Cabin Fever

by Shani Greene-Dowdell et al.

  “I know, but I think I should get this off my chest. I have so many things to say to her.”

  “Well, don’t blame yourself, Xander. You were only a little boy when it happened.” Bruiser said the right things, but it was easier said than done. The guilt I had for not doing anything to protect my mother almost killed me. I didn’t protect her when she was alive, and I hadn’t protected her after she died. I let her killer get away with her murder.

  I smiled to reassure Bruiser that I had control of the situation, but I wasn’t sure of how I would deal with my father going forward.

  “Just let me handle this my way, Bruiser. I’m trying to navigate through all of this.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about it before?” he asked.

  “As I said, I just started piecing together the actions that caused her death. But Bruiser, you look up to my father. I couldn’t just ruin your outlook of him by alleging that he’s the reason my mother was dead. Not without being absolutely sure of it.”

  “And you’re sure now?”

  “I’m right about him. I just know it.” I told Bruiser about the time he yelled at his girlfriend Wanda, and how what he said to her triggered memories. “When he said that to me, I was right back in that trailer looking at him stand over my mother’s dead body.”

  “Damn, Xan.” He came over and stood by my chair. This time, he was holding his arms out to hug me. “Bring it on in, brother.”

  I stood up and hugged my best friend. As quickly as the hug began, it ended.

  He cut his eyes away from mine and said, “Let’s go.”

  We got into Bruiser’s truck and quietly rode to the cemetery. Once there, I sat in my seat, staring out at the different plots. In the area where my mother’s plot lay, there stood a big ivory headstone. It was time for me to get out and face her.

  “You know we don’t have to do this today. It was hard enough for you to talk about what happened. We can come back next weekend,” Bruiser suggested.

  “No, I want to do this now.” I got out of the car and walked toward my mother’s plot at the Lafayette Cemetery. Bruiser walked a few feet behind me as we both looked for Cecelia Macon's resting place. “Over here,” I pointed out the largest tombstone in the cemetery. It looked new.

  As soon as I reached her, I kneeled on the ground and silently asked for forgiveness for not doing more. For not remembering what happened to her until recently. For not confronting my father and making him answer for what he did to her.

  “I promise I will make him answer for what he did to you. I will get answers for you.” I broke down as I touched the rose embedded in her stone. He had purchased her this lovely headstone recently. But no amount of money could replace what he stole from me when he took away my mother. “I love you, mother.”

  Bruiser put a hand on my shoulder as I kneeled there talking to my mother until I said everything I had to tell her. When I walked away from her gravesite, I felt released from the hold her death had on me. A conversation with my father was necessary, but I didn’t feel burdened by what happened to my mother. It was as if her spirit had assured me that she held me harmless. Now, I had one more important woman in my life that I needed to show how much I loved her.

  Chapter 4

  Jayne

  Need for Speed

  The relaxed and regal vibe of Jeb’s club greeted Astalia and me at the door. His brand of nightlife had spread to Atlanta, and the Atlantians were eating it up. I was proud of my best friend’s husband, who stood beside the bar, talking to the bartender.

  I walked over and hugged him. “Hi, Jeb. This is my cousin, Astalia. Astalia, this is Jeb, Tameka’s husband.”

  “So, you’re the owner of this elite establishment,” Astalia said, smiling brightly.

  Jeb’s eyes were fixated on mine when he replied, “Yes, I am. Nice to meet you, and thank you for coming out.”

  “Nice to meet you, too,” said Astalia.

  What has Xander told you? I wondered as Jeb continued to stare at me as if I was doing something wrong just by being there tonight. I forced an upbeat tone and said, “We’re here for the speed dating so that we can find a man.”

  Jeb’s questioning eyes slanted. “You’re here for date night?”

  “Yeah, is Tameka here?” I pivoted my attention to my friend. “Where is she?”

  “She left about an hour ago, heading home. Have you talked to Xander today? He’s been calling.”

