by Erin Osborne
I’VE BEEN BACK at Killer’s for a few days now. He’s been home with me and it’s made things easier. A little bit at any rate. We’ve been talking, spending time together, and getting to know one another. I’ve learned his name is Tristan and it suits him. When we’re alone together, he doesn’t mind me calling him that. So, I’ve taken to doing so. We’ve eaten meals together, cooked, and cleaned up afterward. Honestly, it’s been kind of nice to just be with one another without the outside interference of the members of the club.
When we haven’t been spending time together, I’ve been scouring the help wanted ads in search of another job. There isn’t anything out there for me to do. Everyone wants experience of some sort and I don’t have it. My frustration levels are through the roof as I try in vain to find something for me to do in order to earn money. Killer has been helping me, well as much help as he can be. Today, he’s going to head into the clubhouse for an hour or two so he can talk to Slim about me finding work with the club. I’m not sure what I’d be doing, but it’s got to be better than sitting on my ass all day. I can’t stand that.
The house is almost spotless since I have so much time on my hands. It’s not like the house is dirty anyway. Killer is a neat freak and keeps things in their places. He’s always cleaning up after himself. And me if I’m in the middle of doing schoolwork or something. I feel bad when he does it, but he tells me to quiet and let him take care of me.
That’s another thing he does. When I’m doing schoolwork, he makes sure I eat and have snacks and drinks by me. If I have to get up for something, Killer tries his best to make sure I don’t have to so I can concentrate on the work I’m trying to get done. At this point, I think if he could go to the bathroom with me, he’d do it. Just to prove he’s going to be by my side and support me no matter what.
While I appreciate everything Killer’s been doing over the last few days, sometimes I feel as if he’s smothering me. There has to be some give and take if we’re ever going to work. He can go to the clubhouse and hangout without me losing myself or becoming too clingy for him. I’m not going to automatically assume he wants to be with the house bunnies because he’s there. He can go have a few drinks with the guys and play pool or whatever it is they do.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I want to do moving forward. Part of what I’ve been thinking is learning some self-defense. One of the reasons I never fought back against my father and Neil or anyone in his house is because I knew I’d never land any moves on them. If I knew how to get out of situations or do some moves, I’d feel confident about someone bothering me. Though, I’d always hope I would never have to use anything I learn. That’s something I’ll have to talk to Killer about. He’ll know more about where I can go to learn it than I will. I’m not even sure if there’s a gym in Benton Falls.
While Killer’s gone to the clubhouse for a while this morning, I make sure I’m up to date with all of my schoolwork. Once I know everything is taken care of for school, I go to the dating website. I’m going to deactivate it. If Killer and I are doing something leading to a relationship, there’s no way I’m going to mess it up by leaving my account up.
Going into my account, I hear the front door open. Killer shouldn’t be back this early.
“Gwen, where are you?” Sam calls out.
“In the living room,” I respond, not sure why she can’t see me already since I see her.
“What are you doing? Schoolwork?” she questions me, coming up next to me at the small desk I sometimes use.
“Deleting my profile on here,” I tell her, looking up at my friend.
“Didn’t take long for Killer to make his move I see.”
“I have no clue what’s going on honestly,” I reply, thoroughly confused about the entire situation.
“Oh my God!” Sam suddenly says, looking at the computer screen.
“What?”
“Look at that username,” Sam says, pointing at a guy on the screen.
His name on the dating website is GitMeDun. Sam is laughing her ass off while I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the hell is so funny about that name. I’d ask her, but she’s having such a hard time even trying to catch her breath right now I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. So, I continue scrolling down to see if there are any other funny ones. FatBikerBalls, YesYesOhYes, and MuffinThumper are among the few I’m seeing. Sam is still dying next to me as she reads the screen over my shoulder. Yeah, this is not going to go over well if Killer sees me on this site.
