Respect

by Jay Crownover

  Tentatively, I lifted a hand and cupped her jaw. Her skin was silky smooth under my rough palms, and I felt the delicate shiver that coursed through her as I skimmed the tip of my tongue across the seam of her lips. She let out a sigh that may have been my name, but I was too busy darting into the entrance, into the warm recess of her mouth she granted me access, to get excited over it.

  She tasted like every daydream I’d ever had. Sunny, bright, and slightly sweet. Her flavor burst on my tongue and made my mouth water. I always knew when I got a taste of her it was going to ruin me. She was the end of the road. There was nothing for me past this woman and the way she completely undid me with just a kiss. My entire life people had tried to take me out, to end me. They wanted me on my knees, demanded my submission and my surrender. Karsen Carter owned both with nothing more than the flick of her tongue and the slide of her lush lips against mine. I could feel a quiver where our lips touched, but I had no clue if it came from me or from her, and I didn’t care. I was powerless where she was concerned, and for the first time in my life, I was okay with that.

  Her small hand lifted and wrapped around the wrist of my hand holding onto her face. My pulse kicked against her fingers and my cock throbbed insistently behind my zipper. I waited to see if she was going to pull me away, but when her fingers simply rested there, stroking the frantic beat of my heart as my pulse raced, I moved closer and deepened the kiss.

  I could drown in her. The way she tasted. The way she sounded as I did my best to devour her. The way she smelled. All of it filled my senses and sucked me under. Nothing existed outside of Karsen and the feel of her mouth moving under mine.

  I increased the pressure until she whimpered into my mouth.

  This kiss shouldn’t hurt, but because it was us, of course it did. There was so much between us, so much we missed and weren’t allowed to have. It was going to be painful trying to wade through all of the denial to get to each other.

  My teeth raked across her swollen lower lip and she stepped in closer to me. Her free hand found its way to the side of my face and I ordered myself not to freeze when her fingertips touched my marred cheek. I couldn’t remember the last time another person had their hands on my scar. Maybe the nurse who took the stitches out in the prison infirmary? Her caress shouldn’t burn. The nerves under the ravaged skin were long dead, but I swore I could feel a trail of heat in every single place her fingers fell. She was a little arsonist, setting my entire body alight and letting fire loose in all the cold, dark places left vacant and abandoned inside of my heart.

  Our tongues tangled as I put a hand on her lower back and tugged her lithe body closer until it was flush with mine. I felt her breasts flatten against my chest and swallowed back a moan as our hips aligned perfectly. She was too good, too flawless, and too lovely to be made just for me. But we fit together like she was designed to fill up all the empty spaces inside of me.

  I deepened the kiss, taking what I’d been denied for so long. I wasn’t going to let a single part of her mouth go untasted, and my wandering hands were doing a pretty good job of making sure none of her creamy skin was left untouched. I had a hand on the gentle swell of her ass, and the other moved from her face to the long fall of her hair. She was trapped against me, and my eager dick was super happy she wasn’t doing a thing to get away. The slow grind of her hips as she writhed and wiggled to get closer had my cock throbbing so hard it almost hurt.

  Our teeth clicked together as I jerked her closer, sucking the tip of her tongue and practically dry-humping her in the parking lot of the family restaurant. Common sense fled the minute I got my mouth on her, and every instinct I’d honed over the years to keep me alive went numb under the onslaught of need that pummeled me from every direction as I finally allowed myself this one indulgence. This one moment that was years in the making.

  It was a kiss worth dying for.

  The blare of a car horn startled us apart. Karsen fell back a step, lifting her hands to my chest and pushing me back so there was space to breathe between us. Her better-than-brown eyes were out of focus and her mouth was kiss swollen and wet. She was the very image of ravished, and there was no denying I loved being the one to put that look all over her.

