“They are, though!” I squealed, pulling him toward the koalas this time. I heard him laughing at my childish behavior.
A loud coughing of someone near use made me look around, it actually scared me! Then, my eyes set on a head of dark, tousled hair. My eyes narrowed slightly, but only for a second before I continued, walking faster now.
I grinned when we stopped at the huge cage with the cute mini-bears in it.
“Awe!” I couldn't help myself, they were so darn cute! They’re actually adorable... Wow, big, bad Tiffany thinks something is cute. I smiled, and looked over to Matty; who wasn’t the least bit interested in the cute koalas. Instead, his eyes were transfixed on our intertwined fingers.
When my eyes trailed from our hands and back up to his face, I grinned at him. I can’t say that I didn’t see his face slowly coming down toward my own. And I won’t deny that I leaned up toward him. I honestly just wanted to know if there were any “sparks” there. Yeah, I promised Justan that I wouldn’t have sex with him. I never said anything about kissing.
It was actually amazing. We were just really getting into it, when someone walking by shoved my shoulder so hard, I pulled out of the kiss. I grinned up at Matt when he looked down at me with curious eyes. When his eyes landed on my grin, he pulled me into a bone crushing hug.
“I think I love you.” He whispered as he pulled me as close as physically possible. My grin faltered slightly, but I just hugged tightly back.
Lil! Aren’t you worried that brown-noser might be here spying on you?! I just sighed and laughed slightly in return.
“Come on Matty! I want some ice cream!” I giggled, and pulled Matty along with me toward the little ice cream booth-thing.
“Oh god! Not more to add to your hyper-activeness!” The fact that he was playing along and acting like nothing happened made my smile grow, and my feelings for him grow along with it.
Chapter 39
I snuggled deeper into Matty's side as my brain fought with my eyelids to stay up. We had been watching "Raise Your Voice". That one movie with Hilary Duff. Why? Because it was on when we got home, and I like it, that's why.
"Come on Sweetie, we should get you in the bed." Matty grunted out the last three words as he tried to pick me up and get up at the same time.
"No!" I whined childishly and reached my arms out for the couch. I earned another chuckle at my childish behavior. I was set back on the soft, brown couch, and Matty sat in front of it on the floor to let me stretch out completely. And who says pouting won't get you your way?
"So..did you have fun today?" He asked randomly.
"Mhmm." I smiled down at him with half lidded eyes. The movie was actually still playing while we sat there.
"You know my favorite part of the day?" I have an idea... I could barely hear Tiffany as my answer made itself audible.
"Hmm?" I was seriously oblivious to what he was talking about. Even Tif's little, muffled tid bit didn't help me in the least.
Without warning, he turned around, now on his knees, and planted his lips on mine right after saying, "This."
There was definitely something there, so I didn't hesitate in my response.
My mind got fuzzy quickly, and before I knew it, I was pulling him up onto the couch with me, and I was laying on my back. One of his knees made its way between my legs and the other was kneeling on the floor. Only then did I notice that hair hanging down in my face wasn't multi-colored, but only really dark brown. Finally, he went a little too far and moved his hands down my body. Normally, I might have allowed this, because I do like Matty, very much, but I did also make a promise to Justan. And roaming hands lead to exactly what I promised not to do. Besides, I wasn't a whore. I wasn't with Mattyyet, so that wasn't allowed in my book.
I put my hands on his chest and pushed him, causing our locked lips to break.
I sat up, pushing him off the rest of the way, panting. I almost laughed at the look he sent up at me when I looked down at him on the floor. I thought he would die of a red face. I wanted to know why his face was red; was he mad, or was he embarrassed? I was hoping he wasn't mad. Especially if he has a temper like Justan.
"What the hell man?!" Matty called, lying flat on the floor now.
"I'm sorry." I choked out quickly, getting up and heading for his front door.
What are you doing? We both know you want him! Don't leave! No, this was a mistake! I'm going to make Justan give me back! I can't stand this! Maybe he'd kill me and I'd be done with this completely!
"No!" I heard Matty say once the door was open.
"Don't worry, I'll tell Justan no to be mad." I muttered, opening the door wider.
"No, no, no! It's not like that!" He rushed over to me, quickly getting off the floor.
I tried my hardest to go out the door before he got to me, but my feet caught on the threshold, and I tripped onto his front porch, luckily keeping my face from getting busted on the concrete with my hands.
"Ah! Lilli! Are you trying to hurt yourself?"
Yeah, that's it, people just trip on purpose ... Tif scoffed in my head. Boy did I feel a little abnormal at the moment.
"No." I muttered slightly, not fighting against his comforting arms as he lifted me from the hard floor.
"I'm sorry. I umm..what happened though?" His voice went from sincerity, to confusion, to worry and insecurity all in one breath.
"No, nothing's wrong." I reassured him. I felt something for him .. but also something for Justan. They were both trying so hard -well, besides the anger and jealousy they could try harder on controlling that. But, was it love I felt? For either of them? And if so, which one? I knew I did care a lot for Justan, I always have - but Matty was just one of those boys that always made me laugh and smile when I needed to.
