The Bad Boy’s Heart

by Holden, Blair

  “Hey! That’s the girl from the flyers, isn’t she?”

  “Oh yeah, that blonde. Damn, she looks hotter in person.”

  I ignore them at first, but that’s until one of them gets too close for comfort, and the hair at the back of my neck stands up.

  “You want to test her out and see if she lives up to her promise?”

  Their voices get louder and my heart begins to race. It’s very possible that they aren’t talking about me; it’s plausible.

  But then I feel someone place a hand on my butt and then proceed to grope it roughly. That’s all it takes for me to scream loud enough to be heard above the music. I’ve been in this position before; I’ve had unwanted hands on me. I still have nightmares about what happened in the bathroom with Hank at the start of my senior year of high school. I know what it feels like to have someone touch you without your consent, the revulsion that creeps into you. The sense of violation and of utter humiliation.

  “Hey, baby girl, don’t scream just yet. The ad said you’d show me a good time for one hundred dollars; I’ll pay. Why don’t we go somewhere private?”

  I raise my elbow and hit him in the nose. He drops his hands from me and stumbles away, but then his buddy walks toward me swaying a little. I walk backward, the ravenous look on his face scaring the heck out of me. I look toward the bar area but the crowd is thick, so thick that that people aren’t even noticing what’s happening. I shake my head, this is surreal and stupid.

  What’s going on?

  “You have the wrong girl. I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

  “It was definitely you on the flyer.” He leers at my chest and I start to shake.

  I can defend myself, I’m not as helpless as I used to be, but…

  “Tessie? Where the hell is she?” I hear him shout, and a few seconds later, he’s tearing through the crowd with a furious look on his face. He sees the guys cornering me and nearly roars at them.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

  These guys aren’t any match for Cole; he towers over them and has more muscle. One look at him and they’re scurrying away. But Cole’s expression doesn’t lighten; he grabs my arm and pulls me toward the private room. The man in charge of security gives him a brief nod and lets us pass.

  We enter a more private, softly lighted space with a huge beige sofa and thick carpeting. I wanted to sink into the carpet and disappear when Cole points his phone and, lo and behold, I see my face staring back at me, but very cleverly Photoshopped onto the body of a scantily clad, very curvy woman who’s only covered by a tiny scrap of cloth over her lady parts.

  “Who the hell did this?” he yells into my face, his face turning red.

  “I…” I struggle to make a sound, “I don’t know—”

  “Bullshit! Tell me the truth.”

  He’s making me angry with all the yelling. It’s not my fault! If anything, it’s his.

  “Why don’t you go ask the same thing from your study buddies? I’m sure they’ll know exactly who did.”

  I try to shove past him and leave, but he grabs my wrists and pulls me into his chest.

  “What do you mean? You think one of the girls did this?”

  “Not just one, all of them, you idiot. I’m like a walking target for them and, stupidly enough, I’ve let them do things like this to me. I didn’t want you to find out…I didn’t want you to think that you had to start protecting poor old Tessie again.”

  His chest heaves at my back; he’s furious, but I can’t help but push his buttons.

  “You should’ve told me.”

  “I was handling it.”

  “This? This is how you were handling it? Some guy just walks up to me and shows me a picture of my girl’s face on some stripper’s body? Asks me if it’s true that you’re really into…”

  His body begins to tremble. “I’m going to kill them.”

  I begin struggling in his arms and he lets me go. Turning to him, I cup his cheek and pull his face to mine.

  “Stop trying to be my hero, Cole; just be my boyfriend. I don’t care about their immature pranks.”

  “This wasn’t some stupid prank, Tessie; this was a shitty thing to do to a person. They crossed all kinds of lines here.”

  “And I’ll talk to them about it; maybe you should come with me and give them something to look at while I threaten their academic careers.”

  His face breaks out in a tentative smile. “I’m still okay with mass murder but, damn, when did you get so grown up?”

