Respect

by Jay Crownover

  I was getting ready to ask him why he believed his actions were okay when he suddenly turned and looked at me with a crooked smile. The way the scar on his face pulled at the corner of his mouth always made him look a little wicked when he grinned. It sent a swarm of butterflies dancing in my stomach. I wondered absently if I was ever going to get my reactions to him under control. How could I ever move on if he was the only one who affected me this way? It worked well as a distraction, which I assumed was his intent as he changed the subject to one less barbed and painful.

  “I need to get some coffee and maybe a Red Bull. Let’s stop at that gas station up ahead.” It was an obvious diversionary tactic. He’d given me more than he was comfortable with. He’d also taken more from me than he probably planned. We could both use a breather, so I didn’t argue when he pulled the car off the road and guided us to the small convenience store. We were still a few hundred miles from Salt Lake City and this was the first small town we’d seen in over an hour. I needed a bathroom and something sweet to munch on. I needed room to get my thoughts in order and to breathe air that wasn’t full of memories of the past and crowded with the reality of the present.

  I tilted my head in the direction of the restroom at the back of the shop when we walked in the door. Booker gave me a grunt in response, earning us both a suspicious look from the cashier. This was a tiny town, well off the beaten path since we were avoiding the highway. I was sure they didn’t get guys who looked and moved like Booker in here very often. There was just something about him that screamed danger and darkness. I lost track of him as he tumbled his way toward the coffee station. I was going to have to fight him for the keys if he was so tired he couldn’t even walk in a straight line.

  The bathroom wasn’t spotless, but it wasn’t so filthy I was worried about catching a disease. I took my time taking care of business and fussing with my hair in the mirror. Despite the stress of our hectic departure from Boulder, and the worry over not being able to tell Brysen or Race where I was and whom I was with, there was no denying there was a sparkle in my eyes that had been missing for four years. Instead of the dull, mostly dead brown, all the colors that used to come alive back home had sparked back to life.

  Shaking my head at the fanciful thought, I walked out of the bathroom, eyes scanning the convenience store for Booker. My step faltered and I had to shove a fist in my mouth to keep from screaming when my gaze landed on Booker. He wasn’t alone.

  No. Instead of sleepily paying for his coffee, he was standing in front of the cashier with a shotgun pointed at his back as a scrawny teenager demanded the terrified cashier open the register and hand over the money inside. The kid with the gun was younger than me and obviously tweaked out. He was way too skinny, his hair was thin and greasy, and he had ugly, seeping sores visible on his bare arms. I couldn’t fully see his face, just the side that was turned in my direction, but I was willing to bet his teeth were a mess and his eyes were glassy and unfocused. It was no secret that rural towns all over America had an issue with meth, and it looked like we’d picked one of them for our pit stop.

  My instinct was to turn around and head back to the bathroom, but I didn’t have my phone so there was no way for me to call 9–1-1. My heart also balked and kicked against my ribs at the thought of leaving Booker out here alone with a gun pointed at his back. The man had taken more than enough bullets in the short time I'd known him. He didn’t need to add to the collection.

  While I was wavering with indecision over the best course of action, the tweaker suddenly turned and caught sight of me. I cringed as his head whipped around and jabbed the barrel of the gun more forcefully against Booker’s spine. He was so jittery, I sent up a silent prayer he didn't pull the trigger on the shotgun accidentally. The cashier had his hands in the air, just like in the movies, and he was watching the scene unfold in front of him numbly. He wasn’t going to be much help.

  “Where did you come from? Are you a spy? Were you following me? Who are you?” The questions came rapid fire and the paranoia was clear in all of them. His eyes were wide and crazy as he used Booker’s massive body as a shield.

  Booker looked annoyed. His eyes were narrowed to slate-colored slits and there was a muscle ticking furiously in his cheek. One of his eyebrows was cocked at me, but he didn't seem at all concerned by the fact that a tweaker was holding him hostage.

