Onwards Flows the River

by Caroline Windsor

  He opened the passenger door and she hastened to help him out of the low-slung seat. With Tim leaning heavily on her shoulder, her arm around his waist, they struggled up the short flight of steps to the front door.

  The interior of the house, to her delight, proved to be just as elegant as the exterior. From the spacious hall, she could see that the three doors led to a large lounge and dining room and an equally spacious kitchen, while a wide staircase led up to the first floor.

  “This way.” Tim limped towards the lounge and pushed open the door.

  Kate helped him to a chair, then paused to look around. It was a well-proportioned room, with one wall covered from floor to ceiling in bookshelves. Three richly patterned Persian rugs were scattered across the polished wooden floor and at the far end of the room a pair of French windows opened onto the garden. She walked over to them and looked out. In the moonlight she could see that a patio with a large wooden bench and table gave way to a long lawn surrounded by shrubs and a high wall.

  “What a lovely garden!” She turned to look at him. “Do you look after it yourself?”

  Tim nodded. “I have a home help who looks after the house for me, but I take care of the garden – it’s a great form of therapy.”

  He spoke lightly, but she wondered if he was lonely here by himself at the weekends, after the hectic schedule of his working week, or if he filled the house with friends in order to keep his thoughts at bay.

  “I tend to keep myself to myself at the weekends – apart from visiting my mother of course,” he volunteered, as if reading her mind. “To be honest, I suppose I have a bit of a solitary streak. I don’t always feel like having to make the effort to be bright and sociable when I’m off duty.” He paused. “But I have to admit, I do get lonely sometimes.” He gave her an enquiring look. “And how about you? Do you ever feel lonely, or are you too busy with your voluntary work at Harrison House?”

  Kate smiled. “That only takes up a couple of evenings a week.” She hesitated. “I suppose I do get a bit lonely from time to time. I mean Hannah is often out with her college friends and Jo’s busy studying, when she’s not on duty, and they’re the two closest friends I have.” And now, she reflected sadly, once she was married to Aidan, she’d hardly see Jo at all.

  “Like you, though,” she added truthfully, “I’m quite happy with my own company a lot of the time.”

  “So, since it seems we both feel a bit lonely on occasions, perhaps you’d be willing to have a meal with me occasionally, or go out for a drive into the country at the weekend?”

  Kate stared at him in amazement. The idea that Tim might be interested in her as a woman, rather than simply as a secretary, had never occurred to her. Perhaps she had been so fixated on Aidan and her failed attempts to make herself attractive to him, that she had never given a thought to the rest of the male population.

  “Does my invitation surprise you so much?” Tim gave her a wry smile. “Or are you simply appalled?”

  She hastened to reassure him. “Surprised, yes. Appalled, no. I suppose I never gave the matter any thought.” She hesitated, embarrassed. “To be honest, I didn’t think you’d be hard up for female company. Being a consultant, and being attractive and everything…”

  Tim laughed. “There’s female company and female company, you know. I’m certainly not short of women who make it clear they’d like to go out with me… but they’re not the kind, caring sort of women I’m looking for. You, on the other hand, have been thoughtful, considerate and always willing to go the extra mile…”

  “For which you pay me extremely well,” Kate reminded him with a smile. She paused, wondering how to put her fears into words, but again he seemed to read her thoughts.

  “And if we turn out not to suit one another, as partners I mean, then we can still continue our working relationship,” he assured her. “I have no intention of rushing anything, Kate, or trying to force you to go further than you want to. But it seems to me that we could both do with some friendly companionship from time to time if I’m reading the situation right.”

  She smiled at him and nodded, unable to speak for fear of the tears which threatened to spill down her cheeks.

  “Good! That’s settled then,” he said briskly. “And now, perhaps we should celebrate the next stage of our relationship with a drink.” He sprang up and went over to a large oak sideboard on which an impressive selection of bottles stood ranged on a tray. Selecting two glasses from one of the shelves, he turned to her.

