The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion
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Selfing and the Brain: Farb, N., Segal, Z., Mayberg, H., Beau, J., McKeon, D., Fatima, Z., & Anderson, A. (2007). Attending to the present: Mindfulness meditation reveals distinct neural modes of self-reference. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2(4), 313–322.
overall happiness level: Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111–131.
“attachment theory”: Wallin, D. (2007). Attachment in psychotherapy. New York: Guilford Press.
We also internalize images of caregivers: Summers, F. (1994). Object relations theories and psychopathology: A comprehensive text. New York: Analytic Press/Taylor & Francis Group.
Chapter 6. CARING FOR OURSELVES
I have great faith in a seed: Thoreau, H. (1993). Faith in a seed (quote in front matter). Washington, DC: Island Press.
translation of the Pali word metta: Buddharakkhita, A. (1989/1995). Metta: The philosophy and practice of universal love. Buddhist Publication Society/Access to Insight edition. Accessed September 27, 2008, from www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bud-dharakkhita/wheel365.html. Rhys Davids, T., & Stede, W. (1921/2001). Pali-English Dictionary (p. 540). New Delhi: Munishiram Manoharlal.
instructions for cultivating loving-kindness: Buddhaghosa, B., & Nanamoli, B. (1975). The divine abidings. In The path of purification: Visuddhimagga (pp. 321–353). Kandy, Sri Lanka: Buddhist Publication Society.
May all beings be happy and secure: From the Metta Sutta, Sutta Nipata 145–151, translated October 2, 2008, by Andrew Olendzki, Executive Director of the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, Barre, MA.
the first person to introduce metta meditation: Salzberg, S. (1995). Lovingkind-ness: The revolutionary art of happiness. Boston: Shambhala.
against the repressive government of Myanmar: Senauke, H. (2008, Summer). Grace under pressure. Buddhadharma: The Practitioner’s Quarterly, pp. 56–63.
Compassion Meditation and the Brain: Lutz, A., Greischar, L., Rawlings, N., Richard, M., & Davidson, R. (2004). Long-term meditators self-induce highamplitude gamma synchrony during mental practice. Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, 101 (46), 16369–16373. Lutz, A., Brefczynski-Lewis, J., Johnstone, T., & Davidson, R. (2008). Regulation of the neural circuitry of emotion by compassion meditation: Effects ofmeditative expertise. PLoS ONE, 3(3): e1897. Accessed December 18, 2008, from www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0001897.
lack of self-compassion is not a unique quality of Western life: Neff, K., Pisitsungkagarn, K., & Hseih, Y. (2008). Self-compassion and self-construal in the United States, Thailand, and Taiwan. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 39, 267–285.
disciple asks the rebbe: Moyers, W., & Ketcham, K. (2006). In Broken: My story of addiction and redemption (front matter, from The politics of the brokenhearted by Parker J. Palmer). New York: Viking Press.
Loving-Kindness Builds Positive Resources: Fredrickson, B., Cohn, M., Coffey, K., Pek, J., & Finkel, S. (2008). Open hearts build lives: Positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1045–1062. McCorkle, B. (2008, August). The relationship between compassion and wisdom: Experimental observations and reflections. Paper presented at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association, Boston, MA. A pilot study of loving-kindness meditation (15 min. 4×/week for 5 weeks) shifted views of oneself and “difficult persons” from fault-finding to broader understanding of the complexities of behavior.
stay close to the wishing side: Retrieved December 17, 2007, from groups.yahoo. com/group/giftoflovingkindness.
Attend to your sensitivity: Mead, D. (2008). If you would grow to your best self. Poem retrieved September 20, 2008, from www.balancedweightmanagement.com/IfYou-WouldGrow.htm.
When Prayer Is Avoidance: Zettle, R., Hocker, T., Mick, K., Scofield, B., Petersen, C., Song, H., et al. (2005). Differential strategies in coping with pain as a function of the level of experiential avoidance. Psychological Record, 55(4), 511–524.
The bud stands for all things: Kinnell, G. (1980). Saint Francis and the sow. In W. H. Roetzheim (Ed.). (2006). The giant book of poetry (p. 484). Jamul, CA: Level4-Press.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside: Nye, N. (1995). Kindness. In Words under the words (pp. 42–43). Portland, OR: Eighth Mountain Press.
