Game Changer (Hell's Saints Motorcycle Club)

by Marinaro, Paula

  Watching your woman go through that, could push a man over that edge

  Then to lose both of them within hours of each other, to survive that, was not a life worth living.

  I would have tried to kill myself too.

  Then having been prevented from doing that, I would have left.

  I would have.

  I would have gone off by myself in complete and utter desolation and do whatever I had to do and take as long as I had to take to find the will to go on.

  I would have done all the things Diego had done to survive that.

  Except for one.

  Except for what he had done to me.

  I would not have done that. I would not have left a pregnant me. Once I had found the promise of love again I would have fought for it. I would have held it fast and protected it. I would have somehow found the strength to climb out of the crippling fear and build a life with that someone.

  But he hadn’t done that. He had left me. He had left me and the promise of what our life together could be.

  Even if it had meant following Janey to the world beyond this one, Diego could not leave her.

  That’s the thought that haunted me. That’s what kept me awake at night, it’s what had me crying in the shower. It’s what prevented me from calling out his name when I felt his baby flutter deep inside me.

  Diego couldn’t leave Janey.

  But he could leave me.

  It wasn’t jealousy. I wasn’t jealous of the love that Diego had felt for her. It was never that. The love between them, the love he felt for her stood as a testament to the kind of man he was. The love and commitment he was capable of.

  The love he didn’t feel for me. The commitment he didn’t want to give to me.

  Didn’t feel. Didn’t want. Not with me.

  Not with me.

  Chapter 51

  Well, she had taken him at his word

  He had made his point.

  He had made his fucking point alright.

  Three months.

  Twelve fucking weeks and she had not stepped foot on the compound. Not while he was there anyway. Not while he was in a fucking twenty mile radius.

  Had not even once called the kitchen house. Not even once. Diego knew because he took to answering the phone so much that he had started practically jumping across the bar when it rang.

  “Jesus, man. Just fucking call her.” Jules said.

  “Don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.” Diego scowled.

  “Talking about you growing a pair and going to get your fucking woman.” Jules was mopping up the bar.

  “You don’t know nothing about it brother.” Diego moved to the bar and handed Jules his empty coffee cup for a refill.

  “Know you got a woman with a belly full of your baby. Good woman. Fucking beautiful woman and you here every night shooting the shit with me and the rest of your sorry ass brothers. You and that fucking love sick puppy, Reno. Enough to make me puke.” Jules handed the coffee cup full and hot back to Diego.

  “What’s going on with Reno?” Diego took a sip of his coffee.

  “Got it bad for little sister, brother.” Jules poured himself a fresh cup and put his forearms on the bar.

  “Claire?” Diego’s eyebrows were raised.

  “One in the fucking same.” Jules sipped on his coffee and nodded at the brothers who had started streaming in.

  “He up in that?” Diego nodded too.

  “He wishes he was up in that. She won’t fucking give him the time of day. She comes in and grabs some shit for the lake house. When he isn’t fucking her with his eyes, he’s fucking following her around. Kinda pathetic actually man. She don’t look at him or talk to him unless she has to.” Jules shook his head.

  “Jesus.” Diego was smirking.

  “Yeah.” Jules was smirking back.

  Then the phone rang and Diego leapt across the bar to answer it.

  “Love sick fucking puppies. Both of them.” Jules muttered to himself then opened to the front page and finished his coffee.

  Chapter 52

  Pinky was flittering around the room.

  “So send him on a bullshit trip or something.” Pinky cracked some eggs and whipped them into a frothy sea in the bowl.

  “Nope.” Prosper was reading his morning paper.

  “Okay, then. Dolly told me the new club’s central air is leaking all over the place. You know how much that contractor cost us and he hasn’t returned her calls in two days. Put him on that.”

  “Weekend honey. Fucking plumbers never return calls.” Prosper reached for the coffee that Pinky had poured for him.

