Dear Diary

by Lacey Heart

  This week shouldn’t be too heavy though because my mom is out of town and I can’t tell you how much of a relief that is. It kind of feels like a small weight on my heavy shoulders has been lifted. I’ll be alone with just my thoughts for company for a whole week while Maya checks on me from time to time.

  I’ve no idea why she’s asked her to do it because we all know my mom’s nothing but a pro when it comes to leaving me. After all, she did it for the best part of ten years, so what’s a week?

  I’m still not sure why my mom even has a housekeeper. My mom’s never here, and it doesn’t look like she has anyone else around who depends on her. I wonder how long Maya’s been working for my mom and if she was around when we left.

  Maybe I could always ask her.

  I close my journal and slide it inside my backpack, away from prying eyes and pick up my cell from the table. There’s nothing exciting to report except a couple of missed calls from my mom, and I’m quick to delete them. I don’t speak to her while she’s here so I’m not going to speak to her while she’s away. If she wants to check how I am, that I’m going to school and behaving, she can give Maya a call and allow her to fill her in. After all, isn’t that what she pays her for?

  I scroll through my newsfeed, in between re-reading my chemistry assignment. I know it’s the best I can get it, but I’m a real sucker for perfection and I’m constantly checking over things. It’s gotten worse since my dad died, and maybe that’s the way my brain has decided to cope with such a tragic loss.

  Plus, it’s the best way to keep my distracted mind focused on something other than Cole Ashford.

  My heart skips a beat before falling heavy in my chest at the thought of dark and dangerous. I don’t know how he’s done it but he’s managed to get right inside my head, an unscratchable itch under my skin, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to switch myself off when it comes to Cole.

  I also know I won’t be able to escape him today. Not when I have to endure a double period with him. Maybe Mr. Birch will be majorly impressed with my assignment—enough to grant my request of another seat in class. Honestly, I’ll sit anywhere. Right at the front, on my own, or even out in the corridor—it doesn’t matter where so long as I’m a safe distance away from Cole.

  I’m starting to think he knows just how much of an effect he has on me too because he’s made no secret that he enjoys getting under my skin. It’s like he’s desperate to get some kind of reaction from me. I try my best to ignore him and mask the multitude of emotions he brings out in me, but that doesn’t change anything.

  In truth, Cole makes me feel uncomfortable whenever I’m around him, but at the same time he also makes me feel alive; a feeling which was doused out of me the moment my father was taken away from me. Cole evokes all kinds of feelings within me, and he’s showing no signs of stopping any time soon.

  “Come now, girl. Get your head out of the clouds. You need to hurry up and eat your breakfast before you leave this house.” I roll my eyes dramatically and push my phone away. “And don’t roll your eyes at me. If you have a problem with it then speak to your momma because she makes the rules. I’m just the person who gives them out when she’s not around.”

  Maya sneaks up behind me, something she seems to do a hell of a lot now that I stop to think about it. One second she’s nowhere to be seen, and then boom, she’s snuck up behind me like a goddamn assassin.

  “I’m not that hungry.” I tell her and it’s the truth. Just the thought of eating sets off cramps in my stomach. I’m anxious as hell and I’d love nothing more than to skip school. I’m wise enough to know that’s not going to happen though. Maya’s not my mom. Oh, no. Maya seems like a hard nut to crack and that could take me some time. Time I don’t have to waste. I bet she’s the type of chick who would send me packing to school even if I had a raging fever.

  “Eat your breakfast, girl. Maybe then you’ll feel a little better.” I haven’t mentioned feeling out of sorts, but then I guess it’s probably written all over my face. Her voice is soft as it blows in the air like silk, full of concern but when I raise my eyes to look at her, Maya’s eyes warn me not to even think about arguing with her. Shit, this woman means business. “While your momma’s away I’m in charge, so make sure you don’t go forgetting that.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.” I nod my head and reluctantly drag the plate toward me, and I force myself to bite down on the eggy bread which she’s kindly made for me. I hate to admit it, but she’s right. The second my tongue tastes the flavors; all my worries start to melt away. My stomach loosens and my chest feels lighter, all the while Maya smiles knowingly at me.

