Her Last Secret
Page 20
Sixty-Three
Benjamin froze. There was no way that James and Heidi wouldn’t have heard that. Benjamin could feel his heart pounding painfully. He was going to have a heart attack or a stroke or something. That bloody child was going to be the death of him.
He took a shuddering breath in a bid to calm himself, as Dominique hurried from the kitchen, pale-faced.
‘Get her upstairs before I kill her,’ he hissed, jabbing a finger towards his daughter. Ruby smirked. His hand flew up before he knew what he was doing.
Mouse started to cry.
Shaking, he brought his hand down slowly. Ruby hadn’t even flinched.
‘Benjamin. Get the door, now. Let me take care of Ruby.’
Dominique’s cool, commanding tone brought him back to his senses. He was close to the edge, so close to the edge now, and if Ruby ballsed this up for him everyone would lose everything. Why couldn’t she just be a normal child, for goodness’ sake?
But there was no time to think. He smoothed his hair, glanced at Dom as she led Ruby and a howling Amber up the stairs, then threw open the door with a big fake smile plastered over his face.
* * *
James and Heidi huddled warily on the doormat, spot-lit by the security light, and half turned away from the door. They looked like they had been discovered trying to sneak away.
‘Welcome to the mad house,’ Benjamin chuckled. It had a hollow ring even to him. ‘Come in, come in. Let me take your coats. Sorry about this; you’ve caught Ruby having a bit of a meltdown about what to wear, of all things. She’s refusing to come downstairs. Teenagers, eh?’
James and Heidi smiled and nodded as if they understood. Which, of course, they didn’t because they had no children. Lucky bastards.
As he ushered them into the living room, he was reeling. He thought of when Ruby used to run at him when they were outside together playing, when she had enough room to build up some serious momentum. He would stand sideways on, feet braced for impact, shoulder leaning slightly forward and she would careen into him at speed, trying to knock him down. At the very least she would send him reeling and stumbling twenty feet backwards. Now she had done that to him again, spiritually.
He quickly poured everyone drinks and played the good host by changing the subject onto his guests. He was surprised to see Dominique emerge only a few minutes later. Behind her, literally clinging to her dress, trailed Amber, whose red nose and eyes could not betray that she had been crying. Benjamin lifted her up and gave her a cuddle.
‘What’s wrong, eh? Overexcited about Father Christmas coming?’
She looked at him, confused. ‘No, Daddy. I’m upset about you shouting.’
Benjamin’s heart sank a little lower but he hid it by chortling. ‘Children say the funniest things, don’t they? What book are you reading at the moment, Amber? Why don’t you tell James and Heidi all about it?’
Luckily, Mouse was much better behaved than her sister and soon won the crowd over.
‘Do you like school? What’s your favourite lesson?’ asked Heidi. Benjamin could tell she wasn’t a natural around kids. Mouse gave an exaggerated shrug.
‘Umm, I like them all, really,’ she said. ‘Probably English best, because then I can make up stories. I hate sports. I don’t like running. Or swimming. Swimming is the worst, running is the best of all the sports but I still hate it. Swimming, then football, they’re the worst.’
‘Right.’
She was an adorable mix of cheeky and intelligent, and kept the conversation going single-handed and without controversy. By the time she went to bed, giving everyone a polite goodnight kiss, the strained atmosphere had dissipated.
‘Dinner is served,’ smiled Dominique.
* * *
Benjamin was overwhelmed with gratitude towards his wife. She really was working overtime. Thanks to her hosting skills and brilliant cookery, everyone was soon relaxed, bathed in a warm glow of just the right amount of alcohol, soft lighting, and neutral conversation.
Benjamin drew James out about what he was up to and was pleased to hear that things were going well. His pal had made a few impressive investments lately and they were looking to pan out very profitably.
Finally, Benjamin managed to get him alone on the pretext of having a cigar together in the study. ‘We don’t want to pollute your air, ladies, so we’ll withdraw,’ he said, bowing in mock grandeur.