  “A glass of wine, perhaps?”

  “A small one, please.” She watched him, puzzled, as he poured her a glass, chose a bitter lemon for himself, and returned to sit beside her on the sofa.

  “Your ankle, Tim – it seems to have made a remarkable recovery. An hour ago you could hardly put your foot to the ground.”

  “Ah!” He had the grace to look embarrassed. “Actually, I have to admit there’s absolutely nothing wrong with my ankle.” He handed her her drink. “I just couldn’t think of another way to get you out of the office and into a place where we could talk about something other than work.”

  “What was wrong with the pub? We could have talked there, surely.”

  “We could,” he agreed, “but I couldn’t have done this in the pub.” Leaning across he clinked his glass against hers and bestowed the gentlest of kisses on her lips. “To relationships – and to the future, whatever it may bring.”

  “To relationships,” she echoed. “And perhaps the first thing the future could bring, since you’re clearly able to drive, would be a lift back to Harrison House!”

  “Precisely what I had in mind,” he pointed to his glass, “which is why I’m keeping off the alcohol.”

  o0o

  Hannah untangled her limbs from the somewhat uncomfortable position in which Leigh had arranged them for his painting and slid stiffly off the couch. Leigh handed her her clothes.

  “Thanks.” She started to dress.

  “Tea?”

  “Thanks.”

  Leigh switched the kettle on and stood gazing out of the studio window.

  “Contemplating your next exhibition?” she guessed. “Your recent one was such a success you’d be mad not to capitalise on it.”

  Leigh handed her a mug of tea.

  “Since you mention it,” his eyes lost their usual ironic glint and regarded her with gravity, “I won’t be having another one for a year or two. Since I earned rather more than I had anticipated, I’ve decided to make a few changes in my life.”

  “Like what?” Hannah sipped her tea.

  “Like going abroad for a year or two to paint.”

  “You’re joking!” She looked at his expression and knew that he was not.

  “I’ve rented a cottage in the south of France.” He looked at her steadily. “I leave in a fortnight.”

  A cold shiver ran down her spine. How on earth was she going to survive the next two years in London without him? Leigh had become her mentor, her idol, the sole source of her sexual gratification.

  “A year or two’s an awfully long time,” she said weakly.

  “It is,” he agreed. “The cottage in France is only available for a year – but I might go on to Spain after that.”

  Her throat constricted and she was tempted to fling her arms around his neck and plead with him to change his mind.

  “Can’t I come with you?” She knew the answer even before he spoke.

  “Aidan would love me for that, wouldn’t he? Carting you off to France in the middle of your college career.”

  “Sod Aidan! Sod college, come to that! I hate the place.”

  “You can’t come with me, Hannah.” His voice was gentle but firm. “The whole point of going abroad is to see new places, meet new people, give my work a fresh stimulus. To take a part of my old life along with me would
make the whole experience pointless.”

  “But I love you!”

  He laughed. “No you don’t! You’ve been a bit infatuated, maybe. After all, I’m the first man you’ve ever made love to. It’s only natural you should feel something for me – as indeed I do for you. But it isn’t love, Hannah. More a combination of lust and a bit of pupil-teacher hero-worship, I’d say. Your boyfriend in Devon – he’s the one you really love.”

  She slumped down in her chair, lost in thought, as he washed his brushes in the sink. She loved his body, it was true, but did she love him? What would it be like to be with him day in, day out for the rest of her life? Trust was an important part of any relationship – and she would never be able to trust Leigh. His legendary fondness for women was a part of his nature – she’d never be able to change that – and her own jealousy would lead to endless rows.

  She sighed and turned her thoughts to Daniel. If Leigh was her voyage of discovery, then Daniel was the rock on which she came to rest. Solid, dependable, always there when she needed him. A little lacking in excitement, maybe – and his refusal to share her bed was still something she found hard to forgive – but Daniel, she knew, was still the centre of her universe.

