A Jar of Hearts

by Cartharn, Clarissa

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” he said and she stiffened. He wiped away the blood and let out a sigh of relief. “It is only a small prick.” He brought her finger to his lips and kissed it. “I’m sorry. I should have paid more attention.”

  She snatched her hand away from him and spun on her heels to head back to the house.

  “Anne?”

  “I have to go inside.”

  “Well, let me help you or you’ll fall.”

  “I don’t need your help!” she almost shouted.

  He rolled his eyes with impatience and swept her off her feet and into his arms.

  “What the heck?! You need to stop doing that! I am not an invalid!” she screamed.

  “I’m only taking you to the door and then you can pout as much as you want when you get inside. But right now, I can’t have you falling over any of these and hurting yourself even more.”

  He set her down at her doorstep and she stormed into the house. He let out an exhausting puff of air. She could be a handful but she had a right to be angry. He hadn’t been paying attention and got her hurt all over again. He shook his head. He needed to keep his senses in check whenever he held her close.

  But was that possible? He ran his fingers through his hair to brace his nape. He was much weaker than he had expected to be around her. Damn… he was most definitely in trouble. He had miscalculated his measure of restraint. He should have known it was Anne that controlled him.

  She leaned against a wall, heaving from the rush of her hormones. She touched her wounded finger gently, reliving his kiss.

  She closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out her memories of Eric.

  “Let me be the judge of that,” Eric had said then too when she had tried to insist that a cut on her brow wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

  After dressing her wound, he had smiled, taken her head in both hands and kissed her aching brow.

  “He’s just a cheap doppelganger,” she chanted with trembling lips. “He’s not Eric. He’s not…”

  CHAPTER 12

  After a second day of labor, painting the doghouse in brilliant bright colors that would be the envy of any young girl; he finally put down his paintbrush and admired it.

  “It’s beautiful!” Ashley squealed with excitement. “Thank you! I love it!”

  “You’re welcome,” he chuckled, wiping his paint stained hands with a rag. “Just don’t touch it yet. The paint still needs to dry off.”

  “Wow… that is beautiful,” Julia whistled from behind him. “You really know how to handle a hammer. It’s so neat.”

  He smiled. “Well, you can get that dog now, Ashley.”

  The eight year old looked eagerly up at her mother. “Can we, Mom? Can we get Harley, now?”

  “Harley?” He raised his brow. “You’ve already found a dog?”

  Julia nodded. “Ashley took a liking to one at an adoption centre we visited yesterday.”

  “Can we get him tomorrow?” her daughter begged. “The paint would be dry by then.”

  “Not tomorrow, honey,” she replied. “I wish we could but I’ve already made plans to meet an old friend.”

  “Oh.” Ashley turned away glumly.

  James looked at the girl’s sad face and he crumbled. If he had a doghouse as pretty as this at eight years old, he would also want to fill it as soon as he could.

  “I could take her tomorrow, if that is okay with you.” He coughed, hoping he wasn’t being too intrusive.

  “I…” Julia hesitated, glancing back and forth between him and her daughter.

  “Please, Mom,” Ashley pleaded; hope filling her large brown eyes again.

  “Only if it isn’t too much trouble,” she breathed out at last.

  “Of course not.” He beamed and slapped Ashley’s palm.

  Julia laughed. “And if Anne could go with you, it would be great. A few cute and cuddly puppies might bring a smile to her face,” she added with a sigh.

  “I doubt anywhere near me is where she wants to be,” he muttered.

  “I suppose.” Julia glanced at the house and then smiled. “Why don’t you wash up and come in for dinner?”

  So he would be in the same room as Anne? He hadn’t seen her at all today and this could only mean she was still angry with him. He fidgeted slightly. He didn’t want to annoy her any further. “That’s okay. I think I should head back home instead. I have some stuff I need to catch up on.”

  “James, it’s the least I can do for you after building this doghouse. Please, let me thank you properly.”

  He sat at the table feeling a little awkward. He had managed to persuade Julia into allowing him to take a shower first, promising her he would be back straight after. He could only imagine Anne reprimanding the old Eric for sitting at the table in his dirty work clothes. He recalled their dinners were always so special. One that they had while they laughed; kissed and just spent loving the fact that they could be together.

  She sat across him now, quietly cutting through her delicious piece of barbecued lamb. Unlike those early days, she didn’t want him at her table. But then again he was James now and not Eric. And she most certainly didn’t like James.

  “Your carpentry skills are excellent,” Julia started. “Your work on the kennel is beautiful.”

  Anne halted mid-way through her slicing, frowning at Julia’s remark.

  “Do you work as a carpenter?” Julia continued to ask him, oblivious of the tension between him and Anne.

  He swallowed. “No, it’s just skill I picked up from my father. I’m a financial investor.” He gulped down his wine together with his lie.

  “And what is it that you invest in?” Anne asked, tilting her face to the side with curiosity.

  “Anne, can I give you another piece of roast?” Julia interrupted quickly, blushing with embarrassment

  He put his fork down and dabbed his mouth with a napkin. Anne was calling out on his bluff and since he started it, he’d have to make sure she believed it. “Stocks, businesses… whatever has potential to grow my investment. I’m sure Miss Mullen, you don’t expect me to reveal the specifics about my business. Don’t you think you’re being a tad bit...?”

