Onwards Flows the River

by Caroline Windsor

  Where, she wondered, would her own wedding take place, if indeed she ever had one? Her parents, she knew, would love her to have a Quaker wedding, but, although she had attended many in her time – and been moved by them – they lacked the drama which she felt should be a necessary accompaniment to an event of that magnitude.

  She glanced at Daniel, smart in a navy suit, beside her. If she did end up marrying him she would probably opt for the Anglican church at which he often played the organ. She visualised herself, in a flowing ivory dress with an impossibly long train, her flowing hair wound cleverly around an elaborate headdress, walking down the aisle. In her mind’s eye she saw him standing by the altar, watched him turn to greet her and saw the surprise and wonder in his eyes.

  Moved by the power of her own imagination, she felt her eyes water and groped for her hankie. Damn! She had forgotten to bring one. She sniffed loudly and gave Daniel a pleading look.

  “You’re not crying, are you?” he whispered, passing her his pristine white handkerchief.

  “Of course not!” she whispered back. She blew her nose vigorously.

  He gave her a knowing grin and squeezed her hand.

  She smiled up at him, and, for the first time since the appalling day when she had had to say goodbye to Leigh, she found it in her heart to be grateful that he had gone. Whilst her body still ached for him – and she missed his astringent criticism of her painting – she knew, deep down, that it could never have been more than a short-term relationship. Leigh had taught her so much, both about love and about art, that she would always remember him with gratitude. Now it was time to move on.

  Her hand brushed against Daniel’s thigh and its warm muscularity comforted her. Despite his threat at Easter, that he regarded himself as free to go out with other women – he did not appear to have done so. Now, knowing that Leigh had left for France, and that her affair with him was over, he had seemed happy to resume their relationship as before.

  For Hannah, his willingness to forgive and forget had come as a considerable relief. After Leigh’s departure she had thrown herself into her work in a desperate attempt to make up for her earlier distraction. Her success in scraping through her end of year exams had come as a great relief and she wanted nothing more than to relax and enjoy the summer. Thanks to Leigh her painting had improved so much she looked forward to making the most of the wonderful Devon scenery with a series of landscape paintings. Then, in the evenings, when Daniel had finished work, she would do her best to show him that, despite her various flirtations, it was her relationship with him that she valued above all others.

  As if aware of what she was thinking, Daniel slipped his arm through hers and drew her closer. She looked up at him, saw the love in his eyes, and smiled to herself. She had a few more sexual tricks up her sleeve than she had had at Christmas. Her successful seduction of Daniel, was, she was sure, only a whisper away.

  o0o

  How could he bear it? Kate’s eyes were fixed on Aidan, unusually smart in a dark brown suit, as he sat beside his future wife, listening to the registrar. It was all so sterile, so matter-of-fact, so cold. How, when his Quakerism meant so much to him, could he bear to be married anywhere else except in the tranquil and comfortingly familiar surroundings of Westermouth Friends’ Meeting House? But, with Jo so totally opposed to religion of any kind, that had never been an option.

  On the next day, a Sunday, Jo had agreed to go to Meeting – for what would probably be her first and last time – to meet the friends who meant so much to him and in whose company he had been raised since childhood. Kate wondered what they would make of her – and she of them. Maybe they would be able to find some common ground – some shared interests to unite them. But spiritually they would be worlds apart. And however hard Aidan tried to bring his two worlds together, Kate knew he would find it far from easy.

  Her gaze shifted to Jo, strikingly elegant in a pale lemon silk dress that must have cost a fortune. She looked, Kate had to admit, both relaxed and happy, relieved no doubt that the traumas of the past few months were finally at an end.

  As she watched, she saw Aidan turn to Jo and smile. And in that smile Kate saw such a wealth of love and happiness that it almost took her breath away. Of course he could bear to be married in this charmless place. Of course he was prepared to shift his religious life slightly to one side to make room for his wife. He was in love – and love conquered everything.

  How she had dreaded this day. How she had prayed that God would give her the strength to live through it without breaking down. Now, with a detachment of which she had not thought herself capable, she had succeeded.

  As she watched, Aidan slid the ring onto the fourth finger of Jo’s left hand and kissed her. Kate watched unmoved. So many times had she rehearsed the moment in her imagination, testing her own resolve, that the reality of the gesture passed her by. Their friendship, both Aidan’s and Jo’s, meant too much to her for her to allow it to be spoiled by an inappropriate display of emotion.

  For Beth’s sake too, she had steeled herself to remain calm. She glanced at the young girl in the pretty floral dress, seated beside her. Beth’s eyes were alight with happiness, her expression rapt. She was totally involved in the moment – a moment which would transform her own life as well as her sister’s. For Beth’s sake, and for her sake alone, Kate found it in her heart to be thankful for the wedding.

