Songbird

by Victoria Escobar

  Nicholas walked with me over to the car and handed my bags to Ezra. “Hey.”

  “Good tour, Nick. I’m pleased. Even with the incident, what we have is good.”

  “Thanks.” Nicholas turned his eyes down on me. “Come to the house tonight.”

  I forced a smile. “Maybe. We’ll have to see what happens. Ezra and I have some things to discuss.”

  Nicholas frowned. “I don’t recall it being a question.”

  My laugh was a little nervous. “Yes, and you know how well I cater to demands. Go home, Mr. Walker. Go to bed and get some sleep. It’s been a very long two weeks.”

  His frown darkened. “We have a rule.”

  “We’re no longer on tour.” I wrapped my arms around myself, unsure how to say goodbye. “Go home, Walker. Get some rest.”

  “If you don’t come to the house, I’ll come to you.”

  I turned away from him and walked around to climb into my car. “We’ll see.”

  Ezra and Nicholas had words while I fiddled with the radio was, adjusted the air, moved the seat into place and turned the mirrors. Then Ezra joined me. Without a word I pulled from the curb never once looking back at Nicholas.

  “Are you trying to dump him?” Ezra’s fingers tapped in time with the radio.

  “Why do you care?” I sniffed and reached out to turn the radio up.

  Ezra turned it back down. “Nicholas is still one of my oldest friends.”

  “Leave it alone, Ezra. Nashville is a pretty big city. I have no doubt he’s not going to have any problem finding new companions. The tour is over, I’m no longer a major part of his life. Chapter closed.”

  “Then why do you sound so bitter?” Ezra cocked his head in my direction.

  “I’m not.” My tone was sharper than intended contradicting the words. “I’m not what he deserves. Going to jail for me, dealing with my fucked up life. That’s not what Nicholas Walker needs. Now I just hope I can figure out what I want to do. I have a proposal I’d like you to review.”

  “I think you’re making a mistake.” Ezra’s voice was barely louder than the radio. “But it’s none of my business. I hope, for your sake, you’re making the right one.”

  “I’m doing what’s best for all parties involved.” My fingers turned white on the steering wheel. “Drop it, Ezra.”

  Ezra patted my knee. “I happen to like you both and want you happy.”

  I sighed because I knew it was true. “I know. Let’s focus on the now for today.”

  The two cars parked in the gravel lane of my double wide trailer were not what I expected when I pulled up to the place I called home. They had Tennessee plates but I didn’t recognize either compact sedan. Leaving my bags in the car for now I headed to the door to see what the hell was going on.

  The door knob turned easily which left me on the stoop wondering. I swore I locked it. Had Benjamin come here first? With dread building in my stomach at what I might find inside I pushed the door open and crossed the threshold.

  Standing in the foyer I could only stare in surprise. Henley and Fitz sat on my sofa in nothing but a pair of shorts. They smack talked each other as they had what appeared to be a very intense battle. Their eyes were glued to the TV I hadn’t purchased and their entire focus was on the game system that wasn’t mine either.

  “Flower power.” Juliette shot up from the chair. A fan had been pointed directly at her on full speed. “Why don’t you have central air in here?”

  “It’s a rental.” I numbly moved further into the house.

  Taylor stepped out of the little library I set up in the study off the living room. He wore only board shorts and a thin layer of sweat. “Hey, you’re home. Ezra said your plane was landing soon. I thought we had a couple of hours left.”

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “We have to talk. You’re one of the Five. We can’t talk without all of us.”

  “I’ve already ordered pizza.” Juliette gestured to a chair. “I scheduled it for six so we have a little bit of time yet before it’s delivered.”

  Seeing no reason not to, and frankly happy to see my friends I stretched out in the chair Juliette had vacated. “So what do we have to talk about?”

  “How did everything go for Nicholas?” Fitz turned to glance at me. “How did that fucker even get in your room?”

