Tramp stomped and snorted. The horse was restless and Ryder understood that feeling. Kelsey rejecting him, abandoning him even, was a reminder to him that he was alone in this life and responsible for no one but himself. He’d learned that lesson the hard way and wasn’t going to suffer the pain of someone else making him want more, and then snatching it away. No. She was leaving and she couldn’t leave soon enough. He stared down at the house wondering what she was doing. Stop, you fool! It was going to be hard enough tomorrow when she leaves, he didn’t need to make tonight worse than it would already be.
He gave Tramp his head and they raced along the pasture, the cold air filling his lungs and snow stinging his skin. Slowing the horse on the rise, he stared at the Glaciers in the distance. They were clearing up, which meant the snow would be stopping soon. The plow trucks would be out as soon as possible. Clifton may be a small town but the center of town was the hub for the people. They had to get to town for animal feed and for their own groceries. The outskirts were all ranches and farmland. The town would never allow itself to stay shut down for long.
Ryder blew out a breath and watched it form into a puff of cold air. The snow was falling less now but Tramp had started showing his impatience at being in the cold by snorting and prancing around.
“All right, buddy, just give me a few more minutes. I hate going back in there. I know you’re cold, but hang in there with me for just a little longer.”
The horse stopped prancing and bobbed his head up and down. Ryder swore the horse understood his angst. He patted Tramp’s neck in gratitude. If only the horse could tell him what to do. If he thought today had been bad, what was coming tomorrow would kill him for sure.
You could ask her to stay.
He shook his head before he even finished the thought. No, he couldn’t ask her to stay. He was a coward, just as she’d said. She said she loved him but she deserved better. She deserved a man who would take care of her, protect, give her children, and love her more with all he was worth.
Ryder looked over the ranch, at the house he’d built. He did love her. He loved her more than he thought it possible to love anyone. But would that be enough? He hadn’t been a saint. He’d been his share of women but none of them made him feel the way Kelsey did. When he was inside her, he was in heaven. She was perfect for him. A perfect fit and without her, he knew he’d never have that again. Damn it. He’d always planned to be alone and he was better off that way. He’d been fine with it until the night he just had to have her. He fell the minute he’d touched her, but she deserved better.
Taking a deep breath, he turned Tramp toward the house and headed back. He’d work in the woodshop the rest of the day. He’d work until he was so exhausted that he’d fall into bed and not wake up until morning. He’d do that because if he saw her, smelled her, touched her, or if she pleaded one more time to stay, he’d give in and let her then when she discovered the truth about him, she’d leave, and it would kill him. Hopefully, the roads would be cleared soon, and she’d be able to go.
Frank and Grace should never have convinced him he could be different from his old man. He’d wanted to believe it. He’d tried when he went to Georgia to bring her home. I am home, she’d told him, and as much as he wanted home to mean here with him, he knew she belonged at home in Georgia.
Ryder nudged Tramp into a run. The cold air stung his face as it slapped against it. A hard slap he probably deserved.
Chapter Eleven
Kelsey carried her suitcases to the SUV, and after taking one last glance around, she climbed in behind the wheel. Ryder was nowhere around. He was probably in the barn. Hiding, like the coward he was. She wiped a tear away as she softly swore.
“Damn you. I love you.” She turned the key in the ignition, and knew there was no turning back or saying good-bye.
Last night had been the longest of her life. She’d stayed in her room and stared at the TV but wasn’t really seeing it. Her brain kept replaying the events of the day as she tried to figure out what the hell was up with Ryder. What was he so afraid of that he’d push her away again? She’d come back. Wasn’t that what he wanted when he came to Atlanta? She just didn’t understand him at all. She’d cried so much, she thought at times that she was going to be sick.
After taking a long hot bath, she’d crawled between the sheets and tried to fall asleep. But sleep eluded her and when she couldn’t take it any longer, she got up and called the airline. Her flight today wasn’t until noon but she had to take the bus, which she hated, to Butte to catch her plane. Besides, it was best to leave as soon as she could, kind of like ripping a bandage off a wound. It wasn’t going to get any easier the longer she stayed.
Here it was, a little after five, and the sun was just beginning to rise above the mountains in the distance. As she drove toward Clifton, she put her sunglasses on and pulled the visor down. As the sun brightened the landscape, it glared off the snow making it almost impossible to see. The roads were clear just as Ryder had predicted they’d be. As she drove by Wyatt and Olivia’s ranch, more tears threatened to overwhelm her. Once again, she was leaving some of the best people she’d ever met. She’d come to love Becca, Emma, and Olivia.
Why was he making her go away again? Especially after, he had sex with her yesterday. God! It had been so hot! She just didn’t understand what had gone wrong. Yes, she told him she was done when he came to Atlanta, but then she came back here, didn’t she? Couldn’t he see that? She came because she wanted to stay with him, because she loved him and trusted him. He didn’t even have to marry her. Just love her. And she knew he loved her. He didn’t have to tell her, she knew it even if he didn’t want to admit it. Damn him. She didn’t want to go back to Georgia. Clifton was her home now because Ryder was here.
