The Memories We Hide

by jodi Gibson

  ‘Yes? Can I help you?’ The man towered over Laura by a full head and looked down at her over his glasses, his brow creased.

  She recognized his raspy voice immediately. ‘Detective Roy Makin?’ she questioned timidly, feeling as if she were seventeen again.

  The man jutted his head back, still frowning. ‘Who wants to know?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Laura said, shuffling from one foot to another. ‘I'm Laura Murphy. My mother was Judy Murphy.’

  The man's face softened in recognition. ‘Laura, right. So sorry to hear about your mum. She was a good woman,’ he said, tutting. ‘Much too young to be taken.’

  Laura looked down at her feet. ‘Yes, thank you. But that's not why I'm here.’

  The man opened the door further and folded the newspaper he'd been holding, placing it under his arm as he ushered her in. ‘I know why you're here,’ he said as Laura followed him into his kitchen, taking a seat at the kitchen table covered in crossword puzzles and red pens. ‘Sorry, wasn't expecting company,’ he said, shuffling the papers and pens into a messy pile before sitting down with a sigh. ‘You're here about Ryan, no?’

  Laura's face shifted into a frown. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘Saw Mrs. Hatfield at the supermarket earlier. She said you were back. Asking questions. Well, Laura. There's nothing to tell. Nothing more than you probably already know.’

  ‘I just can't believe it was an accident. Ryan wasn't stupid.’

  ‘Don't need to be stupid with a mix of alcohol and marijuana in your system, love. That takes care of stupidity for you,’ he said, shaking his head.

  Laura's face fell.

  ‘Look, I know how hard it was for you and his friends, and I wish I could tell you more, but there’s nothing to tell. All the evidence led to a stupid bloody lack of judgment.’

  ‘What about the green material you found on the tracks nearby?’ Laura asked.

  ‘Bloody wild goose chase, that's what,’ Mr. Makin said, crossing his arms.

  ‘But wasn't there a … well, a homeless man hanging around at that time?’

  ‘As I said, bloody goose chase. Yes, we followed him up, but it was a dead end. He admitted to being on the tracks that night, but he had an alibi for the ETD.’

  ‘ETD?’

  ‘Estimated time of death. He was,’ he cleared his throat, a flush creeping up over his cheeks, ‘otherwise entertained.’ He raised his eyebrows.

  Laura’s brow furrowed.

  ‘He was shacked up with, well, let’s just say a lady friend.’

  Laura twisted her mouth. ‘But how does that prove anything? Maybe she was covering for him. How can you be sure?’

  ‘The green army material didn't match any of his clothing either. He had no priors. He was harmless. Moved on to Clear Springs a couple of days later.’

  Laura's shoulders dropped.

  ‘Look, I know you want a better answer than that, but really, I don't know why him being murdered would be a better outcome.’

  He was right. It would be horrible if Ryan was murdered, no matter the circumstances, but it would at least be a clear answer. Something she could draw a line at accepting, maybe.

  Mr. Makin reached his hand over to Laura's and patted it affectionately. ‘I know you took off back then. But you need to move on. Put it behind you. You're still so young, Laura. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Okay?’

  Laura squeezed her mouth into a thin smile, forcing herself not to cry. She nodded.

  ‘It’s such a shame, you know. Youth of today are no better. Worse, in fact,’ Makin said, leaning back in his chair.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Detective Makin shook his head. ‘Boredom. Depression. Underage drinking. Drugs. It’s a bloody shame, and there’s only so much law enforcement can do. This bloody town needs some help. Counselors. Youth programs. I don’t know, but something. They’re just not getting the support they need.’

  Laura felt awful that the town she loved was falling apart from the bottom up. If the youth weren’t supported, what was the future for Banyula?

  ‘Anyway, that’s a whole other story. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more, love.’

  Laura thanked Detective Makin for his time and walked toward the front door.

  ‘Laura?’ Detective Makin said as he removed his glasses and opened the door for her. ‘I hope you can move on from here. There’s nothing to be gained from living in the past. Believe me. I know.’

