Shapes of Autumn (Boxed set, books 1 - 5)

by Veronica Blade

  To cover how spineless I was rapidly becoming, I snapped up the bottle, downed the rest of the soda, and slammed the bottle on the bench. “Still no excuse for keeping the truth from me the last few months, letting me believe you were a scout, that you were a danger to Autumn.”

  “That was regrettable.” Renzo lowered his gaze, his chin nearly touching his chest. “I’ve never been one of the good guys, Zack. Thinking of anyone but myself has never come easy and I haven’t always made the right decisions. But I’m trying.”

  Well, at least he knew he was an ass. And I appreciated his effort to change that, even if he wasn’t always successful. “Go on.”

  “Had I been less selfish, I would’ve been forthcoming upon seeing you at the coffee shop. But I was convinced that after all this time, you’d feel no connection to me whatsoever. I didn’t want our relationship built on obligation, so I set about trying to create a real bond with you.” He held his mouth straight and thin, his eyes full of sorrow and regret. “At which I failed miserably. So much for clean slates.”

  I wished I could change the past, but I now understood why he’d made those choices. I couldn’t blame him any longer. As I stared at the man kneeling in front of me, Renzo faded away, replaced by my father. He was just a guy, desperately trying to reconnect with his son the best way he knew how.

  Words bottlenecked in my swollen throat. I took a moment to steady my voice. “But… why would either of us want a clean slate when what we had was already great?”

  His brows furrowed and I plowed on. “I remember when I was five, before you disappeared, and we went to the zoo. It was hot and we’d been there all day. I could barely keep my lids from drooping, but I had to see the lions. So you carried me on your shoulders, even though you’d been up all night taking the redeye and had only gotten in that morning.”

  “You remember all that?” His voice broke on the last two words.

  “Of course. I worshipped you.” Still did. I rose to stand and he did too.

  He slowly inclined his head and stretched out a hand. I gathered him in a bear hug, my eyes burning and blurring.

  “I’m so proud of you,” he said, slapping me on the back.

  When he released me, I asked, “And your reason for not telling me my mom wasn’t dead?”

  Renzo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Uh...”

  “No.” My mom patted his hand before addressing me, her eyes begging me to understand. “Telling you about me wasn’t possible since he was trying to save my life the first day without the humans realizing I wasn’t dead. Then you were gone. When he confided in me that he’d reconnected with you, but not in a good way, I suggested he not say anything yet. Especially given that we had no idea if I’d make it as a vampire and I could be destroyed at any moment. That allowed him more time to make things right with you.”

  That made sense and, in retrospect, I should never have gotten so annoyed with my mom. Anything she did, she did with conviction that it was the right thing to do. How could I stay mad at her for that? Though I wish they’d told me, none of us could change the past and undo what we’d done. I had my parents back and they weren’t going anywhere. I finally had everything I’d been wishing for.

  Except Autumn. I had no clue what to do about her. The thought of her not being with me wherever I went next made me feel as hollow as the bottle I’d just emptied.

  “One thing you should know…” Renzo’s gaze shifted uncertainly, darting to my mom then back to me.

  Crap, this was going to be bad. And he knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it. I persuaded myself to stand there and take it. “Spit it out.”

  “I convinced Autumn that it was in your best interest to be on your own.” His jaw tightened.

  I wasn’t sure what to think of that confession, but I didn’t think my dad was trying to be a douche. He was trying to come clean and I figured I should let him. “But you changed your mind?”

  “Your mother filled me in on what it was like before, that you always seemed sad. She felt guilty for burdening you with her condition but then Autumn came into your life and everything changed. You were happy with her.” He hung his head. “I’m sorry I interfered.”

  I laughed once. “You say that because you don’t know Autumn. She doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do. If she bought what you had to say, it’s because a part of her already believed it. And I let her feed me that line because a part of me believes it too.”

