The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion
Page 32
“We can still be crazy after all these years”: Chödrön, P. (1991/2001): The wisdom of no escape and the path of loving-kindness (p. 4). Boston: Shambhala.
APPENDIX A. EMOTION WORDS
Emotion Words: DeRose, S. (2005, July 6). The compass DeRose guide to emotion words. Retrieved October 6, 2008, from www.derose.net/steve/resources/emotionwords/ewords.html. Reprinted by permission of Steven J. DeRose.
APPENDIX B. ADDITIONAL SELF-COMPASSION EXERCISES
Giving and taking meditation is attributed to: Tharchin, S. (1999). Achieving bodhichitta: Instructions of two great lineages combined into a unique system of eleven categories (pp. 63–98). Howell, NJ: Mahayana Sutra and Tantra Press.
When the Dalai Lama was asked how he meditates: Dalai Lama & Chan, V. (2004). The wisdom of forgiveness: Intimate conversations and journeys (pp. 73–74). New York: Riverhead Books.
Centering became popular: Pennington, B. (1982). Centering Prayer: Renewing an ancient Christian prayer form. Garden City, NY: Image Books.
Light a candle and place it before you: This meditation is adapted from the light (jyoti) meditation taught by Satya Sai Baba of Puttaparthi, India. Retrieved September 15, 2008, from www.saibaba.ws/teachings/jyotimeditation.htm.
“A flower touches everyone’s heart”: Drohojowska-Philp, H. (2004). In Full bloom: The art and life of Georgia O’Keefe (p. 380). New York: Norton.
“my senses put in tune once more”: In R. Finch & J. Elder (Eds.). (1990). The Norton book of nature writing (p. 274). New York: Norton. The entire quote is: “When I go to town, my ear suffers as well as my nose: the impact of the city upon my senses is hard and dissonant; the ear is stunned, the nose is outraged, and the eye is confused. When I come back, I go to Nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in tune once more.”
compassionate guide to nature meditation: Coleman, M. (2006). Awake in the wild: Mindfulness in nature as a path of self-discovery. Novato, CA: New World Library.
one of the Dalai Lama’s favorite vows: Dalai Lama, with Piburn, S. (Ed.). (1990). The Nobel Peace Prize Lecture. In The Dalai Lama: A Policy of Kindness (p. 27). Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion.
index
The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.
Abandonment/instability schema, 94
Acceptance
befriending your feelings, 106–108
labeling and, 71
marriage and, 15
overview, 11, 31–32
self-compassion and, 31–34, 87–88
shifting our goals to, 10–11
stages of, 27–31
true acceptance stage of self-compassion, 225–227
Accepting attitude, 4
Activities, enjoyable, 107–108
Adaptation, pleasure-seeking treadmill of, 13, 14
Addiction, self-compassion and, 215
Affirmation, positive, 158
Agitation hindrance, 210–211
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), 215
Allowing stage of acceptance, 28, 29–30, 209
Altruism, well-being and, 183
Anchoring emotions or your mind, 44–49, 64–69, 152
Anger, 117, 245
Anti-anxiety medication, 26, 104
Antidepressants, 26, 104
Anxiety
back pain and, 17–19
caring for others and, 180–181
emotion words for labeling, 251
fear of public speaking and, 20–22
self-compassion and, 100 Anxiety disorders, 47
Approaches to Happiness Questionnaire, 183
Approval-seeking/recognition-seeking schema, 94
Attachment, emotion words for labeling, 247–248
Attachment theory, 123–124
Attention
balance and, 195
developing self-compassion and, 113
labeling and, 71
loving-kindness and, 138
meditation and, 54, 132–134
regulation of, 79–80
self-compassion and, 91
Automaticity of self-compassion, 235–236
Aversion hindrance, 209
Aversion stage of acceptance, 28, 29
Avoidance. See also Resistance
aversion hindrance and, 209
defense mechanisms and, 26–27
medication and, 26
of other people, 161
prayer as, 153
questions regarding, 234–235
Awareness
acceptance and, 32
anchoring your mind and, 44–49
of the breath, 44–49
