Do You Love Me

by Laura Moretti

  She tried to reason with herself – in truth she had no cause to be upset. Nothing had changed. She never imagined she was going to marry Mr. Darcy. She already knew about his interest in Julia Howard; really the discussion with her friend had not brought any new information – no, it was: “Good family, good breeding, money.”

  Coarse reality, shattering everything.

  They bid their adieux to Mrs. Egerton and traveled east. Again, the trip was very pleasant; Georgiana was enthusiastic about the smallest details. Elizabeth was fighting to regain her equanimity and, slowly, she did. It was, again, through acceptance. Instead of fighting her very real sadness, she allowed it to play its course – how had her father called it? “Being crossed in love.” Wasn’t that, after all, part of the human experience? Elizabeth was likely to never marry – not by a misguided sense of faithfulness to a man who was looking for “good family, good breeding, money,” but because – well, let’s be realistic, there was a shortage of men – they were lying dead on the battlefields, or in regiments in Europe somewhere, or fighting for glory and money in the colonies. Elizabeth was not a great beauty, and she had no dowry, so – yes, she was most likely condemned to be an old maid – at least I’ll be a cheerful one, she decided for the hundredth time – but, back to the subject at hand, wasn’t it educational to experiment the feelings of a broken heart? Just a little, Elizabeth decided, she didn’t want a lot of suffering, she’d rather have it just be a fleeting pain – she decided it would pass, and soon.

  Most annoyingly it did not.

  Of course, it did not help that Georgiana was so full of stories about her brother, all reflecting her fondness for him. It did not help either that the Howard family had an estate in the county the two young ladies were presently visiting, and that Julia Howard was there, right now, at her sister’s, a mere fifteen miles from Georgiana and Elizabeth – they heard of balls and dinners and parties and the presence of Mr. Darcy at most of them. He was not at Pemberley at the moment, it appeared, he was visiting one of his cousins, in an estate which was very close to the Howard’s residence, “He has gone there to court her,” Georgiana whispered, in the inn’s dining room – they had just heard some gossip from the owner, a stout, pleasant woman who, in her own words, “Knows everyone, m’dears, just ask.”

  It didn’t help that the young lady herself – yes, Miss Julia Howard, in a luxurious carriage – stopped for tea in the small town where Georgiana and Elizabeth were staying. Elizabeth reluctantly told Georgiana that, considering the circumstances, they might seek an introduction, but Georgiana was horrified – she just wanted to glimpse at Miss Howard from afar. Elizabeth could hardly refuse that simple plea, so she and Georgiana crossed the town square, arm in arm, to discreetly catch a glance of the lady.

  There was not much to say. Julia Howard was very handsome, her long blond hair elegantly braided around her head – she was less beautiful than Jane, though, our heroine thought in a rare fit of spite – but she was certainly more attractive than Elizabeth. Darcy’s future wife seemed amiable enough – she smiled to the footman who helped her into the carriage – and that is all that Georgiana and Elizabeth saw of Miss Julia Howard.

  The two ladies were uncharacteristically silent the remainder of that day. Seeing her brother’s almost fiancée had made the idea real to Georgiana – and maybe not only to Georgiana. Knowing her brother was so near, though, was an attraction Miss Darcy could not resist. She sent a long letter, happily describing their travels, and sent it directly to the estate where her brother was currently residing. Again, Elizabeth felt it was her duty to tell her charge that if she wished to visit Darcy, they could make a detour – hoping all the while that Georgiana would refuse. There was a good chance that Miss Howard would be present, and, seeing her together with Mr. Darcy would be – fortunately, Georgiana did, indeed, reject the plan.

  Of course, she longed to see her brother, but the whole business with Julia Howard quite disconcerted her. “I would not want to trouble him,” she said, “he is not here for me, he has come for her, and I would just be in the way. Oh! I wish he had decided to marry someone I already knew,” Georgiana concluded, Elizabeth could hardly comment on that, especially when Georgiana added, “a friend – I do not know – Miss Moore maybe – although it is wonderful to see her so happy.”

  Elizabeth was glad when they resolved to continue on their journey and quit the neighborhood of the Howard estate. She wanted to put as much distance between her and the whole matter as possible. There was to be another ball, they had heard, this time in Miss Howard’s honour. Elizabeth could not help but think that such a gathering would be the perfect occasion to announce an engagement – yes, she wished to be elsewhere.

  Elizabeth and Georgiana didn’t travel far at first. They journeyed just eight miles the following day and visited a beautiful castle before settling in another comfortable inn. After resting upstairs, the two ladies descended to the common room for tea. Both were silent – Elizabeth especially. The sun was setting – twenty miles from there, she thought, the ball would be beginning – maybe he had invited her for the first dance – Elizabeth had a vivid imagination, and easily pictured it all – so she was taken quite by surprise when the very gentleman she had thought half the county away entered the inn’s dining room with his usual energetic stride.

  “Fitzwilliam!” Georgiana cried – and ran to him – Elizabeth stood, paled, then coloured – she was so shocked by the sudden nature of his appearance that she couldn’t hide the joy and emotion in her eyes – he saw it all – and was taken by a strong emotion too – they held each other gaze for a few seconds before Georgiana threw herself into her brother’s arms, and, of course, he gave all of his attention to her.

