Truly Yours

by Kennedy Fox

  He unpacks a duffle bag of clothes, and I can only imagine how long they’ve been in there. By the smell, a while.

  “Well, she’s not wrong about Serena.” I narrow my eyes at him, and he shrugs. “She’s not. I don’t know if Serena wants you or just wants to screw around, but she is flirty around you. Whether or not it’s harmless, it obviously bothers Sophie. She’s in a fragile state of mind right now, so everything probably feels escalated, but perhaps validating her concerns instead of brushing them off would tell Sophie that you respect her feelings.”

  “Of course I respect her feelings. Our friendship has always been like that. Serena checks up on me like an older sibling, and I tease her for having no other friends. It’s just how we are. It doesn’t mean she wants something more.”

  With an eyebrow popped, he gives me a pointed look. “Have you ever thought of asking her?”

  “No.” I grimace. “Up until recently, I hadn’t realized I needed to. I’ve made it very clear that I’m in love with Sophie. Plus, Serena and me—no.” I shake my head. “She’s Emma’s sister. I don’t see her that way at all.”

  “Well, might want to think about asking her, that way the air is cleared and you’ll know for sure. Otherwise, what other explaination is there for why she’s been coming around so much?” he asks.

  “She’s worried about me, though she doesn’t have to be. She thought I’d spiral down again after Weston and Dalton. But she also saved my ass.”

  “Or…” A booming laugh fills the room. “It’s because you’re available. You and Sophie haven’t progressed, so maybe, in her mind, she thinks she has a chance.”

  My brows pinch together at the thought. “I don’t want her. I never wanted her. There’s absolutely nothing there, and that line has never been crossed—never will be crossed,” I declare.

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it to happen. Put yourself in Sophie’s shoes. She’s trying to get her head right and wants to be the woman for you but in her own time. It’s already difficult enough for her as it is, but then Serena comes around flaunting her tits and batting her eyes at you every second she can. I know you don’t want her, but does Sophie know that?”

  “Well, I tried telling her tonight, but she wasn’t having it. Said maybe I’d be better with her anyway.”

  Liam chuckles, shaking his head.

  “What, Dr. Know-it-all?”

  “You really know nothing about chicks, huh? I’m shocked you ever got laid.”

  I roll my eyes. “Jesus fuck. Just get on with it…” I demand.

  “That’s her way of pushing you away because of her own insecurities on top of what she’s already feeling guilty about—your weird relationship status that is. So with all of that and then seeing you with Serena tonight, I can see why she acted the way she did. She planned this for you tonight, and you essentially brought a date.”

  “Oh my God,” I groan, my head falling back as my temples start to pound. “A friend. I brought a friend! You came tonight. Does that mean you came as my date too?”

  “Well, you did buy drinks,” he smarts off. “Serena is different, and you know it. She’s at the house a lot, and you two have a friendship Sophie can’t understand because it’s still new to her. You’re gonna need to do more than just tell her. You need to show Sophie that she’s the one you want.”

  “Well, it’s hard to describe Serena’s and my friendship because we have a bond most people don’t, and after all this time, I’ve never noticed her changing how she acts around me. But I guess I can see how it looks from the outside, even if it’s really not what it looks like,” I say, mostly thinking aloud. “So I’ll show her then.”

  “Thatta boy, now you’re learning.” Liam slaps my shoulder with a shit-eating grin.

  Standing, I slap him right back. “Thanks, Dr. Liam,” I taunt. “Who knew you had so many special skills? Wait, don’t answer that. You’re your own biggest fan.”

  “Ha!” He beams, then continues, “And my pleasure. But next time, I’m charging you.”

  Shaking my head, I walk out of his room and go to the bathroom. Right now, after this revelation, I need a cold shower.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sophie

  Sitting on my bed, I stare at the wall. My emotions are going crazy, and I feel as if I might break down at any moment. Watching Serena touch Mason and laugh at everything he said made something inside me snap. Noticing the way she responded to him, it was more than obvious how she feels, and the thought blinded me. I couldn’t hardly concentrate at dinner. While I feel bad for acting like a bitch, I know I’m not going crazy in thinking Serena is after him.

  Or maybe I am.

  Needing to know if it was just me or not, I text Lennon because she’ll be honest. It’s not too late, and I’m sure she’s just now settling down for the night.

  Sophie: So. I have a question.

  Lennon: Go for it. I’m sure I have an answer.

  I pause before I type the message and wonder if I’m just being a jealous girlfriend. Then I laugh because our relationship is on hold, which means I have no right to be. Mason should be able to do whatever he wants, and it’s my fault because I took the lead and put us on pause. I want to give him all of me, not shards of who I used to be, and that’s going to take time. If only I knew how long.

  Lennon: Did you fall asleep or something? I’m waiting on edge for this question.

  A nervous laugh escapes me, but I know Lennon won’t judge. She never does.

  Sophie: Do you think Serena has a thing for Mason?

  After a few moments, the text bubble pops up, and I know she’s probably typing like a madwoman. It stops and disappears, and then her message comes through.