  “Rude?” Anne offered sarcastically.

  He smiled. He knew she was intentionally trying to rub him the wrong way. “Pushy,” he corrected.

  Anne sat back in her chair quietly, sticking out her chin defiantly.

  “Ashley… why don’t you tell Anne about that dog you really loved?” Julia licked her lips nervously; hoping Ashley’s diversion could diffuse the little dissension between Anne and James.

  “It’s a puppy with golden coat and long, fluffy hair,” the girl said excitedly, too glad to finally talk about her dog. “Anne, will you come with us and get him? Please?”

  Anne smiled and reached out for Ashley’s hand. “Of course, I will.”

  The girl jumped gleefully in her chair. “James, when will you come and get us?”

  Anne stiffened. “James?”

  “James will be taking you and Ashley to the adoption centre tomorrow,” Julia explained. “I can’t go because I had already made plans to meet with a friend. So, James was kind enough to offer helping Ashley out.”

  James frowned. He didn’t want to force Anne into anything. And if she didn’t want his company for the moment, he would have to dab his wounds and accept it.

  Anne fumbled in her chair and then dragged it abruptly back to get up. “Excuse me, I think I’m done.”

  She picked up her plate and headed towards the kitchen. Julia gathered the rest of the dishes and followed after her.

  “Anne?” she said, dunking the dirty plates into a sink full of suds. “Is something wrong?”

  Anne snapped her head up angrily. “What do you think, Julia? You knew I do not like that man. And yet you invited him for dinner, and now you expect me to go out and get a dog with him?”

  “Anne, he has been nothing but nice to us,” she whispered, trying to keep her ange
r low and in check. “It would have been impolite of me if I hadn’t even offered him a meal for all his hard work.”

  “You’re right. It wouldn’t have been. But I don’t need to go with him anywhere.”

  “You’re not going with him. You’re going with Ashley.” Julia shook her head disappointedly. “But if you’re not happy about it, I can just tell Ashley we’ll have to get her dog another day.”

  Anne bit her lips. She didn’t want to hurt Ashley. Her bad temper was James’ fault and not Ashley’s. “No… don’t do that. I just don’t like being around that man, that is all.”

  Julia threw her hands in the air helplessly. “I don’t know what your prejudices are against James but I wish you would leave them aside and see him for the man he is. Anne, you need to start letting people into your life. I understand you will never stop loving Eric, but he is gone and you’re still here. You need to start living- for you and for Eric.”

  CHAPTER 13

  When James came by to pick them up next morning, Anne stepped into the car without a word. She leaned away from him and against the front passenger window, listening to Ashley and him jabber away.

  James glanced at her occasionally, wondering how he could bridge the differences between them. It was torturous to have her so close and yet so distant.

  They stopped at the adoption centre and walked over to the office with Ashley tugging excitedly on her arm.

  She laughed. “You’ve got to quit doing that, Ashley, or you’ll have my arms off its hinges.”

  “But I wish you could see all these dogs! They’re beautiful. But Harley is the most beautiful of all of them!”

  Anne chuckled. “I’m sure he is.”

  James looked at them adoringly. She was happy so long as she didn’t have to talk to him, he supposed. After a quick few minutes of conversation with an adoption counselor, the woman led them to a beautiful grassy yard.

  “Is she going to get Harley, now?” Ashley asked eagerly.

  “I believe so.” James ruffled her hair with a smile. “She’s going to watch how you play with him and if she is happy, we will be allowed to have him.”

  Anne clasped the girl’s small hand fondly. “Let’s just wait patiently, okay. He will be ours soon.”

  Not long after, the counselor brought out a puppy bounding gleefully in her arms. “I think Harley is just as excited as you are, Ashley,” she said with a laugh.

  “He likes me!” Ashley squealed as she gladly let the woman put the little dog into her arms.

  The counselor smiled. “I’ll give you a little time with him,” she told James while he walked her back to the office.

  “Thanks.”

  “A golden retriever would be great for your wife as well,” she said.

  He cocked his head to the side. Wife? “Anne… yes.”

  “They are perfect guide dogs for the blind. And their calm and gentle temperament will suit the entire family. I think you’ve made an excellent choice.” She smiled and strolled away into the building.

  He lifted his head to glance at Anne sitting on the lush green lawn, playing with the puppy. She had a bright smile that lit up her jade eyes. A tingling feeling rose up his chest. If life hadn’t thrown him a curve ball, she would probably have been his wife.

  They strolled back towards the car with the puppy nestled in Ashley’s arms.

  “Thank you,” Anne muttered, nipping at her lower lip. “I enjoyed that.”

  He smiled. “I did too, thanks to Ashley.”

  “James, I know I haven’t been quite polite with you and I just wanted you to know… I am sorry.”

  “And I am sorry to tell you this but I can’t forgive you,” he teased.

  She stopped. “Excuse me?”

  “How about having dinner with me tomorrow?”

