KILLER: An Unfit Hero Novel

by Faiman, Hayley

  “Beau,” Hutton hisses.

  “True fuckin’ story,” he snaps.

  Hutton shakes her head and opens her mouth, but I hold my hand up. “Don’t. Beaumont is right. Louis deserves better than me,” I whisper.

  It’s then that I decide that I can’t stay for dinner. I feel too out of place. I can’t just run out with Hutton and Beaumont watching me though. Biting the corner of my lip, I ask Hutton where the restroom is, and slip off around the corner.

  I know if I linger, by the time I make my way back, I’ll be able to slip out the door with none the wiser. I’ll call Exeter tomorrow and apologize, she’ll understand. These are good people, too good for the likes of me. I was kidding myself when I thought that I could possibly become part of their circle.

  Closing the bathroom door behind me, I inhale a deep breath, staring at myself for longer than necessary in the reflection of the mirror. I curse myself. I should be better than this, more mature, but apparently, I’m not.

  Exhaling, I glance down at my phone, I bite my lip when I notice that ten minutes have passed. Opening the bathroom door, I look from side to side and quietly tiptoe out of the space and start to walk down the dark hallway.

  “Going somewhere?” a voice asks from the darkness.

  With a yelp, my entire body jumps. I feel strong arms wind around my waist and then my back is pressed against the wall. I try not to focus on Louis’ strong, muscular body touching every inch of my own.

  Licking my lips, I tilt my head back and look up into his green eyes. He’s watching me, his eyes searching mine. “You aren’t wearing a ring anymore,” he needlessly points out.

  I shrug a shoulder, not answering him. I have no doubt that one of the women in the other room has told him that I’m single now, rid of Joey for good.

  “You let your hair grow out,” he murmurs, lifting his hand from my waist to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear.

  Nodding, I can say nothing other than, “Nuh huh,” like an idiot.

  “It’s pretty,” he rasps, lowering his face toward mine.

  If I wanted to touch my lips to his, it wouldn’t be hard to do. I could lift up on my toes and just take a taste.

  He grins as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “Lost weight too, that I don’t like much,” he grunts.

  My shoulder jerks and I narrow my eyes on his. I have lost weight. I don’t know how much, but working two jobs, both of which require me to be on my feet the entire time, plus not having time or energy to eat, that’s helped tremendously in aiding said weight loss.

  “Love those thick thighs and ass you had, Tullie. I like a woman with curves.” Pressing my lips together, I turn my head to the side. “We need to talk,” he states.

  “Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I snap, turning my gaze back to meet his.

  His lips are turned up into a shit-eating grin. “I’ve been talking, that’s the first thing you’ve said to me.”

  “What do you want?” I ask.

  He shakes his head once. “Not here, not tonight. Meet up tomorrow after you get off shift?” he asks.

  It’s my turn to shake my head. “Sorry, I have to run home and get ready for my second job. I won’t have time. Tonight’s my only night off.”

  Something crosses over his face, but he quickly shakes it off. “You workin’ two jobs?” he asks, his brows knitting together in confusion.

  “Pays the bills.” I shrug.

  He grunts, pushing off of the wall. “Promise me you’ll text me. Meet you anywhere, anytime, Tullie. Just let me know.”

  My lips part as I watch him walk away. He doesn’t turn the corner, instead, he looks back over his shoulder at me. “You sneak out of here tonight and it’ll hurt the girls’ feelings. Stay. I won’t cause any shit.”

  Without another word, he walks away from me, leaving me with my back against the wall in the dark hallway.

  “Fuck,” I hiss.

  Squaring my shoulders, I do something that I wouldn’t have dared to do just a couple of months ago. I don’t run away, I walk back into that living room, and I join my friends.

  Louis does as he’s promised, he doesn’t say another word to me the rest of the evening. I want him to though. I want him to say a million things to me, but he doesn’t even look in my direction. I know because I spend the entire evening looking in his as often as possible.

