Dirty Bastard

by Jessica Clare

We pull up and I park the car, then race around to Lexi’s side to open the door for her and help her out. She gives me a funny look. “If it was up to me, I’d carry you inside,” I tell her. “I’m gonna fuss over you tonight. There’s no gettin’ around that.”

  Her lips tug into a half smile. “Fair enough.” She rubs her arms and shivers in the night air. “I mostly want a shower, honestly. A shower and pajamas.”

  “We can do that,” I promise her.

  I help her inside, despite her fussin’, and it takes everything I have not to go into the bathroom with her and help her shower. She doesn’t want me in there, though, and so I sit on the couch and twiddle my thumbs until I decide I’ll make her a snack instead. I fix a big bowl of kettle corn—one of her favorites—and a glass of milk, and then wait for her to come out.

  She emerges a short time later, hair wet, and wearin’ her biggest, fluffiest flannel pajamas. That’s all right with me. I pull the popcorn bowl into my lap and pat the sofa next to me. “Come sit.”

  I worry she’s gonna think I’m pushin’ too hard, but she moves to sit next to me and curls her legs up under her. I put an arm around her shoulders and she leans in, snuggling against my chest.

  “Don’t think we ain’t gonna talk,” I murmur, wrapping my arms around her. “’Cause we got a lot we need to hash out. Don’t want either of us sleepin’ on it and thinkin’ the problem went away.”

  Lexi groans and grabs a handful of kettle corn, shoving it into her mouth. “Look, so busy snacking, can’t find time to talk.” She gives me an overly bright smile, her cheeks puffed out.

  I snort and put the popcorn on the table, out of her reach. “That’s what I get for tryin’ to feed my woman.”

  “Crumbs on your lap?” She brushes a bit of popcorn off of the front of her pajamas.

  “More like her usin’ it as a stalling tactic.”

  Lexi sighs heavily and gives me a chagrined look. “Old habits die hard.”

  “That’s all right,” I tell her. “As long as they do eventually die.” I put a hand on her back and rub the small of it. “You can talk to me, can’t you? Am I that hard for you to open up to?”

  “That’s the thing. I’m not used to opening up to anyone. I just . . .” She scrunches her face and puts two fists in front of her and shakes them. “Bottle it up until I’m ready to explode.”

  “That ain’t healthy.”

  “Well, that’s what yoga’s for. Instead of exploding on people, I make them do really tough poses. Their groans of distress soothe my ego.”

  I can’t help but laugh a bit at that. It’s true. Lexi’s favorite thing about yoga is trying to watch other people attempt the same poses. “Just try for me, all right? I promise I won’t keep anything from you or do shit behind your back no more.”

  She sighs again, as if pained. “All right. Let’s talk about Keith Lawrence, that fucking dildo of a human being. It was really sweet of you to go and talk to him, but I don’t like that you didn’t talk about it with me first.”

  “I don’t like that you felt threatened by him and didn’t say anything to me,” I counter, my tone as gentle as I can make it. “How do you know he isn’t dangerous?”

  “Because I figure he would have chopped me into pieces and hidden me inside his fridge already if that was his intent? No? Hey, don’t frown like that. I’m just being funny.” She puts her hands on my cheeks and tries to force a smile to my face manually. “Smile.”

  “If he so much as touched you,” I growl, seein’ red at the very thought, “I’m gonna burn that fire station down to the ground.”

  “Which wouldn’t be all that useful, seeing as how it’s a fire station and they probably can put it out, but hey.” She crawls into my lap, tryin’ her best to distract me. “Look. Keith just has a hard time taking no for an answer. I thought I had him handled, but I didn’t. Part of me is glad you stepped in, and part of me wants to smack you around for pushing ahead without my permission, because it was my problem and not yours.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I tell her, letting my hands settle around her waist. If she wants to crawl all over me, I’m more than happy to oblige. “There ain’t no more you problems or me problems. There’s ‘us’ problems. And the way I see it, he was scarin’ my baby . . . who’s carryin’ my baby. Understand?”