  “You’re trying to get me to bribe you?”

  He shrugged. “I just want to have dinner with you. Can I? We’ll call it a truce.”

  She hesitated, bobbing her head from side to side nervously.

  The speeding wheels of a skateboard caught James’ attention and he quickly pulled her close into him as the skateboarder sped by. He frowned at the boy as his arms enclosed her. She fell against his chest and he steadied her immediately.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she mumbled, trying to push herself away from him.

  “Anne?”

  “Yes… yes, fine. I’ll have dinner. Can we just go home now?”

  He narrowed his eyes. She seemed to be fine with him so long as she didn’t have to touch him. And he would never be fine unless he did.

  Julia sat their steaming mugs of coffee on the table in the verandah as Anne listened to Ashley skip about the yard with Harley.

  “He already feels like he’s always belonged here,” Julia said, settling into a chair.

  “He must be beautiful.”

  Julia wrapped her palms around her cup. “So are you really going out for dinner with him?” she asked carefully.

  “Why does it sound so unbelievable?”

  “Probably because you hated him?”

  “I don’t actually hate him, Julia,” Anne let out tiredly. “I guess… I’m just afraid.”

  “Anne.” Julia reached out for her hand. “Why… what are you so afraid of?”

  Anne’s eyes welled with her tears. Unable to restrain them, they flooded out and stained her cheeks. “I’m afraid I will forget…”

  Julia clasped her hand, soothing her. “Everyone loses someone they love, Anne. And I promise you that just because you’ve decided to move on, don’t necessarily mean you will ever forget the memories.”

  Anne covered her face, trying to stifle her tears. But what could she do about the pain spearing through her heart? She could never move on. Especially not with James.

  CHAPTER 14

  She was sitting by his side again as they drove towards his favorite restaurant by the ocean. He glanced at her occasionally, admiring the manner in which her golden curls fell down her shoulders.

  “What is it called? This restaurant?” she asked.

  “Candle by the Sea,” he said.

  Candle by the Sea, he heard her repeat under her breath.

  “You haven’t been there, have you?” he asked. “I was hoping it would be a surprise.”

  “I haven’t,” she replied. “In fact, I haven’t been out much at all in San Diego.”

  He pressed his lips together in thought. “I heard you lived in Boston. Is there a reason you moved?” She wasn’t sick, was she?

  “I just got tired of Boston, that’s all,” she replied nonchalantly.

  She didn’t want to talk about Boston, he frowned.

  “Are we almost there yet?” she asked again.

  “Uh… yes, in five minutes.”

  Dinner wasn’t at all what he had expected. She had been quiet through most of their meal. And even though he had tried to banter with her, she remained withdrawn, answering in short syllables.

  “Do you want to take a walk down the pier?” he asked as they stepped outside the restaurant.

  “Do you?”

  She didn’t care, he thought. She was here with him because she felt obliged. But as long as she gave him that chance, he would take it.

  “The sky is clear of any clouds and filled with a mass of stars. And the ocean is steady and relatively calm. It would be a pity to miss any of this,” he said softly.

  “Then we shouldn’t,” she breathed out.

  He put her hand on the crook of his arm and led her towards the pier.

  “James,” she whispered.

  “Hmmm?”

  “Why did you want to have dinner with me?”

  “What do you mean why? You’re a beautiful woman and I wanted to see if I could inch into your good books.”

  “I’m blind,” she muttered.

  She stepped away from him to put some distance between them. But he followed, nearing her, eager to hold her again.

&n
bsp; “And so am I,” he whispered back. “I’m blind to the fact that you are.”

  She bumped against the railings, trapping herself between it and him. “James...”

  He reached out for her face, cupping it in his hand. He brushed her jawline with the pad of his thumb, caressing it. “What does it matter, Anne? Why can’t I like you for who you are?”

  “James, please…,” she pleaded between her tears.

  He pressed his brow gently against hers, his breath mingling with hers. “You drive me crazy. You had my heart at my knees when I first saw you and you have it in your hands right now. I can’t tell you how insane you make me when you’re in my life and how much more when you’re not in it.”

  “James…”

  But he had already brushed his lips against her cheeks and he didn’t know if he could hold himself back anymore.

  Goosebumps prickled her skin. Heat ran up her spine as his lips touched her flesh. She wanted him just as much as he did.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck as he trailed his kisses down the side of her face, tingling her. His strong hands gathered her waist and tugged her into him. She felt him mold into her curves and she let out a moan of pleasure. She hadn’t felt so alive in such a long time. Especially not since…since Eric.

  Her mouth went dry. Guilt crawled up her and she went rigid.

  “Anne?” he asked, feeling her stiffness immediately.

  “James, I can’t. I’m not ready,” she said with a shiver.

  He held her against him and kissed her brow. “It’s okay… it’s okay,” he repeated with a sigh.

  CHAPTER 15

  They drove back home in silence. James glanced over at Anne. She was quiet, having descended into her own world again. At least she didn’t pull away from him now.

  He thinned his lips in thought as he maneuvered the car though the dark, quiet streets. He was the cause of her pain and he would do everything he could to help her heal.