Holding On

by A. C. Bextor

  Reluctantly he motions over for a few of those left in the room to help him get her body outside and away from the girls.

  After Shame and the others have moved Winnie, the room is quiet. So quiet it is deafening to me. I’m out of my mind with anger that someone could do this. This has to be personal, Switch is so far down under no one can even find him but yet his power is still very present. His connections must have strengthened in his absence. I’m going to find Hood though, and he can be the first in a long line of skin to pay for this. My girls, Jesus my girls were that close to harm. I will die myself before shit gets this close to them again. Thank fuck for Gunner and his aim. From what he said to Raider as he drifted in and out there were about 10 of them fuckers on the roof of the building just across the street so they had zero resistance to an vulnerable building filled with blameless women and defenseless men. Pussies.

  Winnie was our only casualty. Can’t say that I feel terrible, hardly knew the girl other than a few nights she spent with Shame and I. She was sweet in her own way I suppose, but if she was the only collateral damage to all of this then that leaves me thankful. May make me a bastard, but this is the life.

  Peril has never done harm to innocent people and that’s exactly what was done here. This was the start of a war. I’m not one of those members that has an appreciation of violence, until you fuck with my innocent family. That shit does not go unavenged.

  I hear a loud sob and Mace comes barreling out of the hallway and running to Shame who has just walked back in. He doesn’t give her even a moment to reach for him. His reaction is the same as mine, he’s gripping the back of her head and holding her so close to him, tight. I will give them a minute before I check on my sister, Shame has her now so I know she’s okay.

  I’m close enough I can see that Shame is asking Mace without his words again. This is his way of knowing there was a problem but he doesn’t want to say it out loud. He’s asking her if she’s okay. Then I hear her broken voice and it is like music to my fuckin’ ears. “I’m okay, Shame. I’m not hurt.” Sadey bursts into tears and it is just like I said to Mace before, I swear these two share a damn brain. Goddamn women.

  “It was over in 30 seconds, Hem. I swear it felt like forever.” I’ve got my sister in my arms now and verifying she’s okay with my own eyes. She’s always been strong but never Club strong. I hate her and Sadey see sort of shit but it is this life, not often and rarely this raw, but it is.

  “Ok Sis, go finish with the girls. Let me and the boys start clearing this shit up okay? No one comes in here but brothers until I say it is okay. You and Sadey see to that.”

  I kiss her on the temple and then have to push her towards Sadey. She’s rattled in fear and doesn’t want to take her eyes or hands off both Shame and I. Sadey grabs her in a one arm hug and takes her down the hall with her. Finally they are gone and it leaves Shame, Honor, Raider, and myself for a few minutes.

  “I want a fucking meeting with Hood, neutral ground. I’m not fucking kidding so stop looking at me like that for fuck’s sake.” All of them stand around me with hands to hip or arms crossed, anger radiates the room. “This is fucked and we all see it. These were innocent women here and they were attacked. No one would fucking think about doing this other then Switch and his weasel, Hood. If I can’t fucking put my fingers on Switch I can sure as fuck put a slug in Hood. Raider, find an independent willing to put his ass out there for a settlement. Stack owes us for helping his sister last year, find him and assemble the meet, impartial ground only. We may be still walking into a trap, but if that’s what is set up let’s make sure the fuckers have to travel to us and we aren’t close to home. Now MOVE!”

  I see Shame is shaking his head back and forth. Now is not the time to question me, mother fucker. “You got something to say?” I’m past pissed and I don’t have time for his shit.

  “Nope, not a damn thing. I was just thinking that since I am not letting you go get your ass killed alone that now I have to tell Mace what we are doing and she may cut my dick off, that bitch can be a little crazy and I’m really seeing the fuckin family resemblance now.” He turns around to walk to his girl again and as he does I see him kick my chair and yell, “FUCK.” He has his hands in his hair as I smile at his back. I should have known no matter my decision, he was with me.