  I raised a finger to cut Jeb off before he said more about Xander. I wasn’t here for that. I was over it. As in over-over it. I could play video games with any kid from my block. I didn’t need a hot-blooded, sexy and fine, grown-ass man to sit in my living room, crowding the space with alpha male sound and appearance, stirring every part of me, disturbing the peace of my heart, and making me crazy with emotions for him—only to play games. Fuck that.

  Xander played with my feelings, just like Ned did. At least, Ned gave me satisfaction with intimacy as best he could. He made me feel important for as long as it lasted, but Xander never seemed to want to take things to the next level. As if my kiss would repulse him. As if I wasn’t worthy of being touched. We were stuck on conversation, video games, and awkward hugs goodnight.

  There were times on game nights when Xander and I sat on my couch, staring intensely into one another’s eyes, talking philosophy, the ways of the world, politics, or just about anything. Just when it would seem we elevated to a new level of friendship, he would leave, saying he had to go to work the next morning.

  Sometimes, he gave me a quick peck on the cheek and fled out of the door like the devil was on his heels. Other times, he appeased me with an ‘as long as he could stand it’ hug before retreating all the same. I couldn’t allow this rejection any longer. It was as bad as Ned pretending to love me.

  “No. I haven’t heard from Xander. I’ve been hanging out with my cousin all day. Now, we’re here to mix and mingle. We’re going to go on in and get seated. The game starts at 6:30, right?”

  “Yes, that’s right,” Jeb replied. “Right now, they’re handing out the Heart Match cards. But Jayne, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Sure, I’ll be right back, Stalia.” I followed Jeb to the bar as Astalia walked over to the speed date room. “What is it that you want to talk about, Jeb?” I asked though I knew what this was about. I folded my arms across my chest and waited for him to drill me about Xander.

  “I talked to Xander. He’s stressed and says you have been avoiding him. He’s been trying to get in touch with you all weekend, and you haven’t responded to his calls.”

  “I know he’s been trying to call me. I saw the missed calls, but I’m not his girlfriend or anything, so he has no reason to be stressed about not talking to me. I’m just a girl that he plays games with; he told you that part, right?”

  “Jayne, I think you know why he’s worried. It’s more to you guys’ relationship than games. I’ve seen the change in Xander, and it’s not a video console that’s doing that to him.”

  “No, actually, I don’t know why he’s worried about me, but tell him that I’ll be home tomorrow and that he should hit me up if he wants to play a game of Mortal Combat. Better yet, maybe we could just meet up at the arcade and play with the other kids there.” I rolled my eyes away from Jeb’s. I wasn’t supposed to be taking this out on him anyway. I wanted to unleash my frustration on Xander. “Is that all you were concerned about? Is everything okay with Tameka?” I asked Jeb.

  “Yes, she’s fine. I was just concerned about you and Xander. He cares about you, and he hasn’t been the same since you two started hanging around you. He doesn’t talk about any other girl but you. You care about him too,” Jeb stated matter-of-factly.

  “There is no need to be concerned, Jeb. I’m doing my thing, and Xander is doing his. Which reminds me, speed dating is about to begin.”

  I felt somber as Jeb stepped aside to let me walk away. He was looking out for his friend, but I was looking out for me. Today
was my day off from trying to understand Xander Macon.

  When I walked into the lounge area, the first thing I noticed was that the three black men were so far from Astalia’s description that it was pointless for her to be here.

  She wasn’t feeling it anymore, but I had gotten dressed up, and I wasn’t leaving until I talked to every man in the room.

  “Come on, these men look good, and they look like they have some money!” I wasn’t after a man’s money, but if I was going to speed date, I might as well find someone that could afford to buy me a chicken dinner.

  “How do you look like you have some money?” Astalia rolled her eyes. “Most people who look like it spent all of their money on the look.”

  “Stalia, I see why you’re single. You out here quoting Uncle James. You should have let your hair down so you can relax.” Astalia was a brilliant girl, but I always gave her a hard time.