Getting off the homepage, I go to my profile so I can deactivate and delete my account for good. Honestly, I’m not even sure why the hell I wanted to sign up for this. I got a few messages just before Killer got to my sister’s place. They were guys looking for a hook-up. That’s not anything I’m interested in. I want someone to want me for me and who is looking into something long term. Not just a night. If I wanted that, I’d find a man when we have a girl’s night out or something.
Once my account is gone, Sam and I sit on the couch. She grabs the remote and turns music on. It won’t be long before we’re moving the coffee table out of the way and start dancing around the room. Killer isn’t here so I’ll dance. Sam doesn’t care who sees her dancing, I do. I try not to dance in front of anyone. That’s why I really don’t dance when we go to a bar or club.
“So, you’re back here again. I’m assuming Killer said something good enough to get you here,” Sam says, not holding anything back as usual.
“He told me he’s going to make me his ol’ lady, marry me, give me babies, and then showed me a tattoo he just got done for me. I’m still not sure this is going to end the way he thinks it will, but I have to take this chance with him I guess. If not, it will be my biggest regret,” I inform her, knowing deep in my heart I’m right.
If I don’t let myself take this chance with him, I’ll regret it forever. Killer is almost everything I think I want in a man. He’s protective, smart, soft when it comes to me, and a million other things I love. I could go on and on about the qualities I find in him I like. Unfortunately, I won’t bore anyone with all that information. Just spend a little time with him and you’ll see everything I’m talking about.
“Damn!” Sam says, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to me. “I’d probably have fucked him right then and there.”
I blush at her words. That’s not how I am. I’m not going to sit here and say I don’t want to have sex with Killer; it’s run through my mind more than one time. However, I know I’m lacking considering I’ve only been with one in my life. My sexual experience consists of rape and Neil fucking me whenever he wanted to. There was no kissing or anything else. He’d stick his dick in me, pump a few times, and it would be over with.
“What’s the next thing you want to do?” Sam questions me as she searches up YouTube for something to listen to.
“I think I want to learn self-defense. That way I’ll never have to worry about being able to protect myself again. I mean there may always end up being a situation I won’t be able to use the techniques I learn. Still, it will make me feel better,” I tell her honestly.
Learning self-defense is something I’ve been wanting to learn for a while now. I’ve never talked to anyone about it though. Kim probably would’ve been all for it. However, she’d want to join in to show support and can’t always do it. Fox probably could’ve taught me how to defend myself, but I don’t want to put that on him.
“Talk to Killer about it,” Sam finally tells me. “He’ll be able to set you up with someone he trusts to make sure you learn what you need to know.”
“I’ll do it when he gets home today. If he can’t help me, then I’ll go to Fox or something,” I respond to her as she finds what she’s looking for.
Hold On by Chord Street plays from the TV. Sam feels this song fits her and Playboy from when he was in jail and she left the club with a secret. I’m happy he found her and brought her home. She’s my partner in crime and I’d be lost witho
ut her.
“Where are the kids today?” I ask her suddenly.
“With their daddy. He wanted some one on one time with them today for a while,” she answers, laughter filling her voice.
Playboy doesn’t ever feel as if he gets enough time with his boys. So, if he can get Sam out of the house to have the boys all to himself, he jumps at the opportunity. Playboy’s been known to leave the door locked and make sure most of the lights are off too. His dad, Slim, is always trying to poach time with the boys too. He’s only got girls with Shy, so he needs his ‘boy’ time with his grandsons whenever he’s not busy with the club.
The relationships I see with members of the club and their ol’ ladies are what I strive for. The men all love their women fiercely and the women remain loyal to their men and the club as a whole. Slim, Wood, Boy Scout, and Playboy are all completely devoted to their women; they’d live and die for them. That’s what I’ve always wanted for myself. Though I never allowed myself to dream about it since I thought Neil would be my one and only husband. There would never be love in that relationship.