  “Just around the time you stole my virtue,” I say pointedly and he laughs, pulling me under his chin.

  “I know this is all my fault; I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Yeah, I really wish you’d been uglier and a recluse, so completely your fault.”

  “Don’t be cute.”

  “I’m always cute.”

  “Why can’t you just throw a freaking hair dryer at me like a normal woman?”

  “Nah, if I were to throw any electrical appliance at you, I’d go for my KitchenAid.”

  His heartbeat slows down just a little; he’s distracted now. Mission accomplished.

  Chapter Twenty: It’s Still Too Soon for Me to Be Thinking About Fat Suits

  It’s the kind of dream where you know you’re dreaming, but that doesn’t make the nightmare any better. I’m at the club; I’m back in the bathroom. I’m restrained, helpless and weak. I’m crying out; someone’s hands are all over my body. I’m shaking, it’s so cold. I need to run but I’m scared, there’s a menacing face in the dark. I feel filthy, violated. He needs to stop touching me!

  “Stop!” I cry out. I’m struggling in the dark. I reach for his face, gnaw at it. Arms go around me, pulling me back into a strong chest.

  “Shh, wake up, Tessie. It’s okay. I’m here; I’ve got you.”

  I know that voice; I know it’s him holding me now and not any of them. I don’t open my eyes, though; I know they’re stinging, and if he sees me crying…

  “Tessie?”

  I fall deeper into his chest. “I’m okay.” I sniff and I feel his arms tremble around me.

  “You sure you don’t…”

  “I’d just like to sleep, please; it was a dream, nothing else.”

  I can feel his frustration but he doesn’t fight me on it and wraps his arms protectively around me.

  ***

  “Would you like me to wear one of those fat suits wrestlers wear?”

  Before Cole gets the opportunity to reply, I think over my words a little. “Wait, forget I said that. It’s still too soon for me to be thinking about fat suits.”

  His features contort into a scowl. “Do we need to have another talk about self-esteem? Because if I have to tie you to a chair and tell you how much I like big butts and I cannot lie, then…”

  “My butt is not big!” Still, I twist my body to look at it, grateful that all the exercise has reduced its size significantly. “It used to be, but not anymore.”

  “And I like it in both sizes.” He shrugs before throwing his sweatshirt at me. “Wear it, I think Eric has some friends coming over.”

  I glance down at my shirt and it’s perfectly fine. Yes, it’s a little tight, but Cami said that the red-colored jersey material made me glow. But that was only after I hit her with the bottle of fake tan she’d brought over. The day I decide to coat myself in orange goo is the day I become an honorary Kardashian.

  I hold the soft fabric in my hand, tempted to bring it up to my nose and sniff Cole’s delicious scent, but instead I glare at him.

  “Are you telling me what to wear?”

  “Shortcake, if it were up to me, you’d be wearing as little clothing as possible, not more of it. I just…these guys can be real meatheads, and you’re wearing that…” He gestures to my shirt like it’s offended him. “And I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “I know what you’re doing, mister, you’re trying to change the topic, aren’t you?”


  He scratches the back of his neck. “What topic would that be?” He spins on his feet and heads back into his room. I follow quickly, determined to get to the root of his recent behavior.

  “You’ve been acting like you’re my bodyguard, not my boyfriend. Care to explain?”

  Shrugging, he begins tossing a bunch of clothes in a duffel bag. I know he’s trying to play cool, and that ever since he found out about his fangirls bullying me, especially the incident at the club, he’s been going out of his way to protect me. Add to that my recurring nightmares, and he’s willing to build a fort around me with skank-incinerating laser beams. He’s outright refused to work with Allison and her cronies and has a permanent threatening look to his face, so no one’s brought up the ad again. I shiver as I remember how violently angry he’d been when we returned from the club. After having dropped Cami off at the dorms, I stayed with him at the apartment just to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.