The women rolled their eyes, laughing, and got back to their conversation about an amazing new local designer who had apparently opened a boutique and stocked dresses ‘to die for’.
* * *
The men went to the study.
Benjamin’s stomach gave a little flip, but he steadied himself with a sip of brandy, and offered James a cigar.
‘Not for me, thanks. Just thought I’d keep you company.’
‘Sure? Huh, that’s a shame. I was hoping it would soften you up a bit.’ He grinned at his pal, knowing that the best way with James was not to beat about the bush.
‘Ah, okay. Out with it then – you know I’m always keen to help.’
‘Well, it’s not help, it’s an investment.’ Benjamin puffed on his cigar, the end glowing like a glimmer of hope. ‘I’m looking to expand the business. Got some exciting opportunities heading my way. But it’s going to cost. I need an investor, James, and, well, I thought I’d give you first dibs.’
‘Hmm, it does sound interesting.’
Yes.
‘But now is not a good time for me.’
No.
Benjamin tried to play it cool. To ignore the sweat he could suddenly feel blooming. ‘Oh? Why’s that? Be a real shame for you to miss out, you know my place is a little gold mine.’
‘Oh, I know. I only have to see the way you live to know that,’ James assured. ‘It’s just… those investments I mentioned to you earlier? They’re not going to pay dividends for me until at least six months, possibly a year. Anything else investment-wise would leave me a tad overexposed. I can’t risk it – not even on a solid prospect like yourself.’
Benjamin fought to keep the relaxed smile on his face. It felt stiff as cardboard.
‘There no way? Come on, surely you’ve a bit of spare going…?’
James pondered. Picked up a cigar and sniffed it like people did in films, then put it back again. Then smiled as he looked up.
‘All right, you’ve caught me. I do have a little bit of leeway for something really good. How much are we talking?’
‘Two mill.’ Benjamin didn’t so much as blink as he said it like it was nothing.
‘Two million pounds? No, I’m sorry, mate, but that’s too rich for me. Half a mill, maybe, but no more.’
‘That’s no use to me. I need the whole investment. Come on, for an old friend.’
James backed away, fingers spread in front of him. ‘I can’t, mate. Sorry. I really am.’
Benjamin’s shirt was sticking to his back. Maybe he could take the £500,000 and gamble. If he won, he could easily turn it into the full amount, maybe more.
‘Okay, you know what. I’m feeling generous, so I’m going to let you in with that pittance and find other investors to come up with the rest,’ he smiled. Rubbed a hand over his mouth to hide the trembling he felt in his lips.
‘Cool. We’ll get the lawyers to draw up the paperwork in the new year. Right, shall we get back to the ladies?’
Lawyers? Paperwork? He’d assumed it would be an informal loan between friends.
Benjamin fell in step behind James, until pain made him look down. He had scrunched the burning cigar up in his clenched fist.
Sixty-Four
Everyone was so busy and in such a bad mood. Christmas was supposed to make people happy. Mouse frowned as she snuggled into bed, one arm looped around Ted, the other hand holding her book.
Downstairs she could hear the murmur of her parents with their friends. There was a funny atmosphere down there, like they were all pretending to have fun but weren’t.
Sometimes she believed in magic. Sometimes she thought it was for babies. She had spent a really long time looking for fairies at the bottom of the garden in the old house, and had never seen one. She had also lost count of the times she had jumped into her wardrobe, closed her eyes tight, and felt around, hoping, hoping, hoping that instead of her fingers brushing the wooden back, they would find prickly fir trees and the snowy landscape of Narnia.
She sucked her thumb as she pondered, removing it only long enough to whisper to her best friend.
‘Don’t tell anyone, Ted. Mummy will lecture me about making my teeth go bucky. She says I’ll end up looking like Goofy.’
Satisfied he wouldn’t breathe a word, she put her thumb back in, and started to read.
* * *
With a ring like a bell being struck, the last of the crystal glasses slotted into the dishwasher. Dominique turned it on, then wiped down the countertops.