  “An unconscious maid was found in the service elevator.” I shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “Maid key for the rooms. Nicholas is fine. I called in a favor.”

  If they loved me, they wouldn’t ask for more. And to their credit, they didn’t. Juliette crossed back over to me and dropped to the floor at my feet.

  “Let’s talk business.” Taylor dropped down cross legged to the floor in front of me. “Guys shut that off.”

  The TV went silent and all eyes turned to Taylor. He nodded his thanks. “Okay, so some of this is for the benefit of Bella only.”

  The others nodded. Juliette waved her hand. “Go for it, Taylor. We’re all behind you on this.”

  Taylor and I sat in front on lawn chairs with a couple of beers. Henley and Fitz were out on the town since they’d be leaving tomorrow. Juliette could be heard on her violin throughout the entire trailer park but nobody seemed to mind.

  The sun was setting, the heat slowly dying. Overall it had been a good time with my friends. I didn’t have as much to think about as I thought I did, and Taylor was content for the moment to sip his beer and watch the sky bleed.

  “You need to find a better place.” Taylor broke the silence first. “You’re not safe here.”

  “Are you worried about the safety or the lack of central air?” I sipped and stretched out my legs even further.

  Taylor’s laugh rumbled in his chest. “A little of both. I brought your things. There is nothing stopping you from buying any property in Nashville if that’s what you want.”

  “I haven’t decided what I want.”

  “Leaving is cowardly, Bianca. You’ve never been a coward.”

  “I didn’t have the money to go anywhere I wanted before. Maybe Nashville isn’t my dream home.”

  “I know the city certainly wasn’t.”

  We watched a gunmetal truck that looked brand new off the show floor slowly cruise up the lane. The monstrous machine stopped in front of the house and the driver climbed out. Nicholas.

  He stalked across the yard and faced down the now standing Taylor. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Oldest friend remember?” Taylor grinned.

  “I don’t care how fucking close you are there’s no fucking reason for you to be undressed.”

  “She doesn’t have air conditioning.”

  That seemed to stop him for a moment. “What?”

  Taylor nodded. “This prehistoric hovel doesn’t have AC. It’s a fucking crime. This is Tennessee.”

  “Nicholas what are you doing here?” I stood and moved between the men before Nicholas’s temper got the better of him, again.

  “I told you to come to the house.” He glared down at me. “You didn’t show.”

  “I said maybe. I’ve had a long day.”

  “We need to fucking talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “You can’t just walk away.” His hands fisted.

  I heard the screen door creak and slam shut behind me. I didn’t need to look to know Taylor had deserted the field. I wish I could have.

  “Nicolas, there’s nothing to walk away from.” My heart stumbled and called me a liar but I kept my face composed.

  “I wouldn’t call us nothing. You’re shutting me out. After everything we’ve been through you’re pushing me away. I deserve to fucking know why.”

  The smile I forced might have been closer to a grimace. “There is no us. There never was. We enjoyed each other while we could. No harm, no foul, right?”

  His jaw clenched. “You lie and you know it. Why are you trying to hurt me, Songbird?”

  “I’m
not.” My voice shook. “I’m trying to protect you from making a mistake you can’t afford to make. I’ve done nothing in my life worth the reward of you. You deserve better than anything I can provide. You need someone to love you. Every part of you.”

  His fist suddenly loosened and as the anger drained he looked tired. “You really believe that don’t you? You can’t be with me because of the actions of a rapist and murderer. Here’s a hint; I’ve killed a man for you.”

  I flinched and redirected the conversation for both our benefits. “Nicholas, I was easily accessible. Nothing more.”

  “I never thought you as a convenience.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You don’t think I can love you.”

  “I think you care.” I chose my words with consideration. “And I think sex with you was awesome.” At his raised brow my shoulders rose and fell in a single motion. “I’m not going to lie about it, but you can’t and shouldn’t settle for less than everything. You deserve someone whole and unbroken.”