  I put my hands up in front of me and tried to appear as nonthreatening as possible. I did my best to plaster a smile on my face and refused to look away from the man with the gun aimed at his spine.

  “I’m not here for you. I’m with him. Give him back to me and we’ll be on our way. We’re just passing through.” Booker’s scar twitched as his teeth ground together and his other eyebrow shot up to join the first. Sure, it had been years since gun toting criminals were part of my every day, but there were some things a girl didn't forget. Like the key to any uncertain situation was to remain calm and clearheaded. Nothing was going to be accomplished if everyone went in guns blazing.

  Booker growled as the teenager jammed the gun into his back. I bit my lip to keep from making a noise as he rolled his eyes. This was nothing new for him, and it was obvious he was irritated he’d let an amateur like this kid get the drop on him.

  “I want the money. I need money.” The kid bounced on the balls of his feet, finger flexing on the trigger of the gun enough to make me take a step forward. “Do you have any money? Give me your money!” He screamed the last part and tried to shove the barrel of the gun through Booker’s body. The big man winced and I could see he was at the end of the line where his patience was concerned.

  “Let the girl go and I’ll get you all the money you need.” The rumble of Booker’s voice seemed to startle the kid out of his frantic thoughts.

  The teen shook his head, dirty hair sticking to his sweaty skin. “No. No one is going anywhere.”

  Booker sighed. “We need to get back on the road, kid. We don’t have time for this nonsense.”

  “Shut up! I’ll shoot you! I’ll kill everyone.” He let go of the gun with one hand and pointed at me. “But not her. She’s pretty. I’ll keep her.”

  His first mistake was letting go of the gun. His second was threatening me. Well, his mistake overall was trying to rob the very store that had Booker inside of it, but that was neither here nor there.

  He moved so fast he was nothing more than a blur.

  Booker twisted, lifting a forearm so it knocked the long barrel of the gun loose from the teen’s grasp. As the kid screamed and tried to reach for the gun, Booker grabbed the stock with his other hand, yanking the gun away from the robber. He then used his momentum to drive the base of the stock into the kid’s vulnerable belly. It was a Krav Maga move he’d made me practice over and over again back when he was intent on teaching me how to keep myself alive. I’d seen him execute it a million times, but never when he had an actual weapon pressing on his spine.

  The kid folded over, holding his stomach and crying. While he was down, Booker bent over him and plowed his fist into that ravaged face with a sickening thunk. The kid immediately went limp and unresponsive on the floor. The cashier watched Booker with wide eyes as he unloaded the weapon and used the hem of his shirt to wipe it down so his fingerprints were no longer on it.

  “We were never here. Forget her face. You never saw her. Do you understand?” He placed the gun on the counter and picked up the coffee he must have abandoned when the teen burst in.

  The cashier looked shell-shocked but nodded slowly as Booker stared him down.

  “Does this place have surveillance video?” Booker took a sip of the coffee and winced. I wasn’t sure if it was from the heat or the bitterness.

  “We have them on the outside to catch kids who gas and go, but the system has been down for a month and the owner hasn’t fixed it.” His voice cracked and he looked like he was going to throw up any second.

  Booker nodded and crooked his finger at me, indicating it was time to go. H
e looked back at the cashier pointedly. “Remember what I said. We were never here. You don't want me to make a trip back out this way. You don’t want to ever see me again . . . it won’t end well for you.”

  The cashier looked at the gun in front of him, and then down to the body on the floor. He audibly gulped and offered up a nod of agreement.

  Booker put his hand on the center of my back as he guided me out the door. His jaw was still locked and his eyes were flinty, but his voice was low and more rough than normal when he told me, “You can drive.”

  I fought back a triumphant grin.

  It wasn’t much, but at the same time, it was everything.

  He was always the one who always took care of everything, but now he was handing that responsibility over to me. He was trusting me to keep us on track and to keep us safe.

  He might not know it, but he was showing me the truth of his earlier confession.

  He did respect me . . . and if he respected me, maybe, just maybe, he really could love me.

