Worth Waiting For

by Burrows, Jax

  He looked at her. He had been staring into the fire, answering her questions half-heartedly. Was it Lexi’s imagination or did he now look a bit shifty?

  ‘What is this, Lexi? Why all the questions? Does it matter when I got back?’

  ‘I saw you.’

  ‘Pardon me?’

  ‘When I left Shelley, I waited at the bus-stop on the High Street. I saw you and a woman in the window of The Sticky Bun. That was Wednesday.’

  He put his head back and closed his eyes. He had nowhere to hide now. He couldn’t deny it. Was he about to confess all? But what was he going to confess? That he had a flat white and a toasted teacake with a business associate? She may have been a family friend or the O’Connors could have businesses she knew nothing about. It wasn’t the woman she was bothered about, just the fact that he had tried to cover it up.

  He sat up and looked her straight in the eye. He had a half-smile on his face. Lexi felt irritated with him. If he was in the wrong, he should at least have the decency to look guilty. Instead, she was the one who felt guilty, for questioning him like a nagging wife.

  ‘Okay, Miss Marple, you want to know who the woman is?’

  ‘I don’t care about the woman, Casey, I just want to know why you lied to me.’

  ‘Fair enough. I didn’t lie when I said I came back on Thursday, but I did lead you to believe it was this week when in fact it was last week.’ He waited for her reaction.

  ‘You’ve been back a whole week? Why didn’t you say you were back? Jade has really missed you and has been constantly asking when you were coming home.’ Not exactly true; she had stopped asking after about a week. At the mention of Jade, however, he rubbed his face with the palms of his hands.

  ‘I’m sorry about that, I missed her too, desperately, but I didn’t want you to know I was back until it was finalized, and I had the keys. That’s what we were doing in The Sticky Bun, exchanging contracts. She’s an estate agent.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ Casey had obviously bought himself a house, but why was that such a cause for secrecy?

  ‘I need to show you then. Let’s go now. Jess can look after the kids. Come on.’ He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Go and tell Jess and put your coat on.’

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  This wasn’t the way he’d planned it. For a start, he wanted to show her the house in the daylight when he could point out all the best features, as the estate agent did for him. But she had seen him and was understandably angry at him for lying to her. He hated lying and being lied to. Maybe he’d handled this all wrong, but it was too late to backtrack, he just had to convince her that he had acted with good intentions.

  They pulled up outside a large detached house a couple of blocks from his parent’s house. It was ideally situated for the hospital, schools, shops – okay, enough. She could see for herself.

  The house was in darkness and would remain so as the electricity was switched off. He had brought a torch with him and that would have to suffice.

  She had been silent during the drive here, occasionally throwing him glances and then looking away again. Lexi was a lady who kept her thoughts to herself and he found her hard to read at times, but he was getting used to her ways and the little tells that she unconsciously gave out. When she frowned, it didn’t necessarily mean she was angry, it could just as easily mean she was thinking. She was a great thinker was Lexi. And a worrier. He would need to be the one to reassure her.

  Casey could think of several ways to do that. It seemed ages since they had made love and he was desperate for a repeat performance, but that wasn’t going to happen tonight. Tonight was for talking. About their future.

  ‘Stay by my side as there’s no electricity and we’ll have to use the torch,’ he said as they got out of the car and walked carefully up the path to the front door. There was a large garden surrounded by a hawthorn hedge, about which the estate agent had enthused. The mayflower was a delight when it was in bloom, apparently, but now, in the dark, the garden was full of weird, black, unidentifiable shapes and shadows.

  Casey put the key in the lock, and it turned easily. There was an inner porch and two steps up to the front door. This key turned easily as well, and he pushed the door open. No creak thank goodness.

