Songbird

by Victoria Escobar

  He actively avoided me after sound check. However I proved to be more resilient than his bladder. A couple of gallons of water would do that. I waited for him to be in the bathroom then barged in, locking the door behind me.

  “Really, Songbird?” He looked over his shoulder with a lifted brow. “I’m really not in fighting form right now.”

  “You haven’t been in form all day.” I crossed my arms. “Are you tired of being with me?”

  He blinked. “What?”

  “You haven’t touched me all day. You haven’t let me touch you all day. If you’re tired of me I deserve to know.” I had decided on the most logical reason he was distant. “You can’t call fatigue on that bullshit, because if that was the case you’d use me as a body pillow. So what the fuck is the problem?”

  He fish mouthed at me. I’d never seen him so flabbergasted before. Even when I had described my marriage he hadn’t looked so… shocked.

  “I’m fine.”

  I decided on the big guns and bit the tip of my tongue to make my eyes water. “Maybe you’ve finally realized I’m not the best fit for you.” The tears spilled over. “Maybe you just don’t know how to tell me—”

  That was as far as I got before I was pinned against the door and silenced with his mouth. The heat pumping off him wasn’t all passion and when I clamped my hands in his hair he jerked back.

  “You’re feverish, Nicholas.” I spoke quietly, still holding him close by his hair.

  “Fuck.” He dropped his head to my shoulder. “Don’t tell the guys. All right? Tomorrow’s the off day. It’ll pass.”

  “You want me to hide the fact that you might be really sick from the band?”

  “Yes.” His hands spread over my hips then down to rest against my ass. “It always starts with fatigue. I knew when I woke up this morning. I usually get sick about the halfway point.”

  “Is this why you were avoiding me?”

  He nodded against my neck. “Didn’t want you to worry.”

  “See how well that worked?”

  “You stopped crying awfully fast.” His brows drew together as he studied my face.

  “Kind of hard to be sad and pissed with your mouth fused to mine.” I kissed the top of his head. “Are you going to be able to perform tonight?”

  “Have to. Nearly sold out. I heard the vendor guy talking to Taylor.”

  “I don’t like it.” I pushed him back enough to check his temperature the way mom’s have for generations, the back of my hand to his forehead. “I want you to take something for fever at least.”

  “Do you have something you don’t have to run out for?”

  “I’ll send Juliette out. She’s discrete when she needs to be.”

  He sighed. “All right.”

  The looks from Taylor and the crew were ignored as best I could throughout the performance. During several moments I held my breath and wrung my fingers together when Nicholas sat on the monitor. I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get back up. But, we’d make it. He only had two songs left in the set list.

  I stood in the wings and watched his every move. He was losing steam and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He’d gone through even more water than before and not all of it drunk but dumped over himself as well.

  Since I was being a paranoid freak, I saw his knees give out before he realized it. Without thinking about it, I dashed out and caught him before he hit the stage decking. I wasn’t strong enough to hold him up, but I was strong enough to make the fall more of a float to the ground.

  “Taylor.” I glanced over to him. He nodded and started rapidly giving orders.

  Arc and Guy jogged over and knelt beside us. Arc unbuckled the guitar strap and took the guitar handing it to a crew member that appeared. When Max appeared he knelt down and touched Nicholas’s brow.

  “Bound to happen sooner or later,” He muttered. “Guy.”

  Guy nodded and strode to the microphone. “Hello ladies and gentlemen.”

  “Guy I love you.” One brave soul shouted in the silence.

  Guy pointed in her direction, “That is a smart lady.”

  The crowd gave a nervous laugh.

  “So, Nicholas being the stubborn ass that he is…” The crowd laughed again, “Thought he could put on a full performance while burning with fever. Like he’s Captain America or some shit.” Another laugh. “While we figure out whether or not he can finish the last two songs I encourage everyone to visit the merchandise booth or the bathroom. Whichever seems more important to you at this time.”

  “I can finish,” Nicholas couldn’t open his eyes even as he murmured his protests.