  “I haven’t gone yet,” Leigh reminded her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

  Hannah forced her lips into a smile. “Then we’d better make the most of the time we have left.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Summer 1972

  “I still can’t believe this is happening.” Beth fingered the pale lemon silk dress hanging in its cellophane wrapper on the wardrobe door.“I can’t believe that I’ve left the children’s home for ever – that I won’t have to put up with that dreadful Enid any more.”

  Jo smiled at her. “I can’t believe that this time tomorrow I’ll be a married woman. It all seems to have happened so quickly – it’s only been two months since he proposed.” She laughed. “Seeing me in that dress is going to give Aidan an awful shock. He’s only ever seen me in black before!”

  The scent of honeysuckle, borne on the night air, reached them through the open window. Beth inhaled deeply.

  “Isn’t it wonderful?” She perched on Jo’s bed and gazed out across the river. “I’m so glad the Mathesons suggested that the two of us stay at Cockle Cottage before the wedding. It was a lovely thought.” A slight breeze rippled the surface of the water and she could hear the creak of wood as a boat strained against its mooring rope. She felt as if she would burst with happiness. “I feel as if all my birthdays and Christmases have been rolled up together and given to me as one huge present.”

  Jo laughed. “If that’s how you feel on the night before my wedding, imagine how you’ll feel on the night before your own.”

  “Do you think I’ll ever get married? Is there another Aidan out there somewhere waiting just for me?”

  “Of course there is!” Jo put her arms around her and gave her a squeeze. “And in the meantime I’m relying on you to get even closer to your new brother-in-law than you already are. You’ve got more in common with him than I have in many ways.”

  “Spiritually you mean?”

  Jo nodded. “It’s a big part of his life, Beth. I know that. And, as an atheist, it’s something I won’t be able to share.” She ruffled her sister’s hair. “I’ll try and take care of his body – but you’ll have to look after his soul!”

  Beth smiled. “You make it sound as if we’re both marrying him.”

  “Well, we are in a way, aren’t we? We’ll all be living together in the same house. You’ll be spending almost as much time with him as I will.”

  “Are you absolutely positive you don’t want to have a few days alone with Aidan after the wedding?” Beth searched her sister’s eyes. “I’m sure you ought to be going away on honeymoon together or something.”

  “Later in the summer maybe – but not now. I’d far rather get settled into Aidan’s house and get your new school sorted out and everything. Moving from London to Westermouth is honeymoon enough for me.”

  Beth felt her eyes growing heavy. “This is the last time the two of us will ever sleep in the same bedroom.” She gave her sister a wistful smile. “I don’t want to go to sleep at all – I wish I could stay up all night talking to you.”

  “But, somehow, I don’t think you’ll manage it.” Jo carried her across to her own bed and tucked her in. “Sleep well, little sister, and may your dreams be sweet. Tomorrow we begin a whole new life.”

  Having switched off the light, she propped herself up against the pillows and looked out across the water. Tomorrow, too, she would be able to look out across a river from Aidan’s bedroom window but then it would be the River Wester, not the Cockle, that she would see shimmering in the moonlight. And she would be sleeping, not in a holiday cottage, but in her own home.

  The prospect was both daunting and deeply satisfying. As far as the house itself was concerned, she had few qualms. Aidan’s fondness for antiques and simple, unfussy decor mirrored her own taste, and she had been delighted by his insistence that she transform the small third bedroom into a study for herself.

  “Do what you want with it,” he had insisted. “I know that having your own personal space is as important to you as it is to me.”

  Beth, too, had been charmed by the room which was to be hers. Light and airy, it looked out over the garden to the river beyond. Already the three of them had scoured the antique shops of Westermouth and found a pretty walnut desk, matching bookcase and small button-backed armchair to furnish it with. The dark green carpet and the curtains, richly patterned with autumn leaves, had also been her sister’s choice. Jo smiled, remembering Beth’s rapturous expression as her new room began to take shape.