So, why are you leaving?
“Because he doesn’t want me,” she said aloud.
He can’t tell you where you can or can’t live.
She nibbled at her bottom lip as she realized just how true that was. He had no right to tell her where she had to call home. She could stay right here. She loved this town and the people. Never had any community made her feel more welcome.
Yes, she could stay. But, where? She didn’t have a home or a job. She slowed as she approached Emma and Gabe’s driveway. Should she stop? Was it too early? She snorted. It was a working ranch. It was never too early. She steered the car into the driveway and drove up to the house. As she stepped from the vehicle, she saw Gabe coming from the barn. He had a puzzled frown on his face. Probably wondering who in the hell was at his home this early in the morning. He smiled when he recognized her.
“Hi, Kelsey, what are you doing here? I thought you left.”
“I came back to see Ryder…” She blinked tears away. “He sent me away. Again.”
“Yeah, he has some trust issues. Come on into the house. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.”
“I don’t want to disturb Emma if she’s sleeping.”
Gabe smiled at her. “Trust me, she’s up. Come on.”
Kelsey followed him up the porch steps and entered the kitchen when he held the door open for her. The kitchen smelled wonderful. Emma turned her head when the door opened and smiled when she saw Kelsey. She walked to her, wiping her hands on her apron, and hugged her.
“Kelsey. It’s so good to see you. I thought you’d gone home to Georgia.”
“I did…but I...” She burst into tears. Emma wrapped her arms around Kelsey’s shoulders and she suspected Emma waved Gabe away from the motion of her arm. The sound of the kitchen door opening and closing confirmed it.
“Come and sit down,” Emma said leading her to the table. “Do you want something to eat?”
“No, thank you. Just coffee is fine. I’m so sorry, Emma.”
“For what?”
“Crying like that. I bet Gabe was happy to escape.”
Emma chuckled and patted her arm. “You should have seen the look on his face.”
Kelsey laughed even a
s she wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeves. “I bet. Men hate to see women cry, even though they’re usually the ones causing the tears.”
“Oh, that’s the truth. I cried enough of them over Gabe. Damn men.” Emma poured them each a cup of coffee and then pulled out a chair, and sat at the table beside her. “Tell me what happened,” she said as she placed her hand over Kelsey’s.
Kelsey took a deep breath and proceeded to tell Emma everything from the beginning. She didn’t leave anything out. She trusted Emma, and knew she could tell her.
“And then he sent you away? After you, and him…and well, you came all the way here from Atlanta.” Emma practically growled.
“Yes. He says he’s not going to wait for me to change my mind again and leave him.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have told him I was done when he came to Atlanta. I was just so mad at him for showing up and just thinking I’d drop everything and run back here with him.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“Oh, Emma...he wouldn’t have listened. He is the most stubborn man I’ve ever met. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I stopped here because I’d convinced myself I was staying whether he liked it or not. I’m just not so sure now.”
“Do you like it here, Kelsey? I mean, don’t stay just to be around Ryder. That will just drive you crazy.”
“I love Clifton. The thing is I don’t have a job or a place to live until I get a job.”
Emma seemed to contemplate that a moment, and then stood. “I have an idea. Let me call Becca.”
Kelsey frowned, sipped her coffee, and wondered what Emma was thinking. Kelsey watched her hang up her phone and sit back down.
“Becca’s on her way over. It will just be a few minutes. Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”
“I’m sure. I don’t think I can stomach anything right now.” Kelsey sighed.
The back door opened, Gabe poked his head as if to check that the coast was clear, and then stepped inside. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, all is well. I have your thermos ready,” Emma said with bright smile as she handed it to Gabe. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips then after tipping his hat to Kelsey, he left just as quickly as he came in.
“Gabe really loves you.” Kelsey wished Ryder would be so open and unafraid to show his love for her.
“He does. I’ll have to tell you about us one day.” Emma had just sat down when the door opened again, and Becca entered.
“Hi, Kelsey, I’m so happy you’re here again.”
“Where’s Will?” Emma asked.
“With Jake…being spoiled rotten,” Becca said with a laugh. She poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat beside Kelsey. “So, you need a place to stay?”
“Yes, but I’m not staying with either of you or Olivia. I’m not going to be a fifth wheel.”
“I happen to own a bed and breakfast, remember?”
“I remember, but isn’t it closed for the winter?”
“It is, but it’s just sitting there empty. You can stay in one of the apartments at the back of the kitchen. The woman who works for me has a house in town. She works on the reservations and emails from home. Something she’s not going to be doing much longer either. She’s pregnant. You’d be alone out there though.” Becca frowned.
“I don’t have a problem with that. I have an apartment in Georgia, so I’m used to being alone. Besides, you are all close.”
“Yes, we are. I want to help you, Kelsey. If you want to stay there, it’s fine with me. You’d actually be helping me out by staying there.”
“You are all so nice and you don’t even know me very well. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I love having you as my friends.”
“So do you want to stay?” Emma asked her.
“I do. I want to look into getting a job here and staying in Clifton. If Ryder doesn’t like it, that’s just too damn bad.”