  “I received your letter, Georgie,” Darcy said, “I had to come see you – knowing you were so close.”

  “Oh, but what about Miss Howard?” Georgiana asked artlessly. “She will be so disappointed you are not attending her ball!”

  Darcy seemed extremely embarrassed – and did not know quite what to answer. Elizabeth, who had gathered her wits, was already ordering more tea and inviting him to join them. They sat down, Darcy had regained his composure enough to state, “Miss Howard has many friends, I hardly think she will miss my presence.” He quickly added a question about their travels, which Georgiana joyfully recounted, the conversation was happy and easy, and when Darcy at last raised his eyes to Elizabeth, his emotion seemed to be lingering – tried as she might, she couldn’t quell hers – her heart was full of irrational gratitude, and she had to say,

  “It is very generous of you to ride so far to visit us, Mr. Darcy. Georgiana was just saying – we were both just saying – how much we missed you.”

  He looked at her again – Elizabeth couldn’t avert her eyes – then she finally succeeded and focused her attention on the arduous task of stirring her tea – Georgiana was explaining how she had, indeed, missed her brother’s presence, and when Elizabeth could look again she saw that Darcy had been staring at her the entire time – it was his turn to colour and lower his gaze – her heart was beating fast, too fast, she tried to concentrate on her spoon – on her cup – on the pie – on Georgiana’s happy chatter – even on “good family, good breeding, money”– but none of that seemed to matter when compared to the light in his eyes.

  “But when did you received my letter, Fitzwilliam?” Georgiana asked. “It could not be sooner than this afternoon.”

  “Indeed,” Darcy explained, “I read it just after luncheon. But as I knew you were just passing through, I set forth immediately. I had not seen you – both of you – for – it seemed like an eternity.”

  “Oh! It was,” Georgiana cried. “We are both so glad to see you.”

  Elizabeth coloured, but cakes, fresh fruits, and some ham arrived, creating a welcome distraction – the three of them talked of architecture and regional cultures, comparing the views to those of Hertfordshire and Derbyshire. There was, in the conversation, an
undercurrent of joy – a subdued euphoria, even, that hardly could be explained by the nature of the topics raised. Elizabeth couldn’t stop smiling – he could not either – nor could he stop looking at her – the light from the candles, from the fireplace, seemed to bathe the room in a golden hue. The growing darkness outside went unnoticed until Georgiana exclaimed that her brother could not think of riding back so late – he was easily persuaded. They found a room for him at the inn; it was rather small, but he would not hear about any of the ladies giving up their accommodation. Then they had a very merry dinner and afterward, Georgiana wished to play cards – she had so many wonderful memories of playing alone with her brother, late at night, at Pemberley, she explained. The innkeeper only found two sets of cards though, both of them incomplete.

  Georgiana would not be disappointed, Elizabeth vowed. “It doesn’t matter – let us make our own rules, with the cards we have,” she stated, before displaying them. “I think – the Queens should always prevail. Let the ladies have the power for once.”

  “Yes!” cried Georgiana, with enthusiasm. “And let all the Aces be Emperors – and win over Kings.”

  “I hope you do not anticipate the future, Georgie,” Darcy said, before deciding the spades would be Jacobins – and wield an evil poser – that spurred a philosophical debate about the nature of that same power – Darcy thought the spades would destroy any hand they appeared into, effectively removing the cards from the game, but Elizabeth protested such harshness, and suggested instead that the players would merely reshuffle, as the spades were harbingers of chaos and change – Georgiana just wanted to agree with everybody.

  They had a grand time perfecting the rules, and laughed a lot – the game itself was a catastrophe; nothing worked, but they enjoyed it immensely anyway – then Elizabeth began inventing stories with the personalities they had attributed to the cards, Georgiana and Darcy happily joining in – it was late now, very late, Georgiana seemed so tired. Darcy was supposed to ride out at dawn, before they woke: Elizabeth could not postpone the adieux. She started the obligatory thanks and polite salutations – sadness painting itself instantly on Georgiana’s face – but Darcy raised his hand.

  “Keep your goodbyes for tomorrow. I am in no hurry – I will drink coffee with you in the morning, before setting off.”

  He was recompensed by two lovely, radiant smiles – when Elizabeth was in bed, she fell into a fitful sleep – Darcy was in all her dreams, talking to her, like they were still downstairs, in the dining room – everything was golden – then she thought that he was sitting on her bed, holding her hand – she started and opened her eyes – she was alone, of course. She fell asleep again, but he would not leave her.

  When the ladies went down the following morning Darcy was waiting for them, and broke his fast in their company. Then it was, again, time for him to leave – but the sun was shining, it was such a beautiful day – Georgiana explained they were going to visit a church a mere two miles away – maybe Darcy could escort them there? He did, and visited the church – then they had a walk in the grounds, alongside a charming grove, the gentleman had a lady on each arm – yes, such a lovely morning. Afterward they had a very late lunch – and then, well – if Darcy was to leave now, he would arrive so late at his cousin’s estate, everybody would already be asleep – what was the use?