  Chapter 11

  Tom leaned back against the cattle race, rubbing his five-o’clock shadow. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I meant to tell you. I just got sidetracked, that’s all.’

  ‘I had no idea until I read it on Facebook. On Facebook, Tom!’ she said through the phone.

  ‘I know, Mum. It’s just things have been busy here. And I was going to email you the night before the funeral. I’m sorry.’

  Tom heard her sigh. ‘Well, how was the funeral? Was Laura there?’

  ‘Of course she was there, Mum!’

  ‘Well, it’s just she hasn’t been back to Banyula since. I’m surprised she didn’t bury Judy in the city.’

  ‘Mum!’

  ‘Have you seen her?’

  ‘Who? Laura?’

  ‘Yes, of course Laura.’

  ‘Yeah, a couple of times. I drove her home after the funeral. Helped her clean up at Judy’s a bit.’

  ‘How’s she holding up?’

  ‘She’s upset. Sad. But she’s strong too. She just wants to clean up the house and get back to the city.’

  ‘Well, have you spoken to her?’

  ‘Mum, you’re not making any sense. Did I talk to her about what?’ Tom was getting frustrated. It wasn’t like his mum to talk in riddles. Maybe the holiday had affected her thinking.

  ‘Bloody hell, Tom, do I have to come out and say it?’

  Tom didn’t reply.

  ‘Have you told her how much you miss her?’

  ‘Mum!’

  ‘Don’t think I don’t know. You’ve missed that girl ever since she left. You need to tell her. You mightn’t get another chance. She’ll up and go, and you’ll likely never see her again if she goes this time. I just want to see you happy. You deserve someone. And Laura’s a good one.’

  Tom felt his face burning. Was he really having this conversation with his mother? He didn’t even know what to say.

  ‘Anyway, think about it. I’d better go for now. Your dad’s trying his hand at beach fishing. I think he might have caught something the way he’s carrying on down there. Give our best to Laura.’

  ‘Okay. I will.’

  ‘And tell her how you feel. If this trip’s taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to waste.’

  Tom slipped the phone into his shirt pocket and sighed.

  As much as it embarrassed him to admit to it to his mum, he knew she was right. This might be the only chance he would get to tell Laura how he felt. Maybe he could take a chance and tell her. There was nothing to say he had to be honest with her about everything. Just his feelings. Things had been forgotten and had been kept secret for so long, it was probably best to let it all be buried in the past anyway. No use dredging things up.

  He headed over to see off Nigel, one of his farmhands.

  ‘Sorry, I gotta leave early today, mate,’ Nigel said.

  ‘Nah, don’t worry about it. You be here tomorrow?’

  ‘Yeah, no worries, mate. Gotta finish that fence down in the east paddock. Didn’t ya say you had Matty coming to help with the worming tomorrow?’

  Tom shook his head. ‘He pulled out on me. So hard to get good bloody help these days.’

  Nigel nodded. ‘Yeah, I hear ya. I’ll give ya a hand with the worming before I do the fence, how’s that sound?’

  ‘That’d be great. Cheers, mate. See you tomorrow.’

  Tom watched Nigel head off. It was true. It was hard to get farmhands these days. None of the young blokes wanted to work. Tom rolled his eyes. He was starting to sound just
like his father. Not that it was a bad thing. His dad was a bloody good farmer. Well respected and a hard worker. That’s where Tom learned everything he knew. And that’s why Tom had to make things work.

  He crooked his neck to the side, thinking about the other issue he had with the bank. He just needed more time. Needed the cows to finish calving and get the two-year-olds to market. He might even drive them over to Yangaville. They were getting good prices over there. He decided to finish off in the yards, then head inside and check out what was lining up at the markets.

  As he clicked the gate behind him, he also made a conscious decision to ask Laura around for dinner. Or he could take her to that new Thai place in town. Maybe not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. He needed to work up the courage first. And then if she said yes and the right moment came, he might even take a chance and tell her how he felt. Like his mum said, this could be his only opportunity. Better to die of embarrassment than to die wondering. That’s what his mum’d say. What was the worst thing that could happen?