Loving-Kindness Meditation Reduces Back Pain: Carson, J., Keefe, F., Lynch, T., Carson, K., Goli, V., Fras, A., & Thorp, S. (2005). Loving-kindness meditation for chronic low back pain. Journal of Holistic Nursing, 23(3), 287–304.
So, when the shoe fits: Merton, T. (1965). The way of Chuang Tzu (p. 112). New York: New Directions.
Chapter 7. CARING FOR OTHERS
High levels of compassion: Davidson, R., & Harrington, A. (2002). Visions of compassion: Western scientists and Tibetan Buddhists examine human nature. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, p. 98.
“People are a problem”: Adams, D. (2002). In The ultimate hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy (p. 278). New York: Del Rey.
“Hatred corrodes the vessel in which it’s stored”: Chinese proverb. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from www.worldofquotes.com/author/Proverb/94/index.html.
Looking after oneself, one looks after others: Olendzki, A. (2005). Sedaka sutta: The bamboo acrobat. Translated from the Pali by A. Olendzki, Access to Insight. Retrieved December 14, 2008, from www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn47/sn47.019. olen.html.
connection has an ebb and a flow: Surrey, J. (2005). Relational psychotherapy, relational mindfulness. In C. Germer, R. Siegel, & P. Fulton (Eds.), Mindfulness and psychotherapy (pp. 91–112). New York: Guilford Press.
“the things you cannot see”: Carter, J. (1998). The things you cannot see. Commencement address at the University of Pennsylvania. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from www.upenn.edu/almanac/v44/n34/98gradspeeches.html. The entire quote is: “Two thousand years ago, the people of Corinth asked St. Paul this question: ‘What is the most important thing of all?’ The way they expressed it was, ‘What are the things in human life that never change?’ And Paul gave a strange answer. He said, ‘They’re the things you cannot see.’ You can see money, you can see a house, you can see your name in the paper. What are the things you cannot see that should be paramount in our lives? You can’t see justice, peace, service, humility. You can’t see forgiveness, compassion and, if you will excuse the expression, love.”
there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper: Nhat Hanh, T. (1991). In Peace is every step (p. 95). New York: Bantam Books.
60 million Americans suffer from loneliness: Cacioppo, J., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection. New York: Norton.
lonelier than their counterparts in Spain: Rokach, A., Moya, M., Orzeck, T., & Exposito, F. (2001). Loneliness in North America and Spain. Social Behavior and Personality, 29(5), 477–489.
the trustworthiness of others: Rahm, W., & Transue, J. (1998). Social trust and value change: The decline of social capital in American youth, 1976–1995. Political Psychology, 19 (3), 545–565.
“nomadic society on this treadmill”: DeAngelis, T. (2007, April). America: Toxic lifestyle? Monitor on Psychology, pp. 50–52.
If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch: Sagan, C. (2002). In New ideas about new ideas: Insights on creativity from the world’s leading innovators (p. 268), by S. White & G. Wright. Cambridge, MA: DaCapo Press.
The building blocks for empathizing with other people: Rizzolatti, G., Sinigaglia, C., & Anderson, F. (2008). Mirrors in the brain: How our minds share actions, emotions, and experience. London: Oxford University Press. Goleman, D. (2006). Social intelligence: The new science of human relationships. New York: Bantam Books. Siegel, D. (2007). The mindful brain: Reflections and attunement in the cultivation of well-being. New York: Norton. Dobbs, D. (2006, April–May). A revealing connection. Scientific American Mind, pp. 22�
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A human being is part of the whole called by us “universe”: Einstein, A. (1972, March 29). New York Times. In J. Austin (1999), Zen and the brain (p. 652). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
“He’s just not that into you!”: Behrendt, G., Tuccillo, L., & Monchik, L. (2006). He’s just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys. New York: Simon Spotlight Entertainment.
Metta Changes the Brain, Making Us More Compassionate: Davidson, R. (2007, October 20). Changing the brain by transforming the mind: The impact of compassion training on the neural systems of emotion. Paper presented at the Mind and Life Institute Conference, Investigating the Mind: Mindfulness, Compassion, and the Treatment of Depression, with His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Emory University, Atlanta, GA.
Loving-Kindness toward Strangers: Hutcherson, C., Seppala, E., & Gross, J. (2008). Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness. Emotion, 8(5), 720–724.