  He opened his mouth then shut it. Looked away and then back again. The remaining tension in his body sagged.

  “I think if I said you were that person for me regardless of flaws, you’d call me a liar.” He didn’t look at me but out at the road. “And if I said agree with you, you’d say I told you so. I can’t win here. And you aren’t ready to see the truth. I’m sorry to interrupt your evening.”

  He turned and walked back to the truck. The urge to call him back was so close to the surface, I forced myself to go back inside instead of watching him drive away.

  Instead of allowing myself to wallow in the agony I created all on my own, I got down to work. In four weeks time, my career path was no longer an invisible trail.

  Gracing Productions—a branch of it—ran out of Ezra’s offices. For all the artists he handled, Gracing would handle the stage aspect of the job. He gave us artists and we gave him a show that could be boasted about. The arrangement cycled into itself and generated a huge amount of business in the short time. The work also meant I had no brain power left to worry over “might have beens”.

  When my mind did wander, I wrote music or plays or anything that would pull me back from the precipice of wondering. I had enough music for several years of productions if that’s what I wanted but I let it all sit and collect dust once written.

  The problem with the inked pages, I never let anyone see was they all featured something about him. No one was allowed to read the music because the dots could easily be connected. There were no answers I could give for the questions that would occur so I kept the notebooks to myself. But even so I couldn’t stop.

  The melancholy music rising from the piano wept with love lost. My fingers traveled the black and white keys without any guidance from my eyes. The sound ripped directly out of my heart and into the music staining the air.

  When my door popped open and Ezra walked in, I didn’t move from the piano bench. My hands didn’t stop their lamentation. Instead, he received a chin tip before my eyes closed once more and I let the music speak.

  Ezra sat a few moments without saying anything at all. He sat until I ran out of steam and silence fell.

  I took a deep breath before looking over at him. “Is there a problem?”

  Ezra stared for a moment. “You know the problem with you being on a main hall?”

  I shook my head. “I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

  “Every time you sit at this piano everyone, and I do mean everyone, in the building can hear you crying.”

  “I’m not crying.”

  He lifted a brow. “So the piano mourns because?”

  “It’s melancholy not mourning.”

  “It’s downright sad and heartbreaking. I have some artists asking if you do collaboration because they can’t write ballads for shit.”

  “I can if that’s okay with you.” Maybe the extra work would keep my mind away from dwelling on things I shouldn’t be.

  “Avoiding him isn’t working.” Ezra sighed. “And since he’s in this building as often as you are, he hears the music too.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. If Nicholas wanted to see me he knows how to find me. I haven’t seen him in almost a month.”

  “I didn’t say Nicholas. Taylor’s been in an out at least twice already this week.” Ezra smiled at my frown. “Did you want Nicholas to stop in?”

  “He has better things to do than visit me.”

  Nicholas had left my life the night he left my trailer. Staying out of his way was a second full time job I applied with zeal. My avoidance tactics were bordering on special ops skills. Points to me for the success.

  “Well…then you wouldn’t mind putting a dress on and going to deal with Nicholas.” Ezra gestured to the piano. “You’re not really doing anything but making everyone within thirty feet cry anyway.”

  I blinked and my heart stuttered. My mouth opened to protest and nothing came out. Was there a polite way to rebuff Ezra?

  Ezra continued as if he couldn’t see my distress. “While I’m thrilled with the music he’s writing, Nicholas has refused to go to events. He’s refused to perform and everything else his position demands except write and record music. Nicholas has to be at the charity gala tonight. And he has to be nice. There are some powerful people there tonight that can boost his career.”

  “So go take him out.” I gestured to the papers waiting on my desk. “I do have actual work to do.”

  “You know.” Ezra laced his fingers over a knee. “I didn’t ask. I didn’t pressure. When both of your temperaments transformed to the scale of ridiculously short tempered I went with the flow. I’m done with it.”

