This is Not a Fairytale

by Kate, Rebecca

  Leah was glowing as she made her rounds and played social butterfly. Mason and Sebastian pushed presents in her arms and all around spoiled her. I think they were both relieved to give her a special day for her birthday.

  Mason resumed his Spotify playlist from earlier, and it quickly became a dance party. People drank, danced, and had a good time. At one point, Mason pulled me to him and danced with me. I was nervous at first, but as the song went on I relaxed. By the end of it, I felt free just being myself with the man I loved, in front of everyone.

  I looked over at my best friend, and she waved me outside. I worried for a second that she was upset about seeing me with Mason around all of her friends. But the moment we exited the house, she beamed at me.

  “I’m really glad you’re here,” she admitted.

  “Nowhere else I’d rather be. Did you get everything you wanted?”

  Leah grinned down at her hands. “Actually. Funny you should ask, because I got the best present ever this morning, and I’ve been wanting to tell you ever since.” She paused and then squealed, “I’m pregnant! Sebastian and I are having a baby!” She and I both squealed together and jumped into each other’s arms and held each other.

  “Ahh!! I’m so happy for you!! Have you told Sebastian yet?”

  “No. I wanted this moment first. I wanted to tell my best friend.” That immediately had me tearing up. We sat for a few minutes, just planning for a future with our kiddos.

  Then Sebastian poked his head around the corner and saw us both. He smiled at first, and then immediately turned to worry when he noticed we had both been crying.

  “What’s wrong with my two favorite girls?” he asked, pulling Leah into his arms.

  “It’s happy tears, I promise.”

  “Happy tears? What’s up?”

  “I’m pregnant,” she said, and I watched as his face lit up with joy. They smiled into each other’s eyes, and he bent a little to feel her belly, just as Fredrick had done with mine. I felt a little somber, watching their private moment together. I would never experience that again, and the man I experienced that with would never experience anything with our child ever again.

  I was ecstatic for my best friends, but sadly all around it just created for a very somber moment. I looked down at the floor, avoiding looking at the beaming, happy couple, kissing in front of me. Mason came to find us after being gone for so long. He pulled my face up with a hand under my chin and kissed my lips.

  “Gross. Happy that you’re happy and all, but can you not do that?” Leah teased, in a blissful embrace with her husband.

  “Sorry,” Mason admitted awkwardly. “Why are you out here, though? The party is inside.”

  I turned to the happy couple, and Sebastian kissed Leah’s temple, while Leah admitted, “We’re celebrating, Grampa.” It took Mason a second to figure out what she was saying.

  “Wait, you’re…you’re…” he stammered, and Leah finished his sentence for him.

  “I’m having a baby. You’re going to be a Grampa!”

  I looked back and forth between the two of them, excited about the future child that was already so loved. Mason’s eyes watered with glee, and I imagined for a second that is exactly how he would have looked if I had given him a baby. It wasn’t the same, but he was so beautiful in that moment that I was grateful I at least got to experience that.

  After saying our congratulations, Mason and I headed back into the party. Sebastian and Leah followed us in, and Sebastian thrust his hands up in the air, yelling, “I’m going to be a dad!” There were hoots and hollers all around, and then one by one, everyone made their way over to congratulate the new parents, especially the birthday girl, and soon-to-be mama.

  I watched as she lit up from all the love people were giving her. I loved how much attention they were giving her. She deserved it. She was an incredible person and a perfect friend. I was lucky to have her in my life. I was lucky she had become so understanding.

  My parents, on the other hand, were not so understanding. It had been months of radio silence from them, and I could tell it was weighing heavily on Mason, though he did his best to pretend it didn’t bother him.

  I decided one day to just call my father, and he surprised me by answering.

  “Scarlet…” he said upon answering.

  “Hi, Dad. How are you?”

  “I’m okay. How’s my grandson?”

  “He’s good. Missing his Grandpa” I could hear his sigh on the other end.

  “I’m missing him too, and you.”

  “I miss you too. Actually, I was calling to see if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner one night.” I squeezed my eyes shut to the point that it hurt, anticipating rejection from my father.

  “Are you and Mason still together?” he asked, and I deflated.

  “Yes, Dad. We are. We’re very happy, and he misses you too. He misses his best friend,” I ended that in a whisper, knowing he wasn’t ready to hear that just yet.

  “I can’t, Scarlet. I love you. You know I always have, and I always will. But I can’t sit by and condone this relationship. I don’t think it should happen, and I don’t approve of it. Maybe one day, but I just can’t yet.”

  Then the line went silent, and I knew he had hung up. There are times when you are so sad, you can’t stop crying. There are other times when you’ve passed up that stage and are ready to turn your pain into art. That is where I found myself that day.

  As I sat at my computer and thought of Mason and my story, the words poured like tears, as if they had no place being stored in my mind anymore. I wrote it all down and my heart broke and mended at the same time. I was free and happy with my choices. I filled page after page of our love story and left nothing out.

  Twenty

  Mason continued to be my biggest supporter. He continued to hang out with Ash while I got work done on his days off. He built an intricate racetrack out of wood, and he and Ash spent many hours racing Hot Wheels on it. Some Sundays, Mason would wake up early and watch cartoons with Ash while I slept in, especially if I was up late the night before, writing.