  Of course, my wayward heart went there, but this time I didn’t feel like reining the rebellious little monster in.

  Booker

  Between the sleepless night, the emotional upheaval of facing a grown-up Karsen, and the adrenaline crash after the dust up in the gas station, there was no way I was keeping my eyes open for another minute. I handed the keys to Karsen and told her to get us to Salt Lake City. The drive would give me enough time to recharge and, maybe when I woke up, I would have enough strength to shove the fog of lust and the burn from old memories back in the dark where they had festered for the last few years.

  I crashed as soon as I reclined in the passenger seat. It had been a long time since I’d knocked out in seconds. Sleep wasn’t something that came easy to me. Bad things happened when you let your guard down and let yourself be vulnerable, and never was a man more susceptible to attack than when he was asleep. It was a good thing most of my time was spent working in the dark. I was usually so exhausted or so utterly disgusted with myself by the time the sun came up, passing out in the bright light of day wasn't an issue. The demons dancing around me didn’t show themselves in the sunshine, so I was normally able to catch a few winks before the cycle of self-loathing started over again the next night.

  However, with my fate in the hands of the woman I not only dreamed about, but also daydreamed about, I slept like the dead. There were no nightmares or long-forgotten fears jerking me awake and chilling me to the bone. Nope, drifting off next to Karsen, all that existed was her warm, citrusy scent and the enveloping feeling of contentment at having her by my side. Not much in my life had ever gone the right way. I was a pro at finding myself in every worst-case scenario, but being next to her had always felt overwhelmingly right.

  I cranked my eyes open when the car rolled to a stop. Karsen was muttering to herself and tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to a beat only she could hear. Her face was set in lines of concentration as she stared out the windshield, and she was chewing on her bottom lip hard enough the surface was red and irritated.

  I blinked and lifted my hands to scrub them over my face. She looked my way as I moved the seat back into the upright position and asked, “Are you hungry? I was going to run in and grab something really quick, but now that you’re awake I’d love to get out of this car for a little bit.”

  I noticed we were parked in front of a restaurant chain and figured we must be inside the city limits. The area around us was much more populated than any of the route we’d been traveling. I rubbed my face even harder and rolled my stiff shoulders. Guys my size were not meant for road trips. There was never enough room to move, and every single part of my body was feeling the crunch from being cramped in the sedan for hours. It would be a good idea to keep going. Hitting a moving target was always much more challenging, but I’d always had a hard time telling this girl no, and I could use the space, too. My dick had woken up along with the rest of me, and it was also uncomfortably restricted behind the biting teeth of my zipper.

  “We can go in, but we can’t linger. It’s best to keep moving.”

  I kicked the passenger door open but paused before climbing out because Karsen sarcastically asked, “How in the hell do you think Troy is going to track us down in Utah? You wouldn’t let me bring my phone or my computer, remember? No one knows where we are. You wouldn’t even let me check on Ari this morning because you were afraid she would tell her brother that I’m on the run with you. I’m sure she’s worried sick. That’s the last thing she needs right now.”

  I blamed my knee-jerk response on the fact I still wasn’t fully awake. “Troy isn’t the only one we have to worry about.” I could hear the anger and resentment loud and clear in my voice, so there was no way she was going to miss it.

  We both climbed out of the car. She slammed the door on her side and crossed her arms on the roof, looking at me coolly across the space separating us. “What's that supposed to mean? Who else do we have to worry about?”

  I groaned and threw my head back so I was looking up at the rapidly darkening sky. “Can we drop it? All I want to do is get you home as quickly as possible. Just like you asked me to.”

  She made a face indicating it was a stupid question and she considered me ridiculous for asking it. “When have I ever dropped anything? Did someone follow you from home? Are you in some kind of trouble? Are we running to keep me safe or did you just manipulate me into this situation because I’m still a colossal idiot when it comes to you? I should know better than to trust you unconditionally.” Each question got louder and more forceful as she asked them. Her face flushed a hot pink, and she was back to gnawing on that lower lip like she was trying to chew through it.

