Drive

by Gioertz, Karina

  “It’s just habit I guess, always being on the lookout for something,” Sawyer explained apologetically as he got back under the covers and pulled her to him.

  “Probably a good habit to have, given our little predicament,” Jordan replied dryly. Sawyer laughed. “Yeah, probably.”

  Jordan felt his hand take hold of hers as he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her tight.

  Glancing down at their intertwined fingers, she caught sight of his tattoo again.

  “So, what’s the deal with your tats? Do they have some kind of deep special meaning to you or what?”

  Sawyer laughed. “Not exactly.” He stretched out his fingers, making the letters on his knuckles ripple. “I got this one back in high school. It was at a party and I was drunk and some guy dared me.”

  “How very literal,” Jordan said mocking him. She let her thumb brush over the scars of his youth. Then she reached for his other hand and pointed at the little squiggle. “And this one?”

  “That one’s a little more creative. It’s a gypsy symbol. It means a police officer lives here.”

  “Bit risky don’t you think? I mean, for someone who’s so concerned about blowing his cover.”

  Sawyer wriggled out of her grip and curled his arm around her once more. “Nah, I just blame that one on a drunken high school party, too.”

  “Is that when you got it?” Jordan asked, nestling into his chest.

  “No. That one came much later. It was the first time I was ever in really deep on a case. I had been cut off from my real life for so long, I felt like I needed something to keep me focused, connected to who I really was.”

  “That’s kind of deep and special,” said Jordan. “Next time I would lead with that one.”

  Sawyer chuckled again and she could feel him nodding his head in the pillow behind her. Jordan leaned into him more, soaking in the comfort of his presence. It wasn’t until she caught a glimpse of the clock that she remembered.

  She looked over her shoulder at Sawyer and asked, “How’s your bandage? Do we need to change it again?”

  “It’s fine,” he murmured into her ear. His breathing tickled her neck but she refused to be distracted.

  “What about pain? Are you in any pain?”

  “It aches, but it’s nothing I can’t handle,” he said still nuzzling her.

  For a long while neither of them spoke and Jordan began to think that he had fallen asleep again. She just lay there quietly, staring into the black nothingness that surrounded them. Somewhere far away, an ambulance siren was announcing its presence in an otherwise silent night and Jordan couldn’t help but recount the events of the last twenty-four hours that had led her to this very moment. Had it really only been one day? How had everything happened so fast? Lying there in the false safety of Sawyer’s arms, Jordan became eerily aware of the fact that she regretted nothing. There wasn’t a single thing she would have done differently. And that was the most frightening thing of all. Not the fact that chances were high that she would wind up with a bullet in her chest, or even the part where she was committing several crimes by aiding Sawyer. No, what scared her the most was the way he was able to make her feel. The way that those feelings made everything else pale in comparison. He had changed something in her the moment he had charged into her life and Jordan had yet to discover whether he marked the beginning or the end of things for her. However, there would be no going back now. That she was certain of.

  “What are you thinking about?” Sawyer whispered.

  “I thought you were sleeping,” Jordan replied, feeling strangely exposed even though she knew he hadn’t actually been able to hear her innermost thoughts.

  “No. I’ll probably catch a little shut eye in the morning. Something about the night makes me feel like a sitting duck just waiting to be pounced on,” he said. Jordan could feel him stretch his legs as they rubbed up against hers. He was tense even if he didn’t want her to know it.

  “Maybe we should take turns keeping watch. I can go sit by the window and let you get some rest. You need it more than I do anyway,” Jordan said. She was about to scoot herself to the edge of the bed when she felt Sawyer’s grip tighten around her waist.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, playfully tugging at her side. Jordan leaned all the way back to get a better look at him.

  “This just seems inefficient, both of us being awake. Somebody should be getting some sleep around here,” she reasoned, but the grin on his face told her she was wasting her breath.