  And while he’s managed to keep his temper in check, he’s also been treating me like I’m made of glass. More than anything, his guilt has created this huge barrier between us where he’s hesitant to talk to me, and it’s killing me. That’s why I didn’t want to tell him about what’d been happening; of course he’s linking it to how Nicole bullied me because of Jay.

  This is nothing like Nicole, and I’ve told him that repeatedly; if only he didn’t have PBS, Protective Boyfriend Syndrome.

  “Cole, please talk to me.”

  “Do you have everything you need? We’re going to be stuck in traffic if we don’t leave now.”

  He pushes past me and rummages through his drawers that I know for a fact have nothing but the extra pair of socks I bought for him.

  “You have to know it’s not your fault.”

  He drops down to his knees, and I see his knuckles strain, he’s holding the edges of the open drawer so tightly.

  “I’ll bring our bags to the car; you should make some coffee to go.”

  I sigh, realizing that he’ll push just as hard as I do. I’m not willing to fight with him, not when we’re going home for Thanksgiving and getting the opportunity to be with our friends and families after quite a long while. Maybe he’ll be more open to discussion during the two-hour journey; I can be very persuasive when I want to.

  ***

  “Would you please stop playing that?”

  “Would you please talk to me?”

  “I am talking to you!” he cries before changing the track; too bad for him I’ve made a special playlist for this trip and it’s one specifically designed to coerce him into not shutting me out anymore.

  Taylor Swift’s voice croons in the background and I’m reminded of the good old days, back when my favorite thing to do was to annoy the crap out of him.

  “Look,” he says gripping the steering wheel tightly, “my car, my music, and I’m begging you to stop playing that song. I can’t take it anymore.”

  “Wait, did you mean this one?”

  It’s one of her older ones, back when she was a country music sensation.

  There are few things in life Cole hates more than country music. Me singing alongside said music would be one of them.

  “Okay, okay, stop! I’ll talk; just make that thing stop.”

  I grin and quickly pause the music. Curling up in my seat, I look at either side of us. Because a lot of people are heading home for the four-day weekend and because we didn’t leave in a timely manner, we’re, as Cole predicted, stuck in traffic. Since he’s not so fond of my taste in music, I may as well pass the time by making him fess up.

  “You’re angry,” I tell him, “you’re angry at yourself, and you’re taking it out on us. You haven’t been the same since that night.”

  “Oh, you mean the night when my girlfriend was nearly assaulted by a pair of assholes and who has been targeted and bullied because she’s dating me? Jesus, why would I be angry?”

  His jaw ticks and his body screams pent-up frustration. I wonder what he’d do to the guys from the other night if they were to come in front of him now.

  “You need to remember that I’ve failed you once, Tessie; what good am I if I can’t even protect you?”

  There’s a solemn silence between us as we remember Hank. I know we’re both remembering different things; I picture being trapped in that bathroom and having a stranger’s unwanted hands touch me all over, and he’s remembering the aftermath.

  “You went to jail for me,” I say softly, “you fought for me; there’s nothing else I’d ever ask or expect from you.”

  He sighs. “You shouldn’t have to ask for anything; I should know and fix it…I’m fucking this up.”

  Anger starts to boil inside me. “What do you take me for, Stone? I’m not some damsel in distress, not anymore. You’ve always told me that I’m stronger than I’d ever considered myself to be. Then why don’t you stop blaming yourself for not saving me from…I don’t know, life!”

  His lips curl into a smile and then eventually he grins. “If only you knew it’s the other way around.”

  “What is?” I’m confused; the mood swings in this car are giving me whiplash.

  “Who gets saved and who does the saving, yeah, you’ve got it all wrong.”

  I bite my lip and hide a smile of my own; this time I know he’s not attempting to change the subject or charm his way into avoiding talking about the real thing. The fact that he actually believes the absurd thing that I saved him is written all over his face, and it makes me warm all over. I reach across the seat and kiss him quickly.

  “Don’t pull away from me; don’t let them win.”