  Lexi purses her lips. “Much as I hate to admit it . . . yes. So what did you say to him? Did he actually listen or was he just a dick about it?”

  “He postured a lot, but he didn’t have a choice but to listen when I brought in the lawyers and mentioned his record in front of everyone.”

  Her eyes widen. “Record? What record?”

  I nod and tell her all about the scene at the firehouse. About Keith’s prior record and all the threats I lobbed at him. “Course,” I point out, “I should probably give the dick back his keys, but I’ll let him sweat on ’em for a bit. Then I’ll have my lawyer return ’em once enough time has passed.”

  “You stole his keys?” She shakes her head. “What am I saying? Of course you did. This is you we’re talking about here.” Lexi slides her hand down my chest. “Just give them back. I don’t want to even think about him anymore. If what you said is true, if he even tries anything, he’s going back to prison to be someone’s bitch for a long time.”

  I think for a moment and then add, “I might have also strongly hinted that you’d have bodyguards followin’ you around for a while.”

  “Bodyguards?” Her brows go up. “Were you plannin’ on telling me this?”

  “Well,” I drawl. “I wasn’t at first, but since we’re tellin’ each other everything, I figured I’d better. You mad?”

  She considers for a long moment, and then rubs her hand over my heart again. “I’m glad you told me, and now that I have time to think about it, no, I’m not mad. It might not be a bad idea if Keith does have a prior record. Just . . . how closely will they be watching me?”

  “You won’t even know they’re in the area,” I promise her. “I’ll introduce you and then we’ll make sure they stay clear of you to give you the room you need. I just don’t want him tryin’ anything. That’s all.”

  She nods. “All right. I can handle that.” Lexi brightens. “Look at us, handling things like real adults and talking about them. I feel like I leveled up at life.”

  I chuckle. “Wanna level up again? Let’s finish talkin’ about living situations.”

  Her nostrils flare, and she gives me a mildly panicked look. Her fingers clench in my shirt. “I don’t know if I’m ready to figure out houses yet. That feels so very . . . domestic.”

  I stroke her back, and she leans in close to me again. “We don’t have to be domestic just yet. But I figure we should do somethin’ between now and the time Junior’s born.”

  “That’s still over five months from now. Do we have to decide today?”

  “Nah, baby. We don’t have to decide today,” I tell her gently. “Long as we decide where the baby’s staying between now and then.”

  Lexi looks relieved. She idly rubs up and down my chest again, and my cock’s gettin’ uncomfortably hard just at that small touch. I don’t say shit, though. I like her hands on me far too much. My cock can play again in a week or two, when Lexi’s been okayed by the doctor. Until then, it’s gonna have to just ache a bit. “I can make a decision in a few months,” she tells me. “Can we get a place with a studio of some kind?”

  “Whatever you want, love.” I mean it, too. If she wants to live in one of them tiny house things and move from town to town, I’d be just fuckin’ fine with that, too. Long as we’re together. I rub her thigh idly. “I’ll go home tonight after we get you all settled and—”

  “Wait, why?” Her arms go around my neck.

  “Well, because this is your house and you ain’t ready for a home yet.”

  “Correction. T
his is Natalie’s house. I’m just guesting here. And just because I’m not ready for setting down roots at a permanent house doesn’t mean that I want you to leave.” She slides closer to me, practically rocking against my hips. “I want you to stay.”

  I nod slowly. Truth be told, I’m relieved. I want to stay, too. I don’t want to leave her side ever again. “All right. And marriage? Since we’re gettin’ all the tricky stuff out in the air tonight?”

  Lexi blows a breath out, thinking. “I know it’s something you want. A lot.”

  “Yeah,” I say, and there’s a thick knot in my throat. “Can’t deny that it’s what I want more than anythin’.” Well, almost. I want her and my baby in my life more than anythin’, and if I have to compromise for that, I’ll hate it, but I’ll do it.

  “I . . .” She hesitates. “I kind of like the idea of you being all mine, but marriage also scares the piss out of me. Does that make sense?”