  “How did you…” I ask, totally bewildered by the coincidence. My dad used to always make this for me whenever I was feeling upset or sick. But there is no way she could ever know this. It’s impossible.

  I wait for Maya’s response, but she doesn’t answer me. Instead a small smile graces her thin lips before she finally says, “Come now. You don’t want to be late.”

  “There’s still heaps of time.” I exclaim while focusing my eyes on the vintage clock by the window and I see it’s not even eight yet. “Jessica doesn’t pick me up until eight-thirty.”

  Maya walks toward me and she’s full of elegance until she swipes the plate from me, and throws a rag over her shoulder and her eyes fix on mine. “Well, girl, you better take that booty of yours elsewhere because I’ve jobs to do and they sure as hell won’t do themselves.”

  Seriously?

  I’ve been at the farmhouse since January and I’ve yet to witness Maya do any chores. I’m telling you, she’s nothing more than a glorified babysitter and neither Maya nor my mom are going to make me think any different. I mean, this place is always spotless. But then I guess it should be too because there’s hardly anyone ever here most of the time.

  I bite down on my lower lip as I think about my next move. I have thirty minutes to kill and there’s no time like the present. With that thought fresh in my mind, I hastily ask her, “can I ask you something?”

  Maya pauses at the sink and slowly turns on her heels to face me. Her eyes watch me closely, full of interest as she finally pulls down the towel from her shoulder and slams it on the side. I look on as she puffs out her cheeks and then lets out an exasperated sigh. If I had to take a wild guess, I’d say she’s far from impressed with my inquisitiveness. “And if I decide to say no, you’re only gonna go ahead and keep asking, aren’t you?”

  “Uh-huh.” I nod. “That would be a big fat yes.” I smile back at her when I see her dark eyes soften and she’s quick to smile back at me.

  “Oh, you remind me so much of someone I used to know.” She tells me fondly. “All that stubbornness and sass clearly wasn’t lost on you. Don’t you ever change, girl. Not for anyone.”

  Maya’s words take me by complete surprise and throw me way off track. Maybe that’s what she was aiming for? But I don’t let that nagging thought stop me. “I remind you of someone? Who?” Curiosity floods my veins, desperate to know exactly what she meant, but I can already see the moment is passing as Maya closes in on herself.

  “Never mind about that, girl. It was a long time ago.” She’s quick to bat me off with a flick of her hand, and says, “what was it you wanted to ask me?”

  I have to think long and hard for a second. I was only trying to buy some time before Jessica arrived, possibly find out some things about my mom before Maya shooed me out of the house and off to school, but now I really want to know who I remind her of.

  “Why do you work for my mom?” The question rolls freely from my lips before I’ve realized what I’ve even asked her, and Maya raises her big, dark eyebrows at me.

  “That’s quite personal, child, and it’s not really one I feel all too comfortable answering.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound rude.” The panic creeps into my voice and I can’t help but worry that I’ve unintentionally offended her. “I just don’t understand why you’re here. I me
an, what does a single woman need a massive farmhouse and a housekeeper for? Surely there’s bigger families out there who need your help more than my mom does?”

  Silence descends around us and while Maya doesn’t respond to me, I can tell she’s thinking about answering me, about telling me everything I need to know, but at the same time there’s also something holding her back, preventing her from telling me everything. Time passes slowly and all I can hear is the loud thud of my heart beating against my eardrums, until finally, after what feels like an eternity, Maya finally breaks the silence.

  “Maybe it’s time you sat down with your momma and asked her these questions. Especially if they’re weighing heavy on your mind.” Maya gives me an empathetic smile, but the last thing I need is her pity. “Maybe your momma will be able to give you all the answers you need.”

