by Belleza
CoCo snickered. “I can’t stand you. My mouth ain’t going nowhere. Go check up on my sis. I need a nap anyway. That woman done pissed me off.”
“Bet, I need you in the best mood when you got my dick in ya mouth anyway. I don’t need you taking ya anger out on my shit.”
She continued to laugh only because she saw this video on Instagram with this woman eating some kind of animal private part. The shit had me cringing, but Corryn found it hilarious as fuck.
“Bye. See you when you get home.”
We ended the call and I was just pulling up to Amena’s house. The security knew who I was, so they let me in without me having to punch in her code. I pulled up next to her car and cut my car off. I let myself in with her spare key and saw her sitting Indian style on her sofa with her laptop on her lap.
I glanced around as if I was expecting someone to be here. Again, I shouldn’t have been acting this way, but I couldn’t help it.
“You came to curse me out about something?” she asked peeling her eyes from her laptop.
“Why it gotta be all of that?” I moved towards her and sat next to her peeking at the screen. “You’re marrying someone?”
She cut her eyes at me. “No dumb dumb, I’m looking up venues for you and CoCo. She said she doesn’t want to get married right away but it doesn’t hurt to get a jump on things.”
“Oh,” was all I said because I was completely out of that planning shit. I wanted to sign the paperwork and get it over with, but Corryn wanted the wedding of her dreams, so I was going to financially deliver it.
We fell quiet and I watched Amena do her thing. She eventually stopped what she was doing and peered at me.
“What?”
“Nothing? I can’t come chill with my sister?”
“Yeah but you’re awfully quiet and it’s weird as fuck. If you have something on your mind just say it.”
“You spoke to Wes?”
Amena huffed and shut her laptop before turning to face me. “He actually was here not too long ago. He was pretty bummed because he found out the baby might not be his.”
“Damn, he ain’t say shit to me. Not yet, at least.”
“I know. I don’t even have it in my heart to be happy that he’s sad. Playing with both of our feelings and look what happened.”
“Would you be happy if the baby isn’t his?”
“Nah. I’m not that selfish or malicious. The baby made him happy. Honestly, if he wasn’t acting confused I would’ve been with him and been open to being a stepmom and all, but I think Wesley and I are done. I told him that earlier.”
“How you break my homie heart like that? He can’t face two let downs back to back in one day.”
Amena narrowed her eyes at me. “You blacked his eye over me. I’m sure that pain was worse. Besides, I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt to avoid others hurting. Wesley made his own bed and now he gotta lie in it.”
“If all it took was for your hardheaded ass is to get kidnapped to smarten up I would’ve been paid some niggas to get the job done,” I playfully told her, and she mugged my head rolling her eyes.
“I can’t stand you.”
“That’s what big brothers are for.”
Amena reached over and gave me a hug which caught me off guard, but I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a gentle squeeze.. “Thank you, Mar. I know I don’t listen, but if it wasn’t for you I don’t think things will be as great as it is for me. Mommy let us down, and all I have is you and now, Corryn.”
“You don’t gotta thank me. What we lack shouldn’t matter because the focus should be on what we do have in our lives. Everyone get side tracked from being thankful because they worry about what they think they’re missing. Even if ya mom would’ve been in ya life, you’ll still have me going hard for you.”
Amena smiled and reached over for me again, this time kissing my cheek before pulling away. I playfully wiped it off. “Chill with that mushy shit.”
“Fine,” she huffed.
“I’m proud of you though. I don’t ever want you to think any less of yourself even with the mistakes you make. It’s better to go through it now than later.”
“I know. I know.”
I was hard on my little sister, but it was for good reason. I didn’t want her to end up old and mentally weak feeling like she needed a man. I was impressed with the way she was handling herself now and it’s only been a few days. It just made me confident that she was heading in the right direction mentally. That was all that I wanted.
Kesha
“And what did you say?”
Pressing my fingertips against my temples, I closed my eyes and rubbed in a circular motion to rid myself of the headache I felt coming on. My mom has been in my place questioning me about the same shit, I thoroughly explained. The shit was black and white, and she was acting like it was difficult to understand. My plan of hiding the fact that Wesley may not be my son’s father came to light.
It’s been days and he hasn't called me. Every time my phone rang, I hoped like hell that it was him, but it only turned out to be Irving. Come to find out he was now living in Philadelphia and told he wasn’t going to give up on his son. I was stressed the fuck out because his confidence had me second guessing myself.
I really didn’t know who the father was, but shit, the more Irving told me it was his baby I got a nagging feeling the test results was going to reveal that he was.
“Mom, I told you what happened a million times already. The more I repeat what happened will not change the circumstance. Wesley knows he might not be the father and basically told me he won’t be involved until he get the test results.”
With her arms folded firmly under her breast, my mom skewered me with an unflinching look.
“Don’t talk to me like that as if I’m responsible for your plan backfiring,” she shot at me with her voice laced with irritation. “You’re making this too easy for him to give up. Regardless if he knows for a fact that he’s the father or not, he’s still a possibility, so he has to be here.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Yes, the hell you do! Gosh, I swear sometimes I wonder if I raised you the right way.”