  “Honor, once this mess is clean you take the reins of logistics, you handpick four brothers besides all us to go out on the meet and decide their strengths and how this stage is to be set. Leave Ace, I can’t focus on anything else but wanting to gut him still when I look at him.” Honor gets me, nods in understanding and continues cleanup.

  “What the fuck you still doin’ son? You’re no longer a prospect. Jesus, do ya miss shoveling shit? Call out the new prospects and have them clean this place up and you supervise. Then go do what I told ya to do.”

  Dumbass stands there and just nods, feeling stupid.

  Oh Lord Honor, thanks for the laugh. Bad timing mother fucker, but still a laugh.

  Shaking my head and praying up above out loud I walk back to my office.

  “Dear God, when you grant me a son, please for my sanity sake make the boy smart.”

  Chapter Sixteen:

  “No weapon has ever settled a moral problem. It can impose a solution but it cannot guarantee it to be just one.”

  --Ernest Hemingway

  --HEM--

  Still shaking my head after my heavenly prayer as I walk into my office, I’m trying not to think about how close we were to losing one of our own tonight. Winnie in her own way was one of us and I do feel some guilt for what happened, hell it happened on my fucking watch. When I exact revenge on this monstrosity I will be giving her some peace in my own way.

  I need to calm myself before we finalize our meet with Hood. Switch is apparently enjoying his time away down under, wherever he is enjoying his vacation. Son of a bitch would be entirely fucking stupid if he has no idea that I will wait for his ass to appear again. When it finally does, it will be his very own private reckoning.

  I am about to go through some old files of those that owe me favors. I have no issue calling in markers for this one either. If I’m about to start a war, I’m no fool to believe that backup won’t be needed. As I pull the top drawer open I feel it tug back, something is jamming the damn thing and it won’t open. I do not have patience for this right now dammit. Hell I’m still wearing blood that Sadey transferred to me.

  Grabbing the letter opener off my desk, I give a quick jerk and the drawer comes flying open. What I find in here, Jesus Christ where is all that is good? I see pictures, several pictures, five in total. The woman in them is unrecognizable by face and it takes me a minute to absorb what exactly I’m looking at. I don’t know the who or where of this photo but I can sense this message is loud and clear. Someone, namely Switch and his gang, have taken to beating, raping, and torturing women and this fucking someone wants me to sit and enjoy a first seat view of it.

  Bile is rising quickly as I continue to study picture after picture. One of her hanging limp from ropes, her hands suspended in midair. Her body is dripping, appears to be in its own blood. Her hair is matted and stuck to the sides of her beaten and bloody face. Another is her same bloodied and unrecognizable face held back, it’s a close up and some fucking monster has her hair in his hands pulling it back while his limp dick is nearing her mouth. Here’s another, it appears to be a before body shot. This photographer is fucking with me because I can’t see her face clearly in any of these pictures. Whoever this is, she was a beautiful woman. From the angle of this picture, he’s on top of her in a position to fuck her, maybe he already had. Dear God, I can only sit here and hope she’s dead and I hope she’s been dead for a while and didn’t suffer at the hands of these monsters for long.

  I throw the pictures on my desk, I cannot look at them anymore. My mind won’t imagine how sick some bastard has to be to do this to an innocent woman. I was surprised at the harassing attack on my Clubhou
se but compared to these pictures, the attack on my turf was nearly humane. Winnie died quick, probably not even knowing what hit her. Whoever this beautiful woman is, she saw it coming. What the fuck? Now it appears I have two deaths to avenge for.

  Now that I’m coming back to my senses it hits me and fucking hits me hard. Someone was in my fucking office! Which means, if there were no opposing casualties that they got in and out of here without being noticed, killed, or met any resistance from my men.

  This adds to my fury. It tells me now how unprotected my girls were from these pieces of shit. Goddammit. This could have been so much worse, so if anything else I just got my confirmation that this is a message and I’ve got it loud and fucking clear.

  “Hey man, Winnie has been handled. Mace wants to try to contact whatever family she has. Kegs thinks she had a son, about 6 years old or so that lives with her parents outside Omaha. She’s going to handle all that for us, along with her cremation. If we do find them, they should have rights to her. For all they know, she could have been dead for years.” Shame keeps his eyes on me, hasn’t looked to the desk yet.

