I Hate You More

by Moody, Alexandra

  I Hate You More

  Alexandra Moody

  Copyright © 2019 by Alexandra Moody

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Developmental editing by Pete Thompson

  Proofreading & copy-editing by Kelly Hartigan (XterraWeb)

  editing.xterraweb.com

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Epilogue

  Stay Connected

  Also by Alexandra Moody

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Ally

  Age Fourteen

  There was something magical about school dances. The bright lights of the basketball court were dimmed and the squeaking of sneakers against the hardwood floor was a distant memory as the gym was transformed into a glittering wonderland. Strobe lights flickered against the ceiling while smoke wafted across the ground, swirling as it ebbed and flowed around the dancing students. The music thrumming through the room made me feel like anything was possible—and I was counting on that anything tonight.

  “Stop wringing your hands, you look incredible!” Tessa said as we entered the school gym. I’d never spent much time worrying about my hair or makeup before, but tonight was different. This dance was different. And I really hoped that everything went according to plan.

  “Thanks.” I gave my best friend a warm smile. She’d tortured me for hours with her curling wand and makeup kit, but I’d never been more grateful for the fact she was a girly-girl. I felt like a frog she’d turned into a princess, and I was desperately hoping my Prince Charming would notice because all I was missing was his kiss.

  “You look incredible too,” I added—not that she’d ever believe me. Tessa had flawless pale skin with deep-chocolate-colored hair and warm brown eyes. She’d applied a soft shimmer of golden eye shadow that really made her eyes pop, and her long hair was up in a messy ponytail.

  She was absolutely gorgeous, but because she didn’t have a cheerleader’s physique, platinum-blonde hair, and a golden fake tan, none of the idiot boys we went to school with paid her the attention she deserved. She always struggled to realize her own beauty too, and she simply shrugged my compliment off.

  “How are you handling the heels?” she asked.

  I glanced down at the death traps she’d strapped to my feet. “Well, I’ve only rolled my ankle twice and haven’t fallen yet, so I’d say we’re doing okay.”

  Tessa laughed. “It’s a miracle you’ve made it this far in life in one piece. You are a walking bundle of chaos.”

  “I’m not that bad…”

  “Ah, yeah, you are.”

  My ankles wobbled a little, threatening to prove me wrong, and I instinctively reached out to grab hold of Tessa’s wrist to steady myself. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little clumsy,” I admitted, once I had found my feet again. “But I’m blaming the shoes.”

  “The shoes are too pretty to be blamed,” she shot back instantly, making me laugh.

  I was still smiling as I focused on the students packed onto the dance floor. “Do you see Declan anywhere?” I stretched my neck back and pushed up onto my tiptoes as I attempted to catch sight of him over the sea of heads. The crowd was almost hypnotic as they rocked back and forth in a rhythmic swirl to the beat of the music, but there was no sign of Declan among them.

  Tessa laughed and tugged me back to the ground. “Relax. I’m sure he’s here and he’ll find you. Operation First Kiss is going to work.”

  I blushed as Tessa mentioned the plan we’d come up with for tonight. I’d decided Declan was going to be my first kiss and that tonight was the night it was going to happen. My dad didn’t let me go on dates with boys, so I couldn’t let the opportunity this dance provided pass me by. If my dad got his way, I’d be an old lady before I had my first kiss.

  Our plan was fairly straightforward. The first step had been allowing Tessa to dress me and attack me with her makeup tools. That part had been easy enough even if I nearly lost an eye when she came at me with the mascara. Step two could only begin once I found Declan. I had to get him to dance with me, which made my stomach flutter with nerves.

  Asking a boy to dance wasn’t going to be easy, but I was far more daunted by step three. Thinking of the final step made me queasy, and I really hoped I’d be confident enough to go through with it. According to the plan, when a slow song came on, I would move toward Declan so our bodies were nice and close. Then, provided everything went well, and I had the courage, I would reach up and kiss him.

  Thinking through the plan now, I was beginning to wonder if it had been a bit too optimistic. So much could go wrong, and I hadn’t even spotted Declan at the dance yet. I couldn’t exactly kiss him if he wasn’t here.

  Sensing my unease, Tessa continued. “Look, he’s been flirting with you in English for weeks.”

  “I guess.”

  “Plus, he’s the one who came up to you and said he couldn’t wait to see you tonight and that you had to save him a dance, remember?”

  I chewed on my lower lip as I nodded. “I just don’t know what that even means. Was he only being nice, or does he legitimately want to dance with me? How do we even know that means he wants to kiss me?” I blew out a breath and shook my head, annoyed at myself for letting a boy get me so flustered and confused. It never seemed quite so complicated in books or movies. “Why don’t boys come with a handbook?”