disconnection and, 163
mindfulness and, 37, 39
Back pain
loving-kindness and, 156, 157
overview, 213–216
resistance and, 17–19
Backdraft, 150–152, 176, 201
Balance, 84, 151–152, 193–195
Behavior, 109–110, 236–237
Benefactor category of people, 167, 168–170
Benefactor meditation, 169
Blind acceptance, 32
Body
anchoring emotions in the body and, 64–69
empathy and, 88
existence of the self and, 97
listening to, 113–114
mindfulness and, 49–51
overview, 36–37
self-compassion and, 102–104
Boredom, 76
Brain functioning
developing self-compassion and, 105–106, 118
empathy and, 88, 165, 171
free will and, 65
labeling and, 72
loving-kindness and, 139, 171
meditation and, 54, 139
positive emotions and, 118
self and, 122
Breath
anchoring your mind and, 44–49
developing self-compassion and, 102
loving-kindness and, 133–134, 152
Mindful Self-Compassion Meditation, 216–217
mindfulness and, 50–51, 58
sleeping and, 214
Buddhist psychology emotional pain and, 4
existence of the self and, 97–98
hindrances in, 193–194, 207–212
limbic system and, 118
loving-kindness and, 130–132
Butterfly personality style, 202–203
Calm attention, 71
Calmness, mindfulness and, 40
Care, compared to cure, 33
Caregiver personality style, 196–197
Caring for others, 160–162, 179–183. See also Relationships
Centering meditation, 260–262
Change, 1–2, 32
Childhood abuse or neglect, 85–86, 200–201. See also Trauma
Childhood roots, 123–125, 238–239
Chronic back pain, 17–19, 156, 157
Clinging, 208
“Cold hell” in relationships, 22
Commitment, 204–205, 227–228
Common humanity, 82, 83, 84
Compassion. See also Self-compassion
in daily life, 184–190
loving-kindness and, 81–82
metta for others and, 171
overview, 33
positive emotions and, 117
power of, 188–190
resources for further reading and practice, 269–270
towards others, 144–145
Compassion fatigue, 182–183
Compassionate mind training (CMT) program, 100
Compassionate Walking meditation, 184–186
Connectedness. See also Caring for others; Relationships
emotion words for labeling, 245
loving-kindness and, 132–133, 144–145
meditation and, 230
overview, 162–166
self-compassion and, 99–100, 108–110
without losing y
ourself, 179–183
Conscious breathing, 58
Consistency, butterfly personality style and, 202–203
Contemplative meditation, 138
Contentment, 211
Control, 200, 246–247
Core beliefs. See Schemas
Counting Self-Judgment exercise, 113
Culture, 164, 203–204
Cure, compared to care, 33
Curiosity stage of acceptance, 28, 29, 209
Daydreaming, 48
Death, contemplating, 105, 110
Default network, 47
Defectiveness/shame schema, 94
Defense mechanisms, 26 —27
Denial mechanism, 26–27
Dependence/incompetence schema, 94
Depression, 47, 100
Desire, 208, 250
Destructiveness of emotions, 61–62
Dieting, self-compassion and, 99
Difficult category of people, 168, 173–178
Difficult emotions. See Emotions, difficult
Difficult Person meditation, 174
Direction, emotion words for labeling, 249–250
Discomfort
acceptance, 25–26
balance and, 195
caregiver personality style and, 197
compared to safety, 26
meditation and, 52, 54
shyness and, 180–181
Disconnection, 162–166, 203–204. See also Connectedness
Disillusionment stage of self-compassion, 224–225, 226
Doubt hindrance, 211–212
Embarrassment, 117
Emotion regulation, 79–80
Emotional deprivation schema, 94
Emotional inhibition schema, 94
Emotional intelligence, 99–100
Emotions. See also Emotions, difficult developing self-compassion and, 116–122
labeling, 43, 69–77, 211, 245–253
meditation and, 74–77
suppression of, 21
Emotions, difficult. See also Emotions; Pain
anchoring emotions in the body and, 64–69
aversion hindrance and, 209
emotions words for labeling, 245–253
facing in meditation, 217–220
labeling and, 69–77, 245–253
loving-kindness and, 132–135, 151, 176, 182
meditation and, 74–77
moralist personality style and, 206
overview, 61–62
questions regarding, 234–235
savoring and, 115–116
schemas and, 93–96
Emotions, difficult (cont.)