  “Send him up to Willows Point then. Check up on things.” She poured the mixture into hot pan.

  “Nothing to check on in Willows Point.” Prosper replied. “Sweetheart, gimme some of that hard cheese and salami in those eggs.” Prosper was looking over his half-moon glasses.

  “Not gonna happen.” Pinky was scrambling the eggs in the pan.

  “Why the fuck not?” Prosper was not pleased.

  “Because I don’t want to see your sorry self hobbling around with the gout for the next week.” Pinky flunk back over her shoulder.

  “Ain’t the cheese, ain’t the sausage.” Prosper growled at her.

  “No?” Pinky raised her eyebrows.

  “And it ain’t the fucking gout makes me hobble around like that.” Prosper had a glint in his eye.

  Pinky had finished dishing up the eggs and was walking towards Prosper.

  “What is it then?” She asked, exasperated.

  “Just like the attention it gets me from my old lady. Like leaning on you when I walk and like you buying me black cherries and waitin’ on me.” Prosper was grinning.

  “Crazy old man.” Pinky smiled at him. Then worry took smile’s place in that pretty face of hers. The face that Prosper loved.

  Pinky stood over him while he put a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

  “Service is due on the new utility van. Diego can go up to Elmswood tonight and stay there. Then tomorrow he can get the van serviced and come home.”

  “Reno got an appointment for that on Thursday.” Prosper was chewing.

  Pinky let out a deep sigh and moved to cross the room. Prosper grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her on his lap. He put his big hand on the side of her face and forced her against him until he felt her relax.

  “Honey, we gotta let them sort it out.” Prosper said to the top of her head.

  “I’m afraid she won’t come if she knows he’s gonna be there.” Pinky sighed.

  “Did she say that?” Prosper asked gently.

  “No, honey. You know she wouldn’t say that. Raine wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world. She loves you.” Pinky answered and sunk deeper into Prosper. Feeling the relief of him taking her worries, knowing that he would stew on them, mix them all around and give them back in a way that made her feel better. In a way that would make everything better.

  “Honey, it’s all gonna be okay.” Prosper smoothed her hair.

  Pinky hoped with all her heart that he was right.

  Chapter 53

  “No, over there.” Claire was pointing to a branch to the left of Reno.

  “Here?” Reno asked.

  “No, we need a little more of them to the left.” Claire answered him stretching to hand him another string of lights.

  “Here?” Reno threw a few lights on lower branch.

  “Reno. Is that your left?” Claire asked him exasperated.

  “Honest to Christ woman. I don’t know where you are looking.” Reno feigned innocence.

  “Geez. Get down. Get out of my way. You hand me the lights and I will put them up.” Claire positioned herself near the bottom of the ladder.

  “Okee dokee.” Reno jumped.

  As soon as Claire worked her way to the top of the tall step ladder, Reno was on it. Behind her. Very close behind her. His hard chest and long muscled thighs pushed against her back and ass. His
arms outstretched, biceps bulging reaching past her long thin graceful ones.

  “I got it.” Reno said against Claire’s ear.

  Claire went very still. When she pulled her arm away Reno caught the string of lights before they fell and reached passed her to string them precisely where he knew Claire wanted them.

  “Reno.” Claire whispered.

  “Claire.” Reno whispered back.

  Then he put his hands on either side of her waist.

  “Step back, Reno.”

  “Not this time, Claire.” Reno said against her ear.

  “This ladder is unsteady. I’m afraid” Claire said breathlessly.

  “My arms are here baby, tight around you. You take a minute and feel that. Feel how strong I am. Ain’t gonna let nothing happen to you, Claire. You’re safe with me. I fucking swear it. ”

  It took a moment but then Claire relaxed into him. With his hands still on her waist he gently guided her down.

  Chapter 54

  “Well, this is new.” Glory was looking out the window of the lake house.

  I went to stand behind Glory. We both stood at the window watching Claire ride up to the house on the back of Reno’s bike.