  “Zack, if you truly love Autumn, talk to her.” Renzo exhaled, shaking his head. “You don’t want to leave it this way. Even if you only have one more day together, she should at least know how you feel about her.”

  “She dumped me. At this point, she probably doesn’t care how I feel.”

  “That girl loves you, regardless of what she told you.” My mom pressed a palm to my cheek. “Ask yourself this one question and forget about everything else. When you’re together, do you complete each other and make each other stronger? Or are you better when you’re apart? That’s all that matters.”

  I smiled, so grateful all over again that she was here and alive. Because, yes, I believed Autumn and I made a good team. We had each other’s backs and, amazingly, no matter how much time we spent together, we never grew tired of each other. I didn’t want to be without her. Hell, if I had any say in it, I wouldn’t be without her. And I was about to make a big gamble that she felt the same way. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I know.” She patted my cheek. “Now, if I’m not mistaken, you have something you need to do.”

  “Before you do that,” Renzo’s fingers wrapped around my arm, “you should know that Autumn knew my secret for maybe a couple of hours. I asked her to give me some time, which she did.”

  “Fair enough.” I nudged my dad in the arm with a fist. “I’ll catch you guys in a little while.”

  He grabbed my fist, held it for a moment, then let me go. He didn’t have to say it. I felt his words with that one gesture. And I was grateful to have him back too. I flashed him a smile and made my way to the palace.

  Chapter THIRTY

  Autumn

  With too much downtime, Alura had convinced King Cedric to allow her into his weapons room. She’d been in there for twenty minutes. Bored, antsy, and anxious over how Zack was getting along with his parents, I needed Alura to help take my mind off Zack and how lonely I was without him. “Alura, are you okay?” I called out.

  She popped her head through the doorway. “Guns and knives, Autumn. I’m more than okay. Now leave me alone.” Her eyes twinkled before she disappeared again.

  Cedric sat glued to the chair at his desk and hadn’t looked my way during my quick chat with Alura. Apparently he’d been swallowed by a mountain of paperwork.

  I picked up the wolf-head paperweight, knocking it against the desk in the process.

  He stopped squinting and peered up at me from his stack of papers. “Bored?”

  I rolled my shoulders. “Just antsy.”

  “Problem?”

  “Not sure.” I rolled the paperweight between my palms. “Been thinking about my parents. My mom’s texts have been short and sometimes she takes hours to answer. She told you they’d be arriving tomorrow?”

  “Yes.” His gaze stayed trained on me, like he expected me to interrupt him as soon as he’d immersed himself in work again. He wasn’t far off.

  I bent forward, rested my elbows on his desk, and dropped my chin in my palms. “Are Ulric and his men after my parents?”

  His mouth flattened to a straight line. “From the little I’ve gathered from your father, that appears to be the case.”

  The muscles in my shoulders wound up. I’d suspected as much, but was hoping my imagination had gone on a useless rampage. If my parents were indeed running from some jacked-up werewolf, they’d want to keep running.

  But they couldn’t avoid a fight forever, could they? Knowing they were in so much more danger, would they still insist on taking me? Could I let them leave, ful
ly aware I may never see them again?

  “I’m sorry, Autumn,” Cedric said. “I’ll help any way I can.”

  “Thank you.” I buried my face in my palms and squashed the urge to cry. If I couldn’t go with my parents and opted not to join SWAAST, where would I go?

  The door banged open and Zack burst into the Cedric’s office, his forehead creased in the center. “I need to talk to you.”

  Wanting to put off any conversation while he was that intense, I picked up the wolf-head paperweight again and flipped it around. “About what?”

  “You and me.”

  My stomach did a somersault. God, just looking at him made me want him. And I didn’t want to want him. I examined the label at the bottom of the weight. “I thought we already covered that.”

  “Yeah, we did.” He’d stopped breathing and I knew he was holding back something big. I held my breath too.