  “Because they’re not as evolved as girls and I’m not a hundred percent sure guy language has a direct translation to girl.”

  I laughed. “True,” I agreed, as I continued to scan the dance floor. My lips lifted in a half-smile as I noticed my brother and his best friend enter the gym. I nodded in their direction. “And there’s a perfect example of two of the male species who still speak Neanderthal.”

  Tessa followed my gaze and frowned as she caught sight of them. They were looking around the room as if they were searching for someone. “Shane’s not so bad.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. Tessa had a massive crush on my twin brother—not that she’d ever admit it aloud. It was plain for all to see though. Shane could do no wrong in her eyes.

  “Fine. Just Chase then,” I corrected myself.

  This time, it was Tessa’s turn to roll her eyes. “You won’t hear any other girl at school agree with you on that one.”

  I scrunched up my nose, unable to see the appeal. Chase was just as irritating as my brother, and the two of them had spent years teasing me when we were younger. I’d never felt even the slightest attraction toward him, but Tessa was right about the rest of the girls at school. They were obsessed with how Chase towered over the other boys in our grade and how his face looked like it was carved by angels. The dark and broody expression he always wore only seemed to add to his appeal in their eyes.

  I’d lost count of the number
of times I’d heard girls gushing about how they wanted to run their hands through his messy brown hair or how they could spend days gazing into his intense blue eyes. It was his elusiveness that really reeled them in though. He showed little interest in the girls at school that flung themselves at him. He was seen as unattainable, and I guessed that made him even more desirable. All I saw was a withdrawn boy who was constantly breaking girls’ hearts. It was like he didn’t even care.

  “I suppose you’re right,” I agreed. “And I’m sure the Chasers will all be flocking around him tonight.”

  Tessa sniggered as I used the name we’d come up with to describe Chase’s fan group. I swore those girls had no self-respect. They all followed him around like lost puppies and watched his every move with doting eyes. It was actually kind of creepy, if you asked me.

  I glanced in Chase’s direction once more and was surprised to find both he and Shane looking at me from across the room. When Shane caught my eye, he waved, and the two of them started making their way toward us. Shane and I rarely acknowledged each other at school. He was too busy with the popular crowd while I was quite content with my own friends. We got along well enough at home, but I had zero interest in being a part of his world once we left the house.

  Shane and Chase stopped when they reached us, and my brother started frowning as he took me in. He seemed surprised by how I looked.

  “Do you need something, Shane?”

  He nodded, his eyes clearing of the confusion that had filled them moments ago. “I need you to come find me at the end of the dance so Mrs. Williams can drive us home.”

  “Chase’s mom?” My eyes briefly flicked to look at Chase, but returned to my brother as he nodded. “That wasn’t the plan,” I added with a frown.

  “No,” he agreed. “The plan’s changed. Dad can’t pick us up because he’s going to be late at work.”

  “But he said he was coming to get us.”

  Shane grunted in frustration. “Is it really that big a deal?”

  I quickly shook my head, not wanting to make a scene. I liked order in my life and hated when plans changed unexpectedly. There was nothing I could do about Dad picking us up though, so I needed to let it drop.

  I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that Dad wasn’t coming. He was married to his work, and this wasn’t the first time he’d relied on another parent to give us a ride home. I was sure it wouldn’t be the last time either.

  “Hey, Shane,” Tessa said, giving my brother a shy smile. “That was a great game you played last weekend.”

  “Thanks,” he replied. Tessa was looking at him adoringly, but Shane seemed completely unaware of her attention. Now that our ride home was sorted, he was entirely focused on the dance floor and didn’t bother to make eye contact with her as he turned his back on us and went to join the fun.

  Tessa stiffened at my side, and I could almost hear her heart shattering because of Shane’s careless dismissal. He hadn’t even looked at her, and I wanted to thump my brother over the head for being so oblivious.

  “You’re wearing a lot of makeup tonight.”

  My gaze jerked toward Chase who was still standing where my brother had left him. His arms were folded over his chest, and he was frowning as he stared at me.

  Most girls would kill to have Chase Williams focused on them so intently, but the intensity of his gaze made the hairs on the backs of my arms stand on end, and I lifted a nervous hand to touch my cheek. “Tessa helped me with it for the dance.”

  “Right,” he replied.

  Why did he sound so pissed off? “Is there a problem with my makeup?”

  He shrugged and turned away without another word.

  My stomach swirled with hurt as I watched him leave. I’d felt so beautiful when I’d left Tessa’s place tonight, but with a few words and a shrug, Chase had managed to destroy the precious illusion I’d built up in my head.

  “Don’t pay any attention to him,” Tessa said.

