by Erin Osborne
“Are they okay?” Sam questions when I still haven’t said a word to her.
“They’re more than okay. I love them. I can’t thank you enough,” I gush, pulling her in for a hug. “Now what happens?”
“Well, you can search through the men who are close to us. Or you can sit back and see if any of them look at your profile or message you. You’ll receive notifications if you get a message or if someone clicks the like you button,” she informs me.
Nodding my head, I close the laptop for now. Sam looks down at her phone before letting me know Playboy is here to pick her up. I walk her out to the door and she lets me know she’ll call in a little while to check on me. She wants to know if anyone messages or likes me.
After checking on my sister, I decide to turn in for the night. I have counselling in the morning and want to be rested for it. I’m sure we’ll be discussing Killer and I have to be well rested if he’s going to be the topic of conversation. Counselling usually takes a lot out of me, but when he’s on the agenda, my exhaustion always seems to be worse for some reason.
Chapter Eight
Killer
GWEN HAS BEEN gone since I carried her out of the Naughty Peach. I know she’s with Kim and Fox, but that’s all I know. Well, other than the fact Sam has been over to hang out with her and did a makeover. Yeah, I got pictures from that day. Sam made sure to send me every picture she took of my woman. Gwen looks amazing on a regular day. In those pictures, I’ve never seen her look more beautiful.
It’s not because she has make-up on. Or clothes that show more skin than usual. It’s because there’s a sense of freedom and confidence I haven’t seen from her before. Even on the small screen of my phone I can feel the emotions radiating off of her. She’s nervous, but ready to embrace the change. Confident, yet wanting to climb back in her shell. Ready to take on the world, but not ready to leave the cage she’s built around herself with the ol’ ladies and members of the club. There really is no way to explain what I see in the pictures or what I feel when I see them.
I miss Gwen like crazy. She needs to come home. However, I also know it’s important for her not to feel as if I’m forcing her hand and making her come back to my house. Our home. Fox has told me she’s asked him about getting the rest of her things and he’s held her off for now. He warned me I need to get my head out of my ass and claim her once and for all. I’m planning on doing just that. I just can’t do that when she’s not here for me to talk to.
Today, I’m making it known what I truly want. While I want Gwen to be the first one to see the new ink I’m getting marked in my skin, I know the artist will be. I’m not even going to Phantom Ink to get it done. A friend of mine, Avery, has amazing skills and he’s coming to my house to do the ink. It’s not the first one he’ll have done on my skin, but it will more than likely be the last one.
He’s been here for a while now and is almost done.
“You need a break?” he asks me.
“Nope. Haven’t taken one yet and I’m not gonna take one now. It doesn’t look as if you have much left for me,” I let him know, remaining still as I lean over the back of my chair.
“Just a little shading and that’s it,” he lets me know, bending his head and going back to work.
This tattoo is on my side. I wanted it on my chest, but to get the full effect of it, Avery thought my side would be better. It hurts like a bitch since it goes over my ribs. I’m not going to bitch about it. Gwen has felt more pain in her life than I’m feeling getting this tattoo done. It’s the only thing I think I can do, even though it will never be enough to show her how I truly feel.
Within another hour or so, Avery is setting his tattoo gun on the table next to where my arm rests. Gathering the spray to clean me up, he sprays me down and then uses the paper towel to wipe the excess ink and any blood from my body. Once he’s satisfied with the results, he holds me up a mirror so I can see the work he’s done. I’m stunned speechless. The image came out better than I imagined it would.
“You got exactly what I wanted,” I tell him as he begins to smear it with the ointment before wrapping me up.
“Glad you like it,” he states, sitting down next to me as I pull my wallet from the back of my jeans.
Handing over the wad of cash we agreed on, I put my wallet back and slide my shirt over my head. With it back in place, I get up to grab a few bottles of water so we can have something to drink. I’ve been sitting for hours with nothing and I’m ready for a drink. I know I can’t have alcohol so, for right now, water will work.
Avery begins to clean up his things after thanking me for the water. He remains quiet as usual. He’s not much of a talker; never has been and never will be. Even when we tried to get him to Prospect for the club, he barely said more than a few words. Other than to turn us down. Avery is a nomad at heart and doesn’t want to be tied down. Money means nothing to him other than covering his bills and allowing him to eat. Being a part of a club means even less. He’d rather be alone and free to wander as he pleases than to have to remain in one spot for more than a few weeks at most. Honestly, I’m lucky he was in town when I called to get the ink done.
“Where you headin’ now?” I ask him once his stuff is packed up and he’s ready to head out.
“I don’t know. A few people have been askin’ me to come to them about doin’ some work. I may head out West or I may only go a few towns over. I never know until I get there. You know that,” he responds, picking his box up before heading to the front door.
“Let me know when you land somewhere. You know I worry about you cruisin’ the roads alone,” I demand.
Avery is honestly like a brother to me. We met when we were young and in juvie together. Neither one of us had a good family life. Instead of him getting out when he was supposed to, some guys picked a fight with him and Avery only left juvie to head to prison. He spent a few years there before getting out. From what I’ve gathered, he hasn’t been in trouble another day in his life.
