Reintegration

by Eden S. French

  Riva emerged a second later. She flicked her pink bangs from her face, clearly attention-shy but smiling nonetheless, and waved.

  After a deep breath to compose herself—it was important to look cool in front of the sexy girls—Lexi sauntered across the garage. “You took your time, Latour. I was beginning to think I wouldn’t see you again.”

  “Don’t be dumb.” Callie gave Riva a fond look. “Of course I was going to bring her back.”

  “You’re my hero, Callie Roux.” Lexi cupped Callie’s chubby cheeks and kissed her on the mouth. Her full lips proved enticingly soft, and it was impossible not to feel a stab of regret when she wriggled away, dimpled and blushing. “Now pass that kiss to Riva.”

  Callie giggled and twisted the cap in her hands. “Shut up.”

  The van’s rear doors opened. Enter Kade and Mineko. The shut-in hadn’t changed—same solemn little face, same perfect posture. It was surprisingly gratifying to see her again, and Lexi smiled without even meaning to. “Heya, Minnie-Min.”

  Mineko gave Lexi a long, studious look. “Hello, Lexi. I’m eager to talk to you, but I think I should speak with Nikolas first.”

  Odd. Lexi had expected more excitement, something like the childish interest with which Mineko had first taken in the sights and sounds of the streets. “Uh, sure.”

  Kade and Mineko resumed walking. As Kade passed Lexi, he glanced sidelong, and her smile faltered. He looked so lonely. So tired. And so much like the boy he’d once been. It was a jarring interruption in a moment that should have been pleasurable, like having sex with a girl only to find a lump in her breast.

  “Min’s been quiet the whole way,” said Callie. “Hasn’t said a word since we left the enclave. Even putting on the music didn’t get a smile.”

  The revolutionaries converged, only to split into two separate discussions—Nikolas and Mineko holding one, Amity, Kade, and the unfamiliar woman holding the other.

  “That’s Sarabelle,” Riva said. “She’ll be chewing Kade out.”

  “What’d he do wrong?” Lexi said.

  “He didn’t tell her about Project Sky. And he certainly didn’t get her permission to go into the University and rescue Mineko.”

  “Who cares what she thinks?” Callie seated her cap back on her head. “I’ve got to start prepping my baby for the road. You two want to help?”

  “Ask Zeke instead.” Lexi put an arm around Riva. “I’m going to borrow our favorite comrade, if you can bear to let her go.”

  A nervous excitement flared inside Callie, though anyone without a mind-reading chip might have been fooled by her casual grin. “Go ahead. Just make sure you bring her back to me.”

  “Will do.” Lexi bumped Riva with her hip. “Can we go back to your place? I want to hear all about your adventures.”

  “Sure.” Riva played with one of her earrings while giving Lexi a smile that trembled at its edges. “I’d like that.”

  * * *

  Lexi peered up at a poster of a spindly, spiky-haired woman standing on the edge of a stage, singing toward the silhouetted heads of an audience. “It’s weird to think all the musicians in your posters are dead.”

  “It sinks in sometimes.” Riva faced the mirror and fussed with her hair, adjusting the strands to fall more neatly across her face. “The books we read, the films we watch. The entertainment of the dead. The streets we walk on, the apartments we live in. Built by the dead. We imitate their fashions, speak their languages, recreate their machines. Obsessed by what we’ve lost, we mimic them instead of starting again.”

  Lexi touched the glossy surface of the poster. Good condition, given the tour had taken place in 2043. “I wonder what she sounded like.”

  “Listen.” Riva tapped a few buttons on her stereo, and a lethargic melody crept from the speakers. Beneath layers of guitar drone, a bass line shivered like a heart on the brink of dying, while a keyboard pierced the sonic cloud with ethereal high notes and somber low ones.

  “I like this.” Lexi listened, transfixed, as vocals joined the mix—sometimes a husky crooning, other times a sensual growl. “I really like this.”

  “She was trans too. The singer. I didn’t know when I first discovered her music, and when I found out…well, it was a moment.” Riva closed her eyes as she swayed to the music. “It’s so easy to feel I’m the only one.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I know, but most of us hide it. There was once a brief period when we didn’t have to, when people like me could be proud. Imagine if things had gone differently.”