  One morning in particular though started off so promising and ended with me unable to sleep. Ash had just graduated to a toddler bed and was getting comfortable with running into our room in the morning to wake us up. The second I heard the pitter patter of feet in the hallway, I rolled over and kept sleeping, knowing Mason would wake up and deal with Ash.

  Only that morning Ash made sure both of us couldn’t sleep in. “Daddy, Daddy! Can we get donuts now? You said we could get donuts last night!” In a heartbeat, our eyes flew open. Ash had just called Mason “Daddy,” which he had never done before, and frankly, we didn’t know how to handle it.

  Mason turned to me in bed and kissed my forehead. “It’s okay. We can address that together, later. You keep sleeping. I’ll take him for those donuts.” It was a nice thing to say, with good motives from a good-hearted man. But the second my son called a man who was not his father, Daddy, I could no longer just turn over and go back to sleep.

  My heart broke for the little boy that he was already forgetting his real father. Though Mason was an amazing man, and I hoped with all my heart that one day he would become Ash’s stepfather. I had hoped just as hard that Ash would have kept the memory of Fredrick for a little longer.

  No child should lose their parent, and especially not at an age where it is almost certain he will never remember him. So, I got up and went with them to get donuts, and in that moment, I began planning how we would explain everything to Ash. I wanted him to love Mason, and to have him as a father figure, but I also wanted him to know who he came from.

  I wanted him to know the talents and good characteristics Fredrick had too. It was only fair to Ash and to Fredrick’s memory. I could tell Ash understood his father was gone when we explained it to him, but he was also a little confused. That worried me that I had given him information he was too young to comprehend fully.

  Mason was on board f
or teaching Ash all about his father, and he whispered low where he was sure Ash couldn’t hear. “I have a plan.” Mason told me about his plan of us getting in touch with Fredrick’s parents and asking them to be in Ash’s life, and asking them to give him photographs and stories and any information they have, and I fell more and more in love with him as he went on.

  Though he and Fredrick never did see eye to eye, this was important to him, because Ash was important to him. When I contacted Fredrick’s mother, she burst into happy tears.

  “I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, but I have to say, it would make Lenny and I very happy to meet Ash and be in his life.”

  This made me happy for a future with them, but it also made me feel very guilty that I hadn’t tried to reach out sooner. Fredrick spoke of his parents as cold people who disliked his career path and chose to distance themselves from him out of disappointment. Our son had no place in that fight. He was innocent, and I hoped they would put aside their differences with Fredrick and make an effort with Ash.

  When we finally met them, it was as if the final piece of my broken heart from when Fredrick died mended itself. They had album after album of pictures of Fredrick growing up, and I felt like I was meeting him for the first time as I gazed upon this side of him I had never known.

  Ash looked so much like him at a young age, it was spooky. Donna, Fredrick’s mother, gave us an album she had made of duplicated photographs and sat with us for hours, just getting to know us. I drew the conclusion almost immediately that Lenny was the real reason Fredrick didn’t speak with his parents much.

  He was your typical older man. Complained about things left and right, and wore a scowl of general discontent on his face. But he did have a few moments while he was showing Ash Fredrick’s old baseball cards, where I could see that he wasn’t all that bad. Maybe he was a little cold and grumpy, but I sort of liked him for the sweet way he spoke to Ash in those moments.

  “You know, when I look at that precious boy, it’s almost as if my Freddy is still here. He is the spitting image, I tell ya,” Donna said, tearing up, as she wrung out a dish towel in the sink.

  “Isn’t he? His eyes are far too large and dark for his tiny face, and there’s only one other place I’ve seen eyes like that,” I added, and we stood there, two mothers, bonding over a boy we had both loved and lost.

  Donna and I hugged and made promises to keep in touch, and we kept them. We had dinner every other week, and just like that, my son had actual grandparents. They watched movies with him, and Donna baked cookies with him. My heart was happy seeing the relationship they had formed.

  Though we were sure Ash was beginning to understand his daddy was in the clouds, and no longer with us, he still didn’t understand Mason wasn’t also his dad. He often slipped up and called him Dad out of the blue, so Mason eventually sat him down and asked if he wanted to call him Papa Mason.

  From that moment on, he was Papa Mason to Ash, and we were a very happy, odd little family. Sometimes when we were out at restaurants, people mistook Mason for Ash’s grandfather, and I could tell that bugged him. But he always took the time to politely correct them and move on.

  Fredrick’s parents even warmed to Mason and invited us all over a few times. Lenny and Mason hit it off when Lenny brought Mason out to his workshop to show him a few woodworking projects he was working on.

  For a man of few words, he sure seemed to enjoy shooting the breeze with Mason. I got it. Mason was an easy person to talk to. They had become pals. My heart hurt that my parents were missing out on these family memories we were all making with Ash. I just hoped that one day they would come around and get to enjoy moments like this with the whole family.