Compassion Fatigue: Rothschild, B., & Rand, M. (2006). Help for the helper: The psychophysiology of compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma. New York: Norton.
People seek happiness in three different ways: Seligman, M. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York: Free Press. Sirgy, M., & Wu, J. (2007, September). The pleasant life, the engaged life, and the meaningful life: What about the balanced life? Journal of Happiness Studies, DOI 10.1007/s10902–9074–1. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from www.springerlink.com/content/j0572642qk1260l4/.
acute lymphoblastic leukemia: Henderson, J. (2008, March/April). Blindsided. Psychotherapy Networker, 32 (2), 50–56.
Chapter 8. FINDING YOUR BALANCE
Man always travels along precipices: Gonzales, P. (2007). In Ortega’s “The revolt of the masses” and the triumph of the new man (p. 67). New York: Algora. From Ortega, J. (1956). In The dehumanization of art and other writings on art and culture (p. 189). New York: Doubleday.
a method of overcoming suffering: Ribush, N. (Ed.). (2005). In Teachings from Tibet: Guidance from great lamas (pp. 173–174). Weston, MA: Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive. This quote is the Dalai Lama’s paraphrase of a verse of the 8th-century sage, Shantideva:
If something can be remedied
Why be unhappy about it?
And if there is not remedy for it,
There is still no point in being unhappy.
Kelsang Gyatso, G., & Elliott, N. (2002). In Guide to the bodhisattva’s way of life: A Buddhist poem for today (p. 70, Chapter 6, verse 10). Glen Spey, NY: Tharpa.
“The intellect is a good servant but a poor master”: Surya Das, L. (2008). In Words of wisdom (p. 133). Kihei, HI: Koa Books.
Perfectionism begins in childhood: Flett, G., & Hewett, P. (2002). Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Blatt, S. (1995). The destructiveness of perfectionism: Implications for the treatment of depression. American Psychologist, 50(12), 1003–1020. Pacht, A. (1984). Reflections on perfection. American Psychologist, 39(4), 386–390.
“trance of unworthiness”: Brach, T. (2003). Radical acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. New York: Bantam Dell.
work more than 50 hours a week: International Labor Organization statistics, reported by Alan Hedge, professor of design and environmental analysis at Cornell University, in DeAngelis, T. (2007, April). America: Toxic lifestyle? In Monitor on Psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
the self-improvement industry is worth over $9.6 billion annually: Market-data Enterprises, Inc. (2006, September 1). The US market for self-improvement products and services. Retrieved September 20, 2008, from www.marketresearch.com/product/display. asp ?productid = 133 8280&g = 1.
cost to their health and relationships: Banks, J., Marmot, M., Oldfield, Z., & Smith, J. (2006). Disease and disadvantage in the United States and in England. Journal of the American Medical Association, 295(17), 2037–2045.
the creative dedicated minority has made the world better: King, M. (1981). In Strength to love (p. 61). Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press.
nothing harder than the softness of indifference: Robertson, C. (Ed.). (1998). In Dictionary of quotations (p. 293). Hertfordshire, UK: Wordsworth Editions.
“Half the world knows not how the other half lives”: Smith, W., & Heseltine, J. (Eds.). (1936). In The Oxford dictionary of English proverbs (p. 128). Oxford, UK: Clarendon Press.
“Extraverts” are gregarious, generally happy people/”introverts” enjoy the inner life: Laney, M. (2002). The introvert advantage: How to thrive in an extrovert world. New York: Workman. Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. (2008, September 22). Extraversion and introversion. Retrieved September 22, 2008, from en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Extroversion.
genetic and brain differences may partially account for the differences: Tellegen, A., Lykken, D., Bouchard, T., Wilcox, K., Segal, N., & Rich, S. (1988). Personality similarity in twins reared apart and together. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(6), 1031–1039. Depue, R., & Collins, P. (1999). Neurobiology of the structure of personality: Dopamine, facilitation of incentive motivation, and extraversion. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 22, 491–517. Johnson, D., Wiebe, J., Gold, S., & Andreasen, N. (1999). Cerebral blood flow and personality: A positron emission tomography study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 156, 252–257.
the five mental “hindrances”: Brahmavamso, A. (1999, April). The five hindrances (Nivarana). Buddhist Society of Western Australia Newsletter. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from mail.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/ebmed051.htm.