  “Well…” Cedric rose and rounded his desk. Damn, I’d forgotten he was sitting there. “I need to speak to Dathan on an urgent matter. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Cedric disappeared and I stood, ready to bolt. I couldn’t be alone with Zack. I was this-close to confessing how much I loved him. But what good would that do when his dad didn’t want me anywhere near Zack and might not let me join SWAAST anyway? And if I were to be honest with myself about our situation, a future breakup was inevitable. Why pick up where we left off only to end it tomorrow when I leave with my parents?

  And if he truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have let me go so easily. “You know what? I need to finish packing.”

  Alura zipped out of the weapons room and halted next to us. “She finished packing last night.” She wrinkled her nose at me. “Sorry.” And then she zoomed out into the hallway, leaving us truly alone.

  “I have plenty of other things to do.” I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “And it doesn’t include hashing out the problems of a failed relationship.” I made another attempt to get past him.

  “The thing is…” He sidestepped, blocking me from marching by. “You’re quite good at faking it. Oscar-worthy. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t make me believe that after everything we’ve been through, you could end it that way.”

  I rolled my eyes and blew my bangs off my forehead. “Do we have to do this right now?”

  “This,” he wagged his finger between us, “can’t be one-sided, Autumn. The last few weeks had to mean something to you too. It meant so much that you’d risk your life for me when Daniel wanted to make a deal. And when Charles became a threat, you offered yourself up to save me. Same with Renzo. No one does that sort of thing for someone unless they really care about them.”

  My mouth went dry. What could I say to Zack to get him to back off? “Maybe I did it because it was the right thing to do.”

  “Or maybe you did it because you care.” He watched me a long moment. “I thought we were the beginning of a legend, you know? That decades or centuries from now, they’d be talking about us the way they do Hannah and Eli. How we defied the werewolves, stood up for what we believed in and because of our devotion, we were willing to die as humans.”

  Legend… Us? He cared so much for me that he saw us together centuries from now? I might’ve believed that, except he’d never told me he loved me.

  He chewed the inside of his mouth a moment before focusing on me again. “I’m going to put myself out there. I—”

  “Zack.” I hardened my voice. “It’s over. Any feelings we may have had are the very thing that’s going to get us killed. You’re better off meeting a hot werewolf girl and falling madly in love. You can team up and fight werewolf tyranny.” I gave a cynical laugh.

  “There’s just one problem with that.” He took a step forward. I backed up and he closed the distance until the warmth from his body seeped into mine. “I don’t want anyone else.”

  Blood thundered through my ears. I turned away, leaning a hip against the desk to steady myself. He needed to go away, because I couldn’t let him back in again only to say good-bye to him tomorrow. “Well, I won’t be around so you’re going to have to work it out.”

  “Autumn.” His low guttural sound burrowed through my armor. “We agreed to stay together until the end when we had no choice but to separate. We made a deal.”

  I threw my head back in frustration and stared at the ceiling. “In case you weren’t paying attention, this is the end. My parents will be here soon and then I’m leaving.”

  He shook his head. “The end is when one of us drives away. Yes, your parents could show up and stay three minutes before taking you away. But that’s tomorrow, not now.”

  He had me there. Except I’d still have to go through the agony of our breakup all over again. I didn’t have much more fight in me, and every muscle, and every cell in my body, strained to be closer to him. “Zack, you don’t want this.”

  “I disagree.” He inched closer, but didn’t touch me. My nerve endings fired to life. “With you, I’m better. I think I make you better too. And we don’t know what will happen tomorrow, so why should we give up now?”

  I flinched, flipping around and facing away, folding my arms over my chest. For all his insistence, he never mentioned love. Regardless, he was hurting. It was one thing to inflict pain on myself. Quite another to torture the guy I loved.

  Heat emanated from his body as he came up behind me and swept his hands past my waist, splaying his hands over my belly. The sound of his quickened pulse flooded my ears. “I’m not going to give up without a fight so you may as well cave now.”