  The angry mom in the minivan honked again, so I reluctantly released my prize and moved to shove my hands in my back pockets. I had to have a barrier between my hands and her body so I wasn’t tempted to snatch her back up. I could feel my own powerful heartbeat in my erection. It pounded in time with my breath as I struggled to get myself under control.

  Karsen cleared her throat and pushed her tangled hair over her shoulder. She blinked at me then cleared her throat again. “I guess you aren’t very safe from me either, Noah.”

  My real name.

  I rarely heard it. And only from her had those two syllables ever been said in the past six years. My mom never used it. The men she handed me off to when she needed money for drugs sure as hell hadn’t cared what it was. When I killed one of them and ended up in juvie, I’d been nothing more than an inmate number, and when I’d put another juvenile offender in the hospital for getting handsy and violent, I’d ended up in big boy prison. I’d lost my identity all together. Booker was the man I’d become when I got out, but Noah was who I was when I was with her. She used it to remind me that she saw me, the man behind the gun.

  I pulled in a breath and forced my feet to move because Karsen was already headed toward the entrance of the restaurant.

  “You’re right. You’re dangerous. I didn’t hear the van. If that soccer mom had been a hitman, we’d both be toast. You’re distracting. You always were.” And being distracted was a surefire way to end up dead.

  She cast a look at me over her shoulder and waited as I reached around her to pull the door open. “Don't you ever get tired of it?”

  “Tired of what?”

  “Tired of always watching your back? Of looking for the next gun pointed in your direction?” She winced as soon as she said the words, probably realizing that I’d just had a gun on me, even though I’d been minding my own business.

  I put my hand between her shoulder blades and guided her to the hostess stand. The teenager behind the podium smiled politely at Karsen, but her eyes widened and the grin slipped when she looked up at me. Karsen stiffened under my hand, but before she could say anything, I put my lips next to her ear and whispered, “Last time I forgot to watch my back, I ended up with this scar on my face.”

  It was a night I would never forget. It was a night that stole sleep from me. It was also a good reminder that no matter how sweet Karsen tasted, or how good she felt in my hands, she wasn’t meant for me or the kind of life I lived. She was meant for sunshine and sweetness. She didn’t thrive at night, and I had no right to ask her to hide in the dark with me and all of my warring demons.

  Karsen

  “So, what do you want to do with your life now that you’ve got the degree?” The question pulled me out of the dark pit of self-recrimination I’d sunk into after we got in the car and headed back out on the road. It was a long, lonely stretch of deserted back-country road somewhere before Utah turned into Nevada. I hadn’t seen another car for an hour.

  I couldn’t believe I’d kissed him.

  After everything he’d put me through, after all the time I’d wasted pining for him and trying to forget him, there hadn’t been an ounce of fight in me when his mouth touched mine. Damnit. I’d practically melted into him and it almost hurt when he let me go because all I’d ever wanted was to know what Noah Booker’s arms felt like when they were wrapped tightly around me. It was so much better than I ever imagined. He held me like he never wanted to let me go. He handled me like he was worried I was about to slip through his grasp. There was desperation in his hands and on his tongue . . . but, more importantly, the power that this man had just under the surface was like a drug. And like an addict, I couldn't get enough of it. Finally, having proof he wanted me the way I’d always wanted him weakened my resolv
e and turned me into a quivering mass of hormones and greedy need.

  Softening toward him in any way was such a bad idea. Letting him get close enough to touch was only going to break me once again. My heart was far too fragile for his huge, clumsy hands, but he called me ‘puppy’ and looked at me like I was the best thing to ever happen to him. All my reservations, every one of the hard-won barriers erected around my heart crumbled to dust. He didn’t need to kick in the door to all the places I was determined to keep him out of, I handed over the damn key the second he touched me.

  While we ate, the tension had been thick and tense, simmering under the surface. It didn’t help at all when the young waiter mistook us for father and daughter. I watched as Booker immediately sank back into the skin he typically wore around me. The one that put him in the role of protector and guardian instead of potential lover. Too bad I now knew what he looked like with passion-glazed eyes, face flushed with arousal. It was a good look for him, and I was irrationally proud that I’d been the one to put it on his hard, unforgiving face.