self-compassion and, 1–6, 93–96
suffering and, 62–64
trauma and, 78–79
turning towards rather than attempting to change, 10–15
Empathy
brain functioning and, 165, 171
existence of the self and, 98
self-awareness and, 88
for your feelings, 106–108
Engaging Life, 183
Enmeshment/undeveloped self schema, 94
Entitlement/self-centeredness schema, 94
Exercises
Benefactor meditation, 169
Centering meditation, 260–262
Compassionate Walking meditation, 184–186
Counting Self-Judgment exercise, 113
Difficult Person meditation, 174
Giving and Taking meditation, 207, 254–259
Labeling Emotions exercise, 75 —76
Light meditation, 262–264
Loving-Kindness Meditation exercise, 134–135
Making a Vow exercise, 266–267
Mindful Self-Compassion Meditation, 216—217
Mindful Walking exercise, 58–60
Mindfulness of Body Sensations exercise, 50–51, 147
Mindfulness of Breathing exercise, 45 —46
Mindfulness of Emotion in the Body exercise, 66–67, 147
Mindfulness of Sound exercise, 42–43
Music meditation, 264–265
My Schemas exercise, 94–95
Nature meditation, 265–266
Soften, Allow, and Love exercise, 67–68, 102
waiting on yourself, 35
Experience, 4–5, 70–71
External focus, trauma and, 78–79
Extravert personality style, 206–207
FACE acronym, 212–213
Failure, fear of, 98–99
Failure schema, 94
Fear, emotion words for labeling, 250–251
Feelings. See also Emotions
befriending, 106–108
developing self-compassion and, 106–108
labeling and, 70–71, 71–74
loving-kindness and, 147–148
self-compassion and, 1–6
Fight, flight or freeze responses to stress, 19–20, 185
Floater personality style, 204–205
Focus, emotion words for labeling, 249–250
Focused awareness, 81–82
Forgiveness
befriending your feelings, 106–108
Giving and Taking meditation and, 259
loving-kindness and, 156, 176–177
Free will, 65
Freedom, emotion words for labeling, 249
Friend category of people, 168, 170–172
Friendship stage of acceptance, 28, 30–31, 209
Gender, 72, 85
Genetics, happiness and, 121–122
“Gift of desperation”, 33
Giving and Taking meditation, 207, 254–259
Good will, loving-kindness and, 135–136
Grasping hindrance, 208
Group category of people, 168, 178
Guided meditation, 230, 272–273
Guilt, 117, 140–141, 182
Gut feelings, 65
Happiness
altruism and, 183
caregiver personality style and, 196
caring for others and, 180
childhood roots and, 121–126
developing self-compassion and, 116–122
emotion words for labeling, 246
increasing, 115
loving-kindness and, 81–82
pain and, 12
pleasure-seeking treadmill of, 13, 14, 27
smiling and, 119
Hatred, 117
Hedonic treadmill
benefits of, 27
loving-kindness and, 143
overview, 13, 14
Hindrances, 193–194, 207–212
Images, loving-kindness and, 148–150
Impatience, labeling emotions and, 77
Individualist personality style, 199–200
Infatuation stage of self-compassion, 223–224, 226
Insights, meditation and, 54
Insomnia, 19–20, 156, 213–216
Insufficient self-control/self-discipline schema, 94
Intellectual personality style, 197–198
Interest, emotion words for labeling, 250
Internal focus, trauma and, 78–79
Internet resources, 272
Interoceptive exposure, 54
Introvert personality style, 206–207
Intuition, learning to use, 25–26
Isolation, 82, 108–110
Job dissatisfaction, back pain and, 18
Journaling, 241–243
Joy, 14
Judging in mindfulness, 43
Justice, emotion words for labeling, 248–249
Kindness
balance and, 194–195
befriending your feelings, 106–108
self-compassion and, 87
trauma and, 79
Labeling Emotions exercise, 75–76
Labeling of emotions
agitation hindrance and, 211
compared to noting, 69–71
in daily life, 77
emotions words for, 245–253
Mindfulness of Sound exercise and, 43
overview, 69–77
Life satisfaction, self-compassion and, 99–100
Light meditation, 262–264
Limbic system, 118. See also Brain functioning
Loneliness, 164, 247. See also Disconnection
Loving oneself, spirituality and, 110–112
Loving-kindness. See also Self-compassion
backdraft, 150–152
compared to prayer, 153–154
in daily life, 154–157, 184–190
focusing on yourself for, 140–145
good will and, 135–136
hindrances to, 193–194, 207–212
history of, 130–132
mindfulness and, 132–135
for others, 166–178
overview, 81–82, 129, 130
relationships with other people and, 161–162, 162–166
sleeping and, 214
three components of, 145–150
towards strangers, 172
what it isn’t, 158–159
words and, 136–140, 154–157
Loving-Kindness Meditation exercise, 134–135
Making a Vow exercise, 266–267
Mantra
centering meditation and, 261–262
compared to loving-kindness, 158
developing self-compassion and, 104–105
overview, 104–105
Marriage, 15. See also Relationship conflict
Meaningful Life, 183
Medication, 26
Meditation
default network and, 47
developing self-compassion and, 104
emotions and, 74–77
formal meditation, 51–56
loving-kindness and, 132–134, 152
maintaining a practice of, 228–231
measuring your progress, 240–243
overview, 4
questions regarding, 232–240
research regarding, 53
resources for further reading and practice, 268–279