  “You’re right, we should use this time more wisely,” he said as he propped himself up onto his good arm and looked down at her. “Why don’t you tell me a little bit more about yourself?”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “Not at all. Let’s see, I already know what you do for a living and where you live…not to mention the fact that you have a death wish and a serious issue with needing to save everyone – not that I’m complaining! Really, what else is there? Oh, didn’t you mention something about being pissed at your boss? Why don’t you tell me about that?” Sawyer said as he lifted her hand into the air, gently stroking her wrist and hand before hooking his index finger around hers.

  “Why would you want to hear about that?” Jordan asked, unable to take her eyes off of their hands. There was something fascinating about the way they fit together, her fingers intertwined with his, making it almost impossible to tell which were his and which were her own.

  “I don’t know. I have a feeling it will be an entertaining story,” Sawyer replied smirking, a spark of trouble flew from his eyes, egging her on to prove him right.

  “Well, it probably won’t come as much of a surprise to you that I occasionally break the rules. Needless to say, my boss doesn’t exactly find that particularly endearing about me,” Jordan paused to see if Sawyer was really interested in hearing the whole story. He was.

  “You rebel, you. What did you do to piss him off last night?”

  Jordan took a deep breath in, ramping up to give him the rundown of the previous night’s events.

  “Okay, so, our shift had just started when we got called in on a domestic abuse case. We took off immediately and I’m not trying to brag or anything - but you’ve seen my driving - and we got there pretty quickly. Much quicker than anyone else, which is a problem since, as I’m sure you are well aware, we aren’t able to go in without police back up in those sorts of situations.” Jordan stopped to take a breath.

  “Let me guess, you didn’t wait for back up,” Sawyer said, clearly amused by Jordan’s tale.

  “Not exactly, no,” Jordan admitted hanging her head in a shame that neither of them believed she felt. “Once we got inside, the victim’s neighbor flagged us down. He told us that the guy had locked himself and his wife and children into their apartment. That he was threatening to kill them all. The neighbor also said that he hadn’t heard the wife shouting or calling out for help in a while. So, I had this idea…I told my partner to give me a few minutes to get inside and then to kill the power. It was pitch black out that night, overcast, no moon, no stars…I knew that it would catch the guy off guard just long enough to give me the window of opportunity I needed to take him out.”

  Sawyer’s face had turned completely serious.

  “And you pulled it off?”

  “Uh-huh. I got in and the guy was completely erratic, but when the lights went out I was prepared. The lights came back on a few seconds later. The guy was unconscious and we were able to save the woman’s life.” Jordan stopped. The whole story sounded surreal now that she was saying it all out loud.

  “And you got in trouble for that? You’re a freaking hero! They should have given you a medal or something!” said Sawyer.

  Jordan shrugged, “Yeah well, they didn’t see it that way. Instead of a medal I got a suspension. Three days…and worst part is, my partner quit on me. Not that any of that matters now though, does it? Not like I’ll be going back to work anytime soon.”r />
  Sawyer lowered their hands, wrapping himself around her again.

  “I know I should be sorry for everything that’s happened since I tried to kidnap you and force you to save my worthless ass, but I can’t be. Whatever this is, wherever it will lead, I’m glad you’re here.” He kissed her shoulder and lowered his head, burying his face in her long black hair.

  Jordan shuffled her body around under the covers to face him.

  “I’m glad, too.”

  Sawyer’s eyes met hers. They stayed locked that way for a long while, both searching the other for what lie beneath, buried deep within the dark entangled abyss that made up each of their souls, and neither of them shying away from what they saw there.

  “If we survive this…maybe someday you’ll tell me,” Jordan said softly.

  “What’s that?” Sawyer asked, pulling back slightly and cocking his head to the side curiously.

  “Who it was you lost,” she replied simply as she reached up and gently stroked his jawline with her free hand.

  Sawyer smiled sadly.

  “If we survive this…I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  Then he leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the tip of her nose.

  “You really should try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day,” he said as he glanced at her pillow suggestively. Jordan ignored the gesture and carried on the conversation as though she hadn’t noticed.

  “Where are we headed next? I mean, do you have any kind of a plan?”