  “That’s good. I agree, get her somewhere she can rest because I don't think that woman has had a good life. Honor working on what I asked?”

  Shame nods while looking at me closely for the first time since this shit rolled out at our feet.

  “We need this meet with Hood, now. I’m not killing him though, you need to know that. I’m bringing him here.” I’m so calm it even unnerves me.

  “What changed? Just an hour ago you were hell bent on his blood man, what….what the… Hem, what the fuck are THOSE? Why do you have those? Who the fu...” He spots these pictures on my desk now.

  “I don’t know man, but calm the fuck down. You go getting all fucking crazy and you will alert all the goddamn girls that are still here. They don’t touch this shit, do you understand?” Fuck he’s looking at these pictures in such a rage, he’s unstable. Now I know what I must have looked like. Fuckin’ scary.

  “Hem, Jesus Christ. You know who this is don’t you? It’s... oh my god... Hem... is it?” He’s shaking now, grasping at the pictures.

  “Fuck, I don’t. Who?” Damn, before I thought of it as a person. Looking at Shame I’m about to become familiar.

  I walk up close to Shame as he holds the picture of her dangling by the ropes. Trying not to get sidetracked in anger, I grab it from him to concentrate on her body. This would be the only way he could recognize her. Then, son of a bitch! I see it now, all familiar. I see the two small berries and the green stem just under her right breast. It’s Cherry. Any brother who has fucked her, to include Shame and I both, knows those cherry tattoos on that body.

  I drop the pictures to the ground and step back, my hands go to my knees trying to breathe. God, putting a name with this face, it’s too much. Shame sees something else. He reaches down for the pictures and gathers them.

  “There’s a message here. Writing on the back of each one, did you see this already?” He’s frantic.

  “No brother, just found them right before you walked in here.”

  “Here, put them in order! Hurry the fuck up.” My brother is scrambling, half crazed.

  I rise from my knees now and with my arms I toss everything off my desk in a loud crash onto the floor. Shame begins to flip each photo over and lay them out. When he is done he looks sick. He’s caught on before I have. He stares at them vacantly and he’s pale. I’ve seen this from him before, right before he put the final self-protective bullet into his dad while he laid next to a bloodied and beaten dead woman, Shames mom.

  He is eerily calm as he begins to put them in order for me. I’ve been distracted watching him but soon I glance back to my desk as he finishes.

  SADEY OR MACE WILL DIE - Five pictures, five words.

  Once he arranges them for me, he doesn’t takes his eyes off the desk. Next thing I hear is Shame turning to vomit. It takes a hell of a lot for a man of his past, size, and resilience to be physically sick. He just imagined Mace in Cherry’s position in those photos. I know this because I am doing the same with both my girls. Jesus Christ help me now. Help me find this disturbed son of a bitch.

  “HONOR. ACE. RAIDER. In my office, NOW!” I’m resolved to end this shit right now, today.

  *****

  All the boys, including Ace, have been briefed. They have been advised that these pictures remain confidential. We don’t know that it wasn’t one of our own that put them there during the outbreak.

  Honor has set up the meeting already with Hood. According to him, Hood wasn’t hard to find and he was almost eager for the meet. He said he has a gift for us. I bet he does, but I have one for him as well and it won’t be opened quickly. Fuck that, he’s going to suffer just like these girls suffered. I have no intentions of sending any cryptic message back to Switch, fuck no. He will hear me loud and clear, no guessing, words, or photographs for him. Nope, he’s getting the live version. Son of a bitch is getting all of me, and I’m bringing the wrath of hell along for the ride.

  Honor has also handpicked the four other boys that will be going on this ride with us tonight. This kid is sharp and I’ve never seen anyone as quick with a weapon whether that be knife, gun, or a damn baseball bat. So there is no doubt that those he has chosen share his skill sets. I’m more than confident he fulfilled my request just as I would have done it.