  Beside her, Tim’s hand squeezed hers. She smiled at him. How thoughtful it had been of Jo and Aidan to invite him to the wedding and how grateful she had been for his support.

  The ceremony was over and people were milling around, offering congratulations and complimenting the bride on her appearance. Beth’s hand slid into hers.

  “I’m glad you’re going to be coming down again in a few weeks’ time. It’ll be lovely having you around.”

  Kate smiled at her. “We must go to Meeting together again – though I know Aidan will take you whenever you want to go. And maybe we could have another picnic on the beach?”

  “And a row down the river!”

  “That too, I hope. I’ll look forward to it.”

  She watched the young girl as she went to join her sister, reaching up to offer her a congratulatory kiss. Beth’s friendship, just as much as Jo’s, was something that she had come to cherish. They had so much to unite them – the future, she hoped, would bring them even closer.

  And what of her own future? Harrison House, without Jo as deputy warden, was hard to imagine. Discussing the situation with Hannah, only the week before, they had reached a decision. Kate’s tenant at her Dulwich flat was moving to Scotland in a month’s time – and the opportunity seemed too good to miss.

  Rather than remain in a hostel which would never be the same for them again, Kate had decided to move back to the flat. Her depression, which had caused her to leave it in the first place, was now almost a thing of the past. And, being only a short drive away from Harrison House, she would be able to continue with her voluntary work at the Saturday playgroup and the literacy scheme.

  And, best of all, Hannah would be joining her that September, as a paying tenant, when she returned to college. At first, Kate had refused indignantly, saying that she had no intention of taking payment for the privilege of having her best friend to live with her. But the Mathesons had insisted.

  “I’m only too glad she’ll have you to keep an eye on her,” Mary had confided. “Believe me, it’s worth every penny to us to have some peace of mind!”

  Kate looked up from her reverie. The room was almost empty and she and Tim joined the queue of stragglers filing out of the door. A fleet of cars was waiting outside to take them to Downlands for the reception. And on that glorious, sunny day, the house and garden would, she knew, provide a perfect setting.

  Tomorrow, she and Tim would be returning to London. She smiled to herself. She had never thought t
hat she would be able to say the words on this day, of all days, but how fortunate she was. Despite everything, how extremely fortunate.

  She had a flat of her own, a well-paid job at a prestigious hospital which she thoroughly enjoyed, some rewarding voluntary work and friends who meant everything to her. And, perhaps most importantly of all, she had her faith, that inner core of spirituality to give meaning to her present life and hope for the life to come.

  And soon she would be back. In a few short weeks she would be returning to Devon, driving down the narrow, twisting hill to Cocklecombe. This time, though, she would not be stopping at Cockle Cottage, but driving further out along the winding coast road and up a bumpy track to a tiny holiday cottage, hidden away in the fold of a hill, which she and Tim had found to rent.

  o0o

  It was Jo who saw them slip away from the reception. She smiled to herself. It had been her idea to invite Tim to the wedding.

  “But I’ve never even met the man,” Aidan had demurred.

  “Well, I’ve only met him once – but I think it’s important – for Kate’s sake.”

  “Fine then, ask him – but I doubt he’ll want to come.”

  But he had come as Jo had known he would. And as she watched Tim’s Jag ease its way silently down the drive, she knew that she had made the right decision. For Kate, as for herself, it was time to move on.

  o0o

  “What a wonderful place!” Tim climbed down the last few yards of stony pathway to join her on the beach. “How did you find it?”

  Kate looked around the tiny cove, sheltering like a womb between two rocky outcrops. “Hannah showed me once – the first time I ever came to Cocklecombe. I must have been about twelve.”

  “So you’ve been here often over the years?”

  She shook her head. “Just that once. It’s only accessible at low tide, and it’s such a scramble down the cliff that people don’t bother. There’s a large sandy beach just around the corner which is much easier to get to.”

  Tim looked up at the cliffs towering above them. “I can’t believe how private it is! If you stay over here behind these rocks, nobody can possibly see you.”

  “Exactly.” Kate smiled at him. She kicked off her sandals and stretched herself out on the silvery sand, still warm from the heat of the day. “It’s so much more romantic than a hotel, don’t you think?”

  A slow smile spread over Tim’s face. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

  “Of course! You didn’t think I dragged you all the way down here just to admire the rock pools, did you?”

  “Personally, I’ve always found rock pools absolutely fascinating.” Tim knelt down beside her. “But just for the moment, they’re going to have to wait.” Leaning forward he kissed her, first gently, then with increasing urgency. Her arms encircled his neck and she drew him down to lie upon the sand.

  With the cry of the gulls in her ears and the late afternoon sun warming her naked flesh, Kate moulded her body to his and gave herself up to the moment.

  Her two worlds, once so distant and separate, were about to coincide. Even without Aidan, the future stretched ahead of her, vibrant and positive.

  The end