Respect

by Jay Crownover

  Nothing happened. The car skidded and danced off the shoulder of the road, sending gravel flying and pinging off the undercarriage as I was tossed from side to side, the seat belt digging painfully into my shoulder and across my hips.

  As quickly as it all started, it stopped. The engine revved again and tires squealed as the car that ran us off the road sped off. I pried my eyes open after a few moments of eerie silence and looked over to see Booker shaking in his seat. His eyes were wide and trained on the disappearing tail lights. He was pale in the dim interior and I could see his broad chest was rising and falling rapidly.

  If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was scared. But guys like Booker who faced armed assailants and stepped in front of bullets were never scared of anything.

  Were they?

  “You okay?” His rasp sounded like it was pulled from somewhere deep inside of him and wrapped in razor wire.

  I slowly nodded my head.

  I was okay, but I was also totally freaked out. That had been deliberate.

  Someone tried to run us off the road.

  I cleared my throat and put a shaking hand to my chest. “Was that for you or for me? Was that Troy? And do you think he’s coming back?” I really wasn’t up for another midnight car chase after everything else we’d been through today.

  He shook his head and lifted his hands off the steering wheel to run them over his face. I noticed they were shaking, and again I wondered how someone who faced death on a daily basis could be so shaken over our near miss. He was supposed to have nerves of steel. “I don’t know who it was for, but I doubt they’ll be back. That was a warning. We can run, but whoever is after us can and will find us.”

  We were literally in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. No other cars on the road, no witnesses to our potential demise. How could anyone pinpoint our location like that? My mind was spinning, trying to make sense of it all, and the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Someone was out to get me, and Race really didn’t want Booker anywhere near me. That was a lot of violence, with me directly in the middle, to wrap my head around. It had been a long time since the instinct to watch my back and treat everyone as the enemy was second nature. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being thrust right into the center of something so dangerous when I’d done my very best to leave that life behind.

  I reached out and ran my fingers over the back of his shaking hand. He jerked away and folded the offending tremor into a fist to conceal it. I lifted an eyebrow and asked, “Are you okay?”

  He kept the car on the road and upright and kept his cool. He was the reason we were still alive.

  Slowly, he shook his head in the negative. “I’m not okay.” The grit in his voice was rough as sandpaper.

  Before I could ask him what was wrong, he reached across the space separating us, unclicking my seatbelt so he could pull me up into his arms. His eyes sliced into mine. Serious and focused as he quietly told me, “Nothing can happen to you, Karsen. I’m not sure I could survive it.”

  I guess guys like Booker were scared of something after all, because I could feel the fear in his grasping hands and the terror that made him shake when he reached for me.

  He was terrified something bad was going to happen to me on his watch and he would be powerless to stop it.

  I wanted to tell him it was going to be fine. I wasn’t his responsibility anymore. I was more than capable of taking care of myself, but the words died when his talented, tempting mouth landed on mine. In that moment, sitting in the car that would have been in a ditch somewhere it not for Booker, I forgot the fact I’d nearly died. Every single part of my body came alive at his touch.

  Booker

  I practically dragged Karsen out of her seat in order to get as close to her as possible. I was still shaking. I could feel fear making my blood run cold and rattling my bones in a way that had only happened a few times before.

  The first time was when a deranged stalker broke into Race’s apartment, hellbent on making Brysen pay for the sins of her mother. I was the man Race ordered to protect his girls, and when that first gunshot fired, I remembered clearly how terrified I was that I was going to fail. I wasn’t worried about the repercussions from Race; I was worried about what the world would be like without someone as bright and beautiful as Karsen in it. I couldn’t stomach the idea of not being able to protect her, and I couldn’t breathe when I thought about being the reason behind anyone trying to hurt her. The second time was when Karsen was locked inside her school with a live bomb. The police weren’t willing to let anyone go in after her, including Titus, and he had a damn badge. I wasn’t about to let a little thing like police procedure get in my way. I was going in after her because if some asshole thought he could take her out of my world, well, then he was going to have to get through me first.