  The more he pushed, the more I wanted him. My powers of resistance waned and if this was our last night together, I wasn’t going to waste it. I wasn’t even sure anymore if being without him was actually the noble thing to do.

  Or did I want to be wrong so I could have him? Slowly, I circled toward him and his hands slid to my hips. I covered his hands with my own, hesitating. Should I disengage or pull him closer?

  As I blinked slowly, in that brief moment time stopped. My heart stuttered, skipped a beat, and my bottom lip quivered as I gazed into his deep green eyes. Zack had said he wasn’t going to give up and I’d never wanted him to. I couldn’t believe I’d ever considered wasting my last hours with him. “Okay.”

  His kiss was a blaze of pent-up fury, grief, and anxiety, and I felt it to my toes. I matched his force, my fingers diving into his hair and I propelled us against the wall. He moaned into my mouth, lifting me up so my legs could snake around his hips. Then his mouth freed mine and he buried his face in my hair.

  I clung to him, soaking up his woodsy scent, the way his heart thumped and his unsteady exhale. “I don’t want to be without you.” After what I’d put him through, he needed to hear that.

  “I know.” His mouth came crashing down on mine again and he carried me to the room I’d shared with Alura.

  Somehow the future didn’t seem so scary and uncertain, knowing Zack cared so much for me. But after being together like this again, how the hell was I supposed to let him go tomorrow?

  Chapter THIRTY-ONE

  Autumn

  “Autumn,” Zack whispered the next morning.

  My torso was draped across his as I dropped a kiss on his stubbly chin. His one word stirred the surface of my skin, his sweet, earthy scent bleeding into me and wending its way straight to my heart. “It’s nice being like this again,” I murmured. “Alura wasn’t nearly as fun to cuddle with.”

  “That’s so sad.” His mouth curved up and his warm hands snaked up my spine and sent a shiver through me. “’Cause Renzo was great. We spooned all night.”

  I snickered, not wanting that image in my head. “You slept alone on the sofa, huh?”

  He nodded and rolled us over so we faced each other on our sides. The need to kiss him consumed me and I laid my hands at the back of his head, ready to pull his mouth to mine.

  My cell vibrated, throwing me out of the moment. I leaned into the bedside table for my phone and
my tank top scooted up. Zack inched it up a little more and his lips trailed across my ribs, sending warmth through my middle.

  I liked where this was going. As much as I wanted to see my parents, I could’ve used more time reconnecting with Zack. In bed. “My mom says they’re a half hour away.”

  Zack sprung off the bed. “You can’t have bed hair when your dad gets here. He’ll want to kill me.”

  I bit my lip to keep it from twitching. “They know we’re not doing anything.”

  “Dads worry anyway. C’mon.” He grabbed the shirt he’d stripped off last night and flicked me with it. “Get in the shower.”

  Zack tried to swat me with his shirt again and I snatched it, yanking it and pulling him to me. I shoved him back to the bed and we tumbled. He sighed as his palm covered my cheek. “We’ll work something out, okay? If we end up separating, we’ll keep in touch and things will work out later.”

  Butterflies danced in my stomach and warmth sheathed my skin. “I hope so.”

  † † †

  With Zack by my side, I peered out our bedroom window as a white sedan rolled up the wide, seemingly endless driveway. Had to be my parents. I dashed out into the hallway, down the several flights of stairs, and then I flew through the front door.

  By the time I got to the car, my mom was getting out. She looked exactly the same. Her long, nearly black hair was a shade darker than mine, and I had to bend to hug her.

  I squeezed her so tight a human would’ve been crushed. “Mom!”

  “Sweetheart, I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you.” She stroked my hair then her hand froze. She leaned back to get an eyeful of me and beamed. “You cut your hair. I love it.”

  “Thanks.” I craned my neck to get a good view of my dad, then released my mom and rounded the hood. My dad hadn’t changed a bit—much taller than the average male, his hair still golden blond. And not a wrinkle in sight. I jumped into his arms. “Missed you so much.”