This whole situation had my head so screwed up I didn’t even trust myself enough to know what to do on the off chance that Angelique was, in fact, chasing me.
For one thing, she just recently broke up with Damon Lane, Eva’s ex. That meant she was off-limits as far as I was concerned. Anybody who dumped my sister was dead to me, and anybody who decided to cozy up to the bastard after that was seriously tainted goods. But Jarius had a point, I needed to move the fuck on. I couldn’t spend the rest of my senior year waiting for Anna to wake up one day and be a different person.
I needed to move on...even if the thought of holding anybody but Anna made me feel cheap and dirty. That was the real problem in all of this, wasn’t it? Even looking at Angelique that way made me feel guilty, like I was betraying Anna and I swore I would never do that. Somehow, despite all the dark feelings I had toward her, the simple thought of completely moving on terrified the ever living fuck out of me.
All through class and on the way home my mind kept ticking back to Jarius’ words. To Anna and the person she had become. To all the reasons why I really shouldn’t give a damn about putting one foot in front of the other and moving the hell on and away from her. Anna betrayed me and every second I even so much as missed her, I was betraying my sister. After all, if it hadn’t been for her, Eva would still be okay, out of that wheelchair, back in school, living life to the fucking fullest. I hated Anna. Deep in my bones, I fucking hated her. I just needed my heart to fucking catch up with what my brain already knew.
I sucked in a deep breath and allowed my mind to wander just a little more. Maybe Angelique was trying to get my attention and I was being a fool by not giving it to her. Maybe I needed to give myself a chance at some form of happiness, even if that happiness only lasted for twenty minutes.
Some guys fuck their anger, their pain, their hurt, away. Being one of them seemed a lot fucking easier than what I was doing…but harder all at the same time. It sounded stupid now, but I remember when I met Anna. Sure, there are a lot of pretty girls in the world. Angelique, boring as her features were to me, wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination. But there were so many guys who would go as far as calling her a ‘knockout’. Maybe if my head wasn’t swarmed with images of Anna, I could see that, too. The problem was, she wasn’t Anna. Anna was like a kick to the face. I felt her in my bones. Just the fucking sight of her felt like it could disarm me. She was the one for me. Until she wasn’t.
I’m not a patient guy. Never have been. Yet, it took me a whole fucking year to convince her to date me, and I know all love-struck teenagers think they’ll be together forever, but I really thought we had a chance. We just fit. She was the yang to my yin. The only other person I had ever felt that close to is Eva. Losing either one of them felt like an impossibility, and yet here we were.
I lost Anna. And I kinda lost my sister, too. Things between Eva and I still didn’t feel the same. The accident changed her; dented her in so many ways. We still fit, but not as seamlessly as we did before. As for Anna….
“Hey big bro, how was school?” Eva rolled into the living room from the den that mom and dad had converted into her own private study room.
“Pretty good,” I said, trying like hell to sound like a block of happiness and optimism. “Homecoming is around the corner. Maybe we should skip the whole finding a date thing and show up together. I know everybody is dying to see you, they might even make you Homecoming Queen.”
She lifted the corners of her mouth for a second and looked away. She hadn’t been back to school since the accident. The doctors said there was no reason she couldn’t return, but I understand why she didn’t want to.
No matter how chirpy she was at home, she just wasn’t ready to step into the real world and face everyone. It would have been tough rolling down the halls where she once ran and danced. As proud as Eva was, having people pity her, or try to help her get around would have killed her. She opted to finish high school through an online, homeschool program. It was lonely, not the kind of thing fit for a former social butterfly, but at least this way she would graduate on time.