I got out when I was supposed to. The second I did, instead of heading home to my family, I went into the military. That’s where I met a few of the guys in the club. I spent several years out on missions and honing my skills. When I finally had enough of the life, I retired and joined up with the Phantom Bastards. It’s the best two decisions of my life. If I hadn’t joined up, I’m not sure where I’d be now. Probably in prison or buried six feet under somewhere. Who knows for sure?
Standing in the doorway, I watch as Avery loads his case in the trunk of his Charger before tossing me a two-finger salute and getting in his car. I don’t move until his taillights disappear from sight. Now, it’s my turn to leave. I’m going to lay eyes on Gwen for the first time in days. We’re going to sit down and have the conversation we should’ve had a long time ago. That’s on me, not her. Gwen has no clue what I feel for her and where I see us going. Just like I have no clue what she truly wants.
Before I can make a move to grab my cut before making sure I have my keys, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see it’s Fox calling me. He rarely ever calls me unless it’s something for the club. I groan out loud at the thought of having to put off seeing Gwen even longer because of club business. However, this is what I signed up for when I joined. Even more so when I became the Enforcer of the club.
“What’s up, Fox?” I answer the phone.
“Thought you should know somethin’. And I’ll be in deep shit if she finds out I know. To my knowledge, Kim doesn’t even know this,” he informs me.
“What about her? I was just on my way to your place to see her,” I question him.
“She started a profile for an online datin’ site. Been on it a few days now. I wouldn’t have known if her email didn’t ping. You know I put shit on that when she started goin’ to school and was thinkin’ about livin’ on a campus or somethin’. I don’t normally monitor it, but once I saw it was from that site, I started checkin’ into it. She’s been talkin’ to a guy on there si
nce the day before yesterday,” he states, blowing my whole world up in a few sentences. “It’s time, Killer. Either make your move or let her go. She wants to be with someone. I’d rather it be you if you can keep your cock in your pants and not fuck her over than some dickweed we know nothin’ about.”
“I’m headin’ there now. I won’t say a word about it to her. Just see what she’s doin’ and try to convince her to come home with me. I’ve got somethin’ to show her anyway,” I say, realizing my window of opportunity with her is getting smaller and smaller.
I’ve done nothing but push her away for so long. In the beginning I was fighting my attraction to her by fucking anything with a pussy. Then, when I realized it was a lost cause, I was still using the mouths on the house bunnies because I needed the edge taken off. My hand wasn’t cutting it. Still, each and every fucking time it was Gwen’s face I saw in my mind and her name I called out when I came.
Hanging up on Fox, I rush out to my bike, barely stopping long enough to set my alarm and lock the door. Once I’m on my bike, I hurriedly start the engine before pulling out of my driveway. It takes me less than the ten minutes it usually does to get there. Parking my bike on the side of their driveway, I rush to the front door and pound my fist on it.
I can hear movement inside before Gwen is standing in front of me. She’s wearing a pair of pajamas with her hair up in a messy bun. Even with all the looks I’ve seen on her, including the pictures from Sam, this is my favorite. She’s at her most relaxed and my gaze travels over her body. I can see her nipples poking out against the material of her thin tank top. Her legs are covered in pajama pants covered in candy canes and polar bears.
“What do you want?” she demands of me, crossing her arms over her chest.
The only thing she accomplishes is pushing her tits up so I can see even more of the golden-brown flesh. If she pushes up any higher, I’ll be able to see her nipples. Nipples I’ve been dying to know what color they are.
“I’m here to see you,” I state, stepping close to her as she steps back, opening the door for me to head in behind her.
“I don’t want to see you. I’ll be going to your place tomorrow so I can grab my things. You went through all that trouble for nothing it seems. Though I appreciate you attempting to get me out of Fox and Kim’s house,” she states, not once looking at me.
“Yeah, that’s not gonna work for me. Gwen, when you leave here, the only place you’ll be comin’ is back home. That’s our home and its way past time we have that talk. I’ve given you time to get over bein’ pissed at me. Now, it’s time you listen to what I have to say to you. Then you’ll get a chance to respond,” I state, keeping my voice low and husky because I know it gets to her every single time I do. “Can we talk in private?”
Without a word, Gwen turns on her heel and leads me to the room she’s been staying in while here. It’s the same one I moved her out of not long ago. She sits on the edge of the bed, tucking her legs up underneath her. In the position she’s in, Gwen looks so small and unsure of herself. A look I don’t ever want to see on her again.
“Look,” I begin after shutting the door. “I’m not a good man. I’ve done things and seen things you’d hate to know. Not only for the club, but while I was in the military too. I spent over eight years of my life killin’ and doin’ missions based on what I was ordered to do. My every move was monitored by my commandin’ officers. When I retired, years ago, I came here to join the club. I crave the freedom and brotherhood it offers me. Something I only got in the military. Well, the brotherhood part anyway.
“When I first saw you, the day we stormed your father’s house, something in me changed. I knew you’d change my entire life forever and I was right. You make me want to be a better person so I’m worthy of you. Instead, all I’ve done is push you away and ensure you’ve seen me with the house bunnies. Let me tell you, it was simply an itch that needed to be scratched. Instead of tellin’ you how I felt, I chose to be with them. Picturin’ you while they were suckin’ my cock. Never once, after the first month or so did I fuck them.”