  Lennon: She may, but it doesn’t matter what other people want, it’s more than obvious he doesn’t want her. He loves YOU.

  Sophie: Are you sure? What if he does because I’m broken over here?

  She sends me an eye roll emoji.

  Lennon: I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Right now, just focus on healing, and everything else will work itself out. I promise. It always does.

  I let out a breath and really take her words to heart. It’s hard not to worry when it’s been the only constant in my life for the past few weeks. Am I letting my insecurities get the best of me? Am I starting fights for no reason because of my rocky emotional state? Maybe I am. If Serena wanted him, why didn’t she pursue him all the years he was single? Could I be seeing something that isn’t there? Dozens of questions flood my mind, driving me crazy.

  Trying to push the thoughts out of my head, I thank Lennon for chatting with me and turn off the lights with hopes to fall asleep.

  It’s been five days since Mason and I had our small argument, and today’s the day I go back to work. He hasn’t brought it up since that night, but neither have I. It’s been rustling around in the back of my head ever since, even when I try to push it out. Though he was in denial about Serena, I know what I saw, and I’m not stupid. Mason’s a catch, and any woman would be lucky to have him—including me. Although Lennon’s words gave me some hope, I hadn’t been able to approach the subject since then.

  I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. For the first time in a long while, I feel okay about going to work. The thought makes me smile because playing violin professionally isn’t like a normal job. I show up and get to do what I love, which is more than most people can say. There’s a lot in my life that I shouldn’t take for granted, and being able to play is one of them.

  After I brush my teeth, I practically glide through the living room in my sleepy haze to the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen. Mason has continued to give me the space I need, but now I feel like I’m losing him. I don’t expect him to wait for me forever, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

  After everything that’s happened, it feels like the universe is telling us to slow down. Not that I can’t trust Mason—hell, he’s saved my life more than
once—but I want to make sure I’m really ready when it’s time to take the next step. I don’t want to rush into a relationship and ruin something that could be great for us both, and I know he understands that more than I could’ve ever imagined, but still. It hurts to know I’m the reason we can’t be together the way we deserve to be.

  When I sit at the table, he sets a cup of coffee down made just the way I like it. The cream makes it the perfect temperature to drink immediately. Mason places some scrambled eggs and sausage in front of me, and I give him a thankful smile in return. My eyes wander down his bare chest to the jogging pants that sit haphazardly on his hips. The sound of him clearing his throat brings my eyes back to his.

  “I said, good morning,” he repeats with a smirk as he sits in front of me and starts eating. I’m a woman of little words in the morning, a habit I’ve been trying to break since moving in but have failed miserably. Instead, Mason just conforms to my ways and lets me drink my coffee and eat in silence, something I used to crave with my last roommates.

  There are a few elephants in the room. One has Serena’s name on it, but we’ve both been avoiding that conversation like the plague. Then again, I don’t really have anything more to say about that.

  “Ready to go back to the rehearsal hall today?” he asks, squirting ketchup on his plate.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I nod. “Yeah. I think so. It’s going to be weird, though.”

  “Because you haven’t played?”

  I knew he’d ask me about it, considering he hasn’t this whole time, and I nod, focusing on my food.

  I’ve been counting down to this day, but I actually feel ready, which is great since I didn’t know if I’d be okay when I gave a return date to my director. Though my therapist said she’d write up the paperwork to allow for a longer medical leave, I refused. I desperately want to get back to my routine, and this is the first step.

  It grows awkward between us, and I’m not really sure what to say, but thankfully, Liam walks in and interrupts us. He’s standing in his underwear with messy hair and no fucks to give.

  “Dude,” Mason says when Liam takes a piece of sausage from his plate.

  Liam tries to lean over and give Mason a kiss on the cheek, but Mason pushes his face away. “Sometimes you’re the most annoying human on the planet.”

  He shrugs, pours himself a cup of coffee, and plops at the table as if the room isn’t thick with tension. “What were you two lovebirds discussing?”

  I roll my eyes at his loaded question. “Your mom.”

  He lets out a big fake laugh. “Oh man, Sophie. Maybe you should become a comedian. You’re so quick with the jokes!” Liam raises his mug at me with a smirk.

  “Good, because it’s my plan B when I get kicked off the symphony.” I glare at him without really meaning it.

  “Oh, is that today?” he asks apologetically, and I hate that I’ve made him feel bad about it.

  “Yep, which means I better get moving so I’m not late on my first day back.” I stand and put my plate in the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, Mason.”

  Our eyes meet, and for a moment, all I want to do is get lost in him, but I notice Liam is staring, so I force my legs to move. I go to my room and get dressed for work, but it proves to be more difficult than I expected. Nothing feels or looks right, and I change my outfit four different times before settling on something more comfortable—black slacks and a cream blouse. It’s been a while since I’ve been around my colleagues, and I’m more concerned about the looks and questions I’m going to get. However, I’m rusty from not practicing too. Today, there will be no playing from memory, and I’ll be forced to sight read every piece of music I have.