  “Nicholas, you’ve got most of the concert done. There’s no need to tempt fate.” I wiped the cloth Juliette handed me over his brow and face. “We can do an instrumental ending tonight. It’s not a huge deal.”

  “No.” His hand came up and his eyes finally opened. “I can finish.”

  “Nicholas, you don’t have the strength to.”

  “You can play guitar right?”

  I shook my head. “I play piano and some drums. Taylor plays guitar.”

  “Drums, really?” His smile was faint but present. “We’ll visit that later. He can play the part needed for the last songs. Christ knows he’s listened to them often enough in the last week. I’ll sit on the stool and sing. Hell, I’ll even let you hover at my elbow but I’m finishing this concert.”

  I looked up at Arc. “Get the stool. We’ll be arguing forever. It’s just best to let the child have his way.”

  “Thanks, Songbird. Help me up?”

  I sent Roadster ahead with Dolls of Serenity on their heels since Obi was waiting but kept Bandwagon in Dallas. Oklahoma City was only a three hour drive. Leaving the night of the last off day wasn’t going to change anything in the schedule.

  Nicholas was mostly out of it by the time we got back to our hotel suite. Like day one when I had to dress him, the task now was undressing him, getting him washed and into bed. By the time I was done with that I was just as exhausted.

  After checking on the guys I stripped down without bothering with pajamas and put my guns under my pillow before crawling into bed with Nicholas. He rolled automatically and pulled me into his arms. I would definitely tease him later about the cuddling. Smiling I drifted to sleep.

  Something woke me. Nicholas breathed easily under me, his arms still where he had wrapped them after I crawled into bed. I glanced around slowly as my eyes adjusted to shapes and dark. If Nicholas hadn’t shifted… The black barrel of a gun caught the light from the alarm clock.

  I jerked upright. “What—“

  A hand wrapped in my loose hair and dragged me from the bed and to the floor. Nicholas jerked awake as I was pulled from him and pushed up but froze when he saw the gun pointed at his chest.

  “She was mine first.” Benjamin growled and I closed my eyes.

  I knew, I just knew he wouldn’t stay away. By the sound of his voice he’d been drinking. Benjamin had always thought himself above the law, but when adding alcohol to the mix there was no reasoning with him.

  “Don’t move, pretty boy, and she won’t watch the life bleed out of you too.” Benjamin looked down at me and his foot connected hard with my bare ribs. “You put him in jail. You should have known this was coming. All we asked of you was to take care of your family. We took good care of you.”

  “He got caught, Benjamin. I couldn’t save him.” I kept my voice calm though the rest of me shook with fear and my stomach roiled.

  “You didn’t have to testify.” Benjamin kicked me again.

  The bed shifted and I glanced to see Nicholas had moved to the edge of the mattress. Even in the dim light, I could see the sweat on him from fever. Benjamin’s gun swung back in his direction. Nicholas froze.

  “You stay there, pretty boy. This is a family matter. We adopted her. We gave her everything, and she betrayed us. It has to be paid back.” The butt of the gun came down against my face.

 
I cried and tried to huddle away from his attack. He struck twice before Nicholas’s movement caught his attention enough to swing the gun back. “I said stay the fuck there.”

  “Benjamin, he’s not part of this. Let me get a shirt on, we’ll go talk.” Maybe if I stayed calm I could persuade him to be kind. Not likely, but I needed to get him away from Nicholas.

  “I’ve seen you naked before. Have you forgotten that too?” Benjamin yanked my hair hard pulling my head back against his knee. I didn’t lift my hands to protest; I didn’t want to do anything that could set him off in a blind rage. Bad things happened when Benjamin disappeared into temper.

  “We got to be her first, Daddy and me.” Benjamin’s tone was pleasant, gentile as if having a discussion over tea. “I even planted a good one in her but the stupid bitch had an abortion. She tell you that?”

  I couldn’t look at Nicholas. The details had never been discussed. What words could have been used for something like that? The tears slipped through my tightly closed eyes. My life was once again falling to shit because of the men I had once called family.

