A SEAL's Struggle

by Cora Seton

  When morning finally came, it brought another round of doctors, nurses and tests to make sure everything was okay.

  “You’re at twenty-six weeks,” one nurse told Win with a smile.

  Win just nodded.

  Angus did the math. She’d conceived in early September. Now it was early March. It was only luck that he hadn’t drawn the short straw until now.

  “We’ll discharge you soon. Just waiting for a few more test results,” the nurse said.

  Finally, they were alone again.

  “Thank you for taking care of me,” Win said.

  “Of course.” She looked younger than usual sitting in bed with her hair loose around her face, wearing a hospital gown, the crisp sheets tucked up around her waist.

  “I feel so stupid for leaving Base Camp. I wasted so much time I could have spent with you.” A tear slid down her cheek, and she scrubbed it away with her wrist. “I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of all of this. I can’t believe my mother lied to me and I fell for it.”

  “Sounds like she put on quite an act,” Angus said carefully.

  “You should have seen her. She had me fooled.” Win studied her hands.

  “How do you feel about her now?”

  “Angry.” She looked up at him. “She did all this to keep me away from you, even though she knows how much I love you.”

  “And she’ll do it again. Right?”

  Win frowned. “Probably.” She hugged her arms across her chest. “I should probably make a clean break from my parents.”

  “You don’t want to? After what they did?” How could she possibly think of not severing ties with them?

  “Could you walk away from yours?” she challenged him.

  Angus thought about his mother and shrugged. “My mom walked away from me.”

  Win’s expression softened. “You never told me that.”

  “I said my parents were divorced.”

  “You said you didn’t speak to your mom. You never said she left you.”

  Angus supposed she had a point. “Don’t like to talk about it. Made me feel like I must not be too special if she could walk away so easily.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but it had been back then. A really big deal.

  “Angus, you are incredible. If she could walk away, that’s all on her,” Win said. She sighed. “That’s the thing that really hooked me when Mom asked me to come home. She kept me close when it really mattered.”

  “When it really mattered?” he repeated, figuring whatever she was referring to had to be important. He needed to know the woman who’d be his wife, or there’d be more problems in their future. He was all in on Win, but he had to be sure she felt the same way about him. Could someone raised by people like her parents even know what loyalty was?

  Win considered him, and once again he thought about secrets. If you grew up in a politician’s household, you probably learned to choose your words carefully.

  He didn’t want her to do that around him.

  “You know my dad is a politician,” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “And my family is wealthy.”

  He nodded shortly. He had to admit that bothered him more than it should. Some part of him always wondered if he could offer her enough. Win had done her best to fit in at Base Camp, but little things betrayed her upper-class background.

  “My mother inherited the Manners family fortune. She heads up both Manners Corporation and the Manners Foundation. She’s every bit as ambitious as my father. In fact, sometimes I’m amazed that he’s the politician in the family.” Win trailed off as if she’d just put something together in her mind. “I’ve downplayed that aspect of my life because I wanted to keep a low profile as long as I could on the show. Like I said, they hate that I’m here.”

  She had to realize sooner or later Renata and her minions would expose every part of her past, even if the director had mellowed out somewhat lately.

  “How rich are you?” he quipped to lighten the mood.

  “As rich as Fulsom. Richer, actually,” she said seriously. “I’ve met founders of businesses whose annual income is greater than most sovereign nations’. I’ve met heads of state from countries on several continents. I have tabs at exclusive boutiques in most major cities in case I need to accept a last-minute invitation to a black-tie gala. I grew up knowing I had a position in my family to uphold and that everything I did reflected on our collective brand. I also knew my parents’ wealth could keep me safe. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been outside their protection.”

  Angus studied her. “You don’t think we can protect you here?” There were ten Navy SEALs at Base Camp. Wasn’t that enough?

  “Someone still got to Nora,” she reminded him.

  Her words sliced deep. He knew he wasn’t the only one who blamed himself for that. “We’ve been much more careful since then. We have patrols. We keep an eye out—”

  “I know. You’ve always made me feel safe, Angus, but you have to understand, before I came here I went everywhere with a security detail. Everywhere.”

  He absorbed this. Another piece of Win’s past he didn’t know about. She must have felt exposed the whole time she was at Base Camp. “Why didn’t you say anything? I’d have stuck close.” Hell, he had stuck to her side as much as he could before she went away, but if he’d known what she’d just told him, he would have been more vigilant.

  “When my dad called that day, he made sure to hammer that point home. That when I was here, I wasn’t nearly as safe as when I was with them. He was doing everything he could to tip the scales in their favor.”

  He noticed she’d evaded his question. “Did you think you were in danger here?”

  “I was worried for the baby.” She must have known he didn’t understand what she was trying to say, because she went on. “I was afraid if something happened, we wouldn’t have their resources.” She put up a hand to stop him when he moved to protest. “Think about it, Angus. If something happened, we’d call the police, mount search parties, get on the news, but my parents can send out armies of people to solve their problems. My dad—” She ducked her head. “My dad played on my fear. He told me they’d cut me off if I didn’t come home. Disown me. Do you understand?”