The fastest progress … is achieved by those who are content: Brahmavamso, A. (1999, April). The five hindrances (Nivarana)/Restlessness. Buddhist Society of Western Australia Newsletter. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from mail.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/ ebmed051.htm.
mindfulness-based relapse prevention: Witkiewitz, K., Marlatt, G., & Walker, D. (2005). Mindfulness-based relapse prevention for alcohol and substance use disorders. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy: An International Quarterly, 19(3), 211–228.
spiritual self-schema therapy: Margolin, A., Schuman-Olivier, Z., Beitel, M., Arnold, R., Fulwiler, C., & Avants, S. (2007). A preliminary study of spiritual self-schema (3-S+) therapy for reducing impulsivity in HIV-positive drug users. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 63(10), 979–989. Beitel, M., Genove, M., Schuman-Olivier, Z., Arnold, R., Avants, S., & Margolin, A. (2007). Reflections by inner-city drug users on a Buddhist-based spirituality-focused therapy: A qualitative study. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 77(1), 1–9. Avants, S., & Margolin, A. (2004). Development of spiritual self-schema (3-S) therapy for the treatment of addictive and HIV risk behavior: A convergence of cognitive and Buddhist psychology. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 14 (3), 253–289. Margolin, A., Beitel, M., Schuman-Olivier, Z., & Avants, S. (2006). A controlled study of a spiritually-focused intervention for increasing motivation for HIV prevention among drug users. AIDS Education and Prevention, 18(4), 311–322.
Chapter 9. MAKING PROGRESS
Suffering doesn’t disappear from our life: Magid, B. (2008). In Ending the pursuit of happiness: A Zen guide (p. 70). Somerville, MA: Wisdom Publications.
leave the doctors and nurses to talk to the sickness: Brahm, A. (2005). In J. Bartok (Ed.), More daily wisdom (p. 139). Somerville, MA: Wisdom. Originally in Brahm, A. (2003). Who ordered this truckload of dung?: Inspiring stories for welcoming life’s difficulties. Somerville, MA: Wisdom.
Stages of Self-Compassion: Morgan, W. (1991). Change in meditation: A phenomenological study of Vipassana meditator’s views of progress. Dissertation Abstracts International, 51 (7-B), 3575–3576. This doctoral thesis identified four stages of meditation practice: striving, disappointment, reevaluation, and acceptance. For similar stages, see pp. 11–14 in Magid, B. (2008). Ending the pursuit of happiness: A Zen guide. Somerville, MA: Wisdom.
“All techniques are destined to fail!”: Smith, R. (2006, January 12). From a talk at the
Mind and Life Institute Scientist’s Retreat at the Insight Meditation Society, Barre, MA.
a model of psychotherapy based on core values and commitments: Hayes, S., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger. Hayes, S., Strosahl, K., & Wilson, K. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experimental approach to behavior change. New York: Guilford Press.
“Neurons that fire together, wire together”: Hebb, D. (1949). The organization of behavior: A neuropsychological theory. New York: Bantam Books.
“What would your best friend say to you right now?”: Roth, B. (2008). Family dharma: Befriending yourself. Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Retrieved October 1, 2008, from www.tricycle.com/web_exclusive/3698-1.html.
engage your children: Goodman, T., & Greenland, S. (2008). Mindfulness with children: Working with difficult emotions (pp. 415–429). In F. Didonna (Ed.), Clinical handbook of mindfulness. New York: Springer. The authors suggest an acronym for children, S-C-R-A-M, as an antidote to running away from difficult emotions: Stop or slow down, Calm your body, Remember to look at what’s happening, take Action with Metta (act with kindness).
“gleam of the particulars”: Nye, N. (1995). Words under the words: Selected poems (back cover). Portland, OR: Eighth Mountain Press.
tough attitude toward our emotions: A study of experienced paramedics in Austria found that well-being was correlated with having “contempt” and “tough control” over one’s feelings (“ignoring one’s own emotions to serve others … as long as helping doesn’t overly tax the helper”). Future research will probably explore the conditions (social norms, survival, need for control) and long-term outcomes of “successful nonacceptance” of emotion. Mitmansgruber, H., Beck, T., & Schussler, G. (2008). “Mindful helpers”: Experiential avoidance, meta-emotions, and emotion regulation in paramedics. Journal of Research in Personality, 42, 1358–1363.