All That I Am: A Victorian Historical Romance (The Hesitant Husbands Series Book 1)

by Grace Hartwell

  Elizabeth's heart stopped. “Surely you can't mean that.”

  “I've never meant anything more. You've completely changed me, Eliza. I don't think I can go back to my life the way it was.”

  “I'm afraid you must.” Her conscience pricked at her. She had to tell him the truth. He'd been so kind for so long, and she'd done nothing but shut him out. He deserved to know everything. But could she risk his friendship? And Lainey's? He had promised to help her get back on her feet—would he be so angry with her that he would withdraw his support?

  And what of her heart, which, if she were being honest, was all tangled up with his? He certainly couldn’t marry her even if he wanted to, and it would hurt down to her soul when he did take a wife.

  Still, she should tell him.

  She would.

  Just not tonight.

  “Ah, Ashby, there you are,” the duchess gushed.

  “Duke, Duchess,” he bowed. “My lord,” he said, turning to their son. “May I introduce Miss Elizabeth Townsend? Miss Townsend, meet Henry Whitmore, Marquess of Cranston.”

  “I'm very pleased to meet you, my lord,” Elizabeth smiled, dropping a curtsy.

  “The pleasure is mine,” he returned, taking her hand and kissing it. “Might I be so bold as to beg of you the next dance?”

  Elizabeth gulped. “I—I’m not a very good dancer. I only know how to waltz a little.” Dancing with men she knew was one thing, but the marquess? The musicians were queuing up a country dance. “I’m afraid I don’t know this one.”

  “Fortunately, I do.” He offered her his arm. “Let’s go have some fun, shall we?”

  “Ah…excuse us,” she said, sending Aidan an alarmed look as the marquess settled her hand on his elbow.

  Aidan grinned. “Good luck.”

  Her brows slammed down and she glared at him as Cranston led her off to the dance floor.

  “Aidan, a word, if you please,” Isabella intoned. He turned to find both her and her husband staring at him. He raised an eyebrow.

  “Why do I feel an ambush coming on?” he asked warily.

  “Don't be silly, dear. I just want to chat a bit.”

  “I tried to stop her,” the duke chimed in, “but you know I have no real power over her. My lady gets what she wants,” he chuckled.

  “Nonsense, Edward,” she scolded. “I wanted to ask about Elizabeth, that's all.”

  He eyed the duchess. “What about her?”

  “I was wondering when you're planning to marry her.”

  Aidan's eyebrows shot up. “I beg your pardon?”

  The Duke was laughing. “Sorry, my boy. I told her it was none of her business, but of course, to her, you are her business.”

  It couldn't have been more true. As far as the Duke and Duchess of Addendale were concerned, the only thing that prevented Aidan from being family was his surname.

  “I see the way you look at her. As a matter of fact, you've hardly taken your eyes off of her all evening,” Isabella said. “I've never seen someone so much in love.”

  “Except, of course, for me,” Edward said, sliding his arm about her waist. Aidan just looked from one to the other and blinked. Isabella put up a hand the moment he opened his mouth to speak.

  “Don't even try to deny it, my dear boy. You can't.”

  Aidan simply stared at her, and then a slow smile spread across his face and he began to laugh. “Good God, am I that transparent?”

  “My dear. Everyone can see it.” She patted his hand. “So you are planning to marry her?”

  Aidan hesitated. “If she’ll have me. But she seems to believe that I won’t be able to accept her past.”

  Isabella made a clucking sound. “Poor child. We all have a past. If you love her, it won’t matter one whit.”

  Aidan sighed. “I didn't plan to fall in love with her…or anyone, for that matter. But she managed to break down my walls."

  “A good woman has a way of doing that,” the duke replied. “And you promised your father you would marry for love.”

  “I didn't mean it.”

  “Yes, my boy,” Edward said quietly, “You did. And he would be so happy to know you've fulfilled his dying wish.”

  Aidan blinked back the sting of tears. He’d wanted to keep that promise so badly, but he’d been too scared. Now, it felt like everything in his life was finally falling into place, and his heart was lighter than it had been in nearly ten years.