  The smell, when they entered the hallway, was of lemon air freshener. He would have been mortified if it had smelt musty. The house had been empty for a few months, had bare floorboards, ancient wallpaper and no curtains. This was only his second visit and he’d fallen in love with the place almost immediately. It was exactly what he had been searching for. Foolishly, he hadn’t taken a lot of notice of the smaller details. Now, with Lexi by his side, he saw it through the eyes of a woman with a child. The woman and child he wanted to live with him and turn this house into a home.

  He shone the torch down the length of the hallway. There wasn’t much to see except the doors leading off, and the stairs, which were bare of carpet, leading to the first floor.

  ‘Do you want a quick look in each of the rooms?’

  ‘Okay.’ Lexi had hold of his elbow as he had suggested, and he liked the feel of her hand on his arm. He opened the first door.

  ‘This could be the drawing room, maybe.’ He shone the torch around the walls, and they peered into the room, which was a decent size with a large bay window. The house was similar to the one he had grown up in and he tried to imagine what it would look like full of furniture, books, knick-knacks and the clutter of family life. The thought excited him.

  ‘Okay, let me show you the kitchen. You’re going to love it, it’s such a great size and room for one of those large wooden tables like my parents have got.’

  They looked at every room, both downstairs and upstairs. He tried to sell it to her the way it had been sold to him, but he was no estate agent and, as it was pitch black apart from the beam of light from his torch, he didn’t think she was seeing it at its best.

  When they were in the master bedroom, the one he had earmarked for himself and Lexi, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She hugged him back but then stepped out of his embrace and stuffed her hands into her coat pockets.

  ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I think it’s a very nice house, Casey.’

  ‘A family house, yeah?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it is. I’m sure Jade will enjoy staying here with you when it’s your turn.’

  ‘Or maybe she’d like to live here permanently. Make it her home. It’s close to a good primary school and my parents, and-’

  ‘No. She lives with me. Is this your way of telling me you’re going to apply for custody of her? Because if it is, I’ll fight you all the way.’

  ‘What? No! Is that what you think? I’d never do that.’ He tried to reach for her, but she backed away from him.

  ‘Get away from me, Casey. I thought I could trust you, but you go behind my back, make decisions for Jade without consulting me…’ She was walking backwards, and Casey was following her when suddenly she cried out and tripped in the darkness, falling on her bottom onto the bare floorboards. ‘Ouch!’

  ‘Careful… here, let me help you.’ He helped her up and put his arm around her. ‘Are you hurt?’

  ‘No. I can’t believe you’re being so devious. You’re not taking my daughter away from me.’

  ‘Lexi listen to me. You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. Of course I want Jade to live here permanently, but I want you as well. I want the three of us to live here as a family. Together. Wouldn’t that be great? I want you both to move in when I do.’

  *

  Lexi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He’d bought the house for the three of them, not just for himself. He wanted them to be a family. He was looking at her eagerly as if he expected her to be leaping around the house with joy as Jade would have done. All she felt was immense sadness.

  ‘Oh Casey, why do you always do this to me?’

  ‘Do what to you? I thought you’d be happy. Don�
�t you want to be with me?’

  The answer, of course, was yes, more than she had ever wanted anything, but not like this. Not because it would be convenient, the next logical step. Would he be asking her to give up work next and become a full-time mother and look after the home? The wonderful home he had bought without even consulting her. She’d become a glorified housekeeper to the successful doctor. He would make all the decisions for his home, his daughter and his… what?

  ‘What am I to you, Casey?’

  He looked puzzled, as much as she could tell in the torchlight. He shone it on the ceiling, so it wasn’t in their eyes and he was merely an indistinct figure in front of her and a voice coming out of the darkness.

  ‘What do you mean? You’re the mother of my daughter, my lover, a respected colleague, my friend – I hope.’ He laughed. He just didn’t get it.

  ‘Do you love me?’

  ‘Come here, you,’ he tried to make light of it and reached for her, but she backed away, making sure she didn’t fall on her butt again.

  ‘You don’t, do you?’

  ‘Yes, of course I love you. I thought you knew I loved you.’