  “Yeah, I understand.” Angus’s voice roughened as her meaning crashed over him. “Your parents have a ton of cash. And I can’t match that, so you chose their golden prison over me. Didn’t you realize they were wielding your fear like a sword?”

  Even his mother’s abandonment hadn’t felt like this. Win hadn’t left because she was afraid for her mother’s life; she’d left because she was afraid she’d lose her inheritance.

  “I realize that now.” Win struggled to lean toward him, the tightly tucked in sheets hampering her. “And I’m sorry I didn’t before. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was too afraid.”

  “Are you thinking clearly now?” He couldn’t help his tone. She’d hit him right where he was most vulnerable. Angus had known he could give her everything except the kind of wealth she’d grown up with, and now he knew that access to that kind of wealth had prompted her to leave.

  He wasn’t good enough—again.

  “I’ve always wanted to marry you,” Win said desperately. “From the first minute I saw you, Angus, I knew you were the one.”

  Easy to say. But she’d left. She’d kept her pregnancy a secret.

  “You didn’t want me enough to lose all that money.”

  Her eyes flared wide. “It wasn’t about money—it was about safety! I was afraid for our baby,” she said again. “When my father called, I realized for the first time that safety net could disappear in an instant—not just for me but for our child. Our child, Angus,” she repeated when he didn’t respond. “What if our baby is taken? What if it’s hurt or needs medical care we can’t afford?” She stopped herself, closed her eyes and put a hand to her heart, fighting to calm her breathing.

  “Most people don’t have the safety net you’re talking a
bout,” he pointed out. She was letting her fears get the better of her. Since when had Win been so terrified of everything?

  “I know. I know,” she repeated, opening her eyes again. “I know I can survive on my own. I know I can raise my child by myself, even if my mother had a whole army of help. I know I can be a good parent.” Win’s voice cracked. “I can,” she asserted. “My father caught me at a moment of weakness. He used all the right arguments. He’s good at that.”

  But there’d been a lot of moments since then. Why hadn’t she called or emailed to set him straight?

  “When did you plan to tell me about the baby?” Angus asked carefully.

  She sent him that pleading look again. “Right… after the end of the show.”

  Angus stared at her. Swallowed against the urge to be sick. She’d meant to wait until he was shackled to someone he didn’t even love?

  “Let me explain—”

  The door opened again, and Boone burst into the room, startling both of them. A camera crew followed them in. There was always a damn camera crew, Angus thought bitterly.

  “What do you want?”

  Boone looked from him to Win curiously and Angus wondered what he saw. Not two people engaged in a loving reunion like they’d been when they’d left the manor last night.

  Boone nodded, as if he’d assessed the situation. “Win, I didn’t know if Angus would remember to tell you this, so I thought I would before it became a problem.”

  “Tell me what?” Win asked.

  Angus nearly swore again. The damn backup bride. He’d forgotten all about her. He should have warned Win—

  “You might not have been following Base Camp these last few months, but all the women we’ve vetted for backup brides who never made it on the show got a little… upset. They’ve decided the whole thing was rigged against them and that they’ve been used as fodder for hyping up the tension without us ever having any intention of letting them participate. Now they’ve riled up the advertisers, in turn, and the upshot is we’ve agreed that their representative, one Leslie Baker, will come on the show for thirty days.”

  “Okay,” Win said slowly, her arched brows indicating she didn’t know why that was important enough to bring Boone to the hospital.

  “The thing is,” Boone went on, “Angus has agreed to date her for a month. Starting today.”

  The look Win turned on him would haunt him for the rest of his days, Angus thought. He knew exactly how she felt. When she’d confessed she’d returned to California because she was afraid to lose her fortune, the pain of that betrayal had lanced right through him.

  Now Win felt betrayed, too.

  “No,” Win said, vehemently fighting her way out from under the covers on her hospital bed. “No way. I’m back now, Boone. I’m pregnant with Angus’s child. I won’t let some other woman have him.” She turned to Angus. “Is this what you want?”

  “Of course not,” Angus said.

  “Look, I’m not going to mince words,” Boone said. “These women are protesting to our advertisers. They’re saying the show is objectifying women and that they’ll organize a national boycott if things don’t change. It took a lot of work to hammer out this agreement and get them to back down. Hell, it would be best if Angus married Leslie, but at the very least he’d better do a convincing job of giving her a chance, or we’re hooped.”

  “How convincing?” she demanded. Was she really supposed to sit there and watch Angus flirt with another woman? She was already losing him. She’d seen the pain in his face when she’d told him the reasons she went home. It was bad enough she and Angus were arguing—that he thought she’d chosen her parents’ money over him. Now Boone had found him another bride?

  “Convincing,” Boone repeated firmly. “I know this isn’t ideal, but we’ve all had to make sacrifices for the community, and now it’s your turn. If Angus wants to marry you at the end of the month, he can. But until then he’s going to spend his time with Leslie. The needs of the community trump your needs.”

  Everybody’s needs trumped her needs. Win struggled to get her emotions under control. “Angus?” she asked, pleading with him silently to tell Boone he wouldn’t do it.