  He nodded. “I’m afraid it may cause a bit of a scandal. She’s not exactly the match society expects of me.”

  “Aidan, my boy, if she makes you happy, marry her.” He pulled his wife closer. “The Devil what the rest of the world thinks.”

  Chapter 27

  Elizabeth was completely out of breath. Lord Cranston had proved an excellent dancer, and she had laughed her way through the spirited dance, partly because he was an amiable fellow, but mostly because she had no idea what she was doing. She’d ignored the disgusted looks from people who obviously thought her uncouth. How dare she enjoy herself so!

  The marquess escorted her to the refreshment table and took his leave of her with a bow. She thanked him with a curtsy and turned to get a glass of punch. She was lost in thought as she turned away and accidentally bumped into someone, nearly spilling her punch. She looked up into Gavin's blue eyes.

  “Mr. Mayfield! You deigned to join us after all!”

  He looked down at her, his eyes taking her in slowly, from head to toe. A slow, odd smile spread across his face.

  “I know, it's a bit of a change from when we first met, isn't it?” She laughed, patting her hair.

  “I daresay.”

  “Thank you. Aidan told me you might be here this evening, but I was beginning to lose hope.”

  “Yes, well…I’m afraid I was detained.”

  Elizabeth studied him for a moment. “You look tired tonight. Perhaps you shouldn’t stay so very long.”

  “I don’t intend to.”

  “But you must dance with Lainey at least once before you go. She was disappointed you deserted us this evening.”

  They were interrupted by the sudden appearance of Ella and a young, shy-looking blonde. “I hope I'm not disturbing you,” Ella said to Elizabeth. “Melodie wanted to meet you, and this is the first chance I've had to catch up with you! You have turned out to be quite popular.”

  They all laughed, and Gavin looked over Elizabeth's shoulder and nodded to someone. He returned his attention to the group. “Don't let me interrupt your fun. I'm afraid I must take leave of you anyway if I'm to find Lainey in this crush.” His smile lacked its usual affability, Elizabeth noted, as he gave a short bow to Elizabeth's friends. “Ladies.” He inclined his head to Elizabeth. “Leighton.” Then he was gone.

  Elizabeth went absolutely still as the blood drained from her face. Either Gavin had discovered who she was or…or that wasn't Gavin. Elizabeth ran over the conversation in her mind, but nothing had seemed out of place except that he had lacked his characteristic enthusiasm. Had he not used the wrong name, she would never have known. Her chest constricted and darkness began closing in around her.

  Garrett had found her.

  “Miss Townsend? Are you well?” Ella asked, concerned by the pallor of Elizabeth’s stricken countenance. “Why did Mr. Mayfield call you ‘Leighton’?”

  Elizabeth couldn't answer. She couldn't breathe, couldn’t hear over the roaring in her ears. She shoved her glass of punch toward Ella with violently trembling hands, sloshing the sticky liquid over the side. She had to get out of there—immediately. She turned frightened eyes to Ella. “I…I have to go.”

  With that, she turned on her heel and fled. Elizabeth pushed through the ballroom, heedless of the heads that were turning her way, their whispers falling on deaf ears. On the dance floor, Aidan caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. It took him a moment to realize that it was Elizabeth running full tilt through the ballroom.

  Anne saw her, too. “What on eart
h?”

  “I don't know,” Aidan replied, “But I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut our dance short.”

  “Of course,” Anne said, already allowing him to lead her off the floor.

  “My apologies, Miss Hastings,” he said in a rush as soon as he'd gotten her off the dance floor. “Do forgive me.” He took off after Elizabeth, not catching up with her until she was nearly at the bottom of the front steps.

  “Elizabeth!”

  She clearly hadn't heard him, for she kept running. He managed to get close enough to grab her elbow to try to get her attention, but it was a mistake. She whirled around just as he began to repeat her name, but the word never passed his lips because Elizabeth began to scream.

  “No! Let go of me!” In a blind rage, she struck out and slapped Aidan hard across the face. She wrenched free of his grasp and began to run away before his voice finally registered in her brain.