  No, it wasn’t the thought of living in Aidan’s house that daunted her somewhat – more the prospect of becoming a wife to the man himself. The last man who had forced his way into her bed had been her own father – how long would it take her to be able to overcome that particular nightmare? She sighed. Aidan had done so much for her already – and for Beth – soon it would be her turn to start repaying the debt. Not that he would look at it in that light of course – he was far too generous-natured for that. And he had promised to be patient, to give her time. She just hoped, for both their sakes, that it wouldn’t take too long.

  She plumped up the pillows and slid down beneath the covers. Saying goodbye to her friends at Harrison House – and Esme in particular – had not been easy. But since, as Esme had suspected and the management committee had finally confirmed, her job would have come to an end in three months’ time, her departure had been made a little less painful. And, besides, Esme being a close friend of the Mathesons, she would still see her from time to time, and the warden had made it clear that she would be welcome to come and stay in London any time she wished. The fact that Esme would be attending the wedding was an added bonus.

  She closed her eyes, allowing her mind to sift through the events of the past few days. One particular source of relief had been the reaction of Aidan’s parents to the news of the wedding. She recalled the conversation which she had had with Mary as they strolled through the garden at Downlands.

  “I know,” she had said tentatively, “that I am not the daughter-in-law you might have wished for. I’m not Kate, for instance.”

  Mary had looked at her in genuine surprise. “Did you think I would disapprove of your marriage?”

  Jo had nodded. “I’m an atheist, Mary... and, as you know, I’ve had all sorts of problems in my past which could lead to difficulties in the future. I thought you might have wished for something different for your son.”

  Mary had slid her arm through hers.

  “Don’t ever think that, Jo. I’ve seen the expression on Aidan’s face when he looks at you – and I know he loves you. And whatever makes Aidan happy, makes George and me happy.�
�

  Jo had been moved to tears by her kindness.

  “I’ll do my best to be a good wife to him,” she had promised.

  “I know you will, dear,” Mary had replied. “And remember, however many difficulties you may have to face in the weeks and months ahead, that if you really love each other, you can overcome them all.”

  The kindness of the Mathesons had been shown in their actions, as well as in their words of welcome. Not long after she, Aidan and Beth had arrived at Downlands to visit them, George had drawn her aside.

  “I hope you won’t be embarrassed if I raise the delicate subject of money, Jo,” he had said.

  She had looked at him in surprise, wondering what was coming.

  “It’s just that, what with you and Beth not having parents around, I hope you’ll allow Mary and I to do the honours – pay for the wedding and everything, I mean.”

  He had pressed a cheque into her hand.

  “This is for you and Beth to buy whatever you need. If it’s not enough, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” He had patted her on the shoulder. “You’re family now, my dear. What’s ours is yours.”

  Again, Jo had felt her throat constrict. Looking down at the cheque after he had gone, she had gasped. Not only would the sum pay for a handsome wedding outfit for herself and Beth – it would fit them both out with a complete summer wardrobe.

  She yawned, turned over onto her side, and prepared herself for sleep. The Mathesons’ warm welcome and Aidan’s obvious happiness had done much to dispel any lingering doubts she might have had about the marriage. And if any did emerge from the depths of her subconscious, she had only to look at her sister’s joyful face for them to disappear once more. It was Beth’s future as well as her own which was at stake. And if Beth was happy, then Jo was well content.

  o0o

  Hannah gazed around the formal, slightly clinical surroundings of the Westermouth Register Office and sighed. The vase of flowers on the table was a nice touch, but even they looked a little too perfect to be true. Weddings, to her mind, should be a more accurate reflection of the human relationships which they were celebrating. A little chaos here, a touch of unbridled emotion there, a weeping mother, a giggling bridesmaid – all those human touches which, in these stiff surroundings, seemed to be sadly lacking.