Still, I kept trying to convince her to come back, if only for a visit. She’d cut herself off from a lot of the people she used to hang out with, barring a few close friends. Being stuck at home every day couldn’t be good for her mental health. Mostly, I had been unsuccessful in my quest to convince her, but I hadn’t given up just yet. That seemed to be my problem, didn’t it? I never gave up, even when I knew I should. Homecoming shouldn’t really matter. Eva wanted to go through with the graduation party, after all. And I understood, home was her safe space. She knew how to maneuver it with her eyes closed. But I couldn’t see homecoming being that much different. Plus, she wouldn’t have to ask anyone for help because I would be there every step of the damn way.
“I’m sure everybody would love to see me rolling in,” she said, and I didn’t miss the vengeance in her tone.
“It’s not even like that,” I said, softening my voice. “You really should come with me. Come on, give a little, Eva. You already have me volunteering. Now I have to make posters for the stupid dance. The least you can do is honor my sacrifice by showing up.”
I grabbed a soda from the fridge and gave her a dramatic pout before twisting off the cap.
“Sacrifice? Seriously Adam? Are the glitter pens and poster boards oppressing you?”
“No, but Angelique is starting to get a little pushy about me getting in touch with my creative side.”
Eva snorted softly, but didn’t say much else.
“Hey, Eva. I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
I contemplated whether or not this was a question I should ask. Like I said, Angelique started messing around with Eva’s ex and there was a chance that she would take offense to the question. If I was in her position, I’m pretty sure I would have.
“Never mind,” I decided and forced a smile onto my face.
Eva shook her head at me, then cocked her head to the side. “You don’t get to do that,” she said. “Now my interest has been piqued.”
“Nah. It’s nothing, really.”
“Ugh…please don’t tell me it’s something about Anna?”
“It’s definitely not something about Anna.”
She shrugged. “Then it certainly can’t be that bad. What is it?”
I sighed and kept my gaze fixed on hers. Fine, whatever. It’s not like I was in a freakin relationship with Angelique. Hell, it’s not like I was even interested in the girl at all…outside of maybe being able to keep my mind off Anna.
“It’s about Angelique,” I said. “Apparently she kinda sorta has a thing for me?” I was careful in the way I asked my question, making it evident that I didn’t care one way or the other, and that I was just relaying what I’d heard.
Eva rolled her eyes at me and shook her head, but not in the way one shakes their head when saying ‘no’.
“I don’t even go to school anymore and I’ve already heard about that. Of course, she’s into you. I mean…look at you! Why wouldn’t she be? Honestly, I was just wondering when you were going to notice.”
“Why didn’t you say anything!”
“You haven’t been easy to talk to lately. After your last girlfriend turned out to be a psycho, I figured maybe you were off the market for a while.” Eva folded her arms across her chest and looked up at me with a knowing smile. “So, has she thrown her panties at you yet?”
I chuckled. She was definitely taking this better than I’d expected.
“Not yet. I just now got the hint.”
“Boys are so slow,” she scoffed.
“But, I don’t think there’s a point in pursuing anything with her anyway.”
“Why not?”
“She just broke up with Damon.”
“So what?”
“So...that guy is an asshole.”
“Exactly! Isn’t that why she broke up with him?”
“Yeah, but sh
e didn’t waste any time hooking up with him after you two broke up. You were still in the hospital for fuck’s sake!”
Eva looked past me and smiled demurely.
“Yeah, I know. But, maybe she learned her lesson. She was so quick to jump on Damon’s stick and ended up getting splinters in her ass. Serves her right.”
“Wow, little sis. Seriously!”
She shrugged.
“I’m not saying she’s a bad person. I’m just saying that maybe she’s learned her lesson and is interested in somebody a million times better than Damon.” Wrapping her arms around my waist, she squeezed softly. “And I don’t have to tell you this because I’m sure you already know, but you’re a much better catch than Damon. Besides, they say you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
“But we aren’t enemies.”
“You aren’t. That bitch stole my man! I want revenge!” Eva screwed her face up into a cartoonish mask of fury and we both laugh. “No, but seriously, if you like her, it’s totally okay with me if you date her.”