"Then, what?" He finally asked, still holding me in his arms. Was it love? Could only one kiss prove if it was? If I only put enough into it, would it solve my problem?
Chapter 40
"Okay, so...how about we just hang out here today? No going out." I suggested, and Matty nodded at me with a sincere grin that made it futile to even fight not to grin back. So, we decided to ignore being intimate and just act like friends would. Just me and him, and for the past 7 days, that's worked out pretty well.
"But, what do you plan to do in this stuffy old house?" He laughed lightly. With the way he acted sometimes, I was surprised his parents left him home alone to go shopping, let alone a second honeymoon to Beleize!
"Aw, don't say that Matty.. Your house is nice." I grinned over my shoulder at him -he was sitting at the table -from the stove, as I made breakfast. Of course, he'd attempted making me breakfast. Which is the reason I was up at 8:00 in the freaking morning, when I don't need to be.
"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled, not letting me get into teasing him again. I didn't blame him really, I've been picking at him since 6:30 this morning when he woke me up by burning something that was beyond repair by the time I'd stumbled down the stairs.
"Alright! So, what do you want to do in this "stuff old house" of yours?" I tired my best to mimic him, only to fail horribly, causing us both to laugh hysterically.
"I could name a few things," he mumbled in a sigh. Keep in in your pants! Tif seemed to be real territorial lately, like she owned me or something. Nothing at all like when he first tried to get with me.
"I still don't see why we have to stay in!" He muttered as I put his waffles and bacon in front of him. Because we're always so close to Justan's and he's always following us. I wanted so badly to say it, but wasn't sure how Matty would react, so I told only half the truth.
"Well, I don't know. Just want to stay in I guess." And then the stupid part I hated admitting to people. "Besides, I don't like you spending so much money on me." I grunted, hoping he hadn't really heard me. But, of course, his barking laugh just had to prove me wrong.
"Okay babe" -a nickname he'd picked up on calling me -"we won't go out." He laughed lightly again when she saw my flushed face as I sat
down to eat too.
"Well, I like to spend money on you." He mumbled as he got up a little while later to rinse his plate. I stifled a laugh at his childish response to something that had happened nearly 20 minutes beforehand.
"Alright! So .. what do you like to do?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant, as I rinsed my plate right after him. Thankfully, I've learned to control my hunger, and I had been fed properly.
"I like to watch movies." I groaned and he looked at me curiously.
"We already did that!" I complained. Today, I wanted to do something ... different, but didn't know what. Besides, we watched so many movies, I was surprised there were more that hadn't been watched.
"I like to watch porn." He wiggled his eyebrows, letting me know it was just a joke, and causing me to laugh.
"I'll pass." I laughed.
"Well, I do like to blast my music up and dance like nobody's watching." Usually, I'd be against this. But, seeing as he closest neighbor was woods away, I beamed at the idea.
Why not?
Chapter 41
I fell to the ground, holding my sides in a feeble attempt to keep my gut from bursting out of my body. We'd just finished dancing to some weirdo song; I think it was by Britney Spears, of the Spice Girls, or something like that. Whatever Matty said it was, it didn't really matter; the way he danced was hilarious!
I rolled over onto my side and sighed, before opening my eyes. Matty was right in front of me, and nearly caused me a heart attack!
"You're really pretty." I murmured, rubbing a hand on his face. After I thought about it, I had done a good job of hiding my shock of him being that close to me.
His chuckle made me smile; a smile that disappeared as soon as he spoke.
"You're much prettier." He laughed, pulling me into a lop-sided hug.
"Mmm..." was my only reply.
"Matt?! Are you up there?" I jumped quickly to my feet and out of his embrace.
"Yeah, be right down!" If I didn't know any better, I'd say his voice sounded irritated. "Stay up here, will ya?" I just nodded timidly and sat cross-legged on the floor.
To be honest, I was nervous beyond belief. That voice that called Matty down was a male voice. What if it was Justan? My dad? Oh, god, I hoped not. And for some odd reason, I felt like if it were one of the two, I would be in big trouble. Like I would be caught for something that I wasn't supposed to be doing. Kinda like the girlfriend that you know you're not suppose to have over without your parents being there.
I heard quiet mummers and then a giggling girl.
Oh look, Justan moved on. Oops, too bad.
Tears formed in formed in my eyes at Tiffany's words. Why was she against him now? I thought she hated Matt....right?
All of the sudden, the mummers stopped and the stairs groaned as if more than on person was coming up. My body had frozen in place and I couldn't move. All I did was sit and stare at the floor in front of my face. Why was I here? Do I like Matty? Did I prove anything coming here?
No. I answered myself, and I could just faintly hear Tiffany snickering at me in the back of my mind. I was so out of it, I didn't hear anybody come up to me, and I didn't see the black shoes in front of my face.