  “Yep, that’s new alright.” I nodded in agreement.

  I put the palm of my hand on the small of my back and stretched. Glory and I turned to the door as a very flushed windblown sister came bouncing through the door. And she was smiling. As a matter of fact she was all smiles. She was smiling and bouncy.

  This was not good

  Glory and I looked at each other then looked at Claire. I opened my mouth to say something and the words were stopped just short of coming out.

  “I know. I know. I know. I know. I KNOW.” Claire made the stop sign with her hand.

  She ran upstairs and came down with the rest of the twinkling lights we had bought for the party.

  Then she bounced back out the door only pausing once to look at us and throw another “I KNOW” at us as she scurried past.

  Glory and I turned to each other.

  “Well, I guess it could be worse.” Glory said.

  “How?” I answered.

  Glory just smiled.

  We went back to putting the finishing touches on Prosper’s cake. Pinky had planned a big blowout for Prosper’s 60th. We had been cooking mountains of food for days and the boys had dug out three deep pits where pigs would be roasting. Brothers were coming in from Nevada and Willows Point to join the festivities. All available space at the compound was taken. Tomorrow I knew there would be a small but impressive show of federal and local police enforcement lining the street going up to the private driveway. They always did that when there was a large gathering of the MC.

  While I loved Prosper I was not looking forward to this party. I knew Diego had been stuck to the compound lately like white on rice and besides that, no brother wanted to miss the opportunity of raising a glass to Prosper on his birthday. The brothers had been arriving all day and it was to be a weekend long celebration. My plan was to go over early to the ranch house to deliver the cake and food. I thought this would the best way of contributing to the festivities without actually having to take part in them.

  Claire, Glory, Dolly, Jules, Reno and I had chipped in and bought Prosper and Pinky VIP tickets to the Nascar Sprint Cup Series and the plane tickets that went along with them. That gift would be presented to them at the party.

  But I had another gift for him.

  A little something special that I wanted to deliver myself. Weeks before I had made an appointment with a jewelry designer in town. We had worked together to come up with a necklace for Prosper. A tiny sterling silver harmonica hung from a soft leather chord. On the same jump ring as the harp, hung a teeny roughly hewn angel wing set with two diamonds. One for me and one for Claire. It was beautiful and perfect and I knew he would love it.

  The MC womenfolk had been cooking up a storm all week. I knew the kitchen house had been a sea of activity because Jules had taken to showing up at the lake house early in the morning for coffee and spending a good part of the day with us complaining about it. It was kind of funny really. Big bad Jules, six foot four inches of muscle bound mountain. This scarred, tattooed warrior was sitting in our kitchen kvetching about women taking over his pots and pans. Glory complained to me every night about Jules “barging in” and prayed that the preparations for the party would be over soon.

  On the fourth day of Jules’s unsolicited visits, Glory read in the local paper that the lake had been stocked for the season. When he arrived she was waiting for him on the front porch. Glory handed Jules a tackle box, a fishing pole, and a cooler containing a six pack and three liverwurst sandwiches. Then she sent him out to the dock. He came back hours later smiling with a bucket full of bass. The next day when he caught a large trout, we took a picture of him holding it up in his massive paw and smiling.

  A fisherman had been born.

  Jules love of fishing continued long after the disruption of his kitchen had ended and he showed up several times a week to drop a line. Glory took to having sandwiches ready for him and she seemed to delight in thinking up different combinations. It had been months since the incident but Glory still stayed pretty much at home. The first time she had ventured out completely on her own was to go to a delicatessen fifteen miles away to stock up on various condiments, meats and cheeses that she thought Jules might like.

  A couple of weeks later I noticed two fishing poles instead of one leaning against the shed door.

  Chapter 55

  “I’ll go if you’ll go.” Glory was standing in the door of my bedroom.

  “Go where?” I was putting away my laundry.