“I don’t know if I like her. I’m just not against being liked by her. I figure anything beats sitting at home, being heartbroken. She seems like a fun enough person.”
“That’s close enough. Ask her out.”
“I will if you promise to get out of the house this weekend. Go out with your friends. Go see a movie or something,” I held out a pinky for her. “Promise me.”
Reluctantly, she hooked her pinky with mine and we “shook” on it. Neither of us were sure which one had the shorter end of the stick. Spending an evening with Angelique wasn’t the way I wanted to spend any part of my weekend, but if it helped to get Eva back out into the world, I was willing to do it.
Besides, it might be fun. There might be more to her than what meets the eye.
Chapter 11
NOW
I felt it before I saw it. Something big had happened. And by “big” I meant gossip worthy. That was how Donnerville worked. I was getting good at reading the winds. One of the benefits of being labelled homicidal was the solitude. It gave me a front row seat to human behavior, unobstructed by things like friendship or comradery.
There was a new feeling among the students as I arrived. That, plus the commotion in the parking lot had me perking up. Something pleasant it seemed, but definitely newsworthy. An unusually high number of students were glued to their cell phone screens as they walked in, so whatever it was, there was probably a video of it.
I took out my phone and contemplated checking the Forum instead of just queuing up my playlist, but Ms. Lidwell didn’t give me a chance to do either. She was waiting for me. Ever since our little heart to heart, she’d been taking a special interest in me and my plans for the future. Making sure that I was okay…mentally…emotionally.
To be honest, it felt good to have somebody looking over my shoulder who wasn’t convinced that I was a ticking time bomb. I still went to the shrink my parents had arranged, but that was only to keep them off my back. The shrink was no help. She was one of those ladies who would sit in a chair and stare and stare and wait for me to open up, or get angry or react. I’d learned how to bite my tongue and I was even better at being ignored, so sitting in a room of silence didn’t shake me one way or the other. Needless to say, I didn’t talk to the shrink about the things that Ms. Lidwell and I talked about. As for my parents, I didn’t tell them about my conversations with the school counselor. Those were private.
“Anna, I have some scholarship forms for you. You have to write a few essays, but I think you can still get them out in time,” she said as she handed me a thick Manilla envelope.
My smile was genuine as I beamed at her. And when she smiled back, I didn’t have to question the fact that hers was genuine too. “Thanks a lot,” I said. It was probably the closest thing to a normal human interaction I was going to have all day, so I savored it like the last bite of ice cream in my bowl.
“No problem,” she said and paused. For a moment, a lick of panic surged through my spine. It didn’t get better when she stopped herself from turning around and walking the other way. “Hey, no matter what happens, my door is open. You know that, right?”
I nodded. Actually, I did know that. Even without her explicitly putting it out there, I knew that if I really needed to, I could turn to her.
I slipped my headphones over my ears, and began my walk to class. I didn’t get very far before the “news” was staring me right in the face. Adam turned the corner, a smile on his face and his arm slung over the shoulders of none other than… Angelique Monroe.
I felt like I’d been stabbed in the chest. The pain sliced right through me so fast and so deep that I literally gasped in shock.
He didn’t see me at first, and, to be honest, I was hoping he wouldn’t see me at all. I was hoping that he would be too busy smiling, looking down at his feet the way all of the gorgeous boys in teen movies seemed to do. No such luck.
Adam looked up and our eyes met, his traitorous irises crashing into my angry ones. It didn’t take me long to realized my mistake. I hadn’t hidden my feelings fast enough. I’d gotten used to not seeing him at all, much less seeing him with anybody else and I’d gotten sloppy. I forgot to put my guard up. Now I was paying the price. Now, I wasn’t just hurting on the inside, I was hurting right before his eyes, so close to breaking in front of him that I could feel pieces of my start to chip away.
At moments like this, I was grateful for the deep olive skin that I’d inherited. If not for that one boon my cheeks would have been on fire with shame on top of all the other emotions that sprawled themselves out on my face.