  “Well? What do you want to do with the rest of your life?” I forgot he had tried to break the silence and draw me out of my maudlin thoughts. Unfortunately, the subject was nearly as depressing as the one currently eating away at my insides.

  “I honestly have no idea. When I left the Point, I didn’t have a plan. I still don’t. I was thinking about law school.” I grinned at him across the dark expanse of the car. He told me he would stop after we put a few hundred more miles between us and Colorado, and I was super excited about the idea of a bed and a hot shower. “You know there’s never a shortage for the need of a good defense attorney back home.”

  Booker snorted. “Yeah, but you’d be defending people you knew were guilty if you went that route in the city. Can you do that? Considering you’re the princess of the Point, you’ve always had a surprisingly strong opinion about sometimes having to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. I can’t imagine those kinds of ideals would jive well within the traditional law and order communities.”

  I sighed and slouched down in the seat. I rolled my head to the side so I could watch the shadows pass over his face as we raced through the night. “I thought of that. I could always practice somewhere other than home. That would keep the personal element out of it.” It would also mean leaving the Point behind, and I wasn’t sure I was fully ready to commit to that just yet. It was so hard to let go of something you loved as much as I loved my broken, dirty city.

  He cocked his head to the side and watched me out of the corner of his eye. “Where would you go? Or would you stay in Colorado?” There was more than mere curiosity in his voice, but I couldn’t quite figure out what the other emotion was.

  “I love Colorado. It’s beautiful and I have a nice kind of life there.” I loved Ari and the way she’s taken me into her family without question. But it wasn’t home. “I’m glad I left the Point. I never thought I would feel that way, but it was nice to see the kind of life I could have if I left for good. It helped me understand why Race was adamant I go. But I don’t know that it’s where I want to end up. I miss home. I miss my family.” I missed him, but you would have to torture me in order to get me to admit to it. I was supposed to be over him, after all.

  “Sometimes it’s hard to recognize the Point as the same place that was on the brink of ruin all those years ago. Bax finds all the guys like him, hopeless, angry, and lost, and he gives them something to do so they don’t get in trouble like he did. He forces them to fix up his cars and he teaches them to fight if they want to get in the circle and earn some cash. Maybe if there had been a guy like him around when I was just starting to run the streets, I might have had a chance to be something more. Nassir and Race have done a good job chasing the worst of the scumbags out of town, and Titus has nearly killed himself getting the police force clean.” Titus King was Bax’s older brother and one of only a handful of dedicated police officers not on the take in the city. He’d given blood, sweat, and tears in order to wrestle control of his precinct back from the dirty cops who infiltrated every corner.

  “Nassir’s wife has a system in place to help the girls on the streets find a way out if they want one. You would be shocked if you knew how many former dancers and hookers the cop’s old lady has sent her way. Bax’s girl is making sure the kids with nowhere else to go aren’t forgotten and lost to the system. The boy genius and his crazy chick are doing all kinds of crazy techie stuff, making sure there are eyes everywhere. It’s a lot harder for new bad guys to move in when the criminals already running the city see everything.” He paused for a second and when he spoke again there was something close to pride in his voice. “It’s almost safe enough to walk alone at night now.”

  I felt pressure building in my chest and the sudden sting of tears at the back of my eyes. I’d missed all of that by leaving. Missed my city rising from the ashes like a redeemed phoenix all because I couldn’t handle a broken heart.

  “I wish I could have been there to see the transformation.” My words came out husky and I had to clear my throat to hide the emotion I couldn’t control.

  Booker made a noise and turned his head to look at me. “You’re the reason behind it all, Karsen. The reason the Point changed so much was because of you.”

  “What are you talking about?” It was my turn to sound confused and a little something more.