  LOUIS

  Letting out my breath in a whoosh, I stare at the dark ceiling. Lifting my hand, I slide it beneath the back of my head. Unable to control myself, my lips turn up into a small smile. Tulip was fucking adorable tonight, and equally adorably frustrated.

  I thought that this trip was about closure. I thought it was about me proving to Tulip that I’m enough for her, and then possibly walking away—it’s not. This is about Tulip, about getting her to fucking open up to me and for me. I’m not over her, not in the slightest. And if last night is anything to go on, she’s not done with me either.

  The way she watched me, it made my dick hard as a fucking rock. The way she smiled when she thought that I wasn’t paying attention, her face turning pink with her blush and her small smirk that played on her lips.

  This story isn’t finished, it hasn’t been written between my Tullie and me. She just needs to know, to realize that I am a safe place. I’ll break down whatever it is that’s keeping her from me. I’m fucking strong enough to do it too.

  My phone dances on my nightstand and I frown as I reach for it. The name on the screen causes my frown to deepen a little bit more.

  “Yeah?” I answer.

  “Yes. Have some respect,” the voice on the other end snaps.

  I should tell him to go to hell, but I don’t. Respect is earned and this man has done absolutely nothing to earn mine. In fact, he’s done everything possible to prove to me that he doesn’t deserve my respect.

  “What do you want?” I demand.

  He waits for a moment, no doubt to prove to me that he thinks he has some kind of upper hand. Something he hasn’t had when it comes to me in years, since I was a kid actually.

  “Why ain’t you takin’ care of your grandparents?” he demands.

  I snort. Grandparents. What a fucking joke. These people are disgusting. They didn’t give a fuck about me until they saw me on television, until I became an unstoppable winner in the ring. Only then did they start to come around, and that was only because they wanted something—my money.

  “So you’ve spent everything I’ve sent you this month already?”

  “You know, my pills they’re expensive.”

  Shaking my head, I pinch my eyes closed before I reopen them. “You mean your booze and dope?” I ask.

  “My pills, yeah.”

  Fuck. I shouldn’t have ever given him a goddamn dime. I should have told him to get the fuck away from me the first time he came sniffing around. I felt bad for them though. My grandparents shouldn’t be living off of social security and welfare. Not when I can help them. I just didn’t realize they were addicts and by helping them, I would be feeding their habits.

  Growing up, my father never brought them around but didn’t tell me why. I understand it now. If he were still alive, I would tell him what a fucking mess that I’ve made of everything.

  “Can’t do it, not anymore. I’m done helping you waste what few years you have left of your life.”

  There’s a long pause, a moment of silence before I hear him growl on the other end of the line. “Your daddy poisoned you. You’re a piece of shit ingrate just like him,” he spits.

  “Yeah, well he was the best man I’ve ever known, so thanks for the fucking compliment,” I snap before ending the call.

  Without a second thought, I scroll through my contacts and block my own grandfather’s number. That kind of shit isn’t going to help me get myself together. If he wants to be a miserable old man, then that’s on him. But to talk shit about my father, a man who left this earth when I was just ten years old, that’s not fucking acceptable
.

  Deciding that I need to forewarn my mother, just in case my grandparents try anything hasty, I call her in the middle of the night.

  “Hello,” a deep voice barks.

  “Is my mother there?” I grind out.

  There’s a moment of silence, then some rustling fabric before I hear my mother’s sleepy voice answer.

  “He still suckin’ you dry, Mama?” I ask.

  I hear her frustrated exhale before she speaks. “You know that he lives here, Louis. Why are you callin’ me so late?”

  Grunting, I sit up in bed and tell her about the phone call. “So just warning you. I blocked his number and he’s not getting anything else from me,” I state.

  “Good. Shouldn’t have ever given them a dime, son. Your father had to do the same many years ago. It’s hard, but watching people you love hurt themselves and knowing that you helped them do it is even harder.”

  Pressing my lips together, I think about my own short dip into self-destruction. If anyone had seen me, had given me more booze or something worse, I would have taken it without hesitation. I was lost in a sea of depression and self-loathing.