  ‘How can I know when you never tell me? You’ve never said it, not even when we make love.’

  He gave an irritated sigh. ‘I’m not good with the emotional stuff, Lexi, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it inside. I think the world of you, you must know that.’

  ‘You tell Jade you love her all the time. That comes easily to you.’

  ‘She’s my daughter, that’s completely different.’ His voice was stern, and she wished she could see his face properly.

  ‘I’ve always dreamed of living in a house like this, with Jade and maybe more kids, with a man who adored me and who I adored back.’

  ‘And now I’m offering that to you. It’s not a dream anymore, Lexi, it’s a reality now.’

  ‘No. You’re only offering me half of it. Unless you can offer the second half, I’m afraid Jade and I are going to have to decline your kind offer.’

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  On Friday, the day before the pantomime, Lexi was on duty in Minors.

  On the way in, she stopped in the patient waiting area to admire the tree, now standing proudly in the corner, adorned with the decorations that brought it to life. There were gold and silver baubles, tiny boxes wrapped in multicoloured paper to represent gifts, red and gold tinsel and a shiny silver star on the top. It was bright and cheerful, and Lexi hoped the patients would gain some pleasure from it.

  Casey had good taste. Had he bought a similar tree for his new home, the one he expected them to share? She pictured the three of them decorating it together as, seen through the window, snow fell gently, turning the garden into a winter wonderland. Inside, they were warm and cosy with the smell of ginger-bread baking and Jade beside herself with excitement. It would be a dream come true. A scene straight out of her romantic novels.

  But there was a vast difference between a dream and reality. She had lived in the real world since Jade was born; a world of frugality, struggle, worry and stress as well as the sheer unadulterated pleasure of watching her daughter grow and thrive.

  And there had been friendship too, and laughter. Jess was her best friend; the four of them together had made a good team. They’d been happy and content until Casey had re-entered her life and turned it upside down.

  If she knew for sure he loved her, things would be different, but she didn’t. She’d never been in love, so she didn’t know how it felt. What they shared wasn’t love. Good sex and shared parenting wasn’t enough for a relationship. There had to be more.

  ‘Are you going to stand there all day, or are you planning on doing some work, Nurse Grainger?’ The voice of the sister-in-charge caused her to whirl around in horror. But it was only Theresa who stood laughing at her.

  ‘Don’t do that, you scared the living daylights out of me.’

  ‘You were staring at that tree as if it held the answer to some deep meaningful question.’

  ‘I was simply admiring it, that’s all.’

  ‘Right. Come on then, before the real Sister comes after us.’

  *

  The morning was surprisingly uneventful. She treated a few sprains and breaks where people, especially the elderly, had slipped on the icy pavement. The temperature had dropped suddenly, causing the wet ground to freeze overnight, catching people unawares.

  She was treating a knife wound, sustained by an elderly man who had been preparing chestnuts for his wife to add to the stuffing for the turkey they were having on Christmas Day. The knife had slipped and cut him across three of his fingers. Fortunately, the wounds were superficial and would heal completely in time.

  ‘She wanted to get organized this year as they’re all coming to us for Christmas,’ he explained, ‘get the veg peeled and the chestnuts cooked, then stuff it all in the freezer ‘til Christmas Eve, she said.’

  ‘Sounds like a plan,’ Lexi said, carefully cleaning his wounds.

  ‘Aye,’ he said, ‘and it would have been if I hadn’t cut me bleedin’ fingers.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure your wife will forgive you. It was an accident, after all.’

  ‘Have you met the wife? Happy bloomin’ Christmas.’

  Lexi tried not to laugh as she bandaged his hand. It was true he wouldn’t be doing any more work in the kitchen for a while.

  She considered family life as she worked, and how much of a minefield it could be for some people, especially at the festive season. Arguments about whose family to spend it with, having to invite elderly relatives that you never saw from one month to the next, the forced jollity of trying to live up to the adverts on television. Was it worth it? Perhaps being single was a better option.