  ***

  Cole and I hold hands as we walk into his house. We dropped off my things at my house, which was empty since my dad’s not supposed to back in town till tonight. Travis and Beth don’t know that we ditched our Wednesday classes and are here a day earlier than planned, and I want to surprise them later. Megan and Alex don’t get here till tomorrow evening, so it only made sense for me to agree when Cole asked me to have an early dinner with Cassandra and Sheriff Stone. Usually we don’t spend a lot of time at his house, only because there’s still a weird tension that exists between him and Jay.

  Thinking about Jay, my former naive crush and current somewhat friend, makes me want to smack myself a good couple of times. If I’d confronted my feelings for Cole earlier and realized that Jay was never someone who deserved the amount of time I’d spent pining over him, then the two stepbrothers wouldn’t have such a strain between them. I’m sure it doesn’t make things any easier for the family.

  As soon as we walk through the door and Cole drops his duffel on the ground, we hear a voice from the kitchen.

  “Cole, that you?”

  “Yeah, Mom! Unless you were waiting for the lesser child to show up!” he yells back, and I playfully glare at him. The holidays would go so much better were everyone not to make fun of poor Jay.

  “Ah, Cole Grayson, you’re livening up the place already.”

  “Someone has to; I’d rather it be the good-looking Stone.”

  Cassandra walks out from the kitchen looking a little flushed, an apron tied behind her back. Her face lights up when she sees the two of us, and I’m quickly engulfed in a hug. I hug her back tightly. “Hey, sweetheart, we’ve missed you around here.”

  The smell of Chanel No. 5 wafts up my nose, and she gives me a good, long hug. Cassandra has pretty much become a stand-in mom for me, ever since mine left in search of greener pastures and a richer husband. I still talk to my mom, but she hasn’t really been a mother since before I started high school. Besides, this new mom is a neurosurgeon; how kick-ass is that?

  “I’ve missed you, too; there’s only so much of him I can stand.” I shove Cole’s side with my elbow.

  “My baby boy,” Cassandra coos as she plants a massive kiss on Cole’s cheek, which he begins rubbing vigorously. “You’ve grown so much.”

  “Really? Are you really going to do this?”


  “Are you really going to take away my one true chance to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend?”

  “Yes, Mom, I am. We’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

  “You won’t even stay to taste the new recipe I’m testing?”

  “If you can handle cutting open someone’s head, I’m sure you can handle pastry.”

  “But it’s a new filling,” she singsongs as she begins retreating to the kitchen. “Someone might have told me that a person here has a slight Nutella addiction.”

  My mouth drops open, and in my enthusiasm for all things that include the chocolate-hazelnut goodness, I smack Cole’s arm a little too harshly.

  “No way.”

  Cassandra looks smug. “Now who’d you prefer to spend time with, the mother who offers you chocolate or the boyfriend who probably has a month’s worth of laundry to catch up on?”

  Cole shoots his duffel bag a dirty look. “Damn it.”

  “I suggest you better get started now before Jason shows up. I fear he’ll be even worse than you.” Cassandra shudders at the thought.

  “She’s got a point.” I smile at him. “You may as well get started; I’ve got a pie to test out.”

  He shakes his head. “Who knew that damn plastic jar would be such a cock-blocker; talk about false advertising.”

  “Cole!” I gasp, feeling my face heat up as Cassandra just chuckles and goes back into the kitchen.

  He gives me a mock military salute. “You know where to find me.”

  “Laundry room?”

  “I’ll be the one lying on the floor groaning in agony.”

  “I’ll kiss it better, promise.” I creep in closer and sneak in a kiss with just the right amount of tongue before leaving him for greener, more chocolatey pastures.

  ***

  After having dinner with the Stones minus Jay, Cole and I decide to go into town for a while just for the sake of it. We start putting up our Christmas lights pretty early, so I won’t be surprised if some people won’t even have waited for Thanksgiving.