  Lexi settled onto the edge of the bed. “Are you happy with yourself?”

  “My body isn’t always what I want it to be, and it’s rarely what others prefer, but I’ve grown to fit it.” Once again, it seemed as if Riva were staring through her reflection, seeing something on the other side. “It’s like I survived a violent crash, a collision between the person I am and the one I was expected to be, and then pieced myself together from the fragments.”

  “Seems to me you did a pretty good job.”

  “Maybe. But while you can fit broken pieces together, you can’t always hide the lines where they meet. Some days, that’s all I can see.”

  “My chip.” Lexi felt for the scar on her scalp. “The shut-ins would use it on people like us, wouldn’t they? Straighten us out?”

  “Yes. That’s the plan.” Riva turned from the mirror. “When Codists wipe someone, they call it Reintegration. That’s a lie. True reintegration means finding yourself in fragments, and when that happens, Lexi, it’s beautiful. We should never be ashamed of our patchwork selves.”

  Lexi stretched on the mattress. The drowsy music washed over her. “Will you take my boots off?”

  “I’m powerless to refuse.” Riva crouched at the foot of the bed and began unlacing Lexi’s bootlaces. “Are you going to talk to Kade before you leave?”

  “Maybe. By the way, if you’re wondering about the bruises on my neck, that was Amity. She bites.”

  “You got your wish, then?”

  “Yep. It was nice. Rough, but nice.” Lexi shifted onto her side. “You aren’t even slightly upset that I had sex with your best friend. That’s one of the many things I like about you.”

  Riva reclined on the bed and wriggled close. “Amity deserves intimacy. We all do.” As she spoke, her breath warmed Lexi’s nape. “Did you make each other happy?”

  “I hope so.” Lexi rolled over, bringing her face-to-face with Riva. “Sex means a lot to me. We’re so vulnerable when we’re naked together, and I need to be reassured that it’s normal to be afraid of each other. And of ourselves. Especially ourselves.”

  Emotion welled from Riva’s eyes, a sensory accompaniment to the hazy music. Tenderness, arousal, fear, stricken anticipation. The certainty that Lexi would be leaving and that all this would be lost…

  With the tip of her index finger, Lexi traced the indented outline of Riva’s upper lip. “Can we?”

  Riva flushed. “I have to take something off first. I’d rather you not see me do it.”

  “Okay.” Lexi shut her eyes. “But dress again once you’re done, so that I can undress you myself.”

  Riva shifted on the bed. The clink of springs was followed by the sound of a zipper opening. Elastic snapped. Clothing rustled. “It’s done.” Riva sounded weak. “I’m sorry about that.”

  Lexi opened her eyes. Though she remained dressed as before, Riva sat differently, her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap.

  “You’re the only one who still sees those broken lines,” Lexi said. “All I see is you.”

  Their lips met, and a strange fluttering filled Lexi’s chest. It was familiar somehow, yet distant too. Like a memory from a long time ago. Like the fading trace of an old dream.

  * * *

  Lexi admired her own reflection as she undressed. She knew the terrain well: flat stomach, barely-there breasts tipped by pale pink areolas, broad shoulders, narrow waist, elegant prominences of bone at hi
ps and collar, slender legs curving up to a compact behind. For the sake of a little mystery, she kept her panties on.

  “Your turn, babe,” she said.

  Riva removed her shirt. Underneath, she wore a plain black bra. Lexi unclasped it with a single expert pinch. Riva’s breasts were barely large enough to be cupped, and her tiny, dark nipples were already erect. Lexi teased one with her fingertip, and Riva twitched.

  “We need to jump right to the part that’s terrifying you,” said Lexi. “Otherwise, you’ll never relax.”

  “I know. But I’m terrified for a good fucking reason.”

  “Swear more often. It’s cute.” Lexi took hold of Riva’s zipper. “May I?”

  “Yes.” Riva exhaled. “Do it.”

  Together, they removed Riva’s jeans. Her pale green panties were stretched taut over a subtle bulge, which she moved to conceal with her hand.

  “It’s okay.” Lexi gently brushed Riva’s hand aside. “I want to touch you.”