  Hell, I still am. I am struggling every minute of every day to stand up straight and not fall flat on my fucking face.

  “You need anything?” I ask, knowing without a doubt that she will tell me no even when she does.

  “No, I’m good, Louis. I want you to take care of yourself, you hear me?”

  Clearing my throat, I tell her okay and end the call. Then, before I try to fall asleep, I transfer ten thousand dollars into an account that she and I share. One that her husband knows nothing about. He’s a piece of shit, a user, and lazy as fuck. I hope that one day my mom becomes strong and leaves his ass, but I’m not holding my breath.

  Lying back on my pillows, I close my eyes and try to sleep, but sleep doesn’t come. Instead, my mind is full of images of Antoni Byers. Of his lifeless body and the way his boy stared blankly at his coffin.

  I wake up sweaty after only an hour of attempted sleep. Instead of trying to close my eyes again, I get dressed in gym clothes and head toward my indoor gym. I spend the next four hours working out. Running, jump-roping, lifting weights, anything and everything to keep my body moving, exhausting myself completely mind, body, and soul.

  Chapter Three

  TULIP

  The hours tick by at the grocery store. I smile at each customer that comes through my line and make small talk with them, but in the back of my mind, all I can think about is Louis. He’s back and the way he looked at me in the hallway, the way he tucked my hair behind my ear.

  God, I want him to touch me some more. I want his strong hands all over my bare body. Once wasn’t enough. Seeing him last night only made me thirsty all over again. I feel desperate for him, for any piece of him and I don’t understand why.

  Yes, he made me feel better than Joey ever has. Yes, his lips are perfectly kissable. Yes, he’s tall, strong, handsome and probably the nicest man I have ever known. Yes, he’s rich and famous. Yes, he’s completely out of my league.

  I want to taste him again, just once. I want to commit every single moment with him to memory, in hopes that I won’t ever be able to forget sharing my bed and my body with a force like Louis Kingston.

  “Tulip?” a voice calls.

  My entire body jerks and I come face to face with Joey’s mother. “Hello, Mrs. Perry,” I offer with a small smile.

  It’s not her fault that her son is an asshole, though maybe it is. She babied him and still does. I’m surprised that he hasn’t moved back in with her since I kicked him out. It seems like something he would do and she would probably be more than happy to have him. Then again, maybe his dad won’t let him come back, they always had a tense relationship.

  “Joey tells me that y’all are going through a bit of a rough patch,” she says as she begins to empty the contents of her buggy on the conveyor belt.

  I clear my throat, not wanting to talk about this, with her or anyone else. I want to just pretend that Joey never existed, just live in a time where I didn’t lower myself and allow myself to be used and abused by him. That’s not possible though, not here in Gallup or anywhere in the Texas Hill Country, really.

  I’ll forever be Joey Perry’s girl—his stupid naïve girl. And I will forever owe Mr. and Mrs. Perry a debt that I won’t ever be able to repay.

  “I just think we’ve run our course, Mrs. Perry,” I say as I begin to scan her items.

  She hums, and I know that hum. She doesn’t believe me and why would she? Joey and I have split up and gotten back together so many times that I’ve lost count. I don’t blame her one bit.

  “Well you’re always welcome at my dinner table, Tulip.” She smiles.

  I dip my chin in a nod and continue to scan her food as quickly as my register will allow me to. Mrs. Perry doesn’t stay silent for long though, instead she decides to tell me all about Joey’s father and everything that he’s been up to lately, as if I care deeply. Mrs. Perry cares about Mr. Perry though, almost disturbingly, that man is her entire life.

  “You know, I’m surprised you haven’t taken Joey by the ear and dragged him down that aisle yet. He needs to settle and you need a baby. I hate to tell you, honey, but you’re inching up there in age and you don’t want to wait too long now,” she sings.

  I suppose at twenty-five that I am climbing closer toward the end of my fertile years, but I’m not dead yet and she’s acting like I’m seconds away from expiring completely. I don’t respond to her with words. The last thing I want to do is inform her that her son is an asshole, so instead, I just give her a big ass fake smile.