  I can’t help but laugh because both Maya and I know that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. “Oh yeah. And how am I supposed to do that when she’s never around?” I call out, throwing my hands up in despair. “She’s always working and would rather have a total stranger watch over me. No offence.” I tell her when Maya flinches at my words, but we both know it’s the truth. “And when she is home it’s never for long, because I can guarantee within thirty minutes of me walking through that door, her phone’s ringing non-stop and she’s back out of that door for some work-related emergency. So, where does that leave me? Please tell me who else I’m supposed to get answers from?”

  “Good morning, campers!”

  I jump at the sound of Jessica’s over-excited voice as it pierces the air and I almost fall off the stool.

  “If your mom isn’t around to help you, maybe Jessica can. She is your family, after all.” Maya’s eyes narrow as she watches Jessica step into the kitchen, and something passes between them, but I choose not to worry myself. I’ve worked myself up enough for one day. And talk about a get out of jail free card. Well played, Maya.

  I really don’t know what it is with these crazy ass people who reside in Riverstone. Maybe it’s the lack of sunshine but every single one of them is closed off and reserved as hell. Every single one of them avoids telling me anything, and they always manage to answer a question with another question. I’ve never known anything like it and it’s infuriating as hell.

  “You know me, Mrs. M. I’m always happy to help out where I can.” Jessica props her elbows down on the kitchen table and tries to dazzle us with her Hollywood smile.

  “Hmm. I’d say that’s debatable, but little miss curious here has some questions and her momma isn’t around to answer them.” Maya whistles. “I’m sure you’ll be able to help her out with the basics?”

  “I guess…” Jessica twirls a long, glossy strand of hair around her fingers while she contemplates the task at hand. “I mean, I could, but first we need to get the hell out of here. Sorry Mrs. M. School’s calling. You know how it is.”

  I scowl at Jessica as I push the chair back and stand and I groan loudly, refusing to hide my disappointment. “School is so over-rated. I don’t get what the obsession is.” I mouth out and they both laugh at me.

  “You say that now, girl. But believe me, you’ll miss it when you’re older. School should be the best years of your life. Carefree and not a single worry in the whole damn world.” Maya tells me and her knowing look is etched back on her face, like she’s holding some massive secret from me. “You need to enjoy it while you still can. Make as many memories as possible before the weight of becoming an adult for the rest of your life takes hold of your little shoulders.”

  “Seriously? Mrs. M, that’s deep. Even for you.” Jessica shakes her head at Maya, and she laughs. “If you’re done with your rain cloud of doom, we’ll be out of here.”

  Jessica turns on her heels just as Maya hurls, “Watch your mouth, girl or I’ll be straight on the phone to your momma.”

  “Knock yourself out. You know her well enough to know that she’ll be too busy to answer. And even if she does, that woman wouldn’t give a damn about what you have to say about me or Jake.” Wait? How does Maya know my aunt? I thought she was just my mom’s housekeeper? My mom and my aunt don’t seem all that close so it can’t be a family thing. Can it? I shake the thoughts from my head as Jessica goes full steam with her little rant. “That woman, that sweet mother of mine doesn’t have time for anyone or anything other than that drugged up low-life she’s currently shacked up with.” Disappointment is heavy in her voice and it’s the first time I’ve ever witnessed Jessica look so fragile and vulnerable.

  Maya doesn’t say anything else, and I see tears in her eyes before she turns around and storms out of the kitchen, and all I can do is follow her in utter silence.

  CHAPTER TWO

  COLE

  “Coach said you haven’t been acting yourself recently. Is there anything I should be worried about?”

  I take a seat at the large marble island in the middle of our open plan kitchen and watch my father. The mighty and super powerful Todd Ashford. I may be king of Riverstone High, but there’s no question that my father is the king of all of Riverstone town and its surrounding areas.

  He’s a good man. No doubt about it. If anything, he’s the best and that’s what makes him such a hard role model to follow. The pressure is endless, and no one lets me forget it. Not even for a second.

  It’s no secret that my father has done a lot for this town and the people in it. Everyone’s more than grateful for Ashford’s contribution to the town; how my father managed to turn this place around when it needed it the most. But with that comes great expectation. Expectation I never wanted. They don’t see it and why should they? Or maybe they do but they refuse to admit it, but in truth I’m absolutely nothing like my father.