Then I met Killer and my hope for a relationship like that returned. Lately, I’m not gonna lie, it’s been dwindling to being almost non-existent because I never believed he’d be willing to have a relationship with me. Not with all the house bunnies he’s been fucking and then the random women he picks up when he goes out on a run or out with the guys. Yeah, I know about all of them. I seem to be very in-tune to every little thing Killer does. It’s been that way since I met him for some reason. I’ve kept that particular piece of information to myself.
For the next few hours, Sam and I talk, laugh, and just hang out. I make us a lunch of sandwiches and chips with soda before we start dancing our food off. In the middle of our dancing, I hear the door open, so I immediately stop moving to the song playing. Turning my head toward the door, I see Killer and Playboy standing there. They both have smirks on their face at catching me dancing. Yeah, it’s not often I dance in front of them. If I do happen to dance in front of them, I keep myself in check. When I’m home alone or Sam’s with me, I let myself be free. I don’t care about what she thinks when we’re dancing because she throws herself into the dance as well.
“Um, hi,” I say as my face heats up from the blush covering my skin.
“Hey, Sparrow,” Killer responds, walking up to me.
Killer still has the sexy as hell smirk on his face. I swear I fall in love with him a little bit more when he smirks. It makes him look younger, more relaxed than he normally appears, and as if he has a playful side. I’ve never seen a playful side to Killer, but maybe there’s one buried extremely deep in him. See, that’s one of the things I’d love to find in a man. I want someone who can laugh, joke around, and dance just because. Not because we’re at a club or the bar; simply because music is playing, and he pulls me in his arms to dance. I don’t care if it’s in the kitchen as we cook, in the backyard, or anywhere else it’s just the two of us.
“Killer, my girl here needs to talk to you about something,” Sam says as Playboy flings her over his shoulder, smacks her on the ass, and leaves the house.
I can’t help laughing at the two of them. Playboy and Sam are so in love and that’s what I want more than anything in the world. While I’d love to find that with Killer, I’m not sure if that’s possible. If he’s the type of man who can open himself up to any emotion or any type of relationship other than a quick fuck before kicking whoever he’s with out of his bed and essentially his life.
“What do you need to talk to me about?” Killer asks, his deep voice washing over me and making me forget what I want to talk to him about for a second.
“Oh, um, well, I want to learn self-defense moves. So, I was wondering if you know of somewhere I can take lessons. I don’t want to find myself in any similar position to where I was before,” I tell him, ready to run and hide from him.
“Yeah. I know where you can learn. Go get changed into something different and meet me in the basement. The door leadin’ down there is right off the kitchen,” Killer tells me, disappearing toward his own bedroom.
I have no clue what the hell Killer is thinking. I’ve never been down in the basement, so I don’t know what’s down there. At this point, I’m not sure if he’s calling someone in to help me learn, or what’s happening right now. But, standing here in the middle of the living room looking around like an idiot isn’t going to get me any answers either. I hustle to my room and grab a pair of leggings I work out in and a sports bra with a long tank top. The holes on the tank top are much longer than a normal one so it shows off my sides. And the scars I usually keep hidden under my clothes.
Scars cover most of my body from the beatings I’d receive as my punishments. I’ve got scars from where cuts were sliced into my skin, belt buckles busted my skin open, whips lashed out at my skin, and any other torture they could think of to inflict on me. There have been broken bones from steel pipes landing against my bones. Those were always set by a doctor on my father’s payroll, and then I hoped my body healed them correctly. Especially since one of the henchmen usually set them and they couldn’t give two shits about helping me and making sure I was okay. They only cared about pleasing my father, so they didn’t end up in a shallow grave themselves somewhere.
After getting dressed, I toss my hair up in a messy bun so it’s out of the way. Leaving my room, I make my way out to the kitchen so I can find this door leading to a basement. Killer left it open, so I’d know where I’m going. I walk down the stairs to find a gym to rival a lot of the gyms I’ve seen on TV in shows. Hell, it almost rivals the gym at the clubhouse I’ve seen as the guys walk in and out for their workouts.