My eyes snapped in my mother's direction. She was really getting the hell on my nerves.
“He’s not like daddy,” I snarled allowing my anger to get the best of me.
My mother was still unbothered. “Clearly, you’re nothing like me either. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.”
“No, I’m ashamed of you!”
Her mouth dropped this time. “You’re going to regret that shit. When I’m not here to coach you on how to be a better woman, don’t you dare say you miss me.”
I rolled my eyes and lifted the remote to turn on the TV. “Trust me, I won’t,” I sneered. “You can go now.”
Tuned into the TV, I ignored my mother making her exit. The only reason I knew she left was because she slammed my damn door on her way out.
Lifting my phone beside me, I checked the time and saw that she was here bitching about what happened for thirty damn minutes. Not once did she ask me how I was feeling knowing damn well any day now I could give birth to her grandchild. I guess securing a bag with a man was more important.
Curling up on my sectional, I fought the urge to call Wesley and got relaxed. I wanted him in my life, but I had too much pride to beg, especially since I had no clue if he was even the father.
I was more tired than I thought because ten minutes laying down, my body relaxed, and I drifted off into a deep sleep.
***
I had no idea how long I’ve been sleep, but the constant vibration of my phone jolted me awake. Wiping the slobber from my mouth, I waited for the phone to stop ringing in hopes that the caller wouldn’t call back, but a few seconds later my phone was vibrating again.
“Fuck!” I said out loud grabbing the phone. Checking the screen I saw it was my father. I slid the green icon and put the phone to my ear telling myself that the re
ason why he was blowing my phone up better have been good.
“Yes,” I answered trying my best not to sound so annoyed.
“Kesha… I need you to get down to Hahnemann as soon as possible.”
If I wasn’t fully awake before, I surely was now. “Daddy, what’s wrong?!”
“After leaving your house your mother was in an accident.”
I jumped off of the couch and raced up the stairs as fast as I could to get what I needed in order to leave out of the house.
“Is she ok?” I asked in a panicked voice.
“We’re waiting to find out. Just hurry. We’re at Jefferson Hospital.”
I ended the call, quickly ordering an Uber and slipped my Vans on my feet not bothering to put a bra on. After snatching a cardigan out of my closet. I raced to the Uber that was parked outside of my house soon after I ordered it. It was just my luck they came quickly.
There was no way, I would be able to drive myself to the hospital. My hands were shaking, and it felt like it was hard for me to breathe. I was getting so annoyed with my Uber driver because he kept talking to me. I knew he was only being polite to more than likely get a five star rating, but I wasn’t in the mood or mind set to have a conversation.
Traffic was a mess and it only hiked my anxiety up to the highest degree. My whole body got tight that I was squirming in the back seat of the Uber.
The way traffic was inching, I really wanted to jump out of the car and run to the hospital, but I knew with my very pregnant stomach and my body reacting to the situation it was best I stayed put. I kept texting my father to see if there was an update and he would keep responding telling me not yet.
It bothered me that we didn’t hear about what occurred, but like they said, no news was good news, right?
After what felt like an eternity, we arrived at the hospital. I jumped out by passing security to check in and get a visitors pass. I went up to the floor my father told me they were on and saw that my entire family was there for my mother. She didn’t like them because she swore she was better than them but look who was here in her time of need.
“Daddy!” I called out to him. I was wet, out of breathing and was struggling to see clearly. “Where is she? Did the doctors come out yet?”
My father approached me with sad eyes. The closer he got to me, I stumbled into his arms and he caught me by my shoulders. Now concern for me covered his face.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes, I am. I just want to know if mom is ok. I’ve been rushing trying to get here. I just need some water.”
Just as I said that my aunt Betty, my mother's sister approached me with a bottle. I twisted the cap and took as much as I could back. The water was satisfying, but it only lasted a few seconds.
“The White family!” I heard a doctor call out my father’s last name. We all rushed over to the doctor anxious to hear what he had to say. It had to have been a good sign that I didn’t have to wait long to hear about my mom.
Holding my father’s hand, I swayed back and forth to comfort myself from the light headedness I was feeling.
As the doctor spoke it sound like I was under water. The walls of the hallway was closing in on me and my heart was beating viciously. The last thing I heard was that we did all that we could before I passed out.
***
Taking in a deep breath, I slowly opened my eyes and stared at the crisp white ceiling. It wasn’t until I heard murmurs outside of the room I was in that I realized I had no idea where I was at. Then it hit me that I was in the hospital waiting to hear about my mother’s condition from the car accident.
Unaware of the condition I was in, I tried to sit up but slammed right back down onto the stiff hospital bed from the shooting pain that rocked my body. I groaned holding my stomach and that’s when fear drowned my body. My once round stomach was flat.
Not knowing what to do, I reached over for the nurse call button. The door to my room opened up and my father emerged.
“Daddy? Where’s my mom? What…” I licked my lips and tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. “What happened to the baby?”