  “Everyone wanted it to be a place that was safe for you to come home to. They all wanted the city to be a place you wanted to return . . . a place you wanted to stay. So many people worked to get the Point into the shape you could be proud to call home, where you could settle down and not be scared to start your own family.” His voice lowered and softened as much as his deep growl could. “You are the heiress to the rusted throne.”

  I’d never felt like royalty, more like an afterthought, but the Point was a kingdom everyone I loved had bled for. Leaving it behind somehow felt disloyal and wrong. Like I was denying a huge part of who I was, and in the process, abandoning everything I had ever known.

  “I never asked for a tiara or a legacy.” In fact, the only thing I’d ever asked for was him.

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s yours anyway.”

  I sighed. “When I figure out what to do with it and the rest of my life, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

  I heard him chuckle. It was a dry, brittle sound, like he didn’t get the chance to laugh very often and didn’t find humor in many things. That sad, crackling noise warmed me up almost as much as the gentle, reverent look on his face after he kissed me.

  The fuzzy gray shadows in the car interior were suddenly gone as bright lights from approaching headlights washed over both of us. Booker sat up straighter in the driver’s seat and his eyes snapped to the rearview mirror. His hands curled around the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. His jaw locked and the scar on his cheek jumped as a muscle twitched with tension.

  “Is everything okay?” I twisted around in my seat to try and look out the back window, but Booker shot an arm out and kept me in place.

  “Make sure your seatbelt is on. It’s probably nothing.” Those words came out of his mouth but he didn’t sound like he believed them.

  I made sure the belt was locked and situated where it was supposed to be. I braced a hand on the dashboard in front of me and put a hand on the roof of the car to steady myself as the sedan lurched forward. Booker’s foot looked like it was trying to push the gas pedal through the floor he was pressing down on it so hard.

  “If it’s nothing, why are you suddenly driving like we joined the Indy 500?” I didn’t want my nervousness to show, but my voice was thin and wobbled a little as the question squeaked out.

  He didn’t answer me, eyes trained alternately on the road and the mirror. I could tell the car behind us was getting closer because the light reflecting in our car shone brighter.

  “In my life, nothing is never nothing. It’s always something bad.” He gritted the
words out, muttering something about getting his hands on a sports car next time he needed to outrun someone.

  It would probably be a good idea, considering the car behind us was up on our bumper in no time, even though Booker was pushing the sedan so hard the metal around us was vibrating. I heard a powerful engine rev and closed my eyes as our car suddenly jerked so hard it forced my head to snap forward. My teeth clicked together, biting down on the tip of my tongue as the iron tang of blood flooded my mouth.

  Booker swore long and loud as his big, scarred hands wrestled with the steering wheel. The car lurched again; the sound of metal grinding against metal was loud enough to make my ears hurt and my head pound. The night flew by around us as Booker fought to keep the car on the road. My heart was lodged firmly in my throat, and I could feel a cold trickle of sweat slide down my spine as I struggled to keep a scream from escaping.

  I didn’t want anything to distract Booker as he worked to keep us both alive.

  The car rocked violently once more. The car behind us was ramming into the back bumper relentlessly. I dared a peek at the speedometer and gulped when I saw that the needle was buried. I could smell the acrid scent of rubber burning as the tires from both cars fought to grip the road.

  “Hold on.” The warning was barked out, and I jumped to obey.

  I made sure I was locked in place as best as I could, as the car suddenly wrenched to the right, hitting the shoulder of the road and spinning violently into a skid as the tires underneath us lost traction. I couldn't swallow my scream anymore. It pierced the air, sharp and loud as the world started to spin like a pinwheel. I slammed my eyes closed and forced myself to breathe. I was close to passing out and I was waiting for the crunch of metal and asphalt, the feel of the car tipping end over end. I was sure we were about to flip.

  Shadows danced behind my eyelids as lights flickered and died with every breath. My heart was thundering so loudly between my ears, it was deafening.