  “Daddy tied her down for that, you know, to make it more comfortable for her.” Benjamin went on.

  “Yeah, I can see how making rape easier would be more comfortable for her.” Nicholas’s voice dripped with sarcastic fury though it wasn’t as strong as it could have been.

  “It wasn’t rape.” Benjamin’s hand tightened even more on my hair as he shrieked. “We love her. She is ours.”

  “Pulling her hair, beating, and kicking her is a funny way to show love.” Nicholas’s lip curled. “What’s next? You going to force your cock in her mouth? I hope she bites it off.”

  Benjamin had done that before and baiting him into doing it with Nicholas watching was not the greatest idea. However, if Benjamin were going to even attempt it, he’d either have to let go of my hair or the gun. Either way, there would be a chance to disarm him and call for Henry.

  “She likes it rough.” Benjamin grinned and pointed the gun at my chest. Then he frowned. “You’re still carrying that extra weight around. What did we tell you about that?”

  “I’m sorry.” Really, what else could I say to a madman?

  “We tried so hard.” Benjamin sounded disappointed but I didn’t open my eyes to look. “She had a chance to be great, but she’s so fat no one wanted her. Daddy and I put her on an awesome diet regiment. Food only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Do you remember that BB? You were too weak to commit. She ended up in the hospital.” He clucked his tongue. “Looks like you didn’t stick to it, again.”

  “Chance to be great?” Nicholas and I opened my eyes, confused at the curiosity in his voice. Nicholas wasn’t looking at me but at my brother. His hand had slowly moved and he was quietly fishing around under my pillows. The Ruger was there, but Jesus, Nicholas wasn’t allowed to own a gun. Did he even know how to fire one? More importantly with fever raging through him would he be able to aim the damn thing without hitting me?

  I glanced up into empty blue eyes. I had hoped that maybe I could do something about Benjamin before Nicholas reached the gun but from his manic face that wasn’t going to happen.

  “She sings. Sing for him, Belladonna.”

  “I don’t sing anymore, Benjamin.” I hadn’t sung since high school. That was certainly not how I had made my money in New York. He had officially lost his marbles, not that he had started with a full bag anyway.

  “I said sing.” He kicked hard into my ribs and I cried out. I felt something burn and shift and I knew he’d broken a rib. Again.

  I couldn’t think of anything and in panic I looked over at Nicholas. He was no longer under the pillow but leaning casually in bed. His face brought the words I’d only heard once to mind and I let them spill from my lips. Broken Glass.

  With my eyes on Nicholas’s I saw him raise the hand that had been under pillows. My conceal and carry license wouldn’t protect him from this. We both knew it. This was his choice. I closed my eyes and waited.

  When the gun went off I braced as the hand in my hair pulled so hard I half rose to my knees. The gun went off a second time and the hand spasmed in my hair before releasing as the body fell to the floor.

  Nicholas stumbled off the bed in seconds and had his arms around me. He pulled me away and reached back for the sheet to wrap around me.

  I tried not to cringe. Shame made color rise to my face and more tears fell. How could he want to hold me after this?

  “You need a doctor.” His voice was unsteady and when he dropped his head to mine the fever burned.

  “You do too.”

  Seconds later the door burst open but I didn’t jolt. Nothing else could surprise me tonight. Henry came barreling in and stopped to survey when he saw Nicholas and I on the floor next to a body.

  “She needs the hospital. The fucker hurt her. Possibly broke something.” Nicholas’s fury didn’t translate to the hands he rubbed slowly up and down my shaking back.

  “I’m sorry.” I rubbed my face into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t fucking apologize for a lunatic, Songbird. Not right now.”

  I closed my eyes and let Nicholas hold me. For now.

  The aftermath of murder wasn't anything new to me. Nicholas was arrested of course, then released on bail pending investigation. I sent the crew home, wrote an apology email to Denton and sent them home, fired off emails to Ezra because I didn’t have the courage to listen to him yet. While I played the waiting game, I finished calculating expenses and profits for the tour since we had canceled more than a dozen shows now.