But, I did feel the hand on my shoulder, and I did scream bloody murder as I curled up onto the floor to get away from the person touching me. I didn't want to be hit, I knew I did wrong, I knew I shouldn't have used Matty. Did I use him? No, I cared ... Right?
Yeah, because you and I both know that you only came here to try and make Justan jealous, and now you've lost him, it's all your fault.
If it was my dad, I didn't want him touching me, and if it was Justan, I didn't want to see his new girlfriend; either way, I was screwed. But why did it hurt about Justan? I shouldn't care about him. Tiffany wasn't right....was she?
My face touched the warm carpeted floor as I shook.
"Lillith? What are you doing?" Matt's voice finally got through to me. "Hey, wait, are you okay?" A sob broke through my throat. What the hell?
Chapter 42
"Lillith! Get up!" I heard the hysteria rise in Matt's voice. Maybe I should get up, suck it up....
I sat up and closed my eyes. Who said I had to look? i just wanted to make Matt feel better.
"Are you okay Sweetie?" My eyes popped opened at the voice. He didn't.
When my eyes landed on the woman in front of me, with her vibrant red hair, her miss matched clothes, and her warm yet condescending smile, my jaw literally dropped.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Her "smile" dropped quickly and she just stared blankly at me. Oh shit. I could easily tell you the most horrible thing about having a good friend in your head; they tend to get over protective ....
Then voice their opinions on the situation.
"I'm here because I can be." She gave the that condescending smile again.
"Well, no you can't be, so leave." Shh! Yes, I was the chicken shit of the two of us; always was.
"I can too be here!" I guessed, at the moment, that she really didn't like to be challenged. But Tiff didn't either.
"Hmm, sure, and who invited you?" I felt my lips curl up into a smile; kinda like the one that just fell off of her face again. It was freaky, watching myself do and say things, but feeling it. Kinda like an out of body experience.
"My brother." Oh God, don't...
"Well, I'm pretty sure your brother was just trying to make you feel special, when we all know you aren't."Tiff I smirked as the woman's face began to turn as red as her hair...and prayed silently that embarrassment was the cause.
"You don't even know who my brother is!"
"I'm pretty sure I know him a lot better than -" No! Stop! I cut in quickly, hoping to save myself. "I'm so sorry, I need to go." I shot up, pulling out of Matty's grip and headed for the door; I didn't even want to see the look on his face.
"Sorry Matty, sorry Colleen, goodbye." I sucked in my breath and rushed out the door and toward the stairs.
Before I even touched the first stair, my foot caught on the carpet at the top.
"Shit," I muttered, my face coming closer to the stair. When my head finally hit the actual stair, I understood; pain had to be inflicted on me in some sort of way, of life wasn't right.
Unfortunately, life had a bad sense of humor, and my leg got caught on something, when I heard one of the sickest cracks of my life.
Chapter 43
"Lillith?" I could faintly hear Matt's voice. "Lillith?!" I wanted to laugh at his worry, but I couldn't; it was like my body was shot up with novocaine, my whole body.
"Oh, my god!" I heard a guy from somewhere; a new voice. Don't worry, this happens all the time. I really wanted to make this guy feel better, he sounded scared. "Matthew! There's blood!" Calm down! It's normal! I was getting really frustrated with my vocal chords, because they just wouldn't work!
"What?!" Colleen shrieked from up the stairs, followed by rapid footsteps; more than just one pair.
Almost at the exact same time that the running stopped, the numbness melted away, and the pain finally settled in. Wow, was that a lot of pain too.
Before I could convince myself otherwise, I opened my mouth and let out an unearthly scream.
Nails were scratching the inside of my scalp, trying to creak free; they seemed to leave fire burning behind where they touched. A hammer began to bang at each burning point, probably trying to put it out. And without mercy, a knife dug into my left leg, dragging all the way up to my hip. Were they doing this to me?
"Lillith!" I could only faintly hear Matty calling for me over my ugly, bird-like screech. "Sweetie, calm down!"
"Holy shit Matthew! Look!" Their screams seemed to anger the nails in my head, and didn't help me one little bit. Fuck's sake! I hadn't even noticed that Tiffany was being effected by whatever it was that was going on.
"Call Justan!" I heard Matt again. I tried very hard to take a deep breath, and needles began to stab harshly at my lungs. "Just do it!"
"Why t
he hell is she bleeding so bad?"
"The stairs are concrete you dumb fuck!" For some odd reason, I got this weird feeling that Matty was mad at me.
"He's on his way." Colleen spoke for the first time. Thankfully, my vocal chords had decided not to hit that octave it was at before.
"What did you tell him?"
"I didn't have to say a word, he heard her screaming." Colleen's response to Matt confused me badly. I had stopped screaming a while ago; way before she was told to call Justan...
My throat suddenly began to feel like someone stuck one of those mechanic mixers down it. My scream came out as a muffled gargle, and I couldn't breathe.
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