What a thoroughly horrendous evening. She had worried constantly about what on earth Ruby had done to herself, and Benjamin’s violent reaction to it. It had taken every ounce of self-control to appear calm for her guests’ sake. They hadn’t been fooled. There was something going on with Benjamin far beyond his affair, and she wanted to find out what. He was so volatile lately. This evening alone he had gone from being a bag of nerves to a screaming bully in front of the kids. She had never seen him like that and it was unforgiveable. Then he had sleazed around James and Heidi, like some kind of Lothario trying to woo them. It was embarrassing. By the end of the night he had drunk far too much and sunk into such a dark mood that he had barely said goodbye to his friends.
She twisted her wedding ring round and round. When she first met him, he had been so different. She missed the man who threw his head back laughing so hard. Who quoted Muhammad Ali to inspire her. Who used to buy her flowers, or hire a favourite film, or even, one Tuesday, set off fireworks bought from the corner shop, just because he knew it was her least favourite day of the week.
But that had all been a long time ago. People change. Now Benjamin seemed to be losing control – his mistress was clearly a bad influence.
His mistress. The thought made her stomach twist like a wrung-out rag. But she took a deep breath, smoothed down her dress, and finished clearing up the mess of the dinner party.
Benjamin was hiding away in his study, as usual. Probably drinking again. The mood he was in, she couldn’t be bothered to tell him that Heidi’s last words to her had been to confess quietly that the downstairs loo wasn’t flushing. It would probably send him over the edge. One more thing that was falling apart
Sixty-Five
The amber liquid swirled around Benjamin’s glass, hypnotically. He was in no hurry to drink it; he’d already had plenty and then some. The booze had slowed his thoughts from a raging waterfall of panic to a sluggish, silt-filled bayou.
Swirl, swirl, swirl. Round and round the whisky went. Round and round his thoughts. Disconnected. Slow. Vulnerable.
What… what was he listening to? The classical music was supposed to soothe him, but Benjamin didn’t actually like the bloody stuff. He could never remember the names of it all, and had simply memorised the titles of some of the more popular tunes. Tunes? Was it right to call them tunes? Concertos, perhaps that was a better word? Screw Classic FM. He only listened to it so he could sound like he knew what he was talking about to other people. Cultured. It was all part of the persona he wanted to convey: a successful businessman, intelligent, savvy, sophisticated, with a beautiful family.
He took a sip of the whisky. Held the liquid in his mouth, savouring. He was drinking too much. That was what was causing those broken veins on his face. Making him old before his time.
What had he been thinking? Oh, yes…
Ruby. She had really buggered things up for him. What the hell had she done to herself? Wearing those weird black clothes like some sort of Marilyn Monroe… no, Manson, Marilyn Manson wannabe. Mutilating herself by piercing her nose. How was he supposed to introduce his family at opportune times when she looked like she might produce a knife and massacre everyone at any minute? It wasn’t the message he wanted to convey, and he was going to have to come down on this behaviour hard.
The alcohol was gently burning his tongue. He swallowed. Another thought drifted around.
Two million pounds owed.
A sobering thought. So he finished his drink and had another. See, that’s how cunning he was.
Sending Ruby to that £20,000-a-year private school had turned out to be a gigantic waste of money, too. She had shown him up by getting thrown out. She was always showing him up. Why couldn’t she behave the way she was supposed to? It wasn’t hard. He had. If he had spoken to his father the way Ruby spoke to him, he would have been given a thick ear for his trouble. But times had changed. Unfortunately.
Benjamin swirled his glass again. Faster.
The house, the cars, the business, the trappings of wealth.
Wife. Children. Lover. Friends.
Everything would soon be gone. Everyone would know what he had done. That he was a loser.
What slayed him more than anything was the thought of Dominique finding out. A balloon of panic inflated inside his chest as he imagined the day it would finally all come out. The look on her face. The colour draining away as if someone had slit her throat.
It would be easier if she died.