  “Christ, Elizabeth! What the hell—?” He rubbed his stinging cheek.

  “Oh!” Elizabeth stopped, horrified. “Oh, Aidan! I'm so sorry! I thought…I…I—” She stopped, close to hysterics. Aidan gripped her shoulders.

  “Elizabeth! What's happened? What's wrong?”

  “I…I can’t…oh, Aidan,” she choked. “I have to leave. Now.”

  “Tell me what's going on. Did someone say something to upset you?”

  “No, no,” she wailed, desperate to get away. “Please take me home, Aidan. Take me home now. Please!” she cried. Great sobs wracked her body, and oxygen suddenly seemed at a premium. Aidan wrapped his arms around her and tried to calm her down. Behind her, Aidan's coachman appeared out of nowhere.

  “Is everything all right, my lord?”

  “The carriage, Jack. Now.”

  “Yes, my lord. Right away.” Jack was gone in a flash, but it seemed like an eternity before he returned with the carriage. Elizabeth was trembling violently in his arms, and he worried she might faint. She was gasping for air, unable to calm herself. Aidan settled her into the carriage, and he nodded at Jack, implying to get them home as fast as possible. He climbed into the seat next to Elizabeth, and without a word, he pulled her into his arms and she melted into him. He asked her no questions. He just kept taking slow, deep breaths, encouraging her to match him, rubbing her back in languid circles. By the time they reached his front door thirty minutes later, she had regained her most of her composure. Aidan ushered her into his study.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” Aidan asked.

  Elizabeth looked down at the floor, deciding how best to begin. The silence stretched between them, but Aidan said nothing. Elizabeth sighed. “Garrett Mayfield was at the ball tonight,” she finally said.

  “What?” Aidan frowned. “That's impossible.”

  “No, Aidan, it's not. It was him.” Elizabeth turned away and stared into the dying fire.

  “Elizabeth, the man is in prison. He couldn't have been there.”

  She whirled around to face him. “I can't explain it, but he was there! I spoke to him!” she cried.

  “Are you…sure?”

  Elizabeth threw her hands up in exasperation. “Yes, I’m sure! I thought it was Gavin at first, when we were talking. He was acting a little strange, but I didn't think anything of it. But then…when he left…he called me Leighton.”

  “Leighton? Who the devil is Leighton?”

  Elizabeth sighed. “I am.” She ignored the question in his eyes and forged ahead. “My name is Leighton Elizabeth Courtwright. Garrett Mayfield murdered my family and burned my house to the ground because he thought I was in it.”

  Aidan stared at her. Rather, he was staring at the pendant she wore around her neck. A memory flashed through his mind, and in an instant, the truth slapped him right in the face.

  He knew exactly who she was.

  He was so stunned all he could do was stand there with his mouth hanging open. How could he have been so stupid? It made perfect sense now, and he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before.

  The news of the crime against the Courtwright family had been so shocking that it had made it all the way to London's papers. Joshua Courtwright had owned one of the largest breweries in England, up in Derby. One summer’s night, he and his wife had been kidnapped, his home burned to the ground. His young daughter had disappeared. It was thought she died in the fire, and after a few years, everyone had forgotten about her.

  But he hadn't, and neither had Gavin.

  And here she was, standing right in front of him, the destitute girl who was actually heiress to her father's empire. He gaped at her, incredulous.

  Elizabeth was apparently done waiting for Aidan to say something. She reached out and grabbed Aidan's lapels to get his attention. “Don't you see, Aidan? He knows I didn't die that night, and now he's going to come after me. I felt someone's eyes on me at the edge of the woods that night, and I knew I'd never be safe. I had the same feeling in town last week. Honestly, I’ve had it for years! I’ve spent the last eight of them running, hoping that he would never find me. And he shows up at a stupid ball! Somewhere I should never have been in the first place!” Her voice was getting shrill as panic set in again. “Now I've put you and Lainey in danger just by being here. I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me, but for your safety I must leave as quickly as possible.”

  She tried to get around him, but he reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. “I'm afraid that won't be possible.”