“You’re more than welcome to stay in the apartment at the B and B for as long as you need. If you decide to leave Clifton, that’s fine too. Whatever you want to do,” Becca said.
“I really appreciate that, Becca. I’ll even clean the place up so it doesn’t get dusty from just sitting there. I suppose I can check with the hospital about working there.”
“Great. The hospital is just outside of town. It’s between here and Hartland. You should talk with Kaylee. She’s a nurse and works at the hospital,” Becca told her.
“I didn’t know she was a nurse. Great, I’ll talk to her. What about rent?” Kelsey asked.
“No rent. I’m not going to make you pay me. I just want to help you out.”
Kelsey jumped up and hugged her. “Thank you. I really want to stay here in Clifton. I want to be close to Ryder. Maybe I can wear him down.”
“I think you have a great shot at it if you stay here. He’d see you whether he wants to or not. If you go back to Georgia, well you know what they say—out of sight, out of mind.” Emma laughed.
“Fantastic,” Becca said as she stood. “This is the key to the back door. You can follow me there now but then I need to get home. I’ll bet Jake has Will out in the cold. He rides him around on his horse all the time. No matter what the weather. “
Kelsey hugged Emma, and thanked her everything. She put her coat on, climbed into her rental, and followed Becca to the Clifton B and B. When she pulled up to the large farmhouse, she gasped. It was gorgeous. A large white house with black shutters and a porch that wrapped around the side with a row of rocking chairs sitting there just waiting for people to sit in them. She fell in love with it.
They entered the kitchen from the side entrance. The kitchen was a chef’s dream. She followed Becca through the doorway located alongside the large commercial refrigerator.
“This is the bigger one of the two apartments but please don’t feel you have to stay here permanently. If you do decide to stay in Clifton but don’t want to stay here, that’s fine by me. You can move to town if you want. I used to want someone here all the time, but not much happens in Clifton as far as crime so I don’t worry about the place. I keep the heat on so the pipes don’t freeze and the house stays warm. It was my grandmother’s home. She left it to me when she passed away. I met Jake in this house,” Becca said with a wistful smile and a sigh.
“In the house?”
Becca laughed. “Yes. He came over the night I arrived and I threatened him with mace spray when he walked in out of the snow. The first thought that went through my mind after he took his hat off was that he was the sexiest man I’d ever seen, and I hated him.”
Kelsey laughed with her. “But you love him now.”
“I think I fell totally in love with him that night, and that was part of why I hated him. I hadn’t come here to find love, especially with some cowboy. I used to live in Maryland and wanted nothing to do with some cowboy from Montana.”
“Well, he certainly is some cowboy.”
Becca burst out laughing. “Don’t I know it. Well, you get yourself comfortable. Make yourself at home and if you need anything, call me.” She told Kelsey her cell and home numbers, and then left.
Kelsey sighed and walked outside to get her suitcases. She had to call the airlines and cancel her flight, and then her parents. They were going to think she was crazy, especially after she explained that Ryder told her to leave—again. She unpacked her suitcases, and rested a moment on the bed and contemplated the long day ahead of her.
****
Ryder worked in the barn all day. He’d been there since before the sun came over the mountains. He’d heard her leave and it took every ounce of willpower he had not to run out and stop her. It was for the best she was gone. The thought that she’d change her mind about staying was all the reassurance he needed that sending her away was for the best. She’d end up hating it here and missing Atlanta then she’d eventually hate him. Although, there was a pretty strong possibility she already did. He knew he’d hurt her, but it couldn’t be helpe
d. No, but you should have kept your damn dick in your pants.
He stopped raking the hay, folded his arms at the top of the rake handle, and stared at the wall. Damn it. Was he going to get on with his life any time soon? Ever since he’d returned from Atlanta, he’d been a complete mess and now it was worse, and she hadn’t been gone a day.
“Hey, boss,” Cookie called from outside the stall.
Ryder turned to look at him. “Everything all right?”
“With us, yeah. You? I’m not so sure of.”
Ryder clenched his jaw and stabbed at the hay with the rake. “Let it go.”
“I don’t think I will.”
“I’ll fire you then,” Ryder muttered.
Cookie burst out laughing. “Sure you will. What would you do without me?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe get some peace and quiet about shit that doesn’t concern you.”
“Anything that concerns you, concerns me and you know it.”
“Since when?”
“Since you were a boy and your grandfather had you here. I really hated it when he died and those parents of yours moved in. It was just a good thing the will stated they had to keep me on and pay me or I’d have been out of a job. Then you went and run off.”
“First off, don’t call those people my parents and second, I had to run off.”
Cookie nodded. “I know you did, son. I also know they ain’t your real parents. That role was accepted by Frank and Grace, and they done a fine job. Still are. So I wonder how they’d feel about you running Kelsey off.”
Ryder gave a humorless mock laugh. “Probably that it was the best thing I’d ever done.”
“Bullshit. They love you and they love her. It’d probably make them real happy to have you two together.”
Ryder Men of Clifton, Montana Book 5 Page 15