  Sawyer grinned. He had already known she had a stubborn streak, but he had thought she might be a little more open to his suggestions now that he wasn’t holding a gun to her head anymore. Truth was he liked that about her; her need to be defiant whenever the rules didn’t suit her and her refusal to be submissive under any circumstances. Some men would have called her combative and difficult. Sawyer saw her as strong and as having an insightful sense of herself. He envied that about her. His whole life had been about living up to the expectations of others and it had taken him much too long to figure out what his own expectations were. And it was taking even longer to meet them. Sawyer got the feeling that Jordan had been setting her own standards for a long time and he wondered if she would think that he was up to par if she knew the truth. He hadn’t met many women like her. If he really thought about it, he hadn’t met any women like her and even though his gut told him that he should give her up now before this mess got any worse and she got trapped in it any deeper, he simply couldn’t let her go just yet.

  “Sawyer?” The sound of Jordan’s voice cut through his thoughts.

  “Sorry…I was looking at you and my thoughts got derailed,” he said leering playfully.

  Jordan pulled her blanket up to her chin, making sure she was fully covered.

  “Can you try and stay focused, please?! I’m serious. What is the plan here? I mean, we can’t just spend the rest of our lives running.” At least, she hoped that wouldn’t be the end result.

  Slowly Sawyer pulled himself into an upright position, leaning his bare back against the cold, hard headboard pinned to the wall above their bed.

  “We’re not going to run forever. The fact that no one has caught up to us yet is a good sign. In the morning, we’ll find a payphone and you can make the call in to my contact at the station-”

  “Me? Why me?” Jordan interjected.

  “Because we won’t know who’s listening in and no one is going to recognize your voice. It’ll be fine. I’ll write out exactly what you need to say and he’ll understand. He’ll be able to get us some help. Who knows, you may even be back before your suspension is up,” Sawyer winked, trying to diffuse some of the tension that began to grow whenever the reality of their situation seemed to creep into the conversation.

  “I doubt that it will matter much. I’m going have a lot of explaining to do when I get back…starting with the fact that my rig was trashed, I stole supplies and then was party to a whole string of car heists before going on the run with a semi-criminal.”

  Sawyer laughed.

  “None of that is going to be held against you. Trust me. You make that call tomorrow and I’ll get you out of this mess.”

  Jordan leaned her head back into her hand and stared up at the ceiling for a moment.

  “It’s not really going to be that simple,” she said quietly.

  Sawyer lowered his lids and sighed.

  “No, probably not.”

  He felt a pang of guilt as he opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of her. Her face was still directed at the ceiling above them, staring blankly at the off white popcorn texture as though she was watching the next few days play out across it like on a movie screen.

  “Listen to me,” he said. He waited for her head to turn toward him again. When her eyes met his he continued, “The truth is, I have no idea what is going to happen next. Calling in is the first step toward getting you back to your life and out of danger and both will happen, but you’re right, it won’t be simple. I don’t know how quickly they’ll be able to bring us in or how fast things will move once they do. It’ll take a while to wrap up my case, give my statements, provide my evidence and figure out if everything I’ve done over the last few years has been enough to put away enough people to make a significant difference. In the meantime, you’ll have to be guarded, go into witness protection probably – at least until we go to trial.”

  Jordan listened to him quietly. He wasn’t saying anything she hadn’t already figured out on her own. Somehow hearing the words out loud was different. She suddenly found herself wishing they could just go on the run forever. Never come back to face what was likely going to be long and ugly and, in truth, would bring her life to a complete standstill as she sat in limbo waiting for everything to pass. She wasn’t sure she was prepared to make that kind of a sacrifice.

  “There’s no other way?” She had phrased it as a question, but stated it as fact. Which Sawyer confirmed almost instantly.

  “No. There’s no other way. Without help, it’s us against the shark infested ocean…we either drown or end up fish food.”

  Jordan didn’t say anything else. She let her head sink back into her pillow and lay there solemnly. She felt Sawyer’s movements beside her as he slid his body down again and under the covers, but she didn’t turn her head to see. It wasn’t until he reached his arm around her and pulled her close, that Jordan realized how rigid her body had gotten, as though it had seized up at some point during their last conversation. Within seconds all of the stiffness turned to jello as she felt herself melt into him, finding that safe spot where she knew nothing could harm her. Sawyer would protect her. She knew it was crazy and definitely stupid, but she didn’t care. Her brain could say whatever it wanted, her heart was taking the lead on this one, claiming control and easing her mind with a certainty she had never felt about anyone. Before now.