Killer is standing in the middle of the room, laying mats out. The middle of the room is completely void of any equipment. Around the outside of the room are different machines I don’t have the slightest clue what they do. There are two weight benches, a treadmill, and a bike around the outside of the room. I may have to come down here for use of the bike and treadmill. If I knew these were down here, and Killer didn’t mind, I’d probably already have been down here working out while he’s out and about.
I stare at him as he keeps his back toward me. Killer’s wearing a pair of black basketball shorts with a dark grey tee-shirt. As always, his black bandana is tied around his head to keep his hair out of his face. It’s not as long now since he cut it on the last run he was on, but still looks amazing on him. The muscles in his calves and arms move and flex as he lays the mats down and shifts them to where he wants them.
Pulling myself from the trance, I start to make my way further into the home gym Killer’s made for himself. He turns around once he senses me walking up closer to him. If he feels me half as much as I do him, this is going to be insane. Whenever Killer walks into the same room as me, looks at me, or anything, I feel him. It’s been this way since I came to Benton Falls. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.
“You ready to learn some moves?” Killer asks as I continue to walk in the room.
“Yeah. Who’s gonna teach me?” I question him in response as I look around but don’t see anyone else here.
“I am.”
My mouth drops open as I look at the man in front of me. He’s dead serious as he stands there, staring at me. Killer is waiting for me to make the next move. I’m either going to run from the room or I’ll let him teach me what I long to know. After thinking about things for a minute, I make my way over to him.
“Get your ass on the mat. We’re gonna stretch out before we do anythin’. Then, I’ll walk you through three different moves tonight. The next time we come down here, we’ll go over those and I’ll teach you some different ones. When we’re in here, you’ll do as I say without fail. Do you understand me?” he demands, his voice low and husky as I continue to stare at him.
This is definitely a side of Killer I’ve never seen before. He’s domineering and butterflies erupt in my belly at what’s about t
o happen. I’m not afraid of Killer; he’d never hurt me intentionally. At least physically. This is the first time I’ll be up close and personal with Killer like this. Even though he’s teaching me how to save myself, we’ll be right on top of one another.
We get down on the mats and Killer and I stretch out. After we’re done stretching, he helps me from my feet. Before he teaches me a damn thing, Killer has to go and make my panties wet. He reaches behind his head with one hand, pulling the shirt from his body. My mouth waters at the sight of his abs, muscles, and tattoos. Killer’s muscles ripple as he tosses his shirt to the side before coming to stand right in front of me.
“The first move, I’m goin’ to come up behind you and wrap my arm around your neck. I want to see what you’d do to break the hold,” he informs me, turning me by the shoulders so I’m facing the wall in front of me.
I wipe my palms on my leggings in an attempt of ridding myself of the sweat lingering there. Killer doesn’t give anything away as his arm is suddenly around my neck. He’s left room for me to breathe, but not much. His hard, chiseled chest is pressed up against my back and the lower half of his body is aligned with my own. I can feel the hard outline of his cock. Yeah, there’s no way in hell the monster he’s hiding will fit in my body.
“Sparrow, you okay?” he asks when I’ve taken too long, simply enjoying the feeling of his body pressed against my own.
“Oh, um, yeah,” I respond after clearing my throat and shaking the thoughts of sex with Killer from my mind.
Thinking about the situation I currently find myself in, I reach up with both my hands in an attempt to break the hold he has around my neck. Killer traps one of my hands under his own with a slight adjustment before grabbing my other one with his loose hand. Now I have nothing to use against him. I shake my head in defeat.
“Don’t beat yourself up over this. I told you I wanted to see what you’d do,” Killer says, releasing me before running his hands up and down my arms.
The next few minutes he goes over what he wants me to do. It takes me a few tries, but I eventually understand what he wants from me and break free of him. We spend the next hour and a half working together on the three moves he wants me to learn today. By the time we’re done, each of us are covered in sweat, our hair looks as if we’ve been doing something we shouldn’t be doing, and I’ve lost my tank top. I’d love to lose the leggings I’m wearing too because I’m overheating so bad.