  Epilogue

  Two years passed before I saw my parents again. Mason and I were still going strong, but I hadn’t seen him in a week, and I missed him dearly. He had been gone on a business trip to Dallas and was due to take a cab from the airport to his favorite restaurant to meet Ash and I for dinner that night.

  I picked Ash up from the private school he now attended. The very same one Leah and I went to. The very same one her son would be going to in a few years for preschool. He was ecstatic to see me, as he was every day. He threw his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

  In the car, he asked if Mason had come home yet, just as he asked every night since Mason left. Mason had been leasing out his home and staying with us. He couldn’t let go of the dream home he owned, but he also knew I was too proud of the home I purchased for myself to be persuaded to move in with him.

  I told him he hadn’t come home yet, and I left it at that. He was too excited for Mason’s return. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make it a surprise. We got home, and I dressed him up in a blue button-down shirt and black slacks. Then I sat him on my bed, while I found the perfect dress for myself.

  My stomach was in knots as I pulled up to the restaurant valet. Mason had been taking on a few more projects that he had to travel for. At first, it gave me horrible déjà vu, and I was completely against the idea. As he explained the job further, I kept more of an open mind about it.

  He was sensitive to my past with Fredrick, and he understood my reservations about a long-distance relationship. So he made promises that the job would never be over a week long and that his travel jobs would free up his time when he was home. His previous schedule had him working all hours of the day. He made more money on the road though, and then he worked fewer hours when he came home to me.

  I decided to give him a trial run with the Dallas job, and I found that I enjoyed it more. He would be gone three or four days, and then he would come home and devote all his efforts to me. I always found that a few days missing him kept me in a constant state of wanting him though.

  I got butterflies, like I used to in the beginning when I knew he was coming home to me. Standing outside of Mason’s favorite restaurant that night was no different. I stared down at my left hand. The two-carat oval diamond in a delicate rose gold band winked at me in the moonlight. I smiled seeing the physical reminder that I was loved by this man.

  Walking in the front door, I told the hostess I was waiting on another person to arrive, and then I went to have a seat. When you have children, it is never that easy though. The second I sat down, Ash was at my side. “Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom right now!” Of course he had to use the bathroom right then, even though I asked him to go before we left.

  I took his hand and began wandering around the restaurant when I heard my name delicately thrown out by a voice that could only have been my mother. I turned and spotted her, and I stood there making sense of what I was seeing. It had been so long since I’d seen my parents that I thought my mind was playing cruel jokes on me.

  My mother sat, just as elegant as I had remembered her, next to my father who looked like he was aging fast. They were at a table far too large for the two of them, but this restaurant really only had large tables like that. My mother’s beautiful strawberry hair was pulled to the side, and her hand pressed to her chest as her eyes instantly watered upon seeing the daughter she had left behind. The crinkles around my father’s eyes matched Mason’s, an indicator of their age, but his hair had much more salt than pepper, whereas Mason’s still held onto a lot of its natural color.

  I took steps toward them without considering if they would want to even talk to me. Then I just stood there, speechless. This had become such a mess. Without final goodbyes, I had lost them both when they decided not to have anything to do with my life.

  My mother stood and awkwardly raised her arms up as if to hug me in painfully slow motion. I moved forward into her embrace, and she openly cried as she held me.

  “Sweetheart, it’s so good to see you. How are you?” my father said. I noticed unlike my mother, he didn’t bother to get up.

  “Super Ash! You’ve gotten so big!” Mom commented, squatting down to his level to look him in the eyes. Ash looked worried, as he moved behind my legs.

&
nbsp; “Mommy, I really gotta go! And who are these people?” My eyes about fell out of my head at his comment.

  I know it hurt my parents as they glanced at one another with a glint of regret in their eyes. But my son was my first priority, so I asked them to hold on and left to tend to Ash. On the walk back from the restroom, I did my best to give him the express explanation of them. “Those people are my Mommy and Daddy,” I explained.

  “Why don’t we ever see them then? I just see Nana and Pop Pop sometimes.”

  I didn’t know how to explain that it was mine and Mason’s fault he didn’t see my parents. He loved Mason. Mason was the only fatherly influence he had memory of. His relationship with Fredrick’s parents was slowly growing into a wonderful thing, but Lenny was strictly a grandfather. He was no father figure, even to Fredrick, the child he raised as his own. So I told Ash we would see about making more of an effort to see my parents, and that satisfied his young mind enough to stop inquiring in the moment.

  We got close enough to my parents’ table that it could have gone either way. We could have kept going, or we could have stopped. I didn’t have a clue what to do, so I let my parents choose for me when they beckoned me forward. “Please, would you join us? It really is good to see you.”

  I looked down at the one empty seat and started to make an excuse for why we couldn’t join them. My father called a waitress over, asking for another seat, effectively cutting me off. I looked around the room, knowing at any moment Mason could walk in and make the whole situation significantly more awkward.

  I needed to make a run for it, but Ash was already sitting, and the waitress had just brought me a seat. “It’s good to see you too. But I” my voice was drowned out, this time by Ash. Mason had entered the restaurant, and Ash was running at full force toward him, yelling with glee. I was so caught up in trying to escape, that I nearly missed the moment of surprise I’d worked hard for.