  “Whatever, Jayne. I am relaxed. I’m just not feeling this. And what was that about with Jeb anyway? Every time you mentioned finding a man tonight, he looked uncomfortable. Then, you two looked like you were in a deep conversation at the bar, and who is Xander?”

  “Xander is my ‘little situation,’ but I’m not worried about him right now.” My eyes surveyed the room, looking for prospects. Maybe I should try another white guy tonight. No, I’m thinking caramel brown skin is a good choice too. Hmmm. Choices, choices.

  My heart rate increased when I thought about sitting in front of another man with the intent to date him.

  Astalia and I talked more as we finished our registration sheets.

  “Uh-huh. I’ll drop it for now,” she said of Xander.

  I shrugged nonchalantly. “You should. It’s nothing.”

  “Are you ladies finished filling out the form?” the hostess asked.

  “Done!” I handed my paper to her and waited anxiously for the next steps.

  An hour later, I was skinning and grinning with a sexy accountant. His name was Russell, and he was medium-build with caramel brown skin. He did most of the talking. He talked about his job and some of the things that interested him, which was mostly math. I thought it would be interesting to get to know him, so we exchanged numbers. Hot, butt-naked sex was the furthest thing from Russell’s mind, but he was handsome and smart, and an intelligent man was always good to have around.

  The next morning, Russell called and asked me on a date. He wanted to take me to a math exhibit, something I didn’t even know was a thing.

  “It’s possible,” was my reply to the math exhibit invitation, but after he texted me a math formula and a problem to solve to figure out the date of the math exhibit, I was over the mathematical genius.

  I stared at the message, thinking, Bruh, hell nawl.

  I respectfully declined his invitation via text and then blocked his number.

  The next time my phone rang, it was Alise.

  Happy to talk to my best friend, I answered, “Hey!”

  “Hey, love.”

  “I started to call you earlier today, but I figured you and Bruiser were probably still in bed.”

  “Yeah, we had a long night last night.”

  “I bet you did.”

  “Anyways, what have you been up to?” she asked.

  “Last night, I went speed dating with Astalia at Jeb’s club.”

  “Oh, yeah. How was it?”

  I sighed. “Let’s just say that I didn’t find anyone who I was compatible with.”

  “That’s because you already found him.”

  “Not you too. I already had to listen to Jeb’s Xander lecture last night. He seems convinced that I did Xander wrong by attending speed date night.”

  “You did do him wrong. Xander is probably home all alone thinking about you.”

  “Chances are greater that he was with someone else last night than they are that he was sitting around sulking about me,” I said. “And if that’s what he did, it’s fine with me.”

  “Lies.”

  “Whatever! For the last time, Xander and I are not together. We are just friends. We are both free to see other people.”

  It seemed like my best friend, of all people, should know this. I told her how I felt about Xander and how he reacted to me. She still seemed to think the man had stronger feelings for me.

  “Jayne, let’s put that aside for a minute. I have something important to ask you.”

  “Okay, shoot.”

  “Will you be free to go with me to the Gospel Fest in Pine Mountains at Callaway Gardens today? I know it’s short notice, but my stylist is busy, and so is my assistant. Since you’re on vacation, I was hoping you would come. I need you there.”

  “First of all, you don’t have to beg me. Even if I had to work, I would call out to be there to help my superstar friend. I’m in there like underwear. Just text me the details—address, what you want me to do for you, what have you, and consider it done.”

  “Aw, thanks, Jayne! I don’t know what I would do without you. You won’t regret coming to this event,” she said happily.

  “What made you sign on to sing at a Gospel Fest?” I asked out of curiosity.

  “Well, I hoped it would be lifechanging.”

  “With you singing gospel, I know it will be. Send me the details, and I’ll see you around three p.m. today. I’ll start making my way there now.”

  We blew air kisses and hung up.

  A few minutes later, I got a text message with an address. Alise explained that we were going to be staying in the Mountain Creek Inn cabins. She sent me the cabin number and told me to pick up the key at the Inn.