Pausing, I look at Gwen. Her eyes are filled with tears at the words I’m saying to her. I know I’m opening wounds she’d rather leave closed. Still, this needs to get out. I need to get this off my chest. Then the ball will be in her court and I’ll have to live with her decision.
“I want you to grow and experience things you’ve never gotten a chance to live before. However, I know how I am. When I make you my ol’ lady, there will be no other men or women for either one of us. You can still go out, experience what you want to. I’ll just be at your back when it happens. Gwen, I can be faithful to you and I’ll love you more than anyone else could even begin to imagine doin’. You’re my Sparrow and I want to do nothin’ except for set you free. Not free from me, but the chains and cage that hold you back from truly livin’ free and gettin’ out in the world,” I tell her, laying it all out on the table.
Gwen simply looks at me for the longest time. I’m so absorbed in her eyes, I’m not even sure if she’s still breathing. Other than her still sitting up in front of me. She’s so still and silent, there’s nothing else to suggest her breathing. Her eyes penetrate me, holding me hostage as she finally stands from her bed and makes her way over to me.
Since I’m so much taller than her, I have to look down in her face. I’m not sure what she’s about to do, but I remain perfectly still as I wait for her to make a move.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she finally asks, her voice trembling as I try to figure out what she means. “I’ve had the largest crush on you since arriving here. Even before then if I’m being honest. Now, you’ve moved me into your home, kissed me, and now you’re telling me all this. Why? Are you trying to hurt me more?”
“No. I’m not lyin’ to you. I want to be with you. Gwen, you’re the only one I want as my ol’ lady, I want to marry you, plant my babies in your belly, and grow old with you. You’ve wrapped yourself into my soul and there’s no way I can separate myself from you. I don’t want to,” I respond to her.
“Killer, this can’t happen. We know absolutely nothing about one another. I’ve been around the club for a long time now and this is the first I’m hearing about you feeling anything for me. Why now? Did you hear I’m doing online dating? Or are you tired of all the random pussy at the club and on the road. I’m not the same meek, shy girl you met when I got here. I won’t stay at your house, or wherever I’m living, while you go out and cheat on me or barely spend any time with me. This isn’t a game I’m willing to play. Not after everything I’ve been through in my life,” she states, never once removing her eyes from me.
“This can happen and it’s goin’ to Gwen. I promise I’ll never hurt you. Those other girls are in the past for me. I haven’t touched one since you walked in on me in the bathroom. I never meant for you to see that and I’m truly sorry about it. No one compares to you, Sparrow. Please, come home with me. Let me prove it to you,” I plead with her.
Knowing words aren’t going to be enough for my girl right now, I shrug my cut off before placing it gently on the end of her bed. From there, I rip my shirt over my head. Gwen gasps as she takes in the bandage covering my side from just under my armpit to just above where my jeans rest on my hips.
Peeling the bandage from my body, I watch as she takes in the red skin surrounding my new ink. She reaches out to touch me before abruptly stopping just shy of my tender skin. Her eyes are filling with tears as she takes in the sparrow breaking free of the cage it’s been held captive in. There’s an old skeleton key resting in the sparrow’s mouth as shards of the cage fill my skin surrounding the sparrow and falling to the bottom of my side. There isn’t an ounce of color in the entire tattoo except for the eye on the sparrow. It’s been shaded in the same color of Gwen’s.
“You did this for me?” she questions, looking up at me.
Instead of responding with words, I simply nod my head. Gwen moves her eyes back down to the t
attoo and takes in all the small details of it. The cage honestly looks like the house her dad held her captive in. On top of pieces of the house, shards of glass also fall down my skin. The key is in the shape of a heart at the end because Gwen owns my heart. She’s the only one who holds the key to unlock the feelings I’ve always kept inside me.
Gwen thinks about things for a minute. Never once do our eyes lose our connection as she tries to figure out if I’m lying or not. I can see it in her face and from the way she’s searching my face. Finally, she nods her head. I help her pack everything up, not that it’s all that much and we head out.
We stop in the living room where Fox and Kim are sitting on the couch, snuggled up together. Kim looks back at us and she knows I’m taking her baby sister home with me.
“You heading out?” Kim asks, looking at me with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah. I’m going back to Killer’s. We’ve talked and I’m not sure what’s gonna happen yet, but I think it’s best if I go back there for now. I love you and I’ll be here when you need me. It’s not like I’ll be that far from you,” Gwen tells her, leaning over the back of the couch to hug and kiss her sister.
“Killer, I’ve warned you once. I’m not gonna warn you again. You hurt my sister and I’ll cut your balls off,” Kim growls out.
Fox and I each flinch because we know she means every single word. Nodding my head at her, I wrap my arms around Gwen’s shoulders and lead her from the room. The entire time I don’t take my eyes off Kim. Right now, I don’t want to turn my back on her. I’m not sure if I ever will again.
Chapter Nine
Gwen