Finally a smile appeared on his stone face partially settling my nerves. “The baby is fine. The nurses took him to take his vitals and perform his hearing test. Downstairs you passed out and the babies vitals weren’t looking good, so I gave them consent to perform a c-section.”
“You did what?!”
“They had to give you a c-section, Kesha. If not the baby probably wouldn’t have survived.”
I covered my face with my hands moving it from side to side. Why wasn’t shit going my way? Even though I planned on getting a c-section with my son I had everything in motion with a doctor to go into surgery right after to get a lipo and a tummy tuck in one day. Now that I had a rushed c-section who knows the outcome of the scar would be or how long I would have to wait before I got the adjustments I needed to continue to make money.
“I can’t believe you did this.”
“Did what? Save your son's life? That better be exactly what you mean,” my father said with his eyebrows etched together.
“They’re doctors! They could’ve done something.”
“I can’t believe I came here to check and make sure you’re ok and you’re yelling at me about a decision I made to save your life right after your mothers was taken–”
My expression dropped and the anger my father felt was gone. It was now replaced with sadness. “She can’t be.”
“She’s gone, Kesha. The internal bleeding she suffered from was too severe to stop. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
A crippling feeling crept up my body and squeezed my heart as I sat in bed not wanting to believe what my father said. I just saw her yesterday. She didn’t leave on the best terms, but my mother was just with me.
One lone tear fell from my eye as I thought about the last thing I said to her. My mother got on my nerves at times, but we only got one and I hated I was stepping into motherhood alone. If I didn’t have anyone, I knew I would’ve had her, yet she was gone.
A knock at the door prompted me to turn my head and wipe away the tear. A smiling nurse came in wheeling the clear hospital bassinet.
“He passed his hearing test,” she gushed. “We know you were tired, so we didn’t want to bother you. Once you’re settled we will go over the paperwork for little man’s birth certificate. Do we have a name?”
I looked from my father, to the bassinet and back at the jolly nurse and shook my head. A junior was out of the question.
“That’s ok, you have three days to rest and come up with a name. I know this was all a surprise. Ring the bell if you need anything.”
This time I nodded my head and watched her leave out of the room. The news about my mother's death didn’t seem to cut deep as it did me and I understood why knowing the kind of relationship him and my mother had. I knew deep down he was relieved more than anything.
In the bed, I watched as he cradled my son in his arms and spoke to him as if he understood. They said babies were a blessings, however with all the losses I’ve taken this had to be a curse.
CoCo
One week later…
“Are you going to get ready?”
“Yes, I am.”
Lifting my head from the choices of outfits I picked out for my father's dinner, I met Mar’s gaze. I expected him to be irritated that I was purposefully moving like a snail, but the corner of his lip was hitched up in a smirk. One reason why I loved him so much is because he was mostly laid back. He never tripped off of anything either only because he had the confidence of changing whatever problems that crossed his path and he also picked up the way I operated.
I was nervous about going. Almost nervous to the point I didn’t want to.
Mar stared at me blankly and then lifted his arm to check the time on his watch. He was already dressed while I sat on the bed still in my bra and panties rubbing on my stomach.
My mother haven
’t bothered to answer the phone for me since our outing. Mar suggested I go over there and talk to her in a couple of days after the incident, but I knew my mother. There was no talking to that woman. It had to be her way or no way and honestly at twenty five years old that wasn’t an option. I was a grown woman, about to be someone’s wife and mother, I was not going to live my life on her terms.
“Doesn't look like you’re getting ready to me. You’re stalling.”
“No I’m not,” I shot back with my eyebrows snapped together.
Mar walked over to the bed and took a seat. “You need to cut that shit out. You know I know you’re nervous. I don’t know for what. I’ma be with you.”
“That’s another thing. If things don’t go smoothly I know how you’re going to react.”
“That ain’t for you to worry about. You gonna be fine and no one ain’t gonna make either of us uncomfortable. I hope that ain’t what you’re thinking.”
I blew out a deep breath raking my hands through my hair. “Nah… it’s just… I am nervous. I am about to meet the man that contributed in making me but was never in my life.”
“That’s understandable. The nigga a stranger, but like I said, I’m going to be with you, so you don’t have shit to worry about.”
Even though there was a threatening undertone, I couldn’t help but smile. “That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t need you beating my father up.”
“Then he better come correct. He’s your pop, but I’m your husband. What I say goes and I ain’t about to have no one checking me or having you in ya feelings… besides ya moms. That’s female shit and I don’t get into that.”
“You’re my husband?” I asked beaming.
“You fucking right. I’m ready to sign that paper now, but you and Amena want to be extra as fuck.” Mar leaned over and pecked my lips before going inside of his pants pocket and pulling out his ringing phone. “Now hurry up and get dressed before I find something and put it on you myself.”
I rolled my eyes watching him stand to his feet and answered the phone and swaggered out of our bedroom. He was so addicting and protecting. The kind of security and love he brought into my life turned me on. There was nothing like having a man that was all for you.