  “Prosper’s party.” Glory said nonchalantly moving to help me with the clothes.

  “Prosper’s party?” I had stopped what I was doing and was looking at her.

  “Yeah.” Glory was moving to hang up my shirts.

  “You would consider going to Prosper’s party?” I felt like an idiot but the question bore repeating.

  “I dunno, maybe just for a few minutes.” Glory was hanging another shirt.

  “You would go to Prosper’s party?” I asked again.

  “Raine.” Glory stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “Yes. I would consider going to Prosper’s party.”

  “You…” I began.

  “Stop that.” Glory said.

  “Jesus Glory, forgive me but it’s not like you’ve been exactly jumping to go anywhere lately and now you tell me the one event you think you may want to attend is an outlaw biker birthday party with a greeting party of federal law enforcement?”

  “Well, if you put it that way…..” Her voice trailed off.

  I immediately felt guilty. Who was I to discourage Glory from going to the first thing she had felt any interest in attending in months? Shame on me. Glory was my friend and I should support her in this first valiant attempt at venturing forth.

  “Well, I ‘m not going,” I said.

  “You can’t hide from him forever Raine.” Glory said softly.

  “I’m not hiding.” I said softly back.

  But she was not wrong.

  I was hiding and it couldn’t keep going on. I was tired of it. Tired of looking over my shoulder, tired of having to call Pinky to call Prosper to call me because he was old school and refused to get a cell for anything other than club business. It had been months since I had dialed the number to the compound. Months since I had stepped foot on club property. I missed it. I missed dropping in on Prosper and taking walks with him on the wooded paths, I missed the French toast that Jules insisted could only be made properly in his own kitchen, I missed dropping off outrageously expensive rich creamy French pastries for the brothers and watch them gobble them up leaving mustaches of Bavarian Crème and powdered sugar on their scruffy hard faces. I missed all of it.

  I sighed heavily and looked at Glory with care worn eyes.

  “The things he said Glory. I hear them. I
still hear them. And I don’t know how to look at the man who said them to me.” I said sitting down heavily on the bed.

  Glory sat down next to me. “You don’t have to see him honey.”

  “But he’ll be there. Not just today, or tomorrow. He’ll be there. This club is his family and now we’ve made it ours. He will always be there. I’ll always have to see him.” My shoulders were slumped.

  “There’s a way of looking at a man without seeing him, Raine. You can look right through him.” Glory took my hand “I’ve been doing it for years.”

  I looked down at our clasped hands and looked sadly up at Glory. This time the sadness was for her and not for me. I had watched Glory. I knew, like Pinky, her darkest secrets were about things that had been done to her. I also knew that unlike Pinky, some of Glory’s secrets were about things she had done to herself.

  I squeezed her hand and held her eyes.

  “Raine.” Glory began uncomfortably. “It hasn’t been lost on me what you and Claire and everyone else has done for me. The things you don’t say, the questions you don’t ask and the scars you pretend not to see. I thank god every night that when I finally fell, I landed here.”

  “You saved my life, honey.” I held on tight to her hand and then added, “More than once.”

  Glory’s eyes were wet. “And in doing that, Raine, I saved my own. You’ve taken me in and treated me like a sister. You’ve never asked. You’ve done for me what I couldn’t do for myself. You have given me back me.”

  She smiled a little then.

  “I was a dancer. Yeah, that kind. Not always, not in the beginning but eventually, yeah it came to that. All nude. All the time. That was me. It wasn’t something that I planned on Raine. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way, but it did and I was.”

  She searched my eyes before going on. I was careful to keep them open and clear.

  “Sometimes the shame of it almost killed me. Every time I went out there I felt the humiliation grow and grow until I thought it would swallow me whole. ”

  “There’s no disgrace in doing what we need to do to survive, Glory.” I moved in closer to her so our bodies were touching from knee to shoulder. I would not leave her alone in the telling.