  It was pretty hard to ignore the most popular boy in school though. I hated that Chase had rattled me so easily, but I let out a shaky breath and tried to school my features to mask the hurt he’d caused. I gave a shallow laugh. “I don’t care what Chase thinks. Like I said, he’s a Neanderthal more likely to grunt at you than to start a civil conversation. His opinion means nothing to me.”

  Chase stopped in his tracks a few steps away from us. He must have heard what I’d said. I froze as I waited for him to turn, my heart beating quickly as I started to worry that perhaps he would come striding back to confront me. But then his back stiffened, and he continued walking away.

  I exhaled with relief as he disappeared into the crowd. I wondered if my words had wounded him the same way he’d hurt me with his brutal assessment of my makeup. I was pretty sure they hadn’t though. You needed a heart to feel pain, and I couldn’t be certain Chase had one of those. He spent his life carelessly brushing aside girls without a hint of remorse, and given the way he always joined in with Shane when it came to teasing me, all signs pointed toward there being a lump of black coal where his beating heart was supposed to be.

  I felt Tessa’s eyes on me as I watched Chase walk away. “Are you okay, Ally?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Then let’s get back to the plan,” she said, grabbing my arm and dragging me toward the dance floor. “I think it’s time to see if we can find a certain someone who we know is going to love your makeup.”

  Declan was nowhere to be found on the dance floor though. Tessa and I searched for a bit but gave up when we came across some of our other friends. We started dancing with the group, but I couldn’t stop looking around, hoping Declan would finally appear. Several times when the crowd parted, I caught sight of Chase, and I could have sworn he was watching me. He was standing at the edge of the dance floor, his expression cold and detached, as he surveyed the crowd like we were all beneath him. He wasn’t dancing with any girls, and I highly doubted it was due to a lack of trying on their part.

  When our eyes met, he immediately looked away. I wasn’t sure what he was up to, but normally, he did his very best to pretend I didn’t exist. I kind of wished he’d kept that up after our confrontation earlier in the night.

  Fairview High had actually found a good DJ for once, and I was starting to build up a sweat as we danced through song after song. I began to lose hope of finding Declan. Tessa kept reassuring me it would be fine, but how could it be when he wasn’t anywhere to be seen? Our plan was fraying at the seams, but Tessa refused to give up on it. She reminded me there were still hours left at the dance and Declan would come find me. He would be here, and in the meanwhile, we should have fun and keep dancing.

  I did as she suggested and threw all my energy into having fun with my friends. I loved dancing, so it wasn’t hard to take her advice. It was one of the few things I felt like I was actually good at. I’d taken lessons for many years, and when music was playing, it felt like it was running through my veins. I easily let the songs take over my body and danced away anything that was bothering or distracting me. I was having the time of my life, but eventually, a slow and romantic song came on, and people started coupling up, so I decided it was a good time for a break.

  I touched Tessa’s elbow. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

  She nodded, and I began weaving my way through the crowd of dancing students toward the gym exit. As fun as it had been to dance with my friends, I was beginning to feel deflated about Declan as I saw all the couples happily swaying in each other’s arms. A part of me wondered if he was avoiding me, but another part of me was beginning to suspect he wasn’t at the dance at all.

  He’d been going out of his way to talk to me for weeks now, and whenever we saw each other at school, he always gave me one of his sweet smiles. Declan didn’t have the kind of good looks that girls in our school drooled over, but he was cute and kind—definitely not a heartbreaker like some other boys in our class. I knew there was something between us, but his absenc
e from the dance ruined everything. How could Operation First Kiss be a success without the boy?

  Tonight was supposed to be a fairy tale, but I was beginning to feel like perhaps it was merely a dream that would only ever play out in my head.

  As I left the gym, I started down the corridor that led to the bathrooms. It was deserted, and I only had the dull hum of music in the background for company.

  I thought I was alone, with all the other students still packed onto the pulsing dance floor, but then I heard the sound of two boys talking. The voices were coming from around the corner up ahead, and I didn’t think anything of it until I heard one of them say my name.

  “I heard you asked Ally Lockwood to the dance tonight.”

  I stopped in my tracks, not daring to move. I had almost reached the intersection of two corridors, and it sounded like whoever was talking was standing just around the corner from me. The boy who had said my name had a deep voice, but I hadn’t heard it clearly enough to guess who it could be. Who on earth would be talking about me?

  “Not quite.” I recognized Declan’s voice, and my heart started racing. “I wanted to, but I didn’t get a chance. I’ve been trying to find her all night.”

  I beamed as I listened in. Declan had wanted to find me. Perhaps my night really would have a fairytale ending after all.

  The other boy uttered a harsh laugh, and my smile faltered. “Why would you want anything to do with her?”

  “I don’t know,” Declan stuttered in reply. “She’s sweet, and she has the prettiest eyes.”