  I bit off a string of swear words and copied her pose with my arms braced on the top of the car. It would be so easy to tell her everything . . . I was already going to lose her so it shouldn't matter. But then I’d be out of her life, and when I went, I would be taking the person she turned to for protection and support with me. That wouldn’t be fair. I’d ruined her life once already, I wasn’t looking for a repeat performance.

  “I’m not in any more trouble than I usually am. No one followed me from the Point, but I think you’re smart enough to know your sister and her man are not my biggest fans after everything that went down. I haven’t left the Point since the day I got out of prison. When people realize I’m gone, I think they are logically going to conclude the only place I would go is where you are. I’ve wanted to make amends for a long time, Karsen. That’s never been a secret. I fucked up and the people who love you know it. They also know I regret it. I owe you so much more than an apology, but that’s all I have to give.” I moved my hand and thumped a fist on the car. “If I were in Race’s shoes, I’d send someone after my sorry ass, too. It isn’t anything I can’t handle, but with you along for the ride, I worry about collateral damage. Hired guns tend to be overzealous when it comes to collecting a paycheck.” I should know, since I was one.

  Her brows lifted and she released her trapped lip. I wanted to soothe the tender flesh with my tongue. I wanted to make her mouth sting with my own and let her nibble on something a lot harder and a whole lot lower. So much for reining in the lust clouding my every thought and action lately.

  “You think Race is going to send someone to hurt you because you came all the way to Colorado to apologize to me?” She shook her head slightly, eyes narrowing. “That’s ridiculous. He was excited when I told him I changed my mind and wanted to leave the Point. He knows good and well that wouldn’t have happened without you. He owes you a solid.”

  I didn’t go to Colorado to just apologize. I went to collect what was mine, if she still wanted me, and Race would know that. In Race’s world, there were no favors and no one owes anyone anything. In Race’s world, there was blackmail and manipulation until he got his way, regardless of the cost. I pushed off the car and rolled my shoulders again. “He loves you. There isn’t much he won’t do to keep you safe.
He knows that while I won’t let anything hurt you, the last thing you are with me, is safe.”

  She moved off the car as well, a frown of confusion stamped on her pretty features. “Of course I’m safe with you.”

  When she reached my side, I looked down at her and let all the desire and want I’d been repressing loose in my gaze. I bent my head so we were eye to eye and I watched as the gold fissures in the rich brown of hers flared with heat.

  “Oh no, you’re not, puppy.” It was an old nickname. One I knew she hated because it always reminded her how much younger she was than me. It was also my way of keeping her in the strictly hands-off category, because puppies were cute and loveable. Junkyard dogs like me were left alone to keep the riff-raff out. No one let us in at night or cuddled with us. We were solely used as weapons, not pets.

  I told myself to pull away because my point was made, but I couldn’t seem to move. She was so close. She was the only thing I’d ever wanted more than the reputation I’d earned to keep the people who could hurt me at bay. She wasn’t a shy, sheltered little girl anymore. No, this was a woman staring back at me, silently daring me to finally do something. I was a man of action, but with Karsen, I’d been forced to let our fate be fondled by dirty hands and unfortunate circumstances. This was the first time I was the one calling the shots where she was concerned, even if they were the wrong calls to make.

  I wasn’t sure who moved first.

  Maybe neither of us did.

  We’d always been drawn to one another.

  I breathed in as she breathed out, like I was tugging her toward me with the whisper of her sigh. When my lips landed on hers, there was barely any pressure. Just the featherlight touch of my mouth to hers, but I felt the impact like a sledgehammer to my gut. The velvet softness and warmth of her plump lips almost took me to the ground. I could feel the indent in her bottom lip from her teeth and did my best to kiss the pain away. If I could, I would kiss every pain she had into oblivion. Especially the pain I caused. I would give just about anything to erase the bruise of burden from her heart.