  This wasn’t my first high-speed chase, and I seriously doubted it would be my last.

  But it was the first one where I’d been more worried about my passenger than I was about keeping the car on the road. I couldn’t keep the image out of my head of her tangled in a mass of twisted metal, blood staining her almost-white hair crimson. I had nightmares on a regular basis, but the thought of her dying on the side of the road because I didn’t save her was worse than any of them.

  I needed to hold her against me. I had to feel her heart beating and run my hands all over her to reassure myself she was in one piece. My frantic worry demanded I get close enough to feel her breath on my face and the slide of her silky hair through my fingers. The previous times she’d been in danger, she’d been too young for me to put my hands on to reassure myself she was okay. I was forced to be content with a brief once-over and a too-quick hug. Back then, she was the one who wanted to cling. Tonight, she was totally legal and I was the one finding it impossible to let her go. She didn’t struggle or wiggle away when I settled her on my lap after I pushed the seat all the way back and popped my seatbelt loose.

  We were both tall, so it wasn’t the best fit, but the lack of space in the interior of the car meant every part of her was pressed against every part of me, and my throbbing dick couldn't have been any happier about the situation. Well, it would have been giddy as fuck if it were buried balls deep into her tight heat, but I doubted that was going to be an option.

  I plowed my fingers into the soft hair at her temples and held her head still as I gazed into those tiger eyes of hers. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t have the words to explain there were only two things in this entire fucked-up world I was afraid of . . . and one was something terrible happening to her on my watch.

  Since I wasn’t good with words and my emotions, I had to let my actions speak for me.

  Instead of mauling her and trying to inhale her in a single breath, I slowly pulled her closer, savoring the fact that I could touch and kiss her. Relishing the reality that I could finally comfort her and no longer had to hide the way she’d always affected me.

  “Don’t we need to get moving, like now?” Her question was breathless, but totally reasonable.

  We should be back on the road, but I was no longer thinking with my brain. I needed this moment to feel her living and breathing against me. I needed to hear her heartbeat and touch her warmth.

  “We’ll be okay for a few minutes.” Or they would be the few minutes that finally broke the fragile threads that had always tied us together.

  I smoothed my thumbs over the sharp edge of her cheekbones and placed a kiss, one that was nothing more than a brush of our lips together on her mouth. The pillowy softness immediately opened and the tip of her tongue darted out to chase the taste of my kiss across her mouth. My hands tightened in her hair as hers settled on my shoulders, her fingers digging into the tight muscles on either side of my neck. I caught the tip of her seeking tongue with my teeth and dragged it into my mouth. The kiss went from a sweet exchange of reassurance and relief to something much more visceral and raw in an instant.

  She s
ettled more firmly into the bend of my lap, her warm center pressing seductively against the insistent bulge in my jeans. She was radiating so much heat, there was no mistaking that she was seeking more than comfort from our tight embrace. Her hips shifted enticingly, rubbing her most intimate contours against my trapped cock.

  I released her hair and shifted my hands so I could run them up the lean line of her ribs. She quivered above me, and the press of her mouth against mine grew more demanding. She put one of her hands on my jaw so she could hold my face still as her tongue licked into the cavern of my mouth, tangling with mine and demanding more than I think she was aware she was asking for. My hips lifted into her involuntarily, and I barely suppressed a full body shudder when I snaked my hands under the hem of her flowy tank top. Her waist was narrow, and her skin was velvety soft against my rough hands as I skated a tentative caress back up her sides, taking fabric with me as I went.