  I didn’t want to involve Ace, but after seeing these pictures fuck if I know I need him right now. He’s loyal to Sadey. As much as that fuckin pisses me off right, I have to let it go. There probably isn’t any other person I trust right now to guard her with his life then Shame and he’s with me on this ride. Before involving Ace, I did think about leaving Shame behind. I just can’t let my ego get in the way of the safety of these men. I need Shame out there with me, if only to keep me level headed.

  Ace is clear though, Sadey and Mace do NOT leave his sight. When I said this to him I was literally explaining that they are to sit in a fucking room with him and not leave it, for anything. Period. Nothing touches my girls. He understood, I don’t think I needed to be so verbatim but it made me feel better at least.

  We have just one hour before we head out into darkness to avenge this horror. Raider has already been to the warehouse where he has brought back all we need for tonight. No big automatic weapons, this is personal and when I rip these bastards apart it will be slow and painful which is why he’s brought my favorite hunting knife.

  “You need to calm down before we head out or you’re not going.” Shame snarls from behind me, catching up with me while I’m scanning the load Raider just brought back.

  “Excuse me? What the fuck you sayin?”

  “No, all this isn’t just about you now Hem. This isn’t Doc okay? They went after the girls, threatening our girls, fuck if you look at those pictures they have killed not one but two of ‘em already, man. Calm the fuck down, get yourself together brother. This is big and I need you clear headed and thinking, not wired and trigger happy.” I know he’s right. I do, but my emotions are high.

  “I’m going to see Mace before I leave. Would suggest you go see your girl. Clear your mind my friend.” He walks away to go say goodbye to my sister. If this goes bad and I lose Shame, if Mace loses Shame, I would never forgive myself.

  Taking his advice I inform the boys of the plan and head out to find my girl.

  *****

  “Sugar, whaddya doin in here?” She’s in the laundry room at the sink. I can see the steam as it comes up from in front of her but she doesn’t turn around to look at me. “Baby? You alright?”

  I see her shoulders move up and down in a quick motion nearly a hiccup, so I’m guessing the events of tonight are catching up and she’s finally had a chance to breathe and think. Sadey doesn’t keep her shit together well on a normal day, and today was catastrophic. She’s been acting so out of character since she was put in the hospital, her blood pressure scare may have frightened her more than I origina
lly thought. Christ, I should have been paying closer attention to her before this.

  I walk towards her making enough noise so she can hear me in my path to her and won’t be frightened. Putting my hands on her shoulders I bury my head in her neck and give her a few kisses along her shoulder. She’s washing the blood out of my clothes I was wearing when we had returned from the ride and entered the chaos. I had changed and left them in my room, she must have found them and thought I would ever want to wear them again. This is what it has done to her. My woman is consumed with cleaning blood off an old and torn shirt.

  “Sugar, put the shirt down.” She continues scrubbing and hasn’t looked at me yet. I reach from behind her put my hand on hers in the water, fuck the water is so fucking hot I have to jerk my hand from the water but her hands are immersed in it. “I said put the shirt down.” Fuck me, she’s not doing well.

  She hasn’t said a word. I jerk both her hands out of the water and in a quick second she turns to me and starts thrashing my chest, shouting at me.

  “Don’t you fucking leave me Patrick Collins! Do not do it. You are not going anywhere tonight, do you understand? If you love me, you will not leave me!” She is fucking hysterical and I’ve not even told her about leaving tonight. Someone did, dammit Ace I’m going to kill you.

  Roughly I grab her hands and put them behind her back and my arms wrapped around her body in a tight hold. “Shhh Sadey girl, shhh. I’m alright honey, that blood isn’t mine baby. I’m coming back tonight right after the meet, come on baby, shhh.”

  She calms, only slightly. “No, you won’t. I just got you Hem, we just fucking started, and I have more time before… before I tell you... I have more time.”

  “Tell me what Sugar, I’m here. I’m right here. Tell me what?”

  She’s struggling out of my hold and I can see she’s calming more now. She’s talking complete fucking nonsense though, I can hear some things she’s saying but damn, she’s breaking me. I need to calm her. It is the effect we have on each other, always.