  Riva closed her eyes and nodded. If there was ever a time Lexi wished her chip had an off-switch, this was it. The tumult of dread spilling from Riva was almost impossible to think through.

  Lexi put a hand on Riva’s crotch and smirked as the soft shape moved under her palm. Nothing quite like giving a pretty girl a hard-on. “Think about it this way, babe. You’d still do me if I had a dick, wouldn’t you?”

  “In a heartbeat. But people are entitled to have preferences.”

  “There’s preferences, and then there’s making women feel like they’re only as important as what’s between their legs. Now, are there any rules?”

  “Um. I don’t use it to penetrate.”

  “That’s fine by me. I was hoping to grind. Is that okay?”

  Riva managed a nervous smile. “It’s okay.”

  Lexi settled into Riva’s lap. She moved her hips, rubbing herself against the growing hardness compressed inside Riva’s panties, and at the same time, Riva explored Lexi’s body with her hands—traveling the lines of her ribs, brushing the arc of her collarbone, following her inner thighs, touching each bump of her spine.

  They kissed. Riva’s erection pushed free of her panties, a slender cock forcing through a band of tight elastic, and she stopped kissing and fumbled to hide it.

  “Leave that alone.” Lexi caught Riva by the wrist. “You’re here to play with me.” She redirected Riva’s hand into her own panties, and Riva blushed as her fingers glided through Lexi’s wetness.

  With her free hand, Lexi gripped Riva’s cock. This felt so fucking good—the agile fingers thrusting into her pussy, the gorgeous, gasping woman whose dick she was pumping, the soft breast in her mouth, the stiff nipple she was flicking back and forth between her teeth…

  Fuck, fuck, she needed to settle down. There was still one more thing she had to try. “I want to eat you out,” Lexi said.

  “What?”

  “I want to suck your dick, babe. Is that okay?”

  “I didn’t think you…” Riva gave a quick nod. “Okay.”

  Lexi took Riva into her mouth and began sucking, moving her lips across tightly-stretched skin. Riva murmured. Lexi kept sucking, slickening that firm shaft with her mouth. Riva gave a quiet groan. Probably faking it.

  Lexi flicked her tongue, and Riva clutched Lexi’s shoulders. That seemed like a good sign. Lexi sucked faster. Any minute now, she’d have Riva in helpless convulsions—

  With a loud, wet pop, Riva’s cock slipped out of her mouth.

  “Oh, shit.” Lexi’s face burned. “I’m sorry. I have zero blowjob experience.”

  Riva giggled. “It’s okay.”

  Lexi gave her a rueful smile before lowering her head again. Wasn’t fellatio supposed to be easier than cunnilingus? Maybe if she tried—

  “I said, it’s okay.” Riva lifted Lexi’s head from her lap. “Come back.”

  “But babe…”

  “Don’t be greedy.” Riva slowly licked her upper teeth. “It’s my turn.”

  Now that was a compromise Lexi could accept. She laughed, sprawled back on the bed and angled her knees apart. “Go on, then. Show me how it’s done.”

  * * *

  They curled together, as entangled as two people could be without the aid of a freak transporter accident, and nuzzled one another. Sweat cooled on their bodies and the bunched sheets beneath them.

  “I’m not your first,” Lexi said. “You’ve definitely eaten pussy before.”

  “I’m glad you could tell.”

  “Can I ask how many women you’ve been with?”

  “Less than two. More than none.”

  Lexi grinned. “What was she like?”

  “Gentle. Funny. But she wouldn’t touch it. She explained that it was just her own sexual preference, that she wasn’t attracted to penises. I still couldn’t help but feel like I was disgusting to her. She never even liked to feel it against her when we slept.”

  “But she did let you pleasure her.”

  “Yes. She had no complaints about my mouth.” Riva kissed Lexi’s shoulder. “If I wanted to come, I had to do that myself. And afterward, I’d feel queasiness and a desperate need to hide. I’d call it shame, except I don’t want to use that word.”

  “Did you feel it this time too?”

  “Yes. I was hoping I wouldn’t, but I did.” Riva pressed her cheek into the hollow of Lexi’s neck. “But then you put your arms around me, and the sick feeling went away. I’m going to miss you.”

  The fluttering was back, beating in Lexi’s chest like a trapped bird. She sat upright. “You’re coming with us, though. Aren’t you?”