  Sex wasn’t something I ever viewed as a necessity. I had a hard time dealing with the power and control that went into being with another person in such an intimate and vulnerable way; memories that were hard for me to deal with due to my childhood and time spent in prison. If I had an itch, I knew where to get it scratched, but there was nothing personal or profound about it. Catching a glimpse of Karsen’s smooth belly and the softly rounded swell of her breasts under the satin of her bra was far more erotic and engaging to me than the last time I’d had a naked girl underneath me. The sight of my destroyed hands on her flawless skin was more of a turn on than the experienced seduction attempts often thrown my way by the girls who danced for Nassir in his clubs. All I knew right then was that I was having a hard time concentrating through the wave of lust that threatened to pull me under. I wanted my hands all over her, but I didn’t want to push her too far or scare her off. She may have kissed me back in the parking lot a couple of hours ago, but she didn’t try to hide the regret that flooded her eyes as soon as she had enough space to think clearly.

  Her thumb traced a line along my jaw, and she kissed me hard, teeth nipping my bottom lip. She pulled slightly away so we were eye to eye in the dark.

  “You can touch me, Booker.” She didn’t sound nervous or unsure at all. Her pale eyebrows danced upward as she licked the moisture from our greedy mouths off her lower lip. “I want you, too. I’ve always wanted you, too. I used to lie in bed and wonder what it would be like to have your hands on me.”

  I used to lie awake and think about the same thing, but it made me feel guilty and wrong. I didn’t have to shove those feelings down with the all the others I wanted to forget anymore.

  I blew out a breath and leaned forward so I could kiss her again. “These hands are never going to be clean, Karsen. You shouldn't let them anywhere near you.” She deserved to stay clean and unsullied. Everyone always warned her to stay the hell away from me, but she never listened. At least not until I hadn’t given her a choice. She needed to know nothing had changed. I was still the guy with blood on his hands embedded so deeply in his skin there was no way to ever wash it off.

  She stared at me unflinchingly. She grabbed one of my wandering hands and deliberately placed it on the swell of her breast. I felt the little bud of her nipple tighten against my palm, and I loved the way her heartbeat kicked up in a rapid tempo as I started to gently knead the soft flesh. She bit down on her lower lip, and her long eyelashes drifted down over her eyes, shielding the aroused glow that made the gold threaded through the brown illuminate so bright and brilliant.

  She was old enough now to know what she wanted. I was smart enough to know I was only going to have a few stolen moments with her before reality intruded. She was here. She was safe. She wanted my hands on her, even knowing what they were capable of and how cruel they could be. I wasn’t about to try and talk her out of letting me touch her again. It felt like we’d both been waiting in some kind of suspended animation for this exact moment in time. The universe worked in weird ways, and there was no denying the wheels of fate had been turning us toward one another since the very beginning.

  “Don’t regret this later, Karsen. If you do, it might kill me.” I hated that I was pleading with her. Hated that I was so fragile and weak where she was concerned. I worked so hard to be bulletproof, but none of my defenses were ever good enough with her. She slipped through all the barriers without even trying.

  “Don’t pretend you didn’t know we were always going to end up right here, Booker. We are not an accident, and this is not a fluke. You treated this thing between us as something disposable once before, and it did kill me. This moment has been years in the making; don’t make it take me years to get over you again.” There was warning in her heavily lidded eyes. She wasn't over what I’d done, but she was willing to set it aside for now because we both needed this. Our connection was bigger than both of us, and bigger than my betrayal. Thank whatever god was responsible for losers and lowlifes like me.

  I slipped a hand behind her and unhooked the delicate little clasp of her bra. I didn’t need a light. The moon filtering into the car through the dusty windows was enough to turn her hair into a silvery glimmer. It was an icy curtain falling around her shoulders and offering a sexy veil that barely concealed the skin I just uncovered. Her nipples were a blushing raspberry color playing peek-a-boo through her hair, and my mouth watered at the sight of them. She was sleek, built long and lean. All her curves were subtle and so sweetly rounded; I let out a groan when I finally filled my hands with her lush flesh. She arched into the touch and lust bolted through me so sharply it forced a surprised breath out of my lungs.