  Chapter 12

  Laura arrived home with Detective Makin’s words still echoing in her ear. He was right. There was nothing more to know. Laura had to accept the fact that Ryan’s death was an accident. Something that should never have happened but had. It would always be with her, but she had to come to terms with the fact that she’d done everything she could. It was time to face the rest of her life and move forward once and for all. Face Luke and say goodbye to Ryan and Banyula. Start a new life. Maybe she would go and finish that counseling course. It was time to be an adult.

  Laura grabbed her phone, Googled the local real-estate agent, and made the call.

  ‘Today? That would be great. Three o'clock? Sure. Thanks, Mick, see you then.’ Laura ended the call and placed her mobile on the kitchen bench. This was it. Time to sell. Laura felt her gut begin to form a knot. No. Keep a level head. You’re going back to the city for a fresh start. That’s the plan. Stick to it. The knot in her gut twisted a little more.

  The brown packaging tape screeched as Laura stretched it across to seal up another box. She’d been through everything: clothes, knickknacks, Tupperware. She was surprised how so many memories were associated with everyday items. Dresses she remembered her mum wearing on special occasions or Christmas, tea towels that she'd bought for fifty cents from the Mothers' Day stall at school, unopened photo frames still in their packaging with the faces of nameless models smiling beneath. So many things, so many boxes. Life. That was what was in these boxes. Laura's heart quickened as the finality of it all hit. Once she said goodbye, that was it. This chapter of her life was finished. The book would be closed forever. But she couldn’t help but feel that this place was beginning to seem like home again with every minute she spent here.

  She shook off the feeling like the dust that had gathered on the doilies she’d packed earlier. It was only her grief talking. There was nothing for her in Banyula. She’d pack up the beautiful memories of her mum and move on. That was the way it had to be.

  Mick knocked on the front door right at three. He’d been a year below Laura at school, and Laura noticed he’d hardly changed, apart from his attire. He’d swapped the football jersey for a navy suit and striped tie. But that self-assured smile-cum-smirk was still the same. Yep, real estate is the perfect career choice for Mick, Laura thought.

  ‘Hey, Laura,’ he said, shaking her hand firmly, if not a little awkwardly.

  ‘Hi, Mick. Good to see you,’ she said. ‘You've done all right for yourself, I see.’ She nodded toward the shiny black BMW sitting in front of the house.

  ‘Yeah, I guess. Gotta look the part, right? You're looking great,’ he said, followed by a sudden flush of color to his cheeks. ‘I'm sorry to hear about your mum,’ he said, tightening his mouth. ‘She was well respected around here.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Laura replied, forcing a lightness into her voice. ‘Time to move on though. Let someone else enjoy this little cottage, I guess.’ If only she felt as convinced as she sounded. ‘Come in out of that rain. Looks like it’s set in for the day.’

  ‘Yeah, we’re all a bit sick of it. Rivers will peak soon if it doesn’t stop,’ Mick said as he stepped inside and wiped the droplets of water off his iPad.

  ‘Well, the house is old and unrenovated,’Laura said as she walked Mick into the living room. ‘But it’s in good condition. Mum looked after it as best she could.’

  ‘Neat and tidy, that’s all we need. It’s the location that will sell it.’

  After ten minutes showing Mick around the house and yard, they got down to the nitty gritty.

  ‘So how much?’ Laura asked as they wandered back to the kitchen. The rain formed a diagonal drizzle that slid slowly down the windowpane.

  ‘Well, considering the location and its original state, it's certainly a renovator’s delight. But, what I can really see is a developer snapping it. It's a ripper parcel of land.’

  Mick's words began to take shape in her mind. Was she really ready to sell this place and let some rich, fat cat developer knock down her childhood home and build a block of soulless units?

  ‘Laura?’

  ‘Sorry.’ She snapped back to attention. ‘What were you saying?’