  Yet more emotions poured from Riva’s startled blue-gray eyes. Lexi blinked, trying to sever the connection, but they kept coming. Wonder, joy, bewilderment, adoration, apprehension, doubt…a storm of confused, contradictory feelings.

  “But Port Venn is so far away,” said Riva. “How can I trust you won’t abandon me there? You’ve told me that you don’t do relationships.”

  “That’s true, but you’re not someone I want to move on from.” Lexi took Riva’s hand. “I’m not suggesting you be my exclusive girlfriend or anything. I don’t think that’d be right for either of us. But we can still have something special. We can hold onto this.”

  “What does ‘this’ mean?”

  “You’re my friend. I care about you. I want to have sex with you. And I promise to never leave you stranded. If Port Venn isn’t for you, if you get sick of us, I swear I’ll find a way to get you back here.”

  “I don’t have words.” Riva blinked tears from her lashes. “But I don’t need them. Not with you.”

  Lexi pulled Riva back to her, and they wriggled until they were perfectly interlocked, a warm jumble of limbs. Vulnerable together. Strong together.

  As much as it hurt to face it, Ash hadn’t respected Lexi before the end. She’d become distant, scornful, prone to scolding. Everyone needs a cause, Lexi. If you aren’t fighting for change, you’re bequeathing all this to the next generation. The struggle, the squalor, the bullshit.

  But now, as Lexi held Riva close to her bare skin, it was never more evident that she did have a cause, a camaraderie of defiant bodies and unrepentant desires. It was the same struggle that had made Kade so patient, Zeke so tolerant, Callie so gentle, Riva so generous…

  And if a moment like this were still possible—if people like Lexi and Riva could create together such a perfect instant of warmth, solace and solidarity—then it meant that the queer revolution had never ended.

  It had only gone underground.

  CHAPTER 35

  Sarabelle was angrier than Kade had ever seen her—including the time an edition had gone to print with a typo in the main headline. “Keeping company with Codists, gangsters and smugglers,” she said. “Dealing with Reed. Who are you loyal to, anyway?”

  “Don’t question his loyalty.” Amity loomed over her. “There’s a limit to the slander I’ll endure hearing.”

  “Oh, keep out of it,
you thug. He doesn’t work for you, he works for me. Not that you’d know it, the way he’s been carrying on.”

  A few meters away, Nikolas and Mineko continued their quiet conversation. Kade would have given a great deal to know what they were saying to each other. Unfortunately, he was stuck listening to his incensed editor.

  “The shut-ins will tear the press to pieces,” Sarabelle said. “They’ll march in and smash my printer.”

  Kade shook his head. “I told Gaspar Tamura I was solely responsible. Lachlan will do his part to ensure my lie is believed.”

  “Why would he do that? Why would he?” Sarabelle flung up her hands. “And you spoke to Gaspar Tamura? For God’s sake!”

  “Certainly the biggest scoop I’ve ever had.”

  “You son of a bitch. I ought to use your blood as ink for the next edition.”

  Amity scowled, and Sarabelle took a nervous step away from her. “I didn’t mean that literally, you brute. You look like you’re one primal instinct away from snarling at me.”

  “No,” said Amity. “I passed that point a few minutes ago. I’m now one primal instinct away from tearing out your throat.”

  “It’s that girl you should be menacing. That little Tamura monster. If you have any sense, you’ll take her right back to her parents wrapped in a big bow with a gift card that says ‘I’m so very, very sorry.’ And maybe some fucking chocolates just in fucking case, you fucking idiots.”

  Kade chuckled. “All my years of service have been erased in an instant of your white-hot temper, I see.”

  “I can’t believe you kept this a secret from me. The Codists are making mind-reading cyborgs. That headline writes itself, Kade.”

  “Nobody would believe you,” Amity said. “It sounds like science fiction.”

  “Science fiction? We live in a dystopian nightmare! People traipse around with chips in their spines while a cabal of reclusive ideologues develop evermore-sinister technologies to exert their control over the drug-fueled gangsters who run riot in the districts! There is no such thing as science fiction anymore. An alien could land in the street and it would be business as usual. Hell, somebody would try to fix it up with some junk and a hooker.”