  It will be at the front desk in an envelope with your name on it.

  Her next text was a long list of things she wanted me to bring for her that included: whipped cream, chocolates, a red negligee from Love Stuff in Auburn.

  Damn, I see why Bruiser doesn’t look at anybody but you.

  Just get the stuff, Jayne!

  I texted her back and let her know that I had everything covered.

  I got it. I was just saying.

  She replied with a string of love emojis.

  I smiled as I pulled up Ned’s social media page. Scrolling through pictures of him and Eliza, I imagined me taking her place. She was living my life, and I despised her for it.

  My imagination shifted. Xander’s face replaced Ned’s, and I imagined Xander and me sharing moments that we would show to the world. I thought about the voice messages from Xander that I hadn’t listened to yet. Then, I clicked over to my voicemail and listened to them one by one.

  Chapter 5

  Xander

  Pine Mountains

  Bruiser dropped by my place and gave me the keys to the cabin. I arrived in Pine Mountains at 3 p.m. sharp, so I was able to go inside and get settled into my room before anyone else got there.

  It was a three-bedroom cabin, and I chose the room on the bottom layer, which was spacious with a fireplace. There were two more rooms upstairs, along with a living room and kitchen. Everything was beautiful, especially the scenery. This was the perfect retreat from the stress I’d been dealing with.

  Looking out the window at the secluded cabins surrounded by nothing but woods and pine straw gave me hope. The reclusiveness would provide me with the right setting to plot my next move.

  I quit my father’s company and told him I needed to talk to him as soon as I returned from this trip. I wasn’t going to mince words when I spoke with him. I was going to make him tell me the truth.

  Walking over to the bed, I sat down and thought about how that conversation would go. An hour later, my tiredness caught up with me, and I was deep off in dreamland. My mother and father met me there.

  “Riley, no! What are you doing? Wait, please, don’t do this—” my mother screamed.

  “Shut your loud mouth, Cici. You’re always nagging me, and if you wake my son up, I’m going to whip your ass until it bleeds!”

  “Riley, I’m sick of you threatening me!”

&nb
sp; “Riley, I’m sick of you threatening me,” my father mimicked in a female voice.

  The sound of his hand striking flesh pierced the dream realm into reality. Someone was knocking on the door to my private room inside the cabin.

  I walked sluggishly to the door and opened it.

  “Dimir, choose one of the rooms upstairs. This one is all me—” I said, thinking it was the head pest of the guards.

  “Xander?”

  “Jayne?”

  Standing there with her luggage in her hands, Jayne looked shocked to see me.

  “This is the suite for Alise’s team. What are you doing here, Xander?” she asked, narrowing her eyes as her shock was replaced with contempt.

  Damn, she was beautiful.

  “I’m doing security for the Gospel Fest. Bruiser gave me the key to this cabin, so I’m pretty sure this is where the security guys are staying. Maybe you were given the wrong cabin number.”

  “Alise left this key for me at the Inn’s front desk.” Jayne took out her phone. “Wait, I’m calling Alise to find out what’s going on.”

  While she waited for Alise to pick up, I studied the contours of her face. I missed each one of them. Laying my eyes on her after two weeks, I was in heaven. I didn’t understand how bad I was eroding without her until seeing her put me back together again. I fucking needed Jayne. I wasn’t about to let her slip away from me this time.

  “Alise is not answering, but I left her a message. She’s singing at the Gospel Fest tonight, so she should be here soon. I have her things.”

  “Did you see the other security guys upstairs?” I asked Jayne.

  “No one is here. I thought I got here first, so I came down here to check out this room before I decided which one I wanted.”

  “Okay, I’ll call Bruiser to see what I can find out,” I said, then dialed Bruiser’s number, never taking my eyes off of her.

  Bruiser didn’t answer, and I couldn’t say I was disappointed.

  “Bruiser, give me a callback. I have a quick question for you,” I left a voice message.