  I made sure Nicholas had his own hotel room, and politely made excuses not to be with him. Broken ribs, of course, helped my avoidance. Instead of letting time waste on that I made a phone call I dreaded but was necessary.

  “Hello?” The deep baritone was a voice I hadn’t ever wanted to hear again but after two weeks of police hem hawing I had no choice.

  “Agent Marks. It’s Belladonna Percival.” I ripped off the bandage quickly hoping my heart wouldn’t bleed too badly.

  Belladonna Percival hadn’t been seen or heard from in six years so I knew this would be a surprise. She had been left behind in New York so Bianca Sheridan could live in peace. What a fucking joke.

  The line was silent for a heartbeat and a voice cleared. “How can I help you Belladonna?”

  “Benjamin attacked me a few days ago while I was in a hotel in Dallas. He was shot and killed. My rescuer is facing charges.” I didn’t beat around the bush with niceties and didn’t directly ask for help; the man was an FBI detective. He could read between the lines.

  The agent sighed. “You know we wanted him alive.”

  “He was waving a gun around and pointing it at my head when it wasn’t pointed at my lover.” Ice formed in my veins at the thought. “If he could have been disarmed it would have been done. As it is I have a beautiful black eye, and two broken ribs.”

  “Got off easy this time,” Marks huffed. “I’ll see what I can do. Shouldn’t be a problem. While we wanted him alive, I think privately we all know he’s better off dead.”

  “Thank you.” I let out the breath I’d been holding. “I really appreciate it.”

  “You’re a sweet girl, handed a shitty bunch of cards. Even so, you did well with what you were given. That’s real strength.”

  “I don’t feel strong.” The admission wasn’t easy but felt necessary. No matter how many people talked about my strength, I couldn’t feel it.

  “The truly strong never do.” His voice softened slightly. “Don’t let this stop you from reaching for happiness, Belladonna.”

  Thoughts of Nicholas floated to the surface and I closed my eyes. “Trying.” I smiled though I didn’t feel it. The lie shriveled my tongue and made it hard to speak. “I am trying.”

  “I don’t quite believe that, but I’ll let it go.” Marks paused before continuing. “Let me see what I can do and I’ll give you a call back when I have something
solid.”

  “Thank you.” I said my goodbyes and disconnected then stared at my phone a minute before dialing another number. I didn’t want to call Ezra any more than I wanted to face Nicholas but it had to be done.

  “I’ve been waiting for your call.”

  “Can I say I told you so?” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m sorry Ezra. I know I let you down.”

  “You spout off a great deal of nonsense sometimes.” There was no way that was amusement in his voice. Was there? “You can’t take the blame for a dickhead. You’re not seriously injured and let’s both admit the truth, this isn’t the first time Nicholas has been arrested and released on bail.”

  “First time because it’s manslaughter.” My tone was low, but Ezra’s hearing was sharp.

  “True. You’ll be flying home once all this is cleared up and then I want to discuss some things in my office. You’ve done a hell of a good job. I’m really impressed and so are a few others.”

  “Until the topic of murder is mentioned.”

  “Let it go, Bianca. Shit happens.”

  “You are awfully damn calm about this. You know my conceal and carry license doesn’t cover Nicholas. He’s not even allowed to own a gun. Hell, I don’t know how he even knew how to take the safety off and fire it.”

  “We’re country boys, Bianca. How do you think we know how to do these things?” Ezra’s tapping fingers made it clear he was busy and ending the conversation. “Relax, keep me posted and I’ll meet you at the airport with your car when you get back.”

  When I stepped out into familiar Tennessee air, I inhaled deeply and stood a moment. The nightmare was finally over. A weight lifted when I realized I could walk away from everything of my past and just be Bianca.

  “There’s Ezra.” I waved to the man and turned to face Nicholas. The flight had been one of the tensest moments of my life. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to say what was needed. “You can put my bags in the trunk. And there’s Shamus with your Escalade.” I gestured to the monstrous truck.