  I’m supposed to be his legacy. But I don’t want that.

  Sure, to an outsider it probably sounds like the dream and I’m nothing but a selfish, ungrateful son of a bitch, but I don’t want to be known for just being Todd Ashford’s son. Sure, I am his son, and nothing will ever change that, but I want to be known for me—Cole Ashford. I want to make my own way in life. I want to be able to make my own decisions and to be respected for my choices. Not something my father created.

  We might share the same blood, but we are two different people with two totally separate minds. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to make something of myself though, because no one will ever see that—including the big man himself.

  “Look, son. If there’s something happening or weighing on your mind, then you need to tell me.” His blue eyes are soft as they bore into mine and I know he’s worried. Especially after what happened with mom.

  I get that, more than he’ll ever know. I clear my throat, forcing my mind to keep that area locked away. I haven’t visited that dark place since it happened, and I want to keep it that way. Locked up and buried where it belongs.

  “Dad, chill. Seriously. I’m good.” It’s not a total lie because my issues aren’t something he’ll be able to help with. This isn’t something that requires a quick fix. It’s something that I’m going to have to think long and hard about and even then, I don’t know which way I’m going to go. Unfortunately, no matter how much my dad would like to believe it, he won’t be able to just click his fingers and make this bullshit disappear. Not the way he’s managed to do with most things that have been thrown our way over the years. Well, everything that is except the important stuff—the things that matter.

  “You sure? You know I can always cancel.” My dad steps closer to me and places a big, warm, comforting hand on my shoulder. His way of telling me that even though the main issue hasn’t been discussed for some time, he’ll always be here for me and that we’re in this together.

  “Honestly, dad. I’m fine.” I turn to face him and force a smile, hoping he’ll buy it. I need to convince him that I’m okay otherwise he’ll never leave.

  “All right.” He pats my shoulder, satisfied he doesn’t need to cancel his work trip and stick around. �
�But promise me, if you have any issues, no matter how small they may seem. Promise you’ll call me?”

  “I promise.” I nod back at him but refuse to meet his gaze. It’s one thing telling my dad a white lie, but I’d never be able to look him square in the eye while I’m doing it.

  “I’ll be on the first flight home. Oh,” he turns sharply on his heels as if suddenly remembering something. “No wild parties while I’m gone.” My father smirks at me knowing full well that’s what will be happening. The same as it does every time he’s away on business; which is quite a lot these days. I guess he likes to make a point of telling me because that way he’s done the dutiful grown-up/parent thing by telling me not to do something. But I know the unspoken rule. So long as there is no evidence or damage when he returns home, we’re good to go.

  After all, what’s the point of having the biggest house in Riverstone if you don’t utilize it for the finer things in life? Plus, there’s no way I can back out now because Tommy’s already organized the whole thing. Now the last thing I need is for my dad to go all soft and cancel his trip. There’d be no fun with him staying home—even if the other kids at school think he’s cool. It doesn’t matter how cool he is, my dad being at the party wouldn’t be the same.

  “No, sir.” I nod back at my father, raise my hand in a salute and my entire body relaxes when the worry leaves his face. One to me and zero to Coach. He quickly walks over to me and ruffles my hair before turning around to walk away.

  It’s in these rare moments I feel like a kid again. One without any worries weighing heavy on my shoulders. Man, how I’d love to go back to that place in time again. “There’s money in the office and I’ll arrange for Alan to drop by a couple of times while I’m gone just to check in.”

  Fucking great.

  How the hell didn’t I see that one coming? Of course he’ll get coach—his right hand man to keep a close eye on me. In school, and out. Jeez, I’m sure my father forgets I’m almost eighteen, and the last thing I need is Coach on my case. I get enough of that bullshit from him at school. Now with my dad out of sight he’ll never leave me alone. “It’s good. Tommy and Jake are coming to stay for the week, then.” Hopefully if he knows I won’t be alone, maybe he’ll call off the enforcements.