  But Angus let out a ragged breath. “Boone’s right,” he said. “I did agree to it, and I’ve got to do what’s right for Base Camp.”

  “Win, this isn’t about either of you, so don’t take it personally,” Boone said. “We’re locked into this. Angus dates Leslie for a month, or we lose it all.”

  How could she not take it personally? Angus was going to spend a month with another woman. Win swallowed the frustration that was thickening her throat. If she lashed out now, she could lose him forever. She’d seen the way he’d looked at her before Boone arrived. “Okay. Fine,” she forced herself to say, blinking back the angry tears that stung her eyes. She didn’t know how she’d stand waiting another month to be with Angus. Every day she’d been without him had been misery. “I understand. I’ll wait for you,” she told Angus. “I love you.”

  He didn’t answer right off, and Boone gestured toward the door. “We’ve got to go. Win, Riley and a few of the others are here to sit with you until you’re discharged, okay?”

  Angus was leaving right now?

  “Okay,” she managed. She hated how wobbly her voice sounded. She’d told Angus she loved him, and he hadn’t said it back. Had she messed everything up?

  Angus hesitated, but he still didn’t speak, and she thought he was wrestling with his thoughts. In the end he touched her hand. “Lass—” But then he broke off, shrugged unhappily and followed Boone out of the room, leaving Win to cover her eyes with her hands and press back the tears that wanted to fall. This was a nightmare. Last night she’d thought all was well, but now she’d ruined everything, and Angus would spend a month in close company with another woman—a woman who hadn’t turned her back on him and run away.

  She couldn’t blame him if he chose to be with someone else—

  Riley, Avery and Nora filed in, and Win scrubbed furiously at her face, trying to erase the traces of her tears.

  “Win!” Avery flung herself across the room and hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re back!”

  Win clung to Avery gratefully, but when she noticed the way Riley and Nora hung back, she straightened once again, trying to pull herself together. Angus wasn’t the only one who’d need proof that she meant to stay this time. She’d abandoned everyone at Base Camp and put their community in danger by doing so. She couldn’t expect them all to welcome her like Avery had.

  A nurse popped in. “You’re all set to go now. Here are your discharge papers.”

  Win completed the paperwork, then looked around for her clothes. The old-fashioned gown she’d worn last night was a little crushed, but it was serviceable, she supposed. She longed for the wardrobe she’d had when she left but assumed those gowns had been donated or thrown out, so she was surprised when Avery pulled out her favorite, a green one with white piping.

  “I don’t think it will fit,” Win told her sadly, touching the fabric.

  “I gave your gowns to Alice last night. She sent this one back this morning.”

  “You kept my clothes?”

  “I knew you couldn’t stay away,” Avery said with a smile. “Come on, let’s go home.”

  Riley and Nora let Avery take charge. They packed into one of the community’s trucks a while later, with a few members of the crew on board, too. Their silence unnerved Win. Normally, Riley was almost as cheerful as Avery tended to be.

  Time to start mending fences, Win decided.

  “I need to apologize to all of you—”

  “I think it’s Angus you need to apologize to,” Nora told her pertly. “He was crushed when you left.”

  “I know. I had my reasons, but I wish now I’d stayed.” The truck turned and trundled down a familiar rode, and Win couldn’t believe how the landscape evoked such a visceral response inside her. She’d already grown to love the way pastures spread
to the horizon, dotted with cattle, mountains in the far distance. She wanted Chance Creek to be her home, and she’d thought when she got on the plane in California last night she’d be able to settle back into the life she’d left. Now she knew it wouldn’t be that simple. Her friends were angry with her, and they had good reason to be.

  “Can you tell us what happened? People often have reasons for what they do that aren’t clear at first to others,” Avery said with a sideways look at Nora.

  “We don’t want to jump to conclusions,” Riley said, flushing a little.

  Always the diplomat, Win thought. She made a good counterpoint to Boone, who tended to get a little autocratic now and then.

  Were Avery, Nora and Riley still at odds? Win knew from watching the show it had hurt Avery when her friends believed she had stolen a family heirloom from Walker. Win had assumed they’d patch things up, but maybe she was wrong.

  She’d better get used to telling her story, Win decided, but the cameras were rolling, and she couldn’t expose her parents’ lies. Not if she didn’t want her parents to come after Base Camp itself.

  “It’s complicated, and I’m tired. Can we talk more about that later?”

  A long pause told her putting off the conversation was a mistake, but Win wasn’t ready to try to explain her past. She needed to have that conversation with Angus first.

  “You’re back for good?” Nora asked.

  “Yes.” She was sure about that. “My parents…” She glanced over her shoulder at the cameras. “Don’t need me anymore.” She had to leave it at that for now.

  She got the feeling no one was satisfied with what they’d heard, but the conversation turned to more general topics until they reached Base Camp.

  As they got out of the truck, Avery hesitated. “You know about the backup bride, right?”

  Win nodded, swallowing her pain. She couldn’t believe she’d have to spend the next month watching Angus with another woman.

  “Would you… like to stay with me tonight rather than at the bunkhouse?” Avery ventured. “That might make it easier.”