The relief he felt as the thought eddied around his mind shamed him for the coward he was. If Dom were in a car crash or something it would save him the ignominy of having to admit what a failure he was to the most important person in his life…
Actually, it would solve his problems, he realised suddenly. Both he and she had generous life insurance. If one of them died, the pay-out would be massive. Enough to wipe out his debts.
Ironic, really, that without Dominique, all his reasons for being afraid would disappear.
He stopped agitating his whisky. Knocked it back in one hit, wincing slightly as he swallowed. He had some tough decisions ahead of him.
Sixty-Six
Harry chuckled as Ruby told him how the evening had played out. He had to bite the pillow to keep from laughing too loud when she acted out her dad’s reaction, scared of alerting people to his presence.
Tonight, she was only wearing one of his T-shirts to bed over her underwear – making him turn around and close his eyes before getting changed. It looked good on her. Big and baggy and oversized, and completely sexy. Even with striped bed socks. And with that new nose piercing, she looked fierce. Ruby was definitely the most amazing person he had ever met.
They cuddled up to watch a documentary on YouTube about Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the two lads who had won infamy during the Columbine school shooting. Harry didn’t hear a word of it, too busy thinking about how close he was to Ruby. After a couple of minutes, she wrinkled her nose and turned it off.
‘They sound kind of crazy,’ she admitted. ‘It doesn’t even sound like revenge for being bullied, more like they just wanted to hurt people anyway. Besides, I can’t be bothered to watch that while you’re here.’
Her face looked even paler than normal, like she’d had a shock. As she turned the light off, Harry thought he saw her eyes look a little red with tears, but when she cuddled up to him, she seemed fine. He had to shift a bit, because he didn’t want her to feel what was happening to him. Talk about embarrassing, man. But they kept on kissing, and his hand moved up her thigh.
‘What’s that?’ he asked, pulling back. She scooted away but not before he rubbed his hand over her leg again, feeling the raised bump of a scab, all in a long neat line. It stood proud and rough against her petal soft skin. ‘Has someone hurt you? Was it your dad?’
‘No. It’s fine, I’m fine,’ she whispe
red back. They had the light off, he couldn’t see her expression. He felt blindly for his phone and switched it on. In the illumination it threw, he could see her eyebrows were drawn together, worried.
Anger pulsed. He was on his feet before he realised it, flicked the big light on. Threw the duvet back. His girlfriend scuttled to the far corner of the bed, pulling her legs up as if to protect herself from his righteous indignation. What she didn’t realise was that it gave him a view of how the cut snaked around her inner thigh so far that it could be seen from the back, too.
Her beautiful skin was puckered with the scab, the skin reddened on its edges as though angry. It broke his heart.
‘No, man, no, that’s a proper deep cut, Rubes. Who did it? Tell me right now, or I’m marching straight into your parents’ bedroom and kicking the crap out of your dad.’
He was still whispering, even in his fury, but it was loud enough. Ruby flapped her hands.
‘Look. It’s not Dad. Okay, just calm down, sit next to me and bloody listen.’
He hesitated.
‘Please, Harry. You’re the only one who ever listens to me, and I need you to do that now, okay?’
He nodded. Flicked the light out and clambered into bed beside her. ‘Figured it might be easier for you to ’fess up in the dark,’ he said, gently.
‘See? That’s why you’re brilliant – because you understand stuff like that. Thank you.’ The mattress shifted as she moved towards him. Soft lips found his. ‘Right, I know this is going to sound mental but… I did that cut myself.’
‘What? You fell or something?’ Harry scrunched his face up in the dark. She wasn’t saying it like it was an accident, she was saying it like there was something way bigger going on.
‘No, I did it, well, because sometimes the pain inside me gets so bad that the only way I can cope is if I make it physical. So, I cut myself. With scissors. And when the blood flows it’s like the pain is flowing out with it. I don’t do it often. I’ve only done it a few times since meeting you, which is amazing because things have been pretty intense lately with those messages and stuff. But you help me cope. You, and the cutting.’