  “And we are two fragile, helpless, women – so terrified of traveling alone,” Georgiana argued, with a teasing smile – “I fear we are very much in need of your protection.”

  “Miss Bennet,” said Darcy, laughing, “What a dangerous influence you have on my sister! Look at her now, lying with such aplomb – and with not a whit of remorse.”

  Amusement danced in Elizabeth’s eyes. “You knew my ways, Sir, when you asked me to befriend Miss Darcy – but you decided to take the risk anyway. Besides, perhaps your sister is correct? Who knows how many angry Jacobins are hiding in the bushes?”

  Darcy bowed. “I cannot abandon two damsels in such grave peril.”

  He sent for his valet and some fresh clothes. The poor man arrived very late in the night, while the three of them had another extremely pleasant evening. The story with the cards turned into an absurdly long epic with nonsensical scenes – it was impossible not to laugh – the political or historical debates sparkling from the incidents of the imaginary story were always entertaining, thanks to Elizabeth's sense of humor.

  “Brother,” Georgiana asked, “be honest, you were not so well entertained in the company of Miss Howard, were you?”

  Darcy was again very much embarrassed – “of course, I had a lovely time with my cousin, his wife and all the company there,” he finally answered, before deftly changing the topic. Despite her naivety, Georgiana took the hint and stopped mentioning Miss Howard.

  And then it was morning, once again. After a lovely breakfast, they all decided it would be cruel to have the poor exhausted valet ride away again so soon – the man was sleeping soundly in the common room. Besides, there were some pleasant walks around and a very famous view. Darcy could not miss it. The next day, the gentleman did not even give a reason for staying, but instead, sent a letter to his cousin to apologize for his absence. Elizabeth could not help wondering what was in the missive – did Darcy announce outright that he had decided to abandon the woman he was courting to spend a few days playing cards with his sister and her companion? Unless he lied and pretended something was the matter with Georgiana – or maybe he pleaded urgent business? It did not seem in Darcy's character to dissemble – anyway, the letter was sent.

  ∞∞∞

  And then the world changed.

  ∞∞∞

  The first harbinger of upheaval came in the form of a message, addressed not to one of them, but to a Lord Hartley, who was staying at their inn with a party of friends. Lord Hartley was an acquaintance of Darcy – the two men had cigars and conversation the evening before. The messenger entered the establishment with a hurried air and gave a note to Lord Hartley, who grew somber after reading it. He asked the man to wait – his friends had gone for a walk and he was alone in the common room – then he spotted Darcy and walked directly to the table where that gentleman was seated with Georgiana and Elizabeth.

  “Darcy,” he began, with a worried air. “I apologize if I am distressing the ladies, but – I just received word from London – it is going badly, man.”

  There was a chill at the table – they all knew he was talking about the war.

  “How badly?” Darcy asked

  “I’m riding back to town right now – my brother will need me – but we just lost the battle at Bayeux. Losing the whole of Normandy – and all the harbors! It is not a secret, I mean, it will not be in a few hours at least.” He gestured toward Georgiana and Elizabeth. “You should bring the ladies somewhere safe.”

  Darcy merely nodded and thanked his friend, who left in a hurry to find his party.

  “We are going back to Pemberley,” he stated. “Today.” Elizabeth just nodded, and Georgiana shyly asked,

  “I do not understand… I mean, I understand we just lost an important battle, but why would we not be safe here in England?”

  “Civil unrest,” Darcy said before seeing Georgiana’s eyes go wide with terror. He instantly softened his words. “You know there are always malcontents, Georgie. I do not wish for you to be importuned on the road.”

  It was much worse than that, Elizabeth slowly realized. Already people had been losing businesses, jobs, money, food – and of course, their husbands, brothers and sons on the battlefields. While England, or the allies, were winning the war, that all seemed somehow worthy – but the tide had turned – Parliament was losing all credit – there had been protests, rumors of uprisings, and talk of rebellions – the innkeeper had been saying that certain roads were beginning to be unsafe. Now, this evil news would make everything so much worse – suddenly the cards, the spades, and the Jacobins did not seem as funny anymore.

  They packed quickly.
Darcy sent a new, short, letter to his cousin, explaining the situation and bidding his adieux – no mention was made of Miss Howard by any of the party, and soon they were gone – Darcy smiling and talking to his sister as usual so that she would not be overly alarmed.

  The roads were eerily quiet. Or maybe it was all in Elizabeth’s imagination – if she had not known about the situation, she reasoned, maybe she would not have noticed anything abnormal. They rode for two hours, the sky was blue, the countryside was peaceful – they heard nothing except the sound of the carriage and of Darcy’s horse, riding along – there was, sometimes, the distant, low sound of thunder, but the storm must have been far away, because there was nothing yet visible to disrupt the calm of the skies.

  It was not even noon when Georgiana leaned at the carriage window to say,

  “What is this? This reflection – the grey light, left of the hill.”

  Darcy followed the direction of her gaze and smiled.

  “The ocean, Georgie. We are not far from Dover. You know, the famous cliffs.”

  “Oh!” cried the young girl, “Can we go and see?”