  Chapter 6: Altering Appearances

  Jordan was surprised to wake up to sunlight. She hadn’t expected to get any sleep at all after the conversation she and Sawyer had had just a few hours earlier. This time, her hand didn’t need to search for him beneath the covers. His body was still lying molded to hers with his arm wrapped snugly to her waist. For someone who had always valued her freedom Jordan found it hard to believe she hadn’t fought her way out of his iron grip once asleep. She hadn’t even moved yet when he said, “I need to show you something.”

  Jordan lifted her head, surprised.

  “How did you even know I was awake?”

  “Your breathing changed and your muscles tightened up,” said Sawyer. He sounded odd, but Jordan couldn’t put her finger on what it was that seemed off and it made her anxious. She sat up and braced herself mentally for whatever was about to come.

  “What is it? What do you need to show me?” The words had barely crossed her lips when Jordan noticed that the TV was on. Sawyer had muted the volume so she hadn’t been able to hear it, but there, flashing across the screen was her fa
ce along with her name and the headline ‘Organized Crime Claims Another Victim’.

  “Turn it up!” she screeched in a panic, no longer interested in anything Sawyer had to say. He kept his mouth shut and did exactly as she said, his face clearly displaying his frustration over her discovering the news before he had been able to prepare her and possibly lighten the blow.

  Jordan watched in frozen horror as the newscaster announced that she had been the victim of a violent crime committed by an undisclosed suspect and was believed to be dead.

  “Oh my God,” it was barely a breath, “I have to call my mother.”

  Sawyer reached for her wrist just as she was climbing out of the bed.

  “You can’t, Jordan.” His eyes, while genuinely sad for her, showed a cold cutthroat side of Sawyer she hadn’t seen before now. She pulled her arm from his grasp and leapt out of his reach.

  “Don’t tell me what to do! Do you have any idea what this news will do to my family? The kind of pain my mother will suffer thinking that I’ve died? No! I will not be the one to make her suffer like that! Not after everything she’s already been through!” she shouted at him as he stood up from the bed and slowly came toward her. She physically fought him as he tried to place both of his hands onto her shoulders this time.

  “Get off of me!” she hissed, using both of her hands and the weight of her entire body to shove him in the chest, but her attempts against him were almost laughable, as he stood there unmoved, solid in spite of the pain she inflicted on him due to his already injured shoulder. To make matters worse, Sawyer firmly gripped her by both wrists, bringing her struggle to an end.

  “Stop fighting me, Jordan. Don’t you think I know what this means? Believe me, I do! I haven’t talked to my father since before my mother died…and she passed while I was off working some case that consumed my life so completely, I didn’t even find out about her death until six months after it happened! God only knows how she felt those last months wondering if she was leaving me or coming to see me again. And my father…I’m sure he gave up on me a long time ago. I would have…but no matter how much regret I feel or how much I wish it was different, I know that it can’t be. Not now, not as long as I do the work that I do. And you can’t either. Things are different now, Jordan.” He sighed heavily, slowly loosening his grip on her. Tears were welling up in her eyes and he could barely stand the way they pierced through him as though she wanted him to feel every last ounce of her agony. He did. The knowledge of that frightened him more than anything. He had spent years shutting off his feelings. Building emotional walls so steep, he could be certain they’d protect him from ever getting emotionally involved with his mark, no matter how much they treated him like family. This had come at a cost of course, one being that he never felt connected to anyone, criminal or otherwise. He had given up any ideals of ever having a steady woman in his life, let alone ever having a family, a long time ago. He had been certain that his heart had gone so numb from the choices he had made, it would never beat for anyone but himself. Then Jordan showed up. From the first moment he’d seen her, she had clouded his judgment, so much so that for the first time in his career he had found himself at someone else’s mercy – hers. Something he was starting to think he was going to have to get used to.