  She saw in her mind’s eye a pair of soulful green eyes gazing at her with a look she had always interpreted as lust. But, looking deeper, behind the forest green with the black ring around the irises, there was another emotion swimming in the depths. Was it love? She wished she knew.

  *

  There was something about the lead up to Christmas that caused people to hurt themselves, by accident or on purpose, and it seemed to Casey that this day they had all found their way to Leytonsfield A&E. He had never known it so busy. It reminded him of his previous job in London, but without the gang warfare.

  Lexi was in Minors, so he didn’t even have her company that day, but when a woman was brought in with a suspected overdose, he was glad she wasn’t around.

  At first he thought she was another case like Shelley and was happy to leave her in the expert care of his team, leaving him to administer to a road traffic accident victim who had been brought in at the same time. The Sister-in-Charge was a middle-aged Scottish woman who took no prisoners, neither patients nor staff. She was, however, one the best nurses in A&E and Casey was happy to leave the woman in her care. He had just turned away when she called his name.

  ‘I found this in her handbag addressed to you.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘It says Dr Casey O’Connor on the envelope. That’s you isn’t it?’

  He skimmed over the note, after ripping open the envelope, then screwed it up and shoved it into his pocket.

  ‘Does that note give us any clue to her identity?’

  ‘Her name’s Dr Helen Fraser and she’s under psychiatric care. What’s she taken?’

  ‘A mixture of painkillers and Diazepam. Not enough to kill her but she’s barely conscious. She’s a doctor?’

  ‘I used to work with her in London.’

  ‘The poor wee lassie. So what’s she doing here in Leytonsfield I wonder.’

  ‘I was wondering exactly the same thing,’ said Casey. The note, however, had given him the answer to that. It had simply read “See what you’ve made me do.” If Helen thought that her cry for help would make him feel guilty and responsible for her welfare, she was right on both counts. He was devastated to think he had driven her to this, and all because he couldn’t bring h
imself to lie to her. If only he’d just told her he forgave her, a few simple words, then this would never have happened.

  ‘Let me know when they take her up to the ward, please Sister.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘He left the cubicle feeling worse than he’d felt for a long time.

  *

  ‘Lexi, there’s someone to see you. She’s over there.’ Lexi turned to see where the receptionist was pointing. At first, she didn’t recognize the woman who hovered around the Christmas tree, gazing up at it. She had blonde hair with purple and pink streaks and wore a suede coat and a white scarf. But when the woman turned as she approached, she was surprised to see it was Shelley.

  ‘Shelley, hi, lovely to see you. Loving that hair.’

  ‘Hi. It was Gemma’s idea. She’s a woman who lives in the house. She’s a hairdresser and said she’d do mine for nothing. Do you like the coat? Hannah gave it to me.’

  ‘Well, Gemma’s done a great job, and the coat suits you. So, how are things?’

  ‘Oh great. Couldn’t be better. I haven’t taken any drugs since I moved into the house. Oh, and I told the police about my ex and they’ve arrested him. I’ve got to testify in court.’

  ‘How do you feel about that?’

  ‘Terrified, but Nina is going to come with me. I have to do it. I’ve heard some stories in that house and mine isn’t the worst, but they all say the same thing. If you don’t tell the police, nothing changes, for you or them. I’m frightened he’ll come after me. I’d rather face the scumbag in court than live in fear.’

  ‘Oh Shelley, I’m so proud of you.’ The frightened, battered young girl was gone and, in her place, stood a woman with strength and pride in herself. Lexi hugged her and Shelley hugged her back.

  ‘I’ve got something for you. The biscuits are for the staff here in A&E, but these are for you.’ She shoved four tea-towels tied with a red ribbon into her hands. Lexi recognized them as the same ones she had bought once from the Pound Shop. Four for a pound. Blue and white check.