  I wasn’t the guy who ever received a gift like this. I wasn’t someone who was handed something this beautiful and precious. If I were a better man, I would pretend I had no idea what to do with it, but the truth was, I’d been planning for this very moment ever since she walked away from me four years ago.

  When she pushed her breasts up toward my waiting mouth, I took everything she was offering and more. I captured one flushed peak between my lips and sucked until my cheeks hollowed out. I closed the other breast in my hand, rolling the tight nub against my palm until I heard her whimper. She was rocking her hips against mine, her movements getting more frantic the harder I sucked on her nipple. I rolled the opposite one between my fingers and tugged hard enough to get her to lift up. Her hands slid over my chest, fingers pulling at the fabric of my t-shirt, until I got the hint and worked the cotton off over my head. My muscles flexed involuntarily under her avid gaze, and I couldn’t help the surge of pride that rose within me at the pure look of appreciation that crossed her face. I was never going to be the average person’s idea of handsome, but I was strong, and my body bore the marks of a survivor. I was alive, regardless of all the things and people who tried to take me out, and that was the story my body told. But Karsen seemed to see the beauty in all those scars and understood the scattered ink that covered most of them.

  While she was lifted off my lap, I kissed my way across her collarbone, chasing goosebumps as I went. I got one of my hands on the button of her jeans and popped it open. The sound of her zipper going down forced my abs to tense and my dick to throb painfully behind my zipper. I was going to have permanent marks from the teeth embedded on the underside of my dick by the time the day was finally done.

  There wasn’t enough room to get her naked, which was probably a good thing. I didn’t want her to fuck me because she had nearly died and was riding high on the fact that she hadn’t. No. I wanted her to fuck me because she couldn’t go another day, another minute, not even a single second without knowing what it felt like to have me inside of her. I wanted her to fuck me because she couldn’t function without me, the same way I’d been so lost and angry without her these last four years.

  I couldn’t strip her bare, but I could work my hands inside the gap in her pants, into her silky underwear, fingers finding warm, wet heat as soon as they slid through her sensitive slit. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers and then drifted cl
osed as I stroked her and kissed the side of her neck at the same time. She rocked against my fingers, her hands wrapping around the back of my neck and holding on tight as I explored her soaked folds.

  I felt the stiff little bump of her clit as I dipped my touch lower, seeking entrance into her undulating body as her teeth clamped down on her lower lip. She tossed her head back, which had her long fall of hair pooling in my lap. I longed for bare skin so I could feel the slippery glide of it across my thighs and maybe even more sensitive parts of my body. I hoped this wasn’t the last time I had her like this, wanton and willing. But if it was, I would die a happy man.

  My thumb toyed with her clit some more, rubbing slow, deliberate circles as my fingers delved into her wet opening. The first clench of her body around the invading digits ripped a growl loose from my chest and made my back teeth grind together. I wanted to claim her. To tell her she was mine, always had been. I wanted her to know I waited for her, worried about her, worshiped her from afar. I couldn’t do any of that though, wasn’t allowed to do any of that, so I concentrated on blowing her mind with pleasure so she couldn’t forget me when I was gone.

  My fingers sank into her softness, burning in her heat. Her name escaped on a sigh, which pulled her eyes open. She looked at me with so much quiet passion; it was a good thing I was sitting down because her expression would have taken me to my knees. She let go of the lip she was chewing on and ghosted a kiss over my mouth before trailing her lips over my massacred cheek. I stilled, probing fingers pausing as I felt the tip of her tongue drag over the long line of ruined skin marring my face. One day, before I was forced to let her go, I was going to have to tell her where I got the scar. She deserved to know why I would never be a man who was good enough to call her mine.

  She followed the lick with feathery kisses that ended on the line of my jaw. While she explored every ridge of my face, I went back to fucking her with my fingers. I lowered my mouth back to her breasts, swirling my tongue around her nipples in turn to match the pressure and motion I was torturing her clit with. She gave a tiny moan and started to ride my hand with purpose, hips circling as she sought out the pleasure I could feel building inside of her.