  ‘I’ll have to do a few comparatives, but I reckon around the $380,000 mark.’

  Laura’s mouth dropped. ‘Three hundred eighty? Thousand?’

  ‘Yep. Market's good at the moment, and there's not a lot around coming into winter. Could be even more if we went to auction, you know.’

  Mick pulled the chair from the kitchen table and motioned for Laura to sit down.

  ‘Look, if you're not ready, it's fine. I know it's a big decision for you. I've had a look now, so you can just call me when you're right to go. Or feel free to get another appraisal. Jenkins is a good guy.’

  In city terms, $380,000 wasn't a lot, but here in the country, Laura knew it was decent money. She could move back to the city and even find a small one-bedroom apartment in Carlton or Fitzroy.

  ‘So, you planning on staying here in Banyula?’ Mick asked as he continued tapping away on his iPad.

  ‘I'm not really sure.’ The words were out before she thought them through.

  Mick laughed. ‘Well, I know a great real-estate agent who has a few bargains if you're looking.’

  Laura chewed her bottom lip. No. This was it. As much as her heart pulled at her, she knew this had to happen, especially for the money Mick was talking.

  ‘No. Put it on the market. Let's see what happens,’ she said before she could reconsider.

  Mick raised his eyebrows. ‘You sure?’

  Laura nodded.

  ‘Okeydokey. Just give me a minute and I’ll fill in the details.’

  A few minutes later, Laura signed on the dotted line, but not before almost falling off the chair when Mick told her the commission fees. No wonder he could afford a BMW!

  ‘Okay, I'll send someone around to grab some photos, and then we'll get it on the books. I have a few people in mind already. I reckon they'll be hot for it.’

  Laura waved Mick and his Beemer off as her phone began to ring in her hand. It was Luke. She sucked in a deep breath. She had to talk to him sooner or later.

  ‘Luke, hey,’ Laura said, pacing on the porch as the wind caught the door behind her and slammed it shut.

  ‘Laura. Thank god I got you this time.’

  ‘Sorry. It’s just—’

  ‘It’s fine. You don’t need to explain. How are you?’

  ‘I’m doing okay, I suppose. I got the house appraised.’

  ‘Oh, right? How much?’

  ‘Three hundred and eighty thousand, they reckon. I’ve put it on the market.’

  ‘Wow. That sounds like good money.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Laura, I—’

  ‘Luke, don’t. I …’ She paused and slumped down against the weatherboards and peered out into the drizzling rain, searching for the right words. ‘I meant what I said.’

&nb
sp; ‘Laura, c’mon. Let’s not do this now. This isn’t the time to be making rash decisions. You’ve been through a lot. You’ll be home soon. We can talk then.’

  Laura closed her eyes. She never was good at confrontation, even over the phone. She picked at a thread on her jeans, contemplating whether or not to feign a bad connection, but Luke kept talking.

  ‘If you don’t want me to, I won’t go for the promotion.’

  Laura’s throat constricted as the tears trickled down her face. ‘It’s more than that, Luke,’ she said, searching for how to tell him she wasn’t in love with him. An icy shiver crawled up her spine as images of Ryan and Rachel flashed through her mind. She had to be honest. She’d promised her mum.

  She cleared her throat. ‘I’m not sure if I’m in love with you.’

  ‘What?’ Luke’s voice was almost a whisper of disbelief.

  ‘We fell into the relationship so quickly and I … I don’t know if … I just feel so lost. I need to sort myself out. What I want out of life. For the future.’ Laura cringed at the way the words sounded. Cliched. It was no better than the age-old excuse, It’s not you, it’s me. But it was so much more than that. She was caught up in decisions and hurt from the past that had cut deep, the scars still not healed.

  ‘I don’t get it. I don’t know what to say.’ Luke sighed. She could imagine him pushing his hand through his hair in frustration, like he would when they’d argue about issues much less important than this.

  ‘There’s nothing to say.’

  Laura slid down onto the porch deck and blinked away the tears.