  I raised a brow. “I’ve never been short tempered.”

  “The day you cried and threw your coffee across the room because you dropped your phone on the marble floor?” Ezra lifted a brow.

  “I’m allowed to have a bad day.”

  “The day you cursed out a vendor for asking too many questions?” Ezra held out a hand. “I can continue.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. “Starting a new career path is a little stressful.”

  “You’re one of the most adaptable women I know.” Ezra shook his head. “Consider this an order. Get Nicholas to that gala and make him to play nice. I’ve even made it easy for you. There’s a gown and shoes waiting at the reception desk. Get dressed and get going.”

  I leaned back in my chair. “I don’t know what to say to him.”

  “Start with hi.” Ezra suggested. “Limo leaves in an hour.”

  I had to give Ezra credit. The beaded, trumpeted gown in rich blue was beautiful and perfect. The cowl neck accented my shoulders and there was enough of a back I didn’t feel awkward.

  My back seemed to have rolls in all the wrong places, something hard to hide if my dress stopped at my side. I could fake the confidence if I had to, but I spent a lot of my time against a wall.

  When I stepped out of the limo at the house, I sighed a little and drew my shoulders back. I could do this. Nicholas had listened to me before. My heart cracked a little. Before.

  When I knocked Shamus opened the door and I gave him a nervous smile. “Hi, Shamus. Where is he?”

  Shamus stood back and let me enter. “The music room, downstairs. I will warn you he’s not been in the best of moods.”

  The smile hurt my face. “I’ve dealt with worse. If I’m not back in ten minutes, write a moving eulogy.”

  “The most beautiful.” Shamus nodded somberly.

  While I’d only been in the house once, following the noise wasn’t a problem. The guitar was loud and a little harder than acceptable for country music. Crossing genres wasn’t bad but it was a surprise considering how much he loved country.

  The stairs descended into a completely open room with hard wood floors, and bright lights. A painting lined one of the walls. Some mystic forest it looked like from this distance. The work was so well done the painting acted as a window instead of color on a ca
nvas.

  Nicholas sat with his back to the stairs, guitar in hand and a notebook at his side. I leaned against the banister and took a deep breath. I could do this.

  “Should I tell Ezra that he wasted money on this dress then?”

  Nicholas’s head whipped around so fast he toppled onto the floor. His elbow cracked the wood and the guitar skidded a few feet. Curses flew out of his mouth as fast as hard as his music had been.

  “Dear, God, Walker.” I crossed the room, nerves forgotten, and crouched – because kneeling in the dress and heels was out of the question. “Are you all right?”

  “What are you doing here?” He rolled to his stomach and pushed up enough to be eye to eye with me.

  “Ezra said there’s a gala we’re going to tonight.” Which wasn’t a lie. Exactly. “He actually insisted that I go with you. Something about a filthy temper but I’ve never found your temper to be too outrageous.” The smile I attempted did nothing to curve my lips.

  Nicholas looked down at himself. “I’m not dressed.”

  I laughed and hoped it sounded cheerful and not strained. “I see that. A suit shouldn’t be too hard to drag on.”

  Nicholas pushed the rest of the way to his feet and held out a hand to help me up out of my crouch. Hopefully he didn’t notice the dampness of my palm or the slight shake as I placed my hand into his.

  “It’s been a while, Songbird. You look good.” He didn’t release my hand. “Why should I go to the gala with you?”

  “I can make arrangements for someone else to go if you prefer. I left my bag in the car, but—”

  “I don’t want anyone else.” He hissed and yanked hard on my hand, causing me to stumble against him. I hissed as my side twisted and the healing ribs protested. Why did it take so long for ribs to heal?

  “Shit. Sorry.” His hands came around and wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.

  “Yeah. No problem.” I wedged a hand between our chests and tried to push him away.

  “You’re going to listen now.” Nicholas tightened his arms. “I’m not letting go until you hear me out.”