  “You saved twenty-one-fifty-six today, Mrs. Perry. I hope you have a wonderful evening,” I cheerily announce.

  She narrows her eyes before she snatches the receipt from me and jerks her chin toward the bagger to follow her out to her car.

  I let out a puff of air and close my eyes for a moment. When I reopen them, I see my new manager, Mark, standing at the end of my station with a grin on his face. He’s only been here a few months and he seriously gives me the full on creeps.

  “Go on and clock out. I think you deserve to get off a few minutes early after dealing with that nonsense.” He chuckles, his eyes flicking down to my breasts before he brings them back up to meet my eyes as if I can’t see him.

  With a snort, I begin to cash out my drawer. “Thanks. Ex-boyfriend’s mom,” I say with a shiver.

  He laughs. “Been there.”

  Without another word, he turns from me and I finish clocking out for the day, glad that my interaction with him is finished, at least for now. I wish that I were done working, but I’m not. I have to go home, shower, and get dressed for job number two. With my head down, I hurry toward my car only to slam into a hard body as I reach the driver’s side.

  “Tullie,” his deep voice rumbles as I lift my head to look up into his eyes.

  Jade green orbs meet mine and my breath hitches. “Why are you here?” I breathe.

  He smirks, his gaze searching my own before it dips to my lips then lifts back to meet my eyes. “Wanted to talk to you for a minute, you said you had another job, so I didn’t want to take up too much time.”

  “I do and I’m on my way home to get dressed for it,” I snap.

  His lips turn down into a small frown before they twitch into a grin. “Tullie,” he purrs. “Do you have a lunch break tomorrow?”

  Biting the corner of my lip, my eyes shift to the side and I let out a sigh. “Yeah, forty-five minutes.”

  “I’ll bring lunch to you if you want?”

  “Why? What do you want to say to me?”

  He shakes his head, then dips his chin and I can feel his breath against my lips, but he doesn’t touch my mouth with his own. Instead, he just stays there, and like an addict, I get high off of his breaths.

  “So many things, but I want to ask you a few questions and we don’t have time right now,” he rasps.

&nbs
p; “Okay,” I exhale. “Twelve-thirty.”

  “I’ll be here. Still love Bill’s Burgers’ turkey salad and fried pickles?” he asks, taking a step back from me.

  I mourn the loss of his body near my own. I wish that I was brave enough to beg him to come closer to me again. I’m not though and instead of begging, I step to the side to allow him to push off of my car so that I can get inside and head home before I go to work.

  “Tulip?” he calls just as I yank the handle of my door. Stopping, I turn to look at him from over my shoulder. “It’s good to be home,” he says softly.

  I don’t get a chance to ask him what he means. He turns from me and I watch his retreating form as he jogs toward his big lifted expensive truck. Instead of watching him climb inside and drive away, I decide to sink into my sedan’s front seat, start my engine and get the fuck out before I do something really desperately stupid.

  LOUIS

  I don’t sleep for a second night in a row. It’s fucking ridiculous, and each time I try to close my eyes, I see Antoni and his family. I reach for the sleeping pills that a doctor prescribed for me, then I decide against them and toss them into the drawer of my nightstand.

  Throwing the sheets off of my body, I get dressed and internally decide to do something different tonight. Instead of going down to my gym, I decide to go on a run outside. I haven’t gone on a long distance run in a hell of a long time and I need to keep my endurance up.

  I make my way toward town instead of running just around my property like I normally would. I live about ten miles outside of town. A twenty-mile run would assuredly tire me out long enough to sleep maybe an hour or two without a nightmare to interrupt me.

  Putting my AirPods in my ears, I find my running playlist and push shuffle. With one last long inhale, I let my breath out and start on my trek.

  It’s dark outside, well after ten in the evening and I probably shouldn’t be running down these dirt roads in the country with the abundant number of wild animals roaming around, but right now I’m not thinking in my right mind.