had the fire of an eight-foot-tall warrior. She had lived a long and rough life, stuck right here in town, but there wasn’t a day when she didn’t wake up and face the day, no matter what.

  “Don’t worry about my night,” I said. “Where the hell is Shannon?”

  “Right here.” The kitchen door swung open and Shannon came in to pick up an order.

  “Good morning,” I said to her.

  “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine,” she said.

  She was another one who didn’t take shit from anyone. Being a single mom did that to you though. I took to Shannon, wanting her to have a decent life for her and her son. It reminded me of what I went through after my parents split and all the dumb stuff my mother did.

  “Go get a coffee and a happy pill,” Judy said.

  I laughed. “Coffee I can do.”

  Nobody needed to know that I had already taken my happy pills.

  I walked out front to a half-full diner.

  The regulars at the counter.

  Tony, Joe, and Brian all dressed alike, ready to head to work eventually. Tony owned an auto shop. Joe had his own handyman business. And Brian ran a salvage yard on the other side of town. Today they were arguing over the size of fish.

  I slapped my hands to the counter and said, “Yeah, well, one time I caught a goddamn mako shark this big. Off the eastern part of the lake.”

  “What?” Tony asked. He curled his lip, showing off what he called his golden tooth, which was just a rotted tooth he never got taken care of.

  “A goddamn mako,” I said.

  “Mako shark?” Joe asked.

  “He’s breaking your balls,” Brian said.

  “You win the prize,” I said, pointing to Brian.

  “Yeah? What do I win?” he asked.

  “A refill on your coffee. No charge.”

  “You never charge for refills, Adam,” Tony said.

  I clapped my hands together. “Then it looks like everyone wins. See how big my heart is.”

  “As long as it’s not bigger than something else,” Joe said with a laugh.

  Nobody else laughed.

  Brian looked at Joe. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I don’t know,” Joe said. He grabbed his fork and stabbed a soggy chunk of ketchup-stained hash brown and jammed it into his mouth.

  “Give it up, guys,” I said. “Nobody has caught anything worth keeping or eating out of the lake in years. You all know that. Save the stories for someone and somewhere else.”

  “How about that coffee?” Brian asked.

  I topped them all off and gave Joe a stare down. He was the oldest of the three. A stubborn guy who had lived in town his entire life. He inherited his parents’ house and never married. Never had any kids. And no matter the tall tales he told, his eyes told the story of regret for not having more in life. Which was why he was too proud to ask for some money from Tony.

  The one thing about working at - and now owning - the diner, was that you understood the personality of the restaurant and everyone inside it. The front window and corner tables were left for those who weren’t regulars. The counter and back booths were for the regulars. They couldn’t survive without the diner. I fought to keep my prices as low as possible. Too low, actually. But this place was almost like a church to them. I had come to this diner completely broken and was put back together.

  I looked up at the ceiling and thought about the apartment above.

  That was an easy way to make some extra money. All I had to do was clean the apartment out once and for all. Hell, I could even do something really crazy and sell my house. Pocket the cash. Live for free above the diner. I could get a nice penny or two for my house now that my part of the lake was private property.

  “Right behind you,” Shannon announced.

  She breezed by me with the smell of cooked bacon and peach shampoo.

  She went to the end of the counter and served the food.

  Behind me, I heard Brian say something to Joe about her.

  I turned and nodded. “What was that?”

  “She’s pretty,” Brian said.

  “Out of his league,” Joe said.

  “What do you think?” Brian asked.

  “Shannon is off limits to all of you,” I said.

  “Whoa,” Tony said. “Since when do you make those kinds of rules?”

  “She’s a single mother,” I said. “She doesn’t need any of your bullshit.”

  “Ah, protective,” Joe said with a grin.

  “Hey, Joe, how about you pay your bill right now?” I asked, going for a low blow.

  He stiffened in his seat and his eyes went wide.

  Shannon came walking by and Tony had no hesitation in reaching over the counter. “Hey, doll, can you settle a thing here?”

  “Keep walking,” I warned Shannon.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Between the three of us,” Tony said, “we’re not all that bad, right? To catch a movie with. Get some dinner. Sit around the lake and talk. Right?”

  Shannon’s pouty lips turned up into a smile. “Are you asking me out, Tony?”

  “No, Brian is,” Tony said.

  “Hey!” Brian snapped.

  “Nobody is asking anybody out,” I said.

  “He’s a little protective of you,” Joe said with a wink.

  Shannon touched my arm. “Such a good boss, huh?”

  “More than a boss maybe?” Brian asked.

  Shannon sidestepped and stood right across from Brian. She put her elbows to the counter and leaned forward. “Sweetheart, I’ll always be in your dreams. And you’ll always be on that side of the counter. Alone.”

  She puckered up and blew a kis
s.

  As she walked away, I shook my head. “You don’t mess with a single mother.”

  “Brian can’t talk,” Joe said.

  The bell above the door rang, meaning someone had opened the door. I personally hated that thing, but I knew better than to ever get rid of it.

  “Now it looks like Adam can’t talk either,” Tony said.

  My attention was locked on the door to The Butter Kiss diner.

  And the fact that Elena was coming through it.

  * * *

  I raced around the counter, knowing damn well how I looked doing so. Judy already had a menu in hand as she said good morning to Elena.

  “I can take care of this one,” I said to Judy.

  She looked at me, looked at Elena, then back at me.

  “Old friend,” I said.

  “Right,” Judy said.

  She slapped the menu to my chest and shook her head.

  “Morning, sugar,” I said.

  I leaned in and stole a hug from Elena. As I pulled away, I saw her cheeks had blushed a cherry red color.

  From a hug?

  “I figured you were here,” she said. “And I’m hungry.”

  “Well, you’ve got everything you need right here. How’d you sleep?”

  “Actually, pretty amazing. All things considered.”

  That’s when it hit me in the face again.

  Elena wasn’t here for pleasure or fun. Or even business. She was here because Chad cheated on her. Because she took off and came to me to feel safe. Which pissed me off yet made my heart race at the same time.

  “You can sit right here,” I said as I took her down to the end of the counter. “Anything you want, it’s on me.”

  “No. I’ll pay.”

  “No, you won’t,” I said.

  “Adam…”

  I walked around the counter and flipped a dark brown coffee mug and slid it across the counter toward her. I grabbed a fresh pot of coffee and poured her a steaming cup.

  “Sugar,” I said.

  “Yes, please,” she said with a grin.

  I laughed. “You seem a little happier today.”

  “It’s only morning,” she said. “Give me time. I have two showings and then I need to face reality.”

  I hated that fucking word. That word was the killer for Elena and I.