  I check the time, then grab my violin case and rush out the door. Before I set it on my passenger seat, I open the case, just to make sure it’s still there. Slowly, I run my fingers across the smooth grain of the wood before shutting it. Taking in a deep breath, I start the car and drive across town. Though I’ll be early, it’ll give me enough time to find a dash of courage to go inside. On the way over, I listen to music, hoping to keep my mind busy, and it works until I pull into the parking lot.

  My nerves are on edge, so I focus on the positives. Other musicians begin showing up, and I finally decide to join them. People greet me, but no one brings up the obvious of me being gone for weeks, which helps me relax. Mr. Moody enters and greets me with a kind smile, but that’s as far as the conversation goes. As everyone arrives, I sit and begin warming up, and I realize how off I am. I’m already struggling.

  We start at the beginning of our set, and within the first few measures, I miss a note, then another, then another. By the time we’ve played through two songs, I’m so damn frustrated with myself that I can barely concentrate. The mistakes I’m making are stupid, novice mistakes, not professional ones. Anxiety nearly slaps me in the face, and I worry that coming back was a bad idea. The confidence I once had when I play has disappeared.

  By the time we take our midday break for lunch, I’m nearly in tears as I walk to my car. It’s as if Mason knows because I get a text from him.

  Mason: How’s it going?

  Sophie: TERRIBLE!

  Mason: Oh no. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

  Of course, his thoughtful words make me smile, always trying to save me. Only he can’t save me from this.

  Sophie: No. I think I’m going to go home.

  Mason: Do it if you need to. You don’t have to rush into anything until you’re ready, Soph.

  Sophie: Thanks. I appreciate that.

  Mason: Anytime. Oh hey, I’m probably going to be staying late at work today, but we should watch a movie or something later.

  Sophie: Deal.

  Instead of returning, I take Mason’s suggestion to heart and decide to text my director and let him know I’m going home and will be back in a day or two. I feel like a fucking failure and so deflated. He doesn’t have any issues with it and tells me he’ll see me then. I’ve kept him in the loop of what’s been going on, and he’s been more than supportive.

  Once I’m home, all I want to do is go into my room, crawl in bed, and bury myself under blankets for a week, but instead, I set up my music stand and chair. I’m more than determined to get this right, and there’s no excuse for how I performed today. Basic missed notes are unacceptable, even by my standards, and performing like that, even during a rehearsal, is means for replacement. I’ve worked too damn hard for this, and before I go back to work, I need to be more prepared. I’m pissed at myself for thinking I could just walk in there and nail every song. I’m good, but I’m no maestro, especially after not playing for weeks upon weeks. So for the rest of the day, I practice.

  I practice until I’m fatigued.

  I practice until I close my eyes and picture the music notes on the page.

  I practice until my arms and fingers hurt.

  I deserve this. I deserve to feel the pain.

  Page after page, note after note, I repeat bars and measures until I nail each one. But I’m growing more frustrated with myself because I begin to make new mistakes. I stand, stretch, use the bathroom, then go back to my chair, and start at the beginning again.

  At some point, I obsessively repeat one melody and play it over and over and over until a knock rings on my door. I ignore it, but my door cracks open.

  “Soph,” Liam says cautiously, looking at me with soft eyes.

  “What?” I snap. “Don’t you see I’m trying to practice?” I don’t mean to project my agitation toward him, but I can’t help it.

  “You’ve been playing the same song for over three hours.” His voice is calm, and I can hear the concern behind his tone.

  I’m nearly shaking when I let out a breath. “So what? I have to do this, Liam. I’m fucking up too much. I felt so damn stupid in there today making mistakes I haven’t made since I was fourteen years old. It was ridiculous and embarrassing.”

  He walks inside and crosses his arms over h
is chest. His demeanor grows more serious as he takes the violin from my hand and sets it on the bed. I’m ready to punch him in the face for pulling me away, but maybe he’s right.

  “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity…I think.” He chuckles. “If you keep on, you’re going to send yourself into a nervous breakdown. Hell, you might send me into one too. If I hear those notes played one more time, I’m admitting myself into the psych ward.”

  I swallow down the lump in my throat and groan. I became too focused. “I’m sorry. I just—”

  “I get it,” he interrupts. “ I do, but maybe you should take a break. You don’t want to push yourself too hard, too soon. It’s not productive.”

  I stand and stretch again, realizing how stiff I really am, and he smirks because he knows he’s right.

  “Look, it’s after five. Let’s go out and have a drink or something.”

  Shaking my head, I look at him like he’s lost his mind.

  “Come on. Please? I’ll even pay!” He gives me big puppy dog eyes as he continues to beg.

  “I don’t feel like it. Being around people is the last thing I want to do right now,” I admit.

  “Sophieeeeeee. Pretty, pretty, pretty please. Just one drink. That’s all, I promise.” Liam is ridiculous, and it’s hard for me to say no when he acts like this.

  “Ugh,” I say with a groan.

  “So does that mean yes?” A smirk plays on his lips.

  “I guess! You’re so dramatic,” I tell him. He holds out his hand like he wants a high five, but I totally leave him hanging.