  I relax a little, because that’s not the “no” I thought it would be. “Scares me a little, too, but in a good way. I’d love to have you be all mine, sweetheart. I’d love for our kid to have two married parents that love each other.”

  “And if it doesn’t work out?” she asks, worried. “Remember I don’t have a great track record.”

  “You got married real, real young,” I point out. “When you felt like you had no other options. So I ain’t exactly holdin’ that against you. You made the choice you had to at the time. It’ll be different between you and me. We’ll go into it knowin’ exactly what we’re gettin’ into and we’ll talk about everything every step of the way.”

  “Talk about everything like . . .” She gives me a wry look. “Like how Texas is a fifty–fifty state and if we divorced, I’d get half of your billions? That kind of talk?”

  “Didn’t cross my mind, but we can talk about it.”

  She gives me a frustrated look. “How can that not cross your damn mind? You could lose billions if we divorced.”

  “But I’d still have billions. How much does one guy need?”

  Her brows go up again. “I can’t decide if that’s wise or ridiculous.”

  “Both?” I shrug. “So you want me to have the lawyers draw somethin’ up that says you don’t get shit if we don’t work out?”

  She shifts on my lap. “I said it was ridiculous. I didn’t say I was crazy.” Her teasing look disappears as quickly as it crosses her face. “I do worry about that, though. That’s a big consideration, Knox. Money.”

  “Well, the way I look at it, if you and me don’t work out, it’d be for one reason only.”

  “What’s that?”

  I touch her jaw lightly, because she’s so fuckin’ beautiful I can’t not touch her. “That you were so miserable you couldn’t be with me anymore. I’d never be the one to leave you, so it’d have to be you leavin’ me, Lexi. And if you hated bein’ with me, I wouldn’t want you to stay. I’d want you to be happy. So I’d give half my money to the woman I love and the mother of my child any time she asked, even if it was so she could leave me.”

  Her mouth parts slightly and her eyes get suspiciously shiny again. “Damn it, Knox. Quit being such a sweetheart. Be a dickhead. I know how to deal with those. I have no idea how to handle someone like you.”

  “You have as much time as you want to find out, sweetheart.” I rub my hand up and down her butt, caressin’ her. “Let me give you everythin’, Lexi.”

  “And what do you want from me in return?”

  “I want you to be happy. That’s all I want.”

  She shakes her head, as if not sure what to make of me, then leans in and tucks her head against my neck, her breasts pressin’ against my front, and her arms go around me. She’s draped herself completely over me, and I love it. Love the feel of her body on mine, my hands on her as I hold her close, our hearts beatin’ together.

  “I was really freaking out tonight,” Lexi admits in a soft voice. “I was alone, and I was scared, and all I kept thinking about was how much of a mistake it was to blow up at you, because I didn’t want to leave you. That you were the only person I ever wanted at my side, and normally when things get tough, I’d rather retreat and handle them on my own. I didn’t want that tonight, though. All I could think about was how much I felt hollow without you, and how if you were there, you’d make everything better. I hated that I gave up on you.”

  “I didn’t,” I tell her easily.

  “Didn’t what?” She taps my shoulder with one finger.

  “Give up on you. You may have given up on me, but I didn’t give up on you, sweetheart. I refuse to.”

  “That could be taken as a stalkery way,” she muses.

  “Or a devoted way,” I correct, squeezin’ her delicious ass again. “You’re my life, Lexi. You and our baby. I ain’t never gonna give up on you, even if you dress the kid in black and call him Scissorhands. You can be as weird as you want, as prickly as you want, and I’ll be right there at your side lovin’ you every step of the way.”

  She sighs. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “That’s because it is easy,” I murmur. I can’t resist touchin’ her. That wonderful, bouncy ass of hers is makin’ me want to do naughty things. I slide my hand under the band of her pajama pants and touch bare skin.

  Lexi grabs my hand. “Wait, Knox. We can’t. Doctor said no sex.”

  “I wasn’t gonna suggest sex. Nothin’ says I can’t make you come, though.”

  She sits up, frowning at me. “Are you kidding? I have never felt less sexy, Knox.”