  “Wh…why not?” she asked, a wary look on her face.

  Aidan took a deep breath. “Because I'm in love with you and I have no intention of letting you go.”

  Elizabeth blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Marry me, Elizabeth. I'll keep you safe, I promise you that.”

  Elizabeth blinked again, confusion clouding her eyes. Clearly, that was not what she had expected him to say.

  “I…oh, Aidan…I couldn’t…”

  “I can't possibly protect you if you are not under my roof. And I can't have you under my roof anymore unless you are my wife. Do you have any idea how you torture me, Elizabeth? You enchanted me the moment we met, and I've loved you ever since.”

  “Aidan, I can't marry you—”

  “You cannot change your past, Elizabeth. What's done is done. You have to let it go.”

  “You…you don't understand.”

  He pulled her close. “None of it matters, Elizabeth. I'll still love you no matter what you tell me. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife.”

  He kissed her then, and for a moment, he thought she would surrender. But then her hands were on his chest, pushing him away.

  “I can't, Aidan! I'm sorry. I just can't!” She fled the room in tears.

  Well. That hadn’t exactly gone as he’d imagined. He stood in the study for a moment, his mind reeling, then strode to his desk and scrawled two hasty notes.

  “Tibbs!” he bellowed, entering the foyer.

  “Yes, my lord?”

  “Get these to a messenger immediately,” he said, handing him the notes. “Tell him to make haste. Then get word to Lainey that she is to go home with Anne Hastings this evening and remain there until further notice. Under no circumstances is she to return to this house—I will send Meg along with a trunk of clothing and an explanation. Post some men at every entrance to this house. Miss Townsend may be in grave danger.”

  “Danger, my lord?”

  “Yes, Tibbs.” He paused. “She's Joshua Courtwright's daughter.”

  It took him a moment, but then he placed the name. “The brewer's daughter?”

  “Yes. And it appears Garrett has returned to finish the job he started years ago. Get that note on its way—we’ll be preparing to leave at dawn.” He started for the stairs. “And please have Mrs. Bartlett bring some tea with brandy for Miss Townsend.” Aidan strode up the stairs. It was time to get the truth.

  Chapter 28

  Elizabeth sat at the vanity, brushing her hair and staring blankly into the mirro
r. She would be on the run again. There was no way she could marry Aidan. She would have to tell him the horrifying truth, and then he wouldn't want her. And she couldn't bear the thought of putting him in danger, no matter how much he wanted to protect her. Garrett Mayfield was an evil man, and she wanted him nowhere near Aidan.

  She set the brush down. She should leave tonight. Perhaps Aidan would let her borrow the carriage so she could leave London altogether.

  There was a soft knock at the door. Mary had probably come back to see if she required any more help after Elizabeth had shooed her out so quickly after getting out of her gown. “Come in,” Elizabeth called out, not bothering to look up when she heard the door open.

  “I hope I'm not disturbing you,” Aidan said quietly from the doorway.

  “Oh!” Elizabeth whirled around at the sound of his voice. “Aidan. I…I thought you'd gone to bed.”

  “May I come in?”

  Elizabeth hesitated, then nodded. His feet were bare, his tie, jacket, and waistcoat removed, and his shirt was untucked and hanging loosely about him. He looked far more relaxed than she felt, but no less dangerously handsome than he had looked earlier when he was fully dressed. Elizabeth clutched her hairbrush as she watched him cross the room. Instead of going to her, he crossed in front of the sofa and, leaning an arm on the mantel, poked the logs in the fire. A silence hung between them as Elizabeth stared at his back, waiting for him to speak. He sighed and returned the poker to its place.

  “We need to talk.” He turned to face her. “Or rather, you do.”

  Elizabeth tried not to shrink in her seat as he pinned her with his stare and stalked toward her. “I…I haven't finished dressing for bed,” she stammered, suddenly unable to breathe. She returned to her brushing in a feeble attempt to reiterate her point. Aidan came to rest behind her and met her gaze in the mirror. Her hand stilled in mid stroke as Aidan's hand closed over hers.

  “Let me do it.”