Adam and I broke up a few months ago, I reminded myself. He could go out with whomever he wanted. Swing his arm around whomever he wanted. Screw whomever he wanted. I shouldn’t care. We hated each other, anyway.
But I did care and seeing them together like that hurt like hell.
Something shifted in the way Adam was looking at me and the beginnings of a smile born of cruelty spread across his face. He tossed his head back and raked his fingers through his hair, moving past me in the hallway as if I was nothing. Angelique, though, she bothered to look back at me. Our eyes met for a moment and I, stupid as it was, I thought I saw something like an apology in their depths. I shook it off because it was bullshit. Even if she was decent enough to apologize, she had bigger things to apologize for. Plus, Adam and I were old news. He could go wherever he wanted and do whatever he pleased.
Even if that meant ripping my heart out of my chest.
I held it together and escaped into the girl’s bathroom. I locked the door to the stall as the first tears fell. The more I cried, the more I wanted to cry, it seemed. The well was overflowing and I tried the best I could to put a lid on it. I covered my mouth with my balled-up jacket and sobbed.
I wasn’t even sure what I was sobbing for. Did I really expect Adam to remain single forever? He was amazing and sexy, and popular; a guy like that didn’t stay single for long. Really, he should’ve been given a medal for lasting as long as he did.
But, Angelique Monroe?
The girl was the poster child for every “girl next door” porno shoot ever and she wasn’t at all shy about her sexuality. I suspected that that was part of the appeal. It must have been nice for him to have a girl who actually turned heads on his arm. But it was so much worse than that. It was soooo much worse than that.
I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it. There was so much he didn’t know; so many misunderstandings that I would never have the chance to clear up. If Adam was with Angelique now, there was no way he would listen to me. Not that he’d believe me even if I told him everything. He couldn’t.
I don’t know how long I sat in the stall weeping. I didn’t even begin to pull myself together until the door burst open and two girls walked in.
“Wasn’t she going out with Damon?”
I lifted my legs, afraid somebody would recognize my shoes. I wasn’t t
rying to eavesdrop, I just wanted to weep in peace.
“Yeah, so what. Adam’s hot. But like… can you believe Damon was dating Eva for so long,” said the second voice.
“Wow, that’s mean,” the first voice said, but not in a way that made me think she really gave a damn. She was all in for the gossip, no matter whose expense it came at.
“No, I mean… we all love Eva, you know that. And none of us ever wanted anything bad to happen to her, but it was so obvious that she had him trapped under her thumb, you know? Controlling him the way she did. I mean, do you remember what he was like before Eva?”
“True.” The girl tittered in her high pitched voice but didn’t continue to comment.
“How did they ever manage to hook up in the first place?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t surprised when they broke up, but maybe he shouldn’t have broken up with her while she was still in the hospital.”
“Yeah, that was a dick move.”
I heard the water running and thanked the heavens that this would all be over soon.
“Although,” the girl said in that way people do when they need to look over their shoulders because they’re about to drop a bomb only meant for the person they’re talking to. Her voice lowered, not into a whisper, but something close. “I heard Angelique and him were hooking up even before they broke up.”
“Really?”
“That’s just what I heard. I guess he got enough free milk and decided to get rid of the cow.”
Both girls laughed before leaving. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, I took it as my cue to come out of the stall. Spinning the tap on, I filled my hands with cold water and washed away the tears from my face. My eyes still looked like a mess. For a second I contemplated just how much trouble I’d get into if I turned up to class with sunglasses on. I mean, more often than not, I got away with having my headphone plugged into my ears.
I checked the Forum on my phone before leaving the bathroom. It was all everybody was talking about. People had already circulated a dozen pictures of them walking through the parking lot hand in hand, gliding through the halls together, and parting ways with a lingering look.
Filthy Pride: Dark Bully Romance Page 7