  “Which is ironic, because you’ve never been more sexy to me.” I move my hands away from her pants and cup her face instead, pulling her forward and into a kiss. It’s a gentle one, full of promise and heat and lots and lots of tongue. When I pull away from her, she’s breathing hard, her eyes unfocused and her mouth shiny and pink, her skin reddened from my beard. “You want me to show you just how sexy I find you?”

  “Should we?” she whispers, looking into my eyes. Waitin’ for me to make the call.

  “Just trust me, love.”

  And my beautiful, perfect Lexi hesitates for a moment, and then presses her mouth to mine. She gives me a feverish kiss, and then tells me, “I will. I’m going to trust you with everything, Knox.”

  She might not give me everythin’ like she’s sayin’, but tonight’s a damn good start. I lower my mouth to hers again and slide my hand into her pants once more. Eventually she’ll realize that—like tonight—it’s always all about her. Nothin’ matters to me but her.

  And I intend on showin’ her that every damn day.

  Chapter 22

  Lexi

  “You know, they say pigeon pose opens your hips up, I just never thought it would open them quite that much.” I tell Knox as he holds our newborn son close. “I wonder if we should use the video of that in class, water-breaking and all. It might be an incentive for women that are overdue to push their babies along.”

  “I think he has your nose,” Knox tells me, and it’s clear he’s not listening to a word I’m saying. He hasn’t since the nurses put the baby in his arms. That’s all right. He’s allowed to be enraptured by our small son. I am, too. Tired, but fascinated and feeling more love than I thought one heart could hold for one small baby and his father. My husband of two months gazes down at our child with the most tender, adoring look on his face. “People say newborn babies are ugly, but I don’t see it. He’s the handsomest little fella.”

  “He’s got a handsome daddy,” I say back, and then because I’m getting too mushy, I add, “You’re practically the same age.”

  Knox just snorts with amusement and holds one tiny fist. “So what name do you want, sweetheart? Did you decide?”

  I groan and lean back on the hospital bed pillows. The name has been a thing of contention between us for the last few months, ever since we knew for sure
that it was a boy. We wanted something with an X in it because both of our names have an X, but deciding on that name has been tricky. It’s been one of the more difficult decisions lately, and we’ve had several big decisions in the last few months, like getting married and buying a house. Those were easy compared to figuring out what to call our perfect baby. “I’m sure something will come to us.”

  I’m not worried about it. Things always seem to work out wonderfully when I’m with Knox. It’s like the world slides into place when he’s around. I keep expecting things to get hard or awful, but they never do. He’s been at my side every step of the way with the pregnancy, from natural childbirth classes to doctor’s appointments to midnight runs for artisan ice cream and spicy pickles. After a few months of being together, I realized that I no longer wanted to spend my nights apart from him, and that we were spending either every night at his trailer or together at my tiny cottage. After that, it just made sense to get a house together.

  So we did. It’s a wonderfully weird house with avant-garde styling, a water fountain in the foyer, a sunken floor for the bedroom, and some strange-ass murals on the walls. The realtor kept trying to convince us that we could paint over everything, but I liked the weirdness of the place. I knew it was going to be mine when I saw there was an exercise room just large enough for my studio, and it’s now covered in delicate pink wallpaper with a light skull-and-crossbones pattern.

  So far, being in a house with Knox has been perfect. We let Natalie decorate since she loves that sort of thing, and it brought me even closer to my friend. She wasn’t even upset that I was pregnant and didn’t tell her—she was just excited we’d get to go through this together. I feel a little guilty about that, because Natalie’s pretty much been sick every day of her pregnancy, and I’ve only had a few weird cravings. My baby bump was half the size of hers, and I’ve put on exactly the required amount of weight. Poor Nat. Of course, her sweet little newborn, Esme, makes up for a lot of things, I imagine.

  After Knox and I moved in together, it seemed natural to try out the marriage thing. Like everything else with Knox, it’s been effortless. There hasn’t been a day that I’